|
Post by julien on Apr 8, 2017 15:08:56 GMT -6
A bachelor party isn't a personal obligation. It's just a party. To me only Family obligation can make me skip a practice. Close family. And it comes from someone who stop coaching after the birth of my child.
|
|
|
Post by coachd5085 on Apr 8, 2017 15:15:44 GMT -6
brophy (who specifically brought up the Pop Warner point) and others who have commented here, I do find it somewhat interesting that when youth football is brought up on this site, a large portion of the Varsity level coaches start chanting the mantra "main goal is development. Winning not that important. Developing players for Varsity is should be the goal" but in this instance there seems to be a different view of its immediate importance. Just an observation.
|
|
|
Post by blb on Apr 8, 2017 15:21:37 GMT -6
My brother got married on a Saturday in October. We happened to be playing our arch rival the night before. I was the groom. What does the groom have to do for weddings? Go to the dinner the night before...right? {censored}! I told him I wasn't going. And I didn't. My wife filled in for me as the "groom" that night. Uh... is nobody going to point out the obvious mistake in this post....LOL.
Maybe it wasn't a mistake, and tothehouse's family has some unusual traditions...
|
|
|
Post by 44dlcoach on Apr 8, 2017 15:54:21 GMT -6
brophy (who specifically brought up the Pop Warner point) and others who have commented here, I do find it somewhat interesting that when youth football is brought up on this site, a large portion of the Varsity level coaches start chanting the mantra "main goal is development. Winning not that important. Developing players for Varsity is should be the goal" but in this instance there seems to be a different view of its immediate importance. Just an observation. I understand your point but don't necessarily think it's a perfect comparison. Or at least I feel that one can view player development as the main priority of youth football over winning AND still feel that a coach should be at practices and games if he's going to sign up to coach.
|
|
|
Post by jg78 on Apr 8, 2017 17:09:39 GMT -6
Unless one of my parents (I'm personally single with no kids) is in the hospital in a life or death situation, I'm not missing a game - or a practice. I'm sure as hell not missing for anyone's wedding. And anyone I know who would schedule a wedding for a fall weekend when there are another nine months worth of weekends in a year to have a wedding obviously wasn't thinking about me when they scheduled it. So if it's really important to them for me to be there, they should think it through and find another time of year.
|
|
|
Post by larrymoe on Apr 8, 2017 17:55:59 GMT -6
I missed my sisters rehearsal because she scheduled it for the night of our pre season scrimmage in my first year as HC here. Her and my mom are STILL pissed I skipped it. I was an usher. Somehow I was able to walk people to their seats without practicing it. It was amazing how I did it.
Oh well, she still thinks football is stupid. She was a "bandie". Whatever, she's a bitch and can get over it. If not, {censored} her. It was 7 years ago.
|
|
|
Post by 44dlcoach on Apr 8, 2017 17:58:26 GMT -6
I got married the day of our scrimmage. Scrimmage was in the morning, wedding was in the afternoon, there were no problems. I will say, it's a PITA for me to explain to my wife every year that the Saturday of our anniversary we will be going to our kickoff fundraiser!
|
|
|
Post by wolverine55 on Apr 8, 2017 18:24:17 GMT -6
I need to ask my dad for the particulars. He and my mom got married at an early age, because I was "on the way" and he was involved in a collegiate summer baseball league at the time. But, if what I was told is correct, my dad played catcher for a double header, got married to my mom when it was over, and then was somewhat given a day off as was the designated hitter in the next day's games. Again, I'll have to ask if that's totally correct, though!
