ndcoach
Sophomore Member
Posts: 135
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Post by ndcoach on Jan 9, 2007 11:03:16 GMT -6
ND Coach can vouch for this. This was a speech by my HS football coach at half when I was playing. We were getting beat like 21-0 to a team we should were even with. Coach comes in and starts talking about how he couldn't sleep the night before and he turned on the tv. He started watching a show about guys in prison being "cornholed". He said that the inmates started to accept and ended up enjoying it. We started looking at each other were like what the heck. He goes well men thats whats happening here tonight your getting "cornholed". And you like it. He says "they are greasing you up and packing your sh** and you like it". We were like is he really saying this. Somehow it kind of worked. We go out and played great in the second half and lost 27-28, probably would have won had I not thrown an int late in the game. We still laugh about his cornhole speech. I was going to tell this one but you beat me to it. But you forgot to add the part where he went around the room and asked the players "Do you like it?" That was an absolutly hillarious half time, I had to try so hard not to bust up laughing. But it must have worked because we pert near came back. |
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Post by newballcoach on Jan 9, 2007 21:51:25 GMT -6
When I was playing summer ball and high school ball I had a few Mickey Mouse coaches. In summer ball our head coach, in the middle of a playoff game, rather than giving us his own halftime speech downloaded the "inches" speech from Any Given Sunday and played that. I couldn't him seriously after that. Lame.
When I was in high school I played against a kid who would eventually get a full-ride DI scholarship (a big deal in Canada) and who was a damn good player. He had had a newspaper article written about him the week before and the DC saved it, cut it out. He then said "If we score a TD today, we might win. If they don't score, we can't lose." He then proceeded to rip the picture and leave the room. Didn't do the trick, I think Rads scored 3 TD's that game. Only two of which I take as personal responsibility.
I won't let any of my players see this thread for fear they might post one of mine!
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Post by raider7342 on Jan 10, 2007 11:09:02 GMT -6
heard of a coach at a school close by whose team was not very good. they were getting ready to play a great team and right before they go out the HC looks around and says, "hey guys, lets just keep it under 100" not exactly the motivation needed.
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Post by dubber on Jan 10, 2007 21:23:23 GMT -6
I am laughing out loud at these stories.....great stuff.
Funniest thing I can remember from the ole playing days is my collegiate DC calling the defense together before the game. He started talking about how great the girls and partying would be if we won. He then demonstrated what the young ladies' legs would be doing "if your win; if you lose". He kept repeating that over and over "if you win; if you lose"---opening and closing his legs everytime he said it.
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Post by knighter on Jan 10, 2007 21:27:58 GMT -6
"Losers go home and cry to their mommies. Winners go home and Fucl< the prom queen."
One of Sean Connery's best movie quotes ever....reminds of of dubber's story.
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Post by wildcat on Jan 11, 2007 5:59:16 GMT -6
I am laughing out loud at these stories.....great stuff. Funniest thing I can remember from the ole playing days is my collegiate DC calling the defense together before the game. He started talking about how great the girls and partying would be if we won. He then demonstrated what the young ladies' legs would be doing "if your win; if you lose". He kept repeating that over and over "if you win; if you lose"---opening and closing his legs everytime he said it. That is CLASSIC! Reminds me of a "local legend" American Legion baseball coach from when I was growing up. We were playing in a championship tournament at the end of the Legion season and were in a really tight game. Game went back and forth for the first few innings, we would get the lead and then the other team would take it back. Finally, in the 6th inning or so, our coach starts talking to us in the dugout. Don't remember most of what he said other than this line: "Fellas, this game is like a great piece of pu$$y...you just don't want it to end!" This was said very loudly and most of our parents heard him. Priceless. I still chuckle when I think about that! |
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Post by coachroberts99 on Jan 11, 2007 6:53:37 GMT -6
And I wish I had that dollar everytime I heard anything along the lines of "If they can score 48 in a half; SO CAN WE!" We never did. Brophy has a hilarious term for these kinds of "coaches". I believe he refers to them as "fans with a whistle". Urm, the joke was he never actually had a whistle at training... he just shouted stop, or "whistle".... No. Seriously...... |
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Post by dubber on Jan 11, 2007 21:28:43 GMT -6
Knighter,
that is one of the best lines ever!
