mdftfo
Freshmen Member
Posts: 39
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Post by mdftfo on Apr 7, 2017 10:08:59 GMT -6
How do you best balance your personal obligations with your coaching responsibilities? I have 3 pretty close friends getting married in late summer/fall and invitations to bachelor parties for all 3. Some I can potentially skip a Friday practice on a non-game week and go but some are during scheduled game days. How do you make the decision on which to prioritize in your life? Have you had any fallout from turning down weddings/bachelor parties because of football? I do have a fallback of expenses being a factor that could help cushion the blow.
If it changes your answer, I coach at the Pop Warner level. I don't have a kid and I do it purely for the love of the game. I'm attending clinics and studying up in the offseason and putting in the time to put myself in the best position to help these kids be put in the best position to succeed. They are 10-12 year olds but I still feel like I've made a commitment to coach and be there at practices/games but at the same time it's difficult saying no to good friends.
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Post by fantom on Apr 7, 2017 10:36:15 GMT -6
A bachelor party isn't a personal obligation. It's just a party.
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Post by jtimmerman53 on Apr 7, 2017 11:18:23 GMT -6
If you're going to be a coach then be a coach and put the kids first.
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Post by wolverine55 on Apr 7, 2017 11:40:55 GMT -6
I got very lucky one time in that I was in a wedding but was able to attend everything for the wedding and our game that week as both were in the same town I coached in. For me, bachelor parties aren't a decision--no way I'm missing a game for a bachelor party. Hell, I've told my brothers many times over the years that if they pick a fall weekend to get married, they need to be prepared for the possibility I won't be at the WEDDING, let alone a bachelor party.
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Post by paydirt18 on Apr 7, 2017 11:47:59 GMT -6
Put it this way, I had practice on my wedding day - so don't think I can help you. Fortunately for me I have a wife who is absolutely 100% on board. There is something to be said for a coach's wife - they are far and few between....and if you find one......don't screw it up.
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Post by wolverine55 on Apr 7, 2017 11:52:58 GMT -6
To better put myself in the OP's shoes, if I was Pop Warner/youth coach, I would make things work to be at the weddings of best friends/close family members. Bachelor parties, though? Only if I could attend without missing any of my football obligations.
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Post by realdawg on Apr 7, 2017 11:56:41 GMT -6
Bachelor parties are not obligations. Go to practice. Weddings in my opinion are ok to miss for IF you are in the wedding. However i use football as an excuse to skip any fall weddings my wife and I are invited to.
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Post by aceback76 on Apr 7, 2017 12:56:11 GMT -6
How do you best balance your personal obligations with your coaching responsibilities? I have 3 pretty close friends getting married in late summer/fall and invitations to bachelor parties for all 3. Some I can potentially skip a Friday practice on a non-game week and go but some are during scheduled game days. How do you make the decision on which to prioritize in your life? Have you had any fallout from turning down weddings/bachelor parties because of football? I do have a fallback of expenses being a factor that could help cushion the blow. If it changes your answer, I coach at the Pop Warner level. I don't have a kid and I do it purely for the love of the game. I'm attending clinics and studying up in the offseason and putting in the time to put myself in the best position to help these kids be put in the best position to succeed. They are 10-12 year olds but I still feel like I've made a commitment to coach and be there at practices/games but at the same time it's difficult saying no to good friends. If you are "believer" = it is God than Family then Football. If you are a "non-believer" = it is Family then Football. REMEMBER this when you think about YOUR "personal obligations", the PLAYERS have them too, & we make a lot of demands on the PLAYERS' time!!!
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Post by carookie on Apr 7, 2017 13:11:48 GMT -6
Each situation is unique, and only you can judge whats more important. I was varsity DC and missed a mid season game against a mediocre team to travel to my brother's wedding (I was in the wedding party too). I had no issues making that decision, and everyone on staff supported it. I did my work during the week but was not there for the game or the subsequent film session.
Couple years ago I missed a buddies wedding to coach in the state championship game, long time friend of mine from HS and college but as I've grown into adulthood someone I only would see two or three times a year as he lived a few hours away. I was bummed I had to miss (and I was not in the wedding party) but it was the right call and he understood.
In your case I probably would be willing to miss a game for a close friends wedding but not a bachelor party.