|
|
|
Post by CS on Apr 8, 2017 19:23:57 GMT -6
How do you best balance your personal obligations with your coaching responsibilities? I have 3 pretty close friends getting married in late summer/fall and invitations to bachelor parties for all 3. Some I can potentially skip a Friday practice on a non-game week and go but some are during scheduled game days. How do you make the decision on which to prioritize in your life? Have you had any fallout from turning down weddings/bachelor parties because of football? I do have a fallback of expenses being a factor that could help cushion the blow. If it changes your answer, I coach at the Pop Warner level. I don't have a kid and I do it purely for the love of the game. I'm attending clinics and studying up in the offseason and putting in the time to put myself in the best position to help these kids be put in the best position to succeed. They are 10-12 year olds but I still feel like I've made a commitment to coach and be there at practices/games but at the same time it's difficult saying no to good friends. Lmao! Is this a phuckin joke? I was IN a wedding and skipped the bachelor party because I didn't feel like driving to it. Coach your team
|
|
|
Post by coachd5085 on Apr 8, 2017 20:14:33 GMT -6
How do you best balance your personal obligations with your coaching responsibilities? I have 3 pretty close friends getting married in late summer/fall and invitations to bachelor parties for all 3. Some I can potentially skip a Friday practice on a non-game week and go but some are during scheduled game days. How do you make the decision on which to prioritize in your life? Have you had any fallout from turning down weddings/bachelor parties because of football? I do have a fallback of expenses being a factor that could help cushion the blow. If it changes your answer, I coach at the Pop Warner level. I don't have a kid and I do it purely for the love of the game. I'm attending clinics and studying up in the offseason and putting in the time to put myself in the best position to help these kids be put in the best position to succeed. They are 10-12 year olds but I still feel like I've made a commitment to coach and be there at practices/games but at the same time it's difficult saying no to good friends. Lmao! Is this a phuckin joke? I was IN a wedding and skipped the bachelor party because I didn't feel like driving to it. Coach your team I think this thread kind is a bit more complicated in that the underlying question about missing practices/games for important personal events (or more accurately, events that are important to people in your life) doesn't necessary go with the example given which is a bachelor party. mdftfo I think the consensus on this board would be that a bachelor party doesn't warrant missing practices or games. However, I do disagree with some of the more hardline comments here though. jg78 just something to think about : while such events really aren't important to YOU, they may be very important to others, and the "f you, you should have been thinking about ME when you scheduled this" seems a bit drama queenish. I am betting over the course of your career, you will end up coaching in a few hundred of games, and won't remember all of the games nor the hundreds of players on those teams, but you will remember the person who asked you to be in a wedding.
|
|
|
Post by tothehouse on Apr 8, 2017 23:23:04 GMT -6
LOL - I don't think I was drinking when I posted that. "Best Man". Or whatever you call it. I probably should have skipped the wedding as well. Thanks for cleaning that up for me.
|
|
|
Post by CS on Apr 9, 2017 4:46:39 GMT -6
Lmao! Is this a phuckin joke? I was IN a wedding and skipped the bachelor party because I didn't feel like driving to it. Coach your team I think this thread kind is a bit more complicated in that the underlying question about missing practices/games for important personal events (or more accurately, events that are important to people in your life) doesn't necessary go with the example given which is a bachelor party. mdftfo I think the consensus on this board would be that a bachelor party doesn't warrant missing practices or games. However, I do disagree with some of the more hardline comments here though. jg78 just something to think about : while such events really aren't important to YOU, they may be very important to others, and the "f you, you should have been thinking about ME when you scheduled this" seems a bit drama queenish. I am betting over the course of your career, you will end up coaching in a few hundred of games, and won't remember all of the games nor the hundreds of players on those teams, but you will remembeclose, person who asked you to be in a wedding. Noted. I do think anyone with any kind of sense can determine what an "important" personal event is and an "unimportant" one is. Weddings of close family members and friends vs getting drunk with the bros and seeing some titties is kind of night and day IMO. I have missed a wedding of a couple of my friends for football. I wasn't in them and we weren't real close, however, had it been my best friends wedding I would have missed.
|
|
|
Post by Defcord on Apr 9, 2017 5:41:45 GMT -6
I hate weddings and one of coaching's best surprise rewards is an excuse to miss the darn things. My wife's sister got married when I was still coaching college and her husband to be asked me to be in it and I declined. I think there is some what of a two way street on the wedding issue. If those people care about you enough to ask you to be in the wedding usually they care enough about you to change the date or understand your reason for declining without getting upset.
I missed practice the other day because my son woke up with a 102 temp and my wife had something she couldn't get out of at work. I would have misssed a game too. Even if it was the most important game of the season. It would have been terrible but I am not risking my son's health or my wife's job for a sport. We moved to Florida three years ago before that we had grandmas that would have helped and I would have been at practice or game.
The above situation is a no brainer to me. Since I have moved to Florida I will get put in marginal spots from time to time. Living on the beach and hour from Orlando, when friends and family are in the area on vacation will say he let's get together. I will tell them I have to do it around practice or games. Some of them ask me why I can't just miss for a day. I tell them I owe it to the kids and the team. most understand but some don't.
