Can a coach and player be friends?

Agree. I coach in the town that I grew up in and played for. There are still a few families here that I know, and their kids play. But you can't BS them, tell them what they want to hear in order to make family happy. Sometime we as a staff do it, and it chaps my a-s-s when we have to deal with the parents/kids after that. Like stated above, you can be friendly, but to be their friends....That's very different...

You can be friendly with them, but not thier friend. I told a player once "I don't need any 15 year old friends." You want to have a good relationship with them, be someone they can trust, and be helpful...be a mentor.

Currently I am close with a former player who developed a drug addiction while in school. A couple months ago he came out of treatment and now he is my lifting partner. But while in HS it was clear I was an authority figure, not his buddy. But obviously he must have felt close enough to me to trust me to seek me out to get help in the first place. He knew I would help him when no once else would. That to me is the kind of relationship you want to have with your players.

Great post tvt.

can a manager be friends with his employees?

that's what it boils down to.

I'm sure coaches (assistants moreso than the Head guy) can take INTEREST in their players (take them out to eat, play games with them, go to the park / play golf / whatever.....general activities).

That is a part of the job - fostering POSITIVE RELATIONSHIPS.

The 'activity' is actually a set-up.
..........you are role modelling adult behavior
...................you are developing trust / respect from the player that you will use as a springboard later to teach life lessons

When it comes to the FIELD - it is business. Personal issues have no part in the game. I think folks need to respect the borderline that becomes blurry when TOO MUCH activity clouds the dynamics of the relationship.

Just like, you may hang out with a woman and do things with her - but if you spend X amount of hours, now there is an implied significance to the activity (something serious).

Good stuff, brophy...

When I was in the Army, my unit had an "unwritten" policy of transferring enlisted soldiers to different platoons once they were promoted to an NCO (non-commisioned officer) position.

The rational was that, as an enlisted soldier, this guy hung out, drank beer, chased girls, etc, etc, with the SAME guys that he was now going to be responsible for supervising, leading, and possibly giving orders that would result in some of his men being killed.

There is a REASON that "management" (whatever form that takes) makes more money than "labor"...managers are expected to make decisions that may seem cold, hard, and heartless but are nonetheless NECESSARY for a healthy organization to function (basically, to be profitable). While positive relationships are essential in building strong organizations, management (and labor) always has to respect that invisible line and not allow personal relationships to affect business decisions.

Our assistant coaches (including me) are required (by our head coach....but started by me) to have their position players over to their house for dinner once a week. If you can't use your house take them out to dinner. The reason being...build a relationship. When the players come to my house they walk right in the door. We eat, we laugh, and we barely talk football. My dinners are on Monday nights so we'll watch the MNF game (sometimes). I get a lot of players saying, "coach, I can't make it tonight I've got too much homework". I tell them, "bring it with you and I'll help". Other guys come over....eat and leave. That is fine too.

There is a serious understanding though that just because they eat at my house, play with my kids, and hang out that the next day I am still going to rip the arse for going slow in my drill or general wrongdoings on the field....they also know they are going to get love for the great things they do. They know I mean it both ways because I truly show I care. The dinner thing means a lot to me. Here is another reason.

In the last two days I have been invited to 2 college graduations and a wedding of former players. My former position players mean so much to me that I named my two boys after two of my former players. Over Christmas I had a get together (friendly) with some former position players and low and behold at least one player from the class of 2000 through 2006 showed up. This included a player that didn't get a long with me at all while he played for me yet came over and we hugged when he left. Another came to my house last week because he wanted to see my kids, say hello to my wife and hang out with me before he went on his 4th tour of Iraq.

Therefore, push your players through all the tough stuff. Love on them, but stay on their tails. I am not a big sugar coat guy. I tell them straight. The players see that. This is the reason these guys still stay in contact. Our motto is "Miner for Life". That doesn't end when they graduate.

That feeding your postition is a great idea when your are the QB coach. Any you have to feed all 3 of them. But us OL coach's get the shaft on that one. See I need to be just the "Center" coach. Never need more then 2 of them.

Our DL coach in at ECU(Brad Franchione...spelling) used to have the DL over every game week to his apartment for dinner on Thursday Night. It was great, awsome bonding experience for the team that I still miss. (my time there was fairly short due to injury) Coach Fran probably wouldn't even remember me now days but I always thought that was something i'd one day do with my players. Everyone should know the vast difference between northern and southern italian cooking...and you bet we got that some form of that lecture almost every week.

Think about those people in your life who could come down hard on you, demand you do something better or faster or tell you a something you really did not want to hear but needed to and you listened, you took it to heart and you did not take it as a personal shot- that person had a relationship with you, they cared for you and you knew it. You cannot be a successful coach unless you can foster and develop those type of relationships with your players. I know when I get together with my former players our conversations our rarely about football but about all the other things we experienced together as a result of them being players and my being their coach- those memories last longer and are often far more personal.

I guess technically that's correct but it is a friendship- not in the sense of being peers or equals but none the less a friendship. In many cases it is a very strong emotional bond- perhaps as strong an emotional bond as that player as with any adult. LOL, I had a player several years ago who sometimes when speaking to me would absent mindedly call me Dad and his Dad said he'd sometimes do the same with him only call him coach. We also need to know that while we would never call it a "friendship" they often will and do consider it a friendship- one they know has boundries and that is different then the friendships they have with their peers but still a friendship. I think we all must be careful about ever telling a kid or group of kids "I'll never be your friend", how we define a friend and how they do may unintentionally cause an emotional wall to be thrown up. A high school kid often does not understand what a mentor is and may not ever be able to view another man as a father figure but they all understand what a "friend" is- a person who cares for you, has your back, is there to help no matter what, believes in and trusts you, someone to turn to in times of trouble etc.

In this day and age, no. If you want friends under the age of eighteen and you are in your forties, better luck becoming a priest. No one goes anywhere alone with a kid, ever. I don't mind commaraderie (sp?) but if I see lasting friendships develope between the coaches and kids, it's sad, but I get suspicious. I would hope the parents do too. Sorry, I am sure mostly everyone on here are right up there with heroes, and have made legitimate friendships, but at the youth level, the world is just too crazy a place and there are too many terrible stories.

At college level, i'm sure it's entirely different. Sorry about the wake up call but no one else brought up the point, and it's an important one to add to the mix, if not a healthy reminder.

If your coaching at the college level you need to be careful with taking your players out to eat as well as having them voer to eat dinner,as there are NCAA rules against this type of activity.

I love the idea of having your position players over for dinner once a week. As far as a coach and player being friends, I think that it definitely shouldn't be like their "peer friends," but you should be "friendly" and not tell them "we won't be friends." Make sure they know that you're there for them when they need you, and that you'll also still bust their tails with some "extra conditioning" when they need that. If you "depersonalize" your relationship you will shut out the loyalty of the kids.

I'll play some Playstation with the kids at summer camp (even a few after the season...we still had a score to settle, lol). I'll play tag football with them at the summer cookout. When it comes to the season they know how it is. They know I'm in charge and what I say goes. If I never "let up" and have them see me as a real person and not just a mean, demanding, insensitive coach, I don't think most of them would lay it on the line for us like they do.

Just my experience and opinion.