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Post by sonnycrocket on May 11, 2008 20:05:07 GMT -6
Some I've heard off the top of my head:
"That kid couldn't play dead in a western"
"He can't bust a grape"
Heard these in tackling drills over the years, "That sounds like a rat pi$$ing on cotton", "Sounds like two socks in a dryer"
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Post by leighty on May 11, 2008 20:16:34 GMT -6
"Don't be sorry. Be faster."
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Post by RENO6 on May 11, 2008 20:21:25 GMT -6
One of the head coaches I coached for said this:
"When I played, we had huge balls!!. Our balls were huge,( hands getting wide to show how huge)!! They were huge balls!! Our balls were huge; I mean really we had huge balls!!!"
He was dead serious and I had to turn my head so I wouldn't laugh in front of the kids.
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Post by dacoachmo on May 11, 2008 21:06:32 GMT -6
"Walk when your dead"
from Junction Boys...
"he's slower then steam rising from s@#$"
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Post by poweriguy on May 11, 2008 21:14:10 GMT -6
Excuses are like a-holes, everybody has one, and they all stink!
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easternkycoach
Freshmen Member
Just a squirrel tryin' to get a nut!
Posts: 92
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Post by easternkycoach on May 11, 2008 22:16:24 GMT -6
When I got into coaching, I said I would never cuss or yell. AND I'LL BE DAMMED IF YOU AIN'T MADE A LIAR OUT OF ME!!
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Post by raiderpirates on May 11, 2008 22:56:44 GMT -6
The Bears are who thought they were, and we let 'em off the hook!
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Post by kboyd on May 11, 2008 23:14:38 GMT -6
You couldn't block a fart with your thumb up your a$$.
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Post by stackboy on May 12, 2008 4:10:21 GMT -6
An older coach we had often had one liners....most had too many expletives
before the night of a big game, "Boys make sure you keep your hands out from under the covers tonight"
You guys look so bad you look like pigs ****ing in the mud
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Post by fbdoc on May 12, 2008 5:56:35 GMT -6
To an official - after another brutal call against us - "There's a reason you're reffing a 1-A (small school) game on a Saturday afternoon.
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Post by utchuckd on May 12, 2008 6:07:04 GMT -6
To the QB- 'He's so open he's catching a cold!'
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Post by fatkicker on May 12, 2008 6:11:07 GMT -6
i have to tell this one...
my high school coach came out of retirement to take the job at my school.....so he was at least 70 then.....
he came down to practice and called us up..........he said "boys if i break and run for the gym, don't be alarmed......i just took a $***, and it felt like a covey of quail was comin out my @**."
that's the funniest line i've ever heard......
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Post by olinecoach61 on May 12, 2008 6:49:25 GMT -6
From my college days, All from the HC:
Your softer than a witches titty.
I'd rather eat the a$$ out of a dead rhinocerous than lose to that team.
We can't rush the ball the length of my di##
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coachpodach
Freshmen Member
We're on a mission from God...
Posts: 69
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Post by coachpodach on May 12, 2008 7:03:16 GMT -6
An old timer discussing working with lack of talent: "Coach, you can't polish a turd"
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Post by davecisar on May 12, 2008 7:19:52 GMT -6
That kid looks like Tarzan but plays like Jane.
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Post by CoachMikeJudy on May 12, 2008 7:29:08 GMT -6
Can't make chicken salad out of chicken $hit...
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Post by lsrood on May 12, 2008 7:48:48 GMT -6
One of my old coaches used to say when players when they would answer his question with I thought I was supposed to... "Don't think, you're not equipped for it."
Another one of his sayings related to players finally doing what they were supposed to after failing many times..."Even a blind squirrel's gonna find an acorn every once in a while."
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mrigg
Junior Member
Posts: 457
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Post by mrigg on May 12, 2008 7:50:33 GMT -6
Half you guys over there. Half you guys over there. The rest of you guys come with me.
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Post by mwpilots on May 12, 2008 7:52:25 GMT -6
"Coaches coach and players play! I didn't ask you to think, just do what I am asking and not what you want to do so we can win the game."
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htownoc
Sophomore Member
GATA
Posts: 186
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Post by htownoc on May 12, 2008 7:58:23 GMT -6
Describing the blocking ability of our center: "He couldn't knock a sick wh@re off a toilet!"
Describing the intensity of a team scrimmage period: "I'd rather watch skunks F**k!"
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Post by gacoach on May 12, 2008 8:01:26 GMT -6
Telling a running back to "run like you stole something"
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Post by spartancoach on May 12, 2008 8:02:32 GMT -6
To a DB during film: "There are 2 things in life you shouldn't knock up, one is a football."
To an assistant lobbying for playing time for a particular WR: "He's not much faster than a cone."
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Post by Yash on May 12, 2008 8:11:57 GMT -6
"Now you're diggin' where theres tators."
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Post by kylem56 on May 12, 2008 8:14:27 GMT -6
"son, do you know what your doing ? do you even know what state your in ? I know, a state of confusion !"- Lou Holtz
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Post by ccscoach on May 12, 2008 8:48:06 GMT -6
"If if ands and butts were candy and nutts everyday with be xmas"
"If he muffs the punt dive on it, we dive on all muffs"
"your playing worse and worse everyday and now your playing like the middle of next week"
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chuff
Sophomore Member
Posts: 136
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Post by chuff on May 12, 2008 8:54:57 GMT -6
You're going to drive me to drinking... more!
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kr7263
Sophomore Member
Posts: 228
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Post by kr7263 on May 12, 2008 9:04:24 GMT -6
White Rock - descriptive term used to illustrate a less than desirable player - "That boy is a white rock" - when a dog craps in the yard and it is left for a while it turns white and hard as a rock.
Halloweener - term used to describe players that like to "dress up in football costumes" but do not give effort or commitment.
GATA - Get After Their Acts / A$$
"It is far better to have died a young boy, then to ever drop the football" - Knute Rockne
"Hard hat on, lunch pails away, punch in, your on my time now!"
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drift
Probationary Member
Posts: 14
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Post by drift on May 12, 2008 10:30:48 GMT -6
Coach talking to the press about the prospects for this years team: "Well, we may be small, ....but we are slow...."
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Post by fbdoc on May 12, 2008 11:06:55 GMT -6
Coach describing why we should NOT play a certain CB - "We would get better coverage from a cardboard cut-out."
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Post by coach4life on May 12, 2008 11:24:22 GMT -6
Bobby Bowden - "We're gonna be wide open on offense, so y'all keep watchin' 'cause one of us is about to score!".
From a coach in Tenn. - "That boy ain't gonna be buildin' any science rockets but he can flat out turn the corner."
From Golf - "Swing hard in case you make contact"
A favorite anecdote from a local coach - "Had a little battle with my prostate last season. Wasn't too bad for the home games, had a portapotty under the home stands, but those away games were hell! We were in practice one day and I made several trips to the woods in about a 15 minute period. Finally one of the boys asked 'Coach, you okay?" and I told him 'Yeah, I'll be fine, but the moss on that tree over there is deader than hell!' ".
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