There's definitely got to be a balance between family, close friends and football. It's almost like rock, paper, scissors no element beats all of the others. But I think as an individual you know what is more important to you when conflicting obligations arise.
|
|
|
Post by jg78 on Apr 9, 2017 7:51:17 GMT -6
Lmao! Is this a phuckin joke? I was IN a wedding and skipped the bachelor party because I didn't feel like driving to it. Coach your team I think this thread kind is a bit more complicated in that the underlying question about missing practices/games for important personal events (or more accurately, events that are important to people in your life) doesn't necessary go with the example given which is a bachelor party. mdftfo I think the consensus on this board would be that a bachelor party doesn't warrant missing practices or games. However, I do disagree with some of the more hardline comments here though. jg78 just something to think about : while such events really aren't important to YOU, they may be very important to others, and the "f you, you should have been thinking about ME when you scheduled this" seems a bit drama queenish. I am betting over the course of your career, you will end up coaching in a few hundred of games, and won't remember all of the games nor the hundreds of players on those teams, but you will remember the person who asked you to be in a wedding. It's not "drama queenish," just a fact. I can't go to a wedding in the fall because of football. And I think anyone who plans a wedding should take a little time to at least consider the schedules of the key people they want to attend before setting a date. If it can't be worked out for everyone, that's fine. But the schedules of the key people should be given some consideration and anyone who knows me well enough to put me in their wedding is going to know that fall is a conflict right from the start without even asking. Besides, something like that is unlikely to happen. I live in Alabama. People here generally know better than to schedule weddings on fall weekends b/c of high school and college football. Schedule a wedding during the Iron Bowl and the attendance will be significantly less than it would be three weeks later. Everyone knows this. And that's just people who do nothing but show up on game day and cheer for players they don't even know. It's not their livelihood at stake like it is for me.
|
|
|
Post by spos21ram on Apr 9, 2017 7:59:37 GMT -6
We are talking about youth here. Unless he's the HC, i don't see a problem with him missing 1 or 2 practices for a bachelor party or wedding. If I was the OP's HC i wouldnt have a problem with him missing a game for a family member or close friend's wedding.
If we are talking high school then no way. I wouldn't miss practice or a game for almost anything and don't expect any other colleague to.
|
|
|
Post by blb on Apr 9, 2017 8:02:17 GMT -6
Are bachelor's parties typically held at the same times as youth practices or games?
Or is OP's issue here travel (unstated)?
|
|
|
Post by **** on Apr 9, 2017 9:05:38 GMT -6
Are bachelor's parties typically held at the same times as youth practices or games?
Or is OP's issue here travel (unstated)? You can't drink all day unless you start in the morning
|
|
|
Post by spos21ram on Apr 9, 2017 9:07:38 GMT -6
Are bachelor's parties typically held at the same times as youth practices or games?
Or is OP's issue here travel (unstated)? That's a good point. Some bachelor parties are all day events, but if I was an important coach, I would join my friends later in the after noon/ early night after the game or practice.
|
|
|
Post by fantom on Apr 9, 2017 9:09:02 GMT -6
Are bachelor's parties typically held at the same times as youth practices or games?
Or is OP's issue here travel (unstated)? That's a good point. Some bachelor parties are all day events, but if I was an important coach, I would join my friends later in the after noon/ early night after the game or practice. When you show up sober after everybody's drunk it can be pretty entertaining.
|
|
|
Post by coachd5085 on Apr 9, 2017 9:14:33 GMT -6
It's not "drama queenish," just a fact. I can't go to a wedding in the fall because of football. And I think anyone who plans a wedding should take a little time to at least consider the schedules of the key people they want to attend before setting a date. If it can't be worked out for everyone, that's fine. But the schedules of the key people should be given some consideration and anyone who knows me well enough to put me in their wedding is going to know that fall is a conflict right from the start without even asking. Besides, something like that is unlikely to happen. I live in Alabama. People here generally know better than to schedule weddings on fall weekends b/c of high school and college football. Schedule a wedding during the Iron Bowl and the attendance will be significantly less than it would be three weeks later. Everyone knows this. And that's just people who do nothing but show up on game day and cheer for players they don't even know. It's not their livelihood at stake like it is for me. You deciding your own priorities is not being a drama queen. I agree. I disagree with your assertion that you thinking that other people should schedule their own personally important life changing events around the say 330 weekends you will block out in your career (11 weekends a season, 30 season career) so that you can grace them with your attendance is not somewhat of a drama queen mentality. Coach, it simply screams "My priorities and time is more important than yours" I recognize that this is the culture (I am only two states west of you, so it is very similar) but being the culture doesn't make it less drama queenish.