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Post by wolfden12 on Apr 7, 2017 14:20:44 GMT -6
I agree with above. As you get older you see things differently. My brother got married a couple years ago in the summer on Friday and had a rehearsal dinner on Thursday (he knows we are off on Friday's for football). I told him and my family I have practice in the morning and will get there as soon as I can. The bride and my family through a big fit. I said I am coming and not missing the wedding. I said if its that big of a problem I won't come at all because you pinched pennies, are getting married on Friday and are 4.5 hours away from where we live (he and I live in the same city). I don't care and will attempt to make it work, but when you know my schedule ahead of time and know my commitment you better understand that before you ask me to be involved family or not.
My new one is that my wife and I are expecting our first child this fall (week 1). Her planning not mine lol. I told her can we schedule to have the child Thursday or Saturday (play on Friday's). She knows what's important, I don't. Coach already expecting me not to be there (feel like I am letting the team down). My wife said she will make it happen. I know my priorities are not in the right place, but this is how I am wound. I think I am not normal (wife agrees or is smart and tells me what I want to hear). I know what the right choice is but...
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Post by wolfden12 on Apr 7, 2017 14:21:14 GMT -6
In other words, I don't do a very good job.
Football is first
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Post by fantom on Apr 7, 2017 14:25:31 GMT -6
When did bachelor parties become such a big deal?
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Post by wolfden12 on Apr 7, 2017 14:28:24 GMT -6
When did bachelor parties become such a big deal? I agree 100%!
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Post by mholst40 on Apr 7, 2017 14:52:05 GMT -6
Whatever you expect from your players better be what you expect from yourself and the rest of your coaching staff.
I would never miss a game day for any event (except the birth of a child). Hell, I was lucky enough that my wife had our first child on a Wednesday this year. I missed Wednesday practice, but already had developed a contingency plan. We stayed in the hospital all day Thursday and I drove 45 minutes back to practice before coming back to the hospital. On Friday, we were released from the hospital at about 3:00. We drove back home 45 minutes and then I packed up and drove back 45 minutes to where our hospital was because we happened to play a game in the same city that night. Our coaches handled pre-game meetings and loading the bus and I got there in time for pre-game.
And I should probably add that my wife is the best.
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Post by tothehouse on Apr 7, 2017 15:03:20 GMT -6
My brother got married on a Saturday in October.
We happened to be playing our arch rival the night before. I was the groom. What does the groom have to do for weddings? Go to the dinner the night before...right?
{censored}! I told him I wasn't going. And I didn't. My wife filled in for me as the "groom" that night.
We kicked our arch rivals ass. I was at the wedding the next day.
I heard grumblings later that my brothers wife was pissed that I wasn't at the rehearsal dinner. I could give 2 shits about what she thought. I had 50 players that looked up to me in a major time of need. I was with them.
In general...go with your gut. It's probably right. And if someone is pissed off at you...they'll get over it.
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Post by brophy on Apr 7, 2017 15:15:34 GMT -6
bachelor parties......I can potentially skip a Friday practice on a non-game week and go but some are during scheduled game days.
this is going to be an epic thread. I'm curious how, after typing it out, you still didn't come to the realization of what you expressed I coach at the Pop Warner level. kids...you don't think coaching matters until Varsity, or something? Having coaches available is exactly what this age level needs I'm attending clinics and studying up in the offseason and putting in the time to.... help these kids who cares about ANY of that if you still feel like blowing practices is acceptable? The time you put in with the kids is MORE important than game day, itself I still feel like I've made a commitment to coach and be there at practices/games but at the same time it's difficult saying no to good friends. I don't think you're understanding the meaning of that word
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Post by blb on Apr 7, 2017 15:51:37 GMT -6
You're not in the wedding party for any of the three?
Easy decision.
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mdftfo
Freshmen Member
Posts: 39
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Post by mdftfo on Apr 7, 2017 16:03:38 GMT -6
Thanks everyone for your input!
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Post by hsrose on Apr 7, 2017 18:53:35 GMT -6
My wife once told me about a hard lesson that she learned at work. She learned it's not a matter of I don't have the time to spend time with you, it's that you are not a priority in my life. You will spend your time in order of your priorities. If someone/something is a priority, you will make the time. If it is not a priority, you won't have the time. What's your priority?
An easy way to test this is to flip a coin. Head you do X, tails you don't do X. Flip the coin and while it's in the air your gut will tell you what your priority is.
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Post by agap on Apr 8, 2017 0:16:20 GMT -6
I've skipped most of the bachelor parties I've been invited to. The only one I've attended was my brother's and that was in the middle of winter. The rest were in late summer and I skipped them to get ready for the football season. I'm still friends with all of the them. They don't even remember I skipped their party anymore. That's how important it was to them.
