|
|
Post by fantom on May 25, 2016 19:44:38 GMT -6
I wasn't there for this one but I later coached at that school and some of the coaches were still there. The guy who made the speech went on to a long career coaching in college but this was his first year coaching so he's a young hard charger right out of D.1 football. The school was a first year program in it's first varsity game and they were playing like it. At halftime Coach storms to the front of the locker room and shouts, "You guys make me want to pu...pu..." Then he actually puked.
|
|
|
|
Post by natenator on May 25, 2016 20:22:41 GMT -6
an asst. coach I work with now. Told the kids that coaching them " was like herding cats". Deer in the headlights was the only reaction from the kids, I've used this line myself before |
|
|
|
Post by coachtua on May 25, 2016 22:45:00 GMT -6
At a military boarding school and our boys are playing like garbage, turnovers, missed tackles, allowing receivers to catch the ball. Our HC walks in the locker room at half time and says, "No wonder you guys came to an all boys boarding school. You would rather play with each other than play football."
|
|
|
|
Post by 3rdandlong on May 26, 2016 14:55:14 GMT -6
OK, this one's not funny like the others, but the worst lockerroom speech I've ever been around came during halftime of a game my Junior year against one of our big rivals (one of only 3 local teams we got to play because of how our disctrict was drawn up). That year, our HC had essentially farmed out offensive coordinator duties to our QB's meddling parents, who were very well connected politically and pretty much ran the whole program for him. Our QB's cousin was our "star" WR who couldn't catch a cold. These two were our fastest players, yet they were the non-2 way players we had because they refused to play defense Well, at halftime, we were down by 3 TDs, largely because our QB had 3 turnovers in the first half and couldn't hit water from a boat, when the QB's dad (who was official statkeeper) busted into the locker room and started ranting and pointing fingers and throwing gatorade around while our HC and assistants just walked out without saying a word. What he laid on us wasn't a speech so much as it was an incoherent finger pointing session. He ranted at how we had "the greatest QB in the history of this school but he can't be everywhere at once." He looked right at the linemen (which included me) and said we were all a bunch of "gutless p****** trying to get (the QB) killed." He called the whole defense "a bunch of f*** that couldn't tackle a pile of $hit." He kept screaming about how we needed to grow a pair and hit somebody. But that wasn't the best part. The best part was his conclusion, which included him laying a big bull session on the QB and WR about how great they were and how they deserved so much better than this sad group of teammates they had, then told us that if we'd all just rally around these two they would still win it for us. We lost 42-12. QB threw 3 more picks and fumbled again in the second half. When we watched film together on Mon. we counted 10 drops by our "stud" WR to go with his 3 receptions (we were 11/39 for 87 yards with 5 INTs the whole game--I still remember that stat line as clear as day). We finished 3-7 that year and the HC got canned at the insistence of the QB and his parents, who didn't want him "ruining" the kid's senior year--this came a year after he'd guided us to our best record and first playoff appearance ever. The QB's family handpicked 2 assistants to be HC/DC and OC, who even gave the QB's mom a headset so she could have the OC's ear for each play... This might be the worst thing I've ever heard. Please tell me your joking about the mom having a headset??? |
|
|
|
Post by nicku on Sept 14, 2020 13:21:24 GMT -6
We had a manager that was a special Ed kid. Anyway, we coaches would go out and he would give a pep talk. One time I stayed in the office just to take a moment to myself and overheard most of it. Pure brilliance. Alright guys! I have a few thing to say! Team: tell us! Manager: phuc these guys! Team: yeah! Manager: we are gonna go out there, phuc them right in the butts, make them suck the poop off, and call them homos for doing it! We are going to violate their girlfriends and probably get stds because they're dirty! Apologies for bumping this 4 year old thread, but I just had to bury my head in my hands to keep myself from busting up laughing while my English students are taking a writing assessment. Holy $hi+ |
|
|
|
Post by nicku on Sept 14, 2020 13:22:27 GMT -6
The coaches were mostly on the high jump mat reenacting Chapelle Show skits Never related to anything more in my life. |
|
|
|
Post by rsmith627 on Sept 14, 2020 13:25:11 GMT -6
We had a manager that was a special Ed kid. Anyway, we coaches would go out and he would give a pep talk. One time I stayed in the office just to take a moment to myself and overheard most of it. Pure brilliance. Alright guys! I have a few thing to say! Team: tell us! Manager: phuc these guys! Team: yeah! Manager: we are gonna go out there, phuc them right in the butts, make them suck the poop off, and call them homos for doing it! We are going to violate their girlfriends and probably get stds because they're dirty! Apologies for bumping this 4 year old thread, but I just had to bury my head in my hands to keep myself from busting up laughing while my English students are taking a writing assessment. Holy $hi+ Man I miss that kid. He was freaking amazing. |
|
|
|
Post by wolverine55 on Sept 15, 2020 7:24:55 GMT -6
I'm glad this thread got resurrected because now I can take opportunity to make fun of myself. This was during a freshmen basketball game three years ago actually as I coach freshmen basketball as well. We were up 15 points on a team and then started goofing around on the court. And, I don't mean playing bad; I mean literally goofing around. Some kid threw an errant behind the back pass, another kid missed two technical free throws and another kid started making fun of him on the court.
