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Post by carookie on Apr 23, 2013 19:30:40 GMT -6
Initially, I thought I'd just do this for fun, but the more I think about it I think it could also be interesting and shed some light on all the different coaching styles and jobs that have to get done. In any case just list the different coaches (types, stereotypes, or roles) that help make up a good staff funny or otherwise. Here are a couple I think every staff needs:
The Hulk: Probably an ex lineman, but the key is this guy has to be strong. This is the coach who is still putting up huge numbers in the weight room so that when your big guys get cocky about their max bench he can roll over and narrow grip it 12x and put them back in place. This coach keeps kids in the weight room from getting too full of themselves.
The Single Coach: Every guy needs at least one single friend, and every staff needs one single coach. Probably on the lower levels (cause making films Saturday morning aint in his gameplan yet). He helps by letting the rest of the staff live vicariously through his conquests and mistakes. Always fun at post clinic trips to the bar, and excellent at spotting hot moms from the booth this coach keeps the other coaches feeling young.
Others???
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Post by spreadattack on Apr 23, 2013 22:18:08 GMT -6
You gotta have a high energy guy (preferably more than one) who always brings it even when everyone else is dragging, especially mornings, etc. Amazing what one person with positive energy can do
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Post by hsrose on Apr 23, 2013 22:40:12 GMT -6
The Geek - The guy who arranges the guys to video and loads it to Hudl/whatever. He can do a darn good year-end highlight video with no problem. He knows how to use PowerPoint/Word/whatever to do the playbooks, the roster and schedule in Excel and then upload them to the various web sites, and can marry Twitter with Facebook with MaxPreps so there is no reason for anyone not to know what is going on. Quite likely the "Program Quality Control" coach who tracks all the forms and which player needs to get what done. Usually an offensive coach that wants the receivers to break at 8 yards, not 7, not 7.5, but at 8 darnit.
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Post by coach2013 on Apr 24, 2013 3:31:42 GMT -6
I want the uptight OCD guy who has to retype forms, keep more accurate stats, whats full control of keeping track of who lettered the prior year and so on.
I want the old retired football legend whos tired of parents chit and wants to just be a life long assistant because he loves the game. Football history is his specialty and he can get the kids righted in a hurry with one of his army war stories and apply it to football.
cop or marine - need at least one of those
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Post by pvogel on Apr 24, 2013 5:43:42 GMT -6
The Single Coach: Every guy needs at least one single friend, and every staff needs one single coach. Probably on the lower levels (cause making films Saturday morning aint in his gameplan yet). He helps by letting the rest of the staff live vicariously through his conquests and mistakes. Always fun at post clinic trips to the bar, and excellent at spotting hot moms from the booth this coach keeps the other coaches feeling young. As "The Young Single Coach" this is what my experience has been like. Must be in the job description. 1. Get reminded constantly by the other coaches A. How good the single life is
B. How "good" they were in their single days. Like a Midwestern Don Juan or whatever.
C. How "good" they still are and would be if they were still single
2. Get berated for not picking up women on the spot whenever and wherever I please
A. Regardless of how standards change dramatically when its not your "chips" youre gambling with
B. Regardless of how different your standards may be from all the other 40-60 Year olds
C. Regardless of what kind of ring shes wearing or who shes with
D. Regardless of how uncomfortable that waitress just became by getting hit on by a group of tipsy old men
E. Because it doesn't matter that she is being hit on by the rest of the clinic/hotel/community
F. Because inviting her back to the Hotel where we have 5 dudes sharing a room would work so well
3. Throw around a bunch of "interesting" ideas that never stick until it is reinforced by Coach X from BCS State University some 2 years later at a clinic
A. Because we appreciate your input, just not that idea
B. Because we've been doing it this way for X amount of years
C. Because in 19XX we did it one week against X and I remember X did X and we won (Yes, I don't understand 100% how variables work)
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Post by IronmanFootball on Apr 24, 2013 6:04:48 GMT -6
I've been the young, single, guy on staff....
I was the geek that did film, charts, stats, tape, college recruiting.
I was the guy getting blasted for not picking up a date with every girl that walked by.
I was often reminded of how great the old days were.