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Post by larrymoe on Apr 8, 2017 9:31:37 GMT -6
When did bachelor parties become such a big deal? When they made the Hangover and this generation convinced themselves that every bachelor party ever had to be equally "epic". I mean, the generation of kids getting married now are also responsible for promposals.
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Post by coachfloyd on Apr 8, 2017 9:37:15 GMT -6
I wouldn't go to a bachelor party on a Friday in February.
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Post by wolverine55 on Apr 8, 2017 9:58:57 GMT -6
When did bachelor parties become such a big deal? When they made the Hangover and this generation convinced themselves that every bachelor party ever had to be equally "epic". I mean, the generation of kids getting married now are also responsible for promposals. I won't go make my full rant here so as to not totally derail the thread, but I absolutely do not understand the "promposal" thing at all. The fact that she's your girlfriend means she's going to prom with you...or at least it should...And, sadly, it's starting to bleed over into Homecoming, at least it is at my school.
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Post by larrymoe on Apr 8, 2017 10:22:21 GMT -6
When they made the Hangover and this generation convinced themselves that every bachelor party ever had to be equally "epic". I mean, the generation of kids getting married now are also responsible for promposals. I won't go make my full rant here so as to not totally derail the thread, but I absolutely do not understand the "promposal" thing at all. The fact that she's your girlfriend means she's going to prom with you...or at least it should...And, sadly, it's starting to bleed over into Homecoming, at least it is at my school. All driven by social media.
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Post by fantom on Apr 8, 2017 10:48:22 GMT -6
When they made the Hangover and this generation convinced themselves that every bachelor party ever had to be equally "epic". I mean, the generation of kids getting married now are also responsible for promposals. I won't go make my full rant here so as to not totally derail the thread, but I absolutely do not understand the "promposal" thing at all. The fact that she's your girlfriend means she's going to prom with you...or at least it should...And, sadly, it's starting to bleed over into Homecoming, at least it is at my school. My son's best friend is having a bachelor party in Atlantic City. He has to go and it'll cost him a lot of money. His wife is also going to a bachelerotte party. This aggression cannot stand, man.
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Post by fkaboneyard on Apr 8, 2017 11:15:42 GMT -6
^^^^ Excellent Lebowski reference.
+1 on the promposal things. My son said to his girlfriend, "We're going to the prom together, right?" She gave him the old, "Really? That's how you're going to ask me?" He said, "Nevermind, I'll just go hog hunting that weekend." Proud dad moment.
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Post by badtotheflexbone on Apr 8, 2017 12:08:04 GMT -6
On an unrelated note, Where can I find more coaches like you guys to coach with!?!? The commitment here can be questionable a lot of times!
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Post by **** on Apr 8, 2017 14:02:51 GMT -6
How do you best balance your personal obligations with your coaching responsibilities? I have 3 pretty close friends getting married in late summer/fall and invitations to bachelor parties for all 3. Some I can potentially skip a Friday practice on a non-game week and go but some are during scheduled game days. How do you make the decision on which to prioritize in your life? Have you had any fallout from turning down weddings/bachelor parties because of football? I do have a fallback of expenses being a factor that could help cushion the blow. If it changes your answer, I coach at the Pop Warner level. I don't have a kid and I do it purely for the love of the game. I'm attending clinics and studying up in the offseason and putting in the time to put myself in the best position to help these kids be put in the best position to succeed. They are 10-12 year olds but I still feel like I've made a commitment to coach and be there at practices/games but at the same time it's difficult saying no to good friends. Here is how I balance it.... I don't go to bachelor parities / weddings / anything that is a waste of time in the fall. If we're talking Pop Warner / little league then I doubt anybody will care.
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Post by coachd5085 on Apr 8, 2017 15:02:35 GMT -6
My brother got married on a Saturday in October. We happened to be playing our arch rival the night before. I was the groom. What does the groom have to do for weddings? Go to the dinner the night before...right? {censored}! I told him I wasn't going. And I didn't. My wife filled in for me as the "groom" that night. We kicked our arch rivals ass. I was at the wedding the next day. I heard grumblings later that my brothers wife was pissed that I wasn't at the rehearsal dinner. I could give 2 shits about what she thought. I had 50 players that looked up to me in a major time of need. I was with them. In general...go with your gut. It's probably right. And if someone is pissed off at you...they'll get over it. Uh... is nobody going to point out the obvious mistake in this post....LOL.
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Post by julien on Apr 8, 2017 15:08:28 GMT -6
A bachelor party isn't a personal obligation. It's just a party. To me only Family obligation can make me skip a practice. Close family. And it comes from someone who stop coaching after the birth of my child.
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