Dumb things you've said or heard

How about AJ Hawk flipping the bird during the game yesterday?

a few years ago a team in our conference deferred to start the game and had to kick off then choose to kick again when they we down by 7 points to start the second half to show that he trusted his defense against there offense. I did a double facepalm when i was told this. hahaha.

We had an old school coach not up to date on the NCAA overtime rules...by old school I'm talking 70+ years old. Great guy, love him, but some things just didn't click for him.

We get into our first overtime game and the refs and I are trying (for the 10th time) to explain how it works to him. He thinks the ball starts on the OTHER 25 yard line and keeps asking "what if we punt?" The ref, not understanding which 25 yard line we're talking about gives him very earnest answers, but is clearly befuddled by a coach so bizarre that he'd punt from the opponent's 20-something yard line.

When we win the toss and the other offense lines up on our 25, he screams out "WHAT KIND OF MICKEY MOUSE RULES ARE YINZ TRYING TO PULL?"

My brother was giving his team a tongue lashing at halftime of a game. An interview with Ron Rivera--he was with San Diego at the time--was fresh in his mind and Rivera used the phrase "mental midgets" so it came out of my brother's mouth during his talk as well. Needless to say, the whole locker room, other coaches as well, erupted in laughter when he used it!

What's so funny?

fantom---pretty sure your sarcasm detector is broke on the above post.

Lol. Sarcasm detectors have a way of getting eroded during the course of a season. To show you I'm full of it, I'll give you a dumb thing I used to hear a lot from former head coach: we had a stud a few years ago who would frequently break into open field and be headed for the end zone, clearly no one was going to catch him. Having been burned by boneheaded 'block in the back' flags well behind the play more than once, our head coach had a habit of yelling loud enough for all to hear "DON'T BLOCK ANYONE!!!" It made sense to us as coaches, but was real fun for casual fans to hear a coach extolling the virtues of NOT blocking.


Grouch

"Johnny, key the TE in C4. Catch and carry him if he pushes on that vertical route."

TE runs past Lil Johnny as he blitzes...

"Johnny, what the hell are you doing? The TE flew past you!"

"Coach, what's a TE?"

In 1978, my very first game as JV coach, we lose the coin toss and have to kick off. I'm yelling, "kickoff team, kickoff team, kickoff, kickoff".

It's 10:00 on a Saturday morning. The stadium is empty and every sound reverberates. And I'm loud. There's no way to not hear me, even if you want to.

The kid standing next to me-not two feet away- turns to me and asks quizzically, "Coach, is this punt team?".

At least he was honest!

This group is the smallest team I have coached (16), and has the lowest moral of any team I have ever seen (we've done it tall, this group is mostly just there to wear the jersey). One thing I will give them credit for though, is that they are often very blunt and honest with us about their lack of effort and enthusiasm. One kid once told us that they don't run on the practice field because it's a "pain in the a$$."

I literally feel like we have a group of misfits on JV. They don't work hard. They don't understand the game, and they just don't care to understand or try. Yea, I blame myself and the other coach, but when I look at it, I've done everything I possibly could (I have never been so exhausted on ideas, and same with the other coach). I've taken advice from the guys on this board as well as the other coaches in the program. Nothing has worked. The players themselves have told us that they pretty much just don't care (with exception of maybe 4 or 5 of them who actually love the game). It's also a lot harder to practice with only 16 players too.

We told our varsity coaches the other day, that we may have one serviceable lineman (offense and defense) for them next year. That is a very true statement too.

This is more a foot in mouth kind of thing...happened recently.

I coach Varsity OL, but also help the JV. We traveled to play a JV game a couple of weeks ago, and I'm just chatting with one of their coaches. He asked: "So, y'all going to the playoffs?" (meaning our Varsity) Forgetting we'd beaten their Varsity in game one by a score of 35-9, I replied with a chuckle "I don't know coach, we're not very good." He looked at me and said "Y'all beat us pretty bad." I felt kinda bad, and I said, "Yeah, I kinda forgot about that, we haven't won a game since, we're 1-6."

We are driving 1/2 way through the 4th quarter. I am off the box, so it must be a 3 TD lead.

As we get closer to the end zone, I tell our coach that if we score, we should have the hands team ready for a possible onside attempt.

He says, "Yeah, good thinking", takes two steps, then turns back and hollars, "wait, if we score we're gonna kick off."

And that, is why I'm a box guy......I completely lose myself on the sidelines.

Working with the LB'ers in practice, we were having a problem with our them stepping up and making plays. They would wait in the hole and make tackles for 5 yard gains. So in our team session, i got on to one of the LB'ers for this same problem and said, "Don't wait on him, get in there and hit his a** in the hole." There was a 5 minute delay in practice because the guys couldn't stop laughing