I never gave my 2 cents because I was taught (by my dad, a baseball coach) that you should shut up for the first 5 years.
BUT one guy I want would be the old me, who knows more than I did. The guy willing to pick up pizza, keep his mouth shut, hustle to spot the ball, shut up because you're scared to get yelled at, and keep stats while having no other hobbies besides perusing Huey and blogs and clinics looking to improve their game.
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Post by pvogel on Apr 24, 2013 6:06:32 GMT -6
BUT one guy I want would be the old me, who knows more than I did. The guy willing to pick up pizza, keep his mouth shut, hustle to spot the ball, shut up because you're scared to get yelled at, and keep stats while having no other hobbies besides perusing Huey and blogs and clinics looking to improve their game. Amen... appears to be a dying breed |
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Post by John Knight on Apr 24, 2013 9:02:57 GMT -6
How about the rich local guy who buys us neat stuff to wear just so he can hang out with the coaching staff after the games and buy us drinks!
Everyone needs one of those guys!
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Post by Coach Sunzeri DB's on Apr 24, 2013 9:34:33 GMT -6
The Geek - The guy who arranges the guys to video and loads it to Hudl/whatever. He can do a darn good year-end highlight video with no problem. He knows how to use PowerPoint/Word/whatever to do the playbooks, the roster and schedule in Excel and then upload them to the various web sites, and can marry Twitter with Facebook with MaxPreps so there is no reason for anyone not to know what is going on. Quite likely the "Program Quality Control" coach who tracks all the forms and which player needs to get what done. Usually an offensive coach that wants the receivers to break at 8 yards, not 7, not 7.5, but at 8 darnit. The QC guy is usually most likely to become HC somewhere someday and is to be valued. He is the silent backbone of any program. If you find one, KEEP HIM HAPPY. |
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Post by pvogel on Apr 24, 2013 10:32:39 GMT -6
1. Maybe you should listen - but you won't. You'll find a girl, she will be special, unlike any other yada yada yada and you'll trade in "do what ever you want any time you want" for "can't make it tonight guys" or "hey honey, we are going to the bar...no..I won't be out too late...I'm sorry, the whole staff is going...the HC wants us all to be there...I'm sorry...I'll just have one or two...OK...I'll be home by 9." Get home at 11 - "I'm sorry honey, we got to talking and lost track of time...I know it happens all the time, I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you...it won't happen again." There will be guys on here who will say "not my girl, she's great, she doesn't care" and that either means a) she doesn't want his raggedy a$$ at home or b) he actually found a special one, good luck finding one of those for your self. Those are rare, you'll have a better chance of stumbling across a leprechaun riding a unicorn while whackin it to midget clown porn on his iPhone. 2. Oh shut up. First off, lower your standards raise your average. You act like the chick you pick up is going to be Mrs. Vogel eventually. and you never know how the room with 5 dudes will work out unless you try. - quit being selfish. Besides, I promise you, if you pick her up and she goes back to your room...that's not the first time she's done that. And re: the wedding rings - well...if she's happy at home, she won't be interested...and if she is interested...well then perhaps her hubby should pet his cat at home and she wouldn't be at the neighbor's house...just sayin... Just messing with you pvogel. Re: the OP - I think you also need the one guy who is afraid to get in trouble. The guy who will stand up and say "we probably shouldn't park the school van at the strip club" or "no dude, don't do that" or "guys we should probably get going" **Now you may not listen to him, but at least there is a guy trying. I also think you need the one coach who you can blame everything on when you get home. "I'm sorry honey, but DC had drank too much and was going to Perkins. I didn't want to go to perkins at 3:00 am but I didn't want him to be driving." - regardless of how true it is. You may have been the one who wanted to hit perkins when the bar closed, that's fine, you need a guy who will take the fall for you. I'm single...my ex wife doesn't care and if my girlfriend cares...well that's when she learns the true meaning of expendable. The previous post was written by a 43 year old single football coach, so pvogel - even though you may be younger, I'm that guy on staff too. Except for #3, I'm the DC. But geezzz...I don't want a bunch of choir boys playing defense, as a young coach I was told by a much older coach once "argue X's and O's all you want boys, give me 11 whiskey drinkers and p***y lickers and I'll show you a great defense." - and hey...sometimes you gotta lead by example. I read this in class and was DYING... haha thanks for making my day. Kids were wondering why my eyes were watering and I had my hand covering my mouth. They mustve thought I was sneezing or choking or something. But I hear you. And I agree 100% on needing a choir boy type on your staff as well as the person you can blame everything on. Thats essential for any group of buddies. |
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Post by coachdennis on Apr 24, 2013 14:17:32 GMT -6
I like having the high energy young coach, the one who connects well with the kids because he is a big closer to their age, didn't play during the paleolithic era like us, and keeps the kids up with lots of positive high energy. I have a young guy like that on our staff right now, and the kids love him...
