How do you show you care?

Oh yeah, and you'd be amazed at how far a burger and fries goes in winning over kids lol.

I'm an adminstrator at a different school then the one I coach at and I constantly have this discussion with certain teachers. You know the teachers who lead the school in write-up's and sent a kid to the office almost every hour. I ask them "can you tell me one thing about the kid besides his academics, who does he live with, does he have siblings, etc" . Just talking to a kid for a few minutes everyday about whatever will go a long way.

As for the football program, we are striving to build a family atmsophere. Like another poster said, tweet out happy birthday to a kid, send kids text messages before a big game if they play other sports, get to know them besides the football player they are. Be seen at other sporting events.

beat them

I coach the sh1t out of them!


use tough love
smile at them
laugh with them
laugh at them
yell at them - in the right way
correct them... repeatedly
do grade checks
talk to them
ask them how they are doing
shake their hand
give them a hug - in the right way
encourage them
build them up - might require a tear down...
tell them I love them - in the right way

be the parent they might need that they are not getting at home

let them get to know me the person, not just the coach...

I show them I care by actually caring about them through actions and feelings

My wife and I actually have different position groups over to my house throughout the season. We feed them a big meal (spaghetti, brisket, BBQ, Pizza, Chili, etc...) at least I know where they are on a Saturday night, and that they are getting fed.

I always ask "how you feeling" "hows your grades" "Have you taken the sat/psat" in that order anytime I run into them in the offseason like once or twice a week.

I see them just understanding it's not just football, we're here to make sure they're healthy and taking care of their school work. Sometimes love is tough love.

I guess you and I are just different. I don't think they need my actual phone number (even with all those examples). I am their coach and teacher and thats a line I feel doesnt need to be crossed. They can always email me if needed. When I took the job I am at now the HC asked me to put my number on the board for my players and I told him absolutely not.

If that makes me seem to care less, so be it; I had a player going off to college ask for my number in case he needed to call me for advice. My response was, "if you didn't learn what you needed in the years we've been together here you ain't gonna learn it calling me in college." 

I don't get this at all. What are you worried about? 

There's nothing easier to ignore than an unwanted phone call or text. 

I think the texting thing is also directly related to where you teach as well. Some kids need a little more anchor, and they need more than just a teacher/coach.

HAHA, my current HC has gotten this multiple times (and we are at an upper class private school that encourages all this contact). I remember two years back he had a dad show up at his place to talk stuff out, and ended up threatening him over playing time. This past year he had a dad call him near midnight over 5 times to talk about stuff. 

But once again he encourages all this type of stuff, and is in CONSTANT contact with players and parents (to the point where many have complained about it). Of course they rarely complain to him, usually behind his back.

The best way to care is to actually care. Not just by saying you care, but truly caring about your players on and off the field. I give my players my cell number. If they have a problem or question they can text me. They can call me. I don't think there is any issue with this. I tell my players this is a family, and we don't need to share our numbers outside the family. If someone calls or texts that I don't know I typically don't respond.

They use twitter and Facebook. I am on both. Facebook is more to keep up with friends and former players. Twitter I use to talk ball, network, and share positive information. I may shout a kid out on Twitter. I don't think Facebook and Twitter help you care, they are more for communication.

I am going to give you a deep thought here and jump on my soapbox. Coaching is about LOVE. It is about unconditional love. You love your players for who they are, not what they do. You love them as much when they are at their worst as you do when they are at their best. When you stick by them when they are at their worst they will begin to trust you. This does not mean not holding them accountable. Quite the contrary, you will be able to hold them accountable and they won't resent you.

Love is spelled T-I-M-E. You must be willing to give them time. You must spend time getting to know them. You must spend time listening to them. You must be willing to help them when they have a problem they don't know how to solve.

The first key is getting to know them. Break them into groups of 8 to 10. Spend the first 8 minutes each day asking them about their families, their hopes, their dreams, and their fears. do this every single day in the winter and spring. During this time they will learn about you, you will learn about them, and they will learn about each other. You can use this time to teach character and teach them real life lessons.

Here is a link to a blog post I wrote on coaching with a purpose: coachvint.blogspot.com/2015/03/coaching-with-purpose.html
Here is one on Building Culture, Character, and Leadership: coachvint.blogspot.com/2016/03/developing-culture-character-and.html

You can't build trust and unconditional love by chance. You can't teach character by chance. You can't build culture by chance. You have to do these with intent.

I wrote this story for our local news. It is "old" (2007), but holds true today.

Do stuff with kids outside of the lines.

www.theunion.com/news/2531122-113/sports

Tell them corny jokes, ask them how they are doing, talk to them about stuff other than football. Ask about their mom or day. Buy them some food. Etc....