Off the subject, but another good one from that movie is "I'd take pleasure in gutting you.....boy!"
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Post by rcole on Jul 24, 2009 23:40:17 GMT -6
I had to dig this old gem up. One of the funniest reads ever. When this thread was unfolding a few of these stories had me laughing so hard I was in tears and couldn't regain my composure. Good thing I was on planning period. I immediately copied and pasted to word and save it....and sent it to some of my old playing buddies and coaching friends. Need a good little laugh and a light hearted look at things before we hit it hard next Friday. Surely there are some new guys that have never read these stories...enjoy. Surely there are some new stories to be shared...maybe I can work one up.  ? My personal favorite from above is the "your getting cornholed and you like it" story. |
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Post by rcole on Jul 24, 2009 23:48:45 GMT -6
Lost it again just now re-reading these old things...even though I already knew what was coming. Hope I didn't wake up the kids.
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Post by touchdownmaker on Jul 25, 2009 4:14:36 GMT -6
...And this is why I dont do pregame speeches or half time speeches.
one time as an assistant I tried my hand at getting the kids fired up...sigh...
We are battling my personal foe of a team and its 7-7 at halftime. We are in the locker room and IM yelling about how we cant help them with stupid penalties and how we got to sustain our blocks longer and dig the defensive linemen out with our blocks before moving to the backers yadda yadda yadda...I conclude my lil blurb with something about "if it were easy they would call it soccer"
well, let me tell ya, I must have wadded our kickers panties in a bunch as he wasnt worth a crap the second half of our game and was so bothered by our comment that he went home and complained to his parents who went to our admin about the "easy soccer" comment.
wussification of a nation...thats the last time I said anything at halftime. Of course I heard from the head coach that my soccer comment was over the top.
keep in mind, I have never called a kid any type of name etc ...just remember, no soccer comments fellas, youll screw your kickers up for the rest of their careers. (rolling eyes like crazy) youll get slapped by the soccer lovers out there.
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binny
Sophomore Member
Posts: 111
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Post by binny on Jul 25, 2009 7:45:27 GMT -6
Classic stuff. Thanks for the laughs.  |
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Post by ohiostfb on Jul 25, 2009 8:18:18 GMT -6
deleted
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Post by jgordon1 on Jul 25, 2009 9:06:01 GMT -6
My head coach when I was in college used to tell us to "knock their jocks off".... we would just shake our heads
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Post by airraider on Jul 26, 2009 7:59:40 GMT -6
Snoop Dogg's half time speech.. ??
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Post by 19delta on Jul 26, 2009 9:29:56 GMT -6
Snoop Dogg's half time speech.. ?? Fo' shizzle ma nizzle! |
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Post by joe83843 on Jul 26, 2009 17:02:59 GMT -6
My sophomore year, we were playing a JV game against a bitter rival. An alumni coach who had played a couple years in the NFL (GREAT GUY, by the way, who is now coaching professionally) was the Varsity DL coach, but also called plays on JV and helped coach on game days. Anyway, we're losing like 13-3 or something like that. We go in at halftime, and this huge guy in his deep thundering voice yells "OFFESNIVE LINE, OVER HERE ON THE BENCH!!" Anyway, at this point, I'm eternally greatfull that I am an offensive back, so I wander over and pick my nose while the backfield coach talks about something or other. But nobody is paying attention because we're all listening to this other coach and want to hear what he has to say to the OL. Anyway, he's got the whole group of them sitting side-by-side on the bench. He puts his forefingers and thumbs together, with the wrists facing the OL and the fingers pointed down, thumbs pointed up. He yells, "THIS IS YOU RIGHT HERE. BIG F****** C**TS WITH NO F****** HAIR!" He looks at our starting RT and yells, "PARRY, YOU'RE A P****!", picks up his clipboard, and walks out. That was the absolute best and worst halftime speech I have ever heard, all rolled into one. Wow, just about fell out of my chair after reading this one! So how did the game end, and how did the offensive line do the rest of the game? |
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jul 26, 2009 18:14:02 GMT -6
My freshmen year of college, we were absolutely terrible. I played D3 and we went 0-10. Week 9 we're playing a team in the Milwaukee which was a long ways from home for us and we're getting pounded 49-7 at halftime. Our HC comes in and this is a direct quote, "You know fellas, I'm not going to name names...but Mike Watson, you quit on that play!"