|
|
|
Post by fantom on Apr 9, 2017 9:41:34 GMT -6
Lmao! Is this a phuckin joke? I was IN a wedding and skipped the bachelor party because I didn't feel like driving to it. Coach your team I think this thread kind is a bit more complicated in that the underlying question about missing practices/games for important personal events (or more accurately, events that are important to people in your life) doesn't necessary go with the example given which is a bachelor party. mdftfo I think the consensus on this board would be that a bachelor party doesn't warrant missing practices or games. However, I do disagree with some of the more hardline comments here though. jg78 just something to think about : while such events really aren't important to YOU, they may be very important to others, and the "f you, you should have been thinking about ME when you scheduled this" seems a bit drama queenish. I am betting over the course of your career, you will end up coaching in a few hundred of games, and won't remember all of the games nor the hundreds of players on those teams, but you will remember the person who asked you to be in a wedding. There are very few people for whose wedding I'd miss a game or even a practice. One of them is my son, though, and a few years ago I was prepared to do it. I didn't have to because the game, originally scheduled for a Saturday, was moved to Friday. There was never a question of missing the wedding and when I told the HC about it he never hesitated for a second in okaying it. I doubt that I would have missed a game for anybody else's wedding (and there wouldn't have been a moment's thought about a bachelor party) but I only have one son.
|
|
|
Post by bluboy on Apr 9, 2017 10:13:59 GMT -6
I know the solar system does not revolve around me and my schedule. I have no problem with people scheduling "events" around their schedule. What does put a knot in my shorts is when I tell these people, as soon as the event is scheduled, that I will not be able to attend or that I will be there late because I have a game or practice. I have had friends and relatives tell me to "get a sub" or simply to miss because it's only high school football. My response is "What message am I sending our players? What about my commitment to the team?" The sad part is that these "outsiders" just don't get it, and never will. When my kids were little, my wife attended so many family birthdays, weddings, bar mitzvahs, etc that people thought she was a single parent. It got to the point where my kids would tell everyone (whether they wanted to know or not) that I had a game. I think I did a good job demonstrating the meaning of commitment because both of them are the same with their jobs.
|
|
|
Post by jg78 on Apr 9, 2017 13:58:55 GMT -6
I can't change my football schedule, but an engaged couple can have a wedding whenever. Most people are engaged for many months, even a year or more. If my best friend were getting married and really wanted me there, I don't think it's asking too much to avoid Friday wedding dates in September-November. If they can't do that, I will understand. But I won't be there.
The key point here is that I have no flexibility with football. The games are played on certain dates and that's that. An engaged couple, however, can be more flexible to accomodate key people for the wedding. I have never had any involvement in wedding planning, but if I did I think it would be a good idea to reach out to likely bridesmaids and groomsmen and try to work around any obvious conflicts before setting a date. With texting, social media, etc., this would be easy to do.
I'm actually quite the opposite. I am highly considerate of other people's time and tend to expect the same from others. If it were my wedding, I would be willing to work around obvious conflicts with important family and friends. Setting a random date and then trying to fit everyone into it afterwards and being upset if someone can't make it because they made other plans beforehand... maybe that's "drama queenish"? I mean, if I were thinking about getting married in May but my three best friends had plans to go backpacking together in Europe that month, I think I would ask about April or June instead of keeping it May and thinking my friends were selfish for not cancelling their trip to attend my wedding that I could have any time I want.
|
|
mdftfo
Freshmen Member
Posts: 39
|
Post by mdftfo on Apr 9, 2017 15:29:24 GMT -6
Are bachelor's parties typically held at the same times as youth practices or games?
Or is OP's issue here travel (unstated)? Travel is the problem. Local events I'd show up after practice/games no question. The bachelor party that prompted this threat is planned for Mexico. I've already turned it down, for both football and financial reasons though it was much much easier to pin it on finances. One of the other bachelor parties I've been invited to is during Labor day weekend so I can travel after our game. I have many friends that are not quite as obsessed with football as I am or as a lot of this board is so they are not quite as understanding when I decline things for football reasons. I get a lot of "they're just 10 years old" which I usually choose to ignore rather than try to explain my side of things. While I would love to have everyone work their schedules around mine/football season, I've learned that my presence is not as important as I used to think it was. I'm an assistant/position coach, not a coordinator and as mentioned, I coach youth football. I've missed practices for work before and turns out the kids don't even notice/care I'm not there. If there are other people able to shoulder the responsibilities, I don't feel AS bad when I have to miss. It still kills me when I do, but at least I know they're in good hands with the rest of the staff in the unfortunate events I do have to miss.
