Coaching your son as the HC?

I have had the same thoughts, I have a 11 and 14 year old. My oldest runs cross country but my youngest wants to be a QB. I have two perspectives....

I transferred in college to the D3 school that my father was the long time AD/OC at the whispers were there always, however, I do remember him switching responsibilities in an effort to help the team and culture, he brought in a former QB to run the offense and he coached running backs (I was a center) I know he had conversation of going to the defensive side of the ball. We never talked on the field and after a year people would comment that they couldn't tell if we liked each other or not. With that stated I was around the field house endlessly we would get a meal after games and on some random nights and we got an extra 4 years of bonding.

With my son if he continues with the sport it will be the same thing, I'll do everything to not coach his position (of course still playing catch with him and working with him at home as any father would) and if I think it is an issue at all I'll step away for a few years or coach at another level so I can watch him and cheer him on rather then coach him.

I want him to get mentored and instructed by other men I respect I think it gives a different impact then coming from his father. Also, I want him to see me as his father as his support and encouragement regardless of his performance. I don't want him to see me as his critic I am that enough with normal life stuff (clean your room, take out the trash, brush your teeth, ect. )

I'm the HS head coach...but the MS is at the HS and MS is totally integrated in our program.

My son is only nine so I have some time before I potentially have to coach my own son.

I have generally seen two types of coaches in cases where they directly coach their own son.

First is the guy that definitely plays favorites. Their sons get first access to equipment, excused for little things, given benefit of the doubt in position battles, etc. These guys are despicable and their kids suffer socially because their dad’s ego.

The second is the guy that over compensates to eliminate bias. Their kid is last in line for equipment, they get excessive consequences, and they lose out on position battles. These coaches are unfair to their own kids to avoid critism and the kid and the team can suffer from it.

I am sure there are coaches who successfully navigate the relationship, I just haven’t been part of them.

I think if a coach can’t avoid favoring or over setting expectations for his own kid then he should find a way to step aside. However, if your program has established expectations and you feel you can hold your son equally accountable to them then I think it could be a special opportunity.

If I were in your situation, I would give it a go. In order to keep things as fair as possible I would ask an assistant, one who isn’t a yes man and isn’t afraid to be awkwardly or uncomfortably honest with me, to monitor the interaction and regularly discuss his perspective as a check and balance.

I think it depends on how you and your son interact. Both my father and I had a hard time separating the game from the relationship. So, when I got to an age where he could coach me, neither of us wanted any part of it. I got to be coached by great men and he got to be my biggest fan.

From what I've seen, if the coach is a good coach and a fair guy these situations work out. If he's a slappy or a dick they don't. Of course there will be some who see favoritism where there is none but those people will find something to bitch about no matter what you do.

I would say coach what you have always coached. If you coach QB's and your son is a QB, great. If you coach OL and your son is a QB, great. You wouldn't change what you coach for another player, so why do it for this player (your son)?

I have coached with 2 guys who had players on the team (different seasons, never together). Both were good / great coaches. They were hired to coach LB's. Their sons happened to not play LB. So...they coached LB's. During 7-on-7, team, special teams, etc...they coached...LB's. They did what they were hired to do, did it well, and didn't communicate with their sons any more/less during practice than they did with any other player that did not play LB.

I would do what you were hired to do...and do it well, regardless of what position your son may or may not play.

The problem...is that perception of a studliness is objective.  We have had several threads in the recruiting where people posted a video asking "why isn't this kid getting recruited" and neutral parties are pretty straightforward in their downgrading of the players ability. 

I think a coach who overestimates his son's abilities is definitely a potential disaster. 

Yes..  Thank you for the correction.  Typing faster than thinking!   Should have had the word "not" in there. 

Must be nice to be set up at Qb like that for the next 5 years!

I understood what you were saying.  My point is that (and I have seen /read it here on this board ) that there is no guarantee that the coach thinks his kid is significantly better, and he thinks that everyone else knows his kid is better...  

I don't have kids, and have never been directly involved with coaches who have had their own on the team.

But, when I was in high school, the basketball coach had his son on the team. Kid was really really good. Parents still got angry about the coach playing his son over another kid.

Kid graduated, and ended up playing all 4 years somewhere, even got into the NCAA Tourney a year or two.

Even if they're clearly the best you have, some people will still talk.

These are all good points.

If someone is going to coach their own kid, they had better make sure that their kid is the best player on the team or, short of that, the hardest working kid on the team. There can be no question that the kid has earned whatever he gets.

About 15 years ago, I worked for a guy who coached his own kid. It went bad. He wasn't really good and didn't work very hard. Was the only freshman on the team who got to attend the varsity dinner on Thursday. Got to dress for the varsity game and often got in before older guys. During the playoffs, his dad (again, HFC) designed a defense with his kid at MLB. His kid wasn't even a defensive starter on the frosh-soph team. He started at center and really wasn't that good. Not a bad kid, but just never put in any work because he didn't have to. His dad was going to make sure that he would play.

It went on like that for three years. After his son's junior year, his dad actually put him up for all-Conference at center. From what I have heard, the other coaches basically laughed at him. His dad resigned after that season (would have been fired if he didn't) and his son didn't even play football his senior year. He knew that he wouldn't get on the field under the new HFC.

That is obviously an extreme example. But I do think that if you are going to coach your own kid, you HAVE to hold him more accountable and to a higher standard than everyone else. If you just treat him the way you treat the other kids, you are going to be accused of showing favoritism (even though you aren't).

LOL but it will be SIX years as the 8th grader plans on repeating  

Not sure if I’m answering your question correctly but I have really lucked out. My son has a GREAT mother and as a result he is toward the top of his class academically, has never been home late, and has never been in trouble at school. I try not to look at those things with rose colored glasses but it’s true. Am I saying he’s never done anything without my knowledge? Of course not. For all I know he could be Eddie Haskell and do all sorts of stuff behind our backs although I doubt it.
I’ve never had to resist the urge to get on him about Hudl. Every once in a while we get on him about his homework but that’s pretty rare since he has a 3.8 GPA. Let’s just say that it’s not hurting him that I’m not coaching him.