The rest of halftime was spent trying to keep Mike Watson from killing our HC!!!
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Post by alneufeld on Jul 26, 2009 19:24:21 GMT -6
In my Junior year in college, we were in first place going into the final game. We needed to win to guarantee home field advantage throughout the playoffs, and even if we lost by no more than 20 points, we still would be in the playoffs and probably host our playoff game.
Prior to game our head coach comes in for his usual pregame pep talks. Did he try to fire us up? Did he challenge us? did he remind us of what is at stake? well, kind of...he starts doing math equations on the chalkboard and lists the scenarios of what would happen if we lose by only 10 point, 20 points, etc.. At the end of this, he simply states that we should," be OK if we don't lose by too much."
We lost 61-4.
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sbv
Sophomore Member
Posts: 171
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Post by sbv on Jul 26, 2009 20:50:05 GMT -6
I was an assistant, we were 6-3 playing our rival we had not beat for 13 years. This was everyone's first year at the school and our HC gives a pregame speech that went somehing along the lines of this: "A Toad and a Deadly Spider were on the bank of a pond. The spider said to the toad, why don't you let me ride on you and have you take us to the other side of the river. The toad said, no because you will bite me and kill me. The spider said, no I wont if you take me to the other side. So the toad agrees and the is carrying the sider across the river when the spider bites him. As the toad begins to die he says, why did you bite me, now we are both going to die. The spider says because that is just my character". Most people were wondering what the F just happened. Our QB and captain went out onto the field where he elected to kick off. Thats right, we won the toss, and instead of choosing recieve, or defer we chose to kick and give them the ball at the start of both halfs. We lost and missed the playoffs. It was an all around bad experience.
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Post by tulsa25 on Jul 26, 2009 22:17:45 GMT -6
I just joined CoachHuey. Enjoyed reading the posts - good stories.
I have heard a few really bad speech's in my day.
When I get more comfortable I will post. This looks like fun and a good place to learn. Thanks.
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Post by coachorr on Jul 26, 2009 22:25:15 GMT -6
Bulldogoption, that is a great story.
I have a real problem pretty much anytime someone opens their mouth and says "you gotta want it more than they do". and they don't give them anymore. No crap Sherlock, now let's talk about what it is going to take to win.
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Post by tulsa25 on Jul 26, 2009 23:38:58 GMT -6
Worst half time speech for me? I was playing for the Falcons, we were playing the Colts in the Hall of Fame game in Canton - 1969 the year the Jets won the Super Bowl. I am an old fart :-)
We had a few bad QB/C exchanges the first half and we were down by about 14. The head coach gave the team the riot act for a few minutes. Then he went after the centers. Honest truth - he called out the two centers by name, swore he would never ever get down to only two center on the squad this early in the season (40 man teams in those days). He said "both of you ffffers thought you had the team made, well you pricks are wrong." He went on to say he knew both centers had a wife and kids at home and how ashamed they should be. He old them to think about going home next Monday and telling them they were cut - lost their jobs? He then called out his OL coach to assign each center a quarter in the second half. The center that graded out the lowest would be cut on Monday. We all were listening! He reminded them to think about going home next Monday and facing their families! He said this {censored} almost frothing from the mouth. Still in front of the team, he looked over at a wide receiver and sarcastically told him to "at least put your fffing helmet on and act like you want to play football." He cut that receiver a few weeks later. He then polished it off with more fear and threats, then started smiling a {censored} eating grin I will never forget.
Monday morning we had only 1 center, and picked up two more on waivers later that week.
He was not much of a coach in my humble opinion.
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Post by slvcoach on Jul 27, 2009 6:49:02 GMT -6
A few years back I was coaching in a hs game that during pre-game the other team kept looking over to our sideline and kept saying "Cowsh.., huh?" This continued throughout the game and even the officials had to step in and say something to the team.
After the game (which we won) it is a sign of sportsmanship as I am sure it is most everywhere that the players and coaches come through line to shake hands. At this game it didn't as the opposing coaches sent their players to their team bus. As coaches met at the center of the field and I asked why the handshake was not done. The opposing coach told me that he had to talk to his players first and explain it later.