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Post by Luther Van Dam on Apr 24, 2013 17:12:38 GMT -6
The Geek - The guy who arranges the guys to video and loads it to Hudl/whatever. He can do a darn good year-end highlight video with no problem. He knows how to use PowerPoint/Word/whatever to do the playbooks, the roster and schedule in Excel and then upload them to the various web sites, and can marry Twitter with Facebook with MaxPreps so there is no reason for anyone not to know what is going on. Quite likely the "Program Quality Control" coach who tracks all the forms and which player needs to get what done. Usually an offensive coach that wants the receivers to break at 8 yards, not 7, not 7.5, but at 8 darnit. Woo hoo! This is me... Except I coach defense. |
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Post by cvaughan598 on Apr 24, 2013 21:26:40 GMT -6
Me as well LVD. Also not a big drinker, so I am the geek and the good guy that watches out. Not to mention being the guy that can coach any position on offense and most on defense... And spends any free time away from wife and kids swapping ideas and networking with other coaches. If that means HC is in my future at some point... I will keep on plugging.
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Post by austinator on Apr 24, 2013 21:48:25 GMT -6
Staff I'm trying to assemble for next season (youth league) will hopefully have a mix of seasoned veterans and some young guys. Veterans for knowledge, experience, and level heads; young guys for energy and enthusiasm.
I've really struggled finding the hulk guy that can be counted on to bring that workmanlike get nasty attitude to my OL (and still teach them the fundamentals).
I'm the single, young, choir boy coach that just loves football on the staff. I don't drink, smoke, or dip and I'll bust my butt and do anything I'm told or anything that needs to be done (depending on if I'm HC or asst). I'm 26 and spend my free weekends (aka when I'm not doing homework) watching clinics or football videos and my project this summer is to start assembling my playbook (O and D) and my plan for being a position coach, coordinator, and HC (knowing my plan will be edited with the experience I gain in the coming seasons).
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coachmitts
Sophomore Member
Always compete
Posts: 186 
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Post by coachmitts on Apr 24, 2013 23:10:05 GMT -6
The Geek - The guy who arranges the guys to video and loads it to Hudl/whatever. He can do a darn good year-end highlight video with no problem. He knows how to use PowerPoint/Word/whatever to do the playbooks, the roster and schedule in Excel and then upload them to the various web sites, and can marry Twitter with Facebook with MaxPreps so there is no reason for anyone not to know what is going on. Quite likely the "Program Quality Control" coach who tracks all the forms and which player needs to get what done. Usually an offensive coach that wants the receivers to break at 8 yards, not 7, not 7.5, but at 8 darnit. That's me. I run all video operations, roster management, social media, high light films, recruiting and anything else that relates to a computer or camera. And I do coach offense. |
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Post by RedRaider on Apr 24, 2013 23:41:25 GMT -6
The Geek - The guy who arranges the guys to video and loads it to Hudl/whatever. He can do a darn good year-end highlight video with no problem. He knows how to use PowerPoint/Word/whatever to do the playbooks, the roster and schedule in Excel and then upload them to the various web sites, and can marry Twitter with Facebook with MaxPreps so there is no reason for anyone not to know what is going on. Quite likely the "Program Quality Control" coach who tracks all the forms and which player needs to get what done. Usually an offensive coach that wants the receivers to break at 8 yards, not 7, not 7.5, but at 8 darnit. HA! this is me also... I am a IT/help desk tech and went to school for video production and photography so its in my nature. i love the tech side of things. but im also that OCD guy who wants things done it should be IMO..... and im the OC/wr coach. |
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Post by tog on Apr 25, 2013 5:35:59 GMT -6
it's good to have a bob the builder guy
someone that can improvise and then actually build useful things with their carpentry skills and toolkit