So, I called timeout and actually went on the court and met them and chewed them out. The part of this that fits worst speech is I said something to the effect of "It's not time to goof off, IT'S TIME TO FREAKING BURY THEM!!" Unfortunately, my voice cracked on the word bury. Those freshmen are now seniors and almost all of them play football as well and I'll still hear one of them every now and then say "Bury them" in high-pitched squeal during practice...
|
|
|
|
Post by coachkeating33 on Sept 15, 2020 10:55:41 GMT -6
 What is the worst pre-game or post-practice speech you have ever heard a coach give? Here's one from a few years ago... We are getting ready for a quarterfinal playoff game...game is on Saturday and this happened at the end of practice on Friday night... HC is giving the standard "you gotta want it-you gotta believe-you gotta play 48 minutes" coaching cliche-ridden speech when, from out of nowhere, he says, "Guys...you know which team is going to win tomorrow? It is going to be the team with the biggest d i c k." Not the biggest "balls"...not the biggest "heart"...no...none of those body parts... he said biggest "d i c k"... Momentary silence...then a few kids start teetering slightly, then, one of the seniors (smart-a s s kid who didn't play much) speaks up...he says, "Coach...if that is what it is going to take to win tomorrow, we are in big trouble because I have seen the rest of these guys in the shower!" That did it...myself and the other asistant coaches lost it...busted out laughing and then the kids started laughing...it was incredible... Worst thing? One of our assistant coaches had his daughter (a sixth grader at the time) right there when the head coach said this. hahahahahahahahaha i spit up my coffee |
|
|
|
Post by dblwngr on Sept 16, 2020 12:17:20 GMT -6
We had a manager that was a special Ed kid. Anyway, we coaches would go out and he would give a pep talk. One time I stayed in the office just to take a moment to myself and overheard most of it. Pure brilliance. Alright guys! I have a few thing to say! Team: tell us! Manager: phuc these guys! Team: yeah! Manager: we are gonna go out there, phuc them right in the butts, make them suck the poop off, and call them homos for doing it! We are going to violate their girlfriends and probably get stds because they're dirty! Apologies for bumping this 4 year old thread, but I just had to bury my head in my hands to keep myself from busting up laughing while my English students are taking a writing assessment. Holy $hi+ How did I miss this 4 years ago??? Thanks for shedding light on this and officially making this the best day of my life!!! |
|
|
|
Post by seabass on Sept 16, 2020 13:24:53 GMT -6
What is the worst pre-game or post-practice speech you have ever heard a coach give? Here's one from a few years ago... We are getting ready for a quarterfinal playoff game...game is on Saturday and this happened at the end of practice on Friday night... HC is giving the standard "you gotta want it-you gotta believe-you gotta play 48 minutes" coaching cliche-ridden speech when, from out of nowhere, he says, "Guys...you know which team is going to win tomorrow? It is going to be the team with the biggest d i c k." Not the biggest "balls"...not the biggest "heart"...no...none of those body parts... he said biggest "d i c k"... Momentary silence...then a few kids start teetering slightly, then, one of the seniors (smart-a s s kid who didn't play much) speaks up...he says, "Coach...if that is what it is going to take to win tomorrow, we are in big trouble because I have seen the rest of these guys in the shower!" That did it...myself and the other asistant coaches lost it...busted out laughing and then the kids started laughing...it was incredible... Worst thing? One of our assistant coaches had his daughter (a sixth grader at the time) right there when the head coach said this. hahahahahahahahaha i spit up my coffee I feel terrible but I can't stop laughing. |
|