What happened I found out later that evening was the coach had tried to get his players up for the game, so he had one of his assistants go out to a nearby farm and put some cow manure in a box. He then had the box wrapped up as a present with a bow on it and placed in the center of their lockerroom with a card saying "From the ___ football team to _____ . This is what we think of you and your playing. Best of luck and good game."
The coach said that the boys were so fired up that they wanted to fight us rather than play. He than had to tell them after the game what he had done early in the day. He said that one of the hardest questions that he had to answer after his explanantion was from one of his captains. He asked the coach ... "Is this what you think of our team and playing, Coach?"
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Post by gmccown on Jul 27, 2009 7:05:20 GMT -6
My coaches weren't big speakers...but...worst halftime talk ever has to be the one from 'Year of the Bull" where the coach is ranting about the TV remote.
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Post by oguru on Jul 27, 2009 8:05:14 GMT -6
We just lost our homecoming game by a pretty big margin,and we get back to the school,and the kids are eating the cupcakes that the parents made for them. The ehad coach comes in and grabs the cupcakes,and says "This is what I think about these F**king cupckaes,and smases them into the floor,and then tells one of the assistants to pick them up. The guy is an ego maniac. He felt so highly of himself that he had another coach carry his clipbaord out to practice. When we addressed this with him he said he did it when he was a young assistant. The problem was the guy who was carrying his clipboard knwos more football then this ego maniac ever will. Half the staff left after that season,and he has had more coaches leave his staff in four years then he has been able to retain.
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Post by wingt74 on Jul 27, 2009 8:55:36 GMT -6
Snoop Dogg's half time speech.. ?? wow...what role models. Anyway, to add to this. Had a HS coach that had a disease that left him with one testicle and he had to wear/use a pee bag. As players, we all knew this, but, never really talked about it or cared. Prior to a game, coach said, "Ya know what makes you tough? Having to wear one of these" and he pulls out his pee bag from his pants. I did not know how to react...and I swear I'm not making this up. |
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Post by alneufeld on Jul 27, 2009 12:02:30 GMT -6
Snoop Dogg's half time speech.. ?? wow...what role models. Anyway, to add to this. Had a HS coach that had a disease that left him with one testicle and he had to wear/use a pee bag. As players, we all knew this, but, never really talked about it or cared. Prior to a game, coach said, "Ya know what makes you tough? Having to wear one of these" and he pulls out his pee bag from his pants. I did not know how to react...and I swear I'm not making this up. OMG - ROFL!!!! |
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Post by coachvenom on Aug 1, 2009 23:21:11 GMT -6
Snoop Dogg's half time speech.. ?? |
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Post by coachbdud on Aug 1, 2009 23:47:29 GMT -6
summer camp before my senior year. My HC addressing the team. We had just scrimmaged other schools all morning, we did pretty good, probably the best at the camp, but we had missed some tackles due to poor form and our HC was upset, so he gave the following speech.
He started talking to us about animal planet or discovery chanel, the show called wild kingdom. Told us we needed to be like a lion or a tiger out there. How they stalk the prey, break down, then explode into the prey. Anyways he went on with this elaborate speech about tackling like the animals do on wild kingdom for about 5 minutes. I could see it took every ounce of restraint for the other coaches to not bust up laughing.
Also one year we were about to play the top team in our league, they were undefeated and we sucked that year so no matter what we did they were gonna roll us. he knew that so he wanted to at least try getting us pumped up. Well right before we get on the bus he pulls everyone into the gym. Gets them in one corner. and pulls out this old ancient looking helmet with a falcon on it (team we were playing was the falcons) and just starts screaming "F*ck the Falcons, F*ck the Falcons,F*ck the Falcons,F*ck the Falcons,F*ck the Falcons at the top of his lungs. All the kids start to lose it and are going crazy repeating after him. He screams it about 15 times then launches the helmet at the wall and it breaks and our kids go crazy
But like i said that team was great and we sucked. they beat us by 30 or 40. But i couldnt contain myself i had to face the opposite corner of the gym to hide my laughter
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? My personal favorite from above is the "your getting cornholed and you like it" story.