stuff from helmet racks to water cooler holders to sled "fixings"
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Post by carookie on Apr 25, 2013 9:02:50 GMT -6
it's good to have a bob the builder guy someone that can improvise and then actually build useful things with their carpentry skills and toolkit stuff from helmet racks to water cooler holders to sled "fixings" Coached for a HC who was the woodshop teacher after several years in construction, our DL coach was the district's lead construction guy. This was very helpful (helmet racks, shoulder pad stands, multiple goal posts, etc) |
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Post by treyjames on Apr 25, 2013 11:18:31 GMT -6
The Single Coach: Every guy needs at least one single friend, and every staff needs one single coach. Probably on the lower levels (cause making films Saturday morning aint in his gameplan yet). He helps by letting the rest of the staff live vicariously through his conquests and mistakes. Always fun at post clinic trips to the bar, and excellent at spotting hot moms from the booth this coach keeps the other coaches feeling young. As "The Young Single Coach" this is what my experience has been like. Must be in the job description. 1. Get reminded constantly by the other coaches A. How good the single life is
B. How "good" they were in their single days. Like a Midwestern Don Juan or whatever.
C. How "good" they still are and would be if they were still single
2. Get berated for not picking up women on the spot whenever and wherever I please
A. Regardless of how standards change dramatically when its not your "chips" youre gambling with
B. Regardless of how different your standards may be from all the other 40-60 Year olds
C. Regardless of what kind of ring shes wearing or who shes with
D. Regardless of how uncomfortable that waitress just became by getting hit on by a group of tipsy old men
E. Because it doesn't matter that she is being hit on by the rest of the clinic/hotel/community
F. Because inviting her back to the Hotel where we have 5 dudes sharing a room would work so well
3. Throw around a bunch of "interesting" ideas that never stick until it is reinforced by Coach X from BCS State University some 2 years later at a clinic
A. Because we appreciate your input, just not that idea
B. Because we've been doing it this way for X amount of years
C. Because in 19XX we did it one week against X and I remember X did X and we won (Yes, I don't understand 100% how variables work)
This might be the best post ever!!
We have a pretty large staff at the 3A school I coach at and we almost have every person listed on this thread. My favorite is the "Old Guy" used to be a head coach and now loves being an assistant, he can say whatever he wants and reminds us everyday how much fun coach ball really is.
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Post by Defcord on Apr 25, 2013 11:20:53 GMT -6
I am not really any of the coaches described but I think I could play on DCOhio's defense!
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Post by smfreeman on Apr 25, 2013 12:06:20 GMT -6
You have to have the coach that always has something funny to say and tells jokes. When people say things to him he always has an awesome comeback especially parents.
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Post by coachjd on Apr 25, 2013 16:36:23 GMT -6
Big Poppy- OL guy who coaches his a$$ off and loves the kids. Works the tails off the OL kids but yet is the guy who is there to love them and let them know the big ugly's are needed and are key to the success of the team. Teaches fundamentals and is a film and run game guru.
Energizer Bunny- DC who is a high energy border line whack job who gets kids to play with snot bubbles and run to the football with a seek and destroy attitude. Great game day adjustments and incredible at teaching the scheme and game plan each week.
Magneto - this guy may not be the best X and O guy, but the guy is a kid magnet. Kids love to play for him and swarm to him. Probably a 10th grade or JV head coach who can lead a small group of coaches and team and keep the integrity of the offense and defense in tact with the JV.
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Post by coach2013 on Apr 25, 2013 18:25:55 GMT -6
Wow, back to back tackle picks.
Ok, back to hueys............... Every staff needs a coach like the one in the movie "Wildcats" - just sayin.
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Post by 33coach on Apr 25, 2013 19:16:32 GMT -6
The Geek - The guy who arranges the guys to video and loads it to Hudl/whatever. He can do a darn good year-end highlight video with no problem. He knows how to use PowerPoint/Word/whatever to do the playbooks, the roster and schedule in Excel and then upload them to the various web sites, and can marry Twitter with Facebook with MaxPreps so there is no reason for anyone not to know what is going on. Quite likely the "Program Quality Control" coach who tracks all the forms and which player needs to get what done. Usually an offensive coach that wants the receivers to break at 8 yards, not 7, not 7.5, but at 8 darnit. The QC guy is usually most likely to become HC somewhere someday and is to be valued. He is the silent backbone of any program. If you find one, KEEP HIM HAPPY. Thats me to a T I'm the geek dc who gets mad when I see my LBs at 4 yards instead of 3.5 Sent from my ADR6410LVW using proboards |
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Post by CoachDaniel on Apr 25, 2013 19:22:38 GMT -6
When you're the single guy on staff for over a decade, plus you're the DC and the computer dork who does all the video stuff, used to be a math teacher, now a football blog guy, you get to wear lots of hats. If I was on a staff with just a rich local guy and a builder we'd be set. But also...
The Cleaner: Dude just can't handle all those old practice plans sitting on the table, file cabinets with stacks of the '96 Offense playbook, or crumbs in the office microwave. Sometimes he just loses it, cleans up, organizes, and judges you other sloppy sunufas. But he won't tell you his organization system, so he also just made himself the guy in charge of the locker list when the freshmen forget their combination.
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Post by Defcord on Apr 25, 2013 19:56:22 GMT -6
I sent this thread to all of the coaches on my staff today and told them they had to give a fitting title to each member of our staff..it was a fun and hilarious excercise...best response below (names left out to protect the innocent...and the guilty)
The Hulk...same as described as above
The Voice of Reason: the guy who difuses melt downs by players and coaches
The Competitor: first year coach who wants to argue with everyone and tell everyone he knows everything because he walked on at a D1 for a year
The Single Coach: sadly on our staff there is only one and he is a 40+ year old man recently divorced (sad...for all of us)
The Geek: Ditto with what all of you said...best quote by him came when our OC pointed out how awesome a 90 yard run from our stud was and he responded "actually it was only 89 yards!"
The High Energy Coach: DL coach likely to pull his own shirt off while arguing a holding call
The Champion: The guy who played on 3 state champions and wears all rings for his great runs in NAIA; glows when discussion his teams' mojo
The Loner: coach who only made it out 1 week last year after a game and only because it was mandatory because we couldn't meet on Saturday because of a wedding
The {censored}-Talker: The coach who knows every kid in the city and knows just what to say eventhough he shouldn't
The Utility Guys: Two coaches who take care of laundry and whatever else is needed
The Psycopath: (ME) : Fired our 4 year starter at center second play of season because he blocked in back on what would have been a TD; confronted rivals head coach during 7 on 7 because he tried to recruit a player of ours; and well the last story wouldn't make since but very funny...
THANKS FOR THIS THREAD HELPED US LAUGH OUR WAY ONE DAY CLOSER TO FOOTBALL SEASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2013 20:15:07 GMT -6
The Geek - The guy who arranges the guys to video and loads it to Hudl/whatever. He can do a darn good year-end highlight video with no problem. He knows how to use PowerPoint/Word/whatever to do the playbooks, the roster and schedule in Excel and then upload them to the various web sites, and can marry Twitter with Facebook with MaxPreps so there is no reason for anyone not to know what is going on. Quite likely the "Program Quality Control" coach who tracks all the forms and which player needs to get what done. Usually an offensive coach that wants the receivers to break at 8 yards, not 7, not 7.5, but at 8 darnit. This would be me... if we had access to Hudl and actually made playbooks. Man, I want to coach offense so badly...  |
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Post by tothehouse on Apr 25, 2013 23:13:09 GMT -6
Everyone needs a "dcohio"
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Post by coachb0 on Apr 26, 2013 0:34:51 GMT -6
of course many of the guys on this board find themselves in the image of the geek. thats why we here, right? id see myself in this class, too.
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Post by joris85 on Apr 26, 2013 4:46:07 GMT -6
The shrink: The man who knows just which buttons to hit for every single individual in order to have them where you want them to be
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