|
|
|
Post by coachd5085 on Apr 9, 2017 19:51:04 GMT -6
... but an engaged couple can have a wedding whenever. It really isn't always that simple.
|
|
|
Post by ksmitty79 on Apr 9, 2017 20:03:58 GMT -6
Left after a game Friday night on an 12 road trip. Slept a couple of hours at a rest stop, printed off scout sheets at some hick town public library in Alabama and finished my drive. I was the Best man in my college roommates wedding ate with the bridal party, took a couple pictures and made the 12 hour road trip back. Made it back for church Sunday morning. You do what is important to you! Being in my roommates wedding was just as important tas coaching in that football game. I found a way! The reality of it is nobody outside your close family knows the time that is required to be successful.
|
|
|
Post by jg78 on Apr 9, 2017 20:49:19 GMT -6
... but an engaged couple can have a wedding whenever. It really isn't always that simple. All I'm saying is if you have close family and friends that you really, really want come to your wedding and would be crushed if they couldn't attend it would be a good idea to run a few dates by them first before breaking out the chisel. It still may not work out for everyone to attend, but you might can avoid a conflict somewhere by taking a few minutes to ask beforehand. Just my opinion.
|
|
CoachSP
Sophomore Member
Posts: 212
|
Post by CoachSP on Apr 10, 2017 11:15:48 GMT -6
I think this thread kind is a bit more complicated in that the underlying question about missing practices/games for important personal events (or more accurately, events that are important to people in your life) doesn't necessary go with the example given which is a bachelor party. mdftfo I think the consensus on this board would be that a bachelor party doesn't warrant missing practices or games. However, I do disagree with some of the more hardline comments here though. jg78 just something to think about : while such events really aren't important to YOU, they may be very important to others, and the "f you, you should have been thinking about ME when you scheduled this" seems a bit drama queenish. I am betting over the course of your career, you will end up coaching in a few hundred of games, and won't remember all of the games nor the hundreds of players on those teams, but you will remember the person who asked you to be in a wedding. It's not "drama queenish," just a fact. I can't go to a wedding in the fall because of football. And I think anyone who plans a wedding should take a little time to at least consider the schedules of the key people they want to attend before setting a date. If it can't be worked out for everyone, that's fine. But the schedules of the key people should be given some consideration and anyone who knows me well enough to put me in their wedding is going to know that fall is a conflict right from the start without even asking. Besides, something like that is unlikely to happen. I live in Alabama. People here generally know better than to schedule weddings on fall weekends b/c of high school and college football. Schedule a wedding during the Iron Bowl and the attendance will be significantly less than it would be three weeks later. Everyone knows this. And that's just people who do nothing but show up on game day and cheer for players they don't even know. It's not their livelihood at stake like it is for me. Communicate. In Louisiana, the culture is similar to that which you describe. I am currently in this situation. One of my best friends is getting married on the Friday of week 10. He wanted me to be a groomsman and asked me if that was a conflict, I said yes, he tried to make it work. However, it was ultimately the decision of his future wife and him. We talked, he understood, I understood. Still best friends. With regards to a bachelor party or any event, if you can make it work without skipping any significant time, then why not go? Our coach lets us have off a few days in summer, so my friend offered to schedule the bachelor party during those days. I only miss one workout, and the HC is fine with it. My point is: Communicate.
|
|
|
Post by Wingtman on Apr 10, 2017 11:47:42 GMT -6
Our former head coach told the kids, Hey, I'm not going to be at practice tomorrow, Coach J is in charge, I'm going to a concert. That's about 5 minutes before he lost control of the team for the season.
My brother in law is getting married July 1st, we have team camp that week at night. I asked Zach if he cared if I missed the rehearsal dinner, he didn't care. My wife (his sister), ultimate football wife, was a little upset, but got on board with camp. It's a fricken dinner.
As far as a party? Unless you can promise me I'm gonna win a ton of money playing blackjack at the mandatory casino stop? Not interested, even then, not interested (I'm 35, I'm too old to stay out all night drinking, and strip club? If I want to give money to a woman I can't have sex with, I'll just go home).
2 of my groomsmen missed my party. One was at a speech tournament as sponsor. Ok, it happens. No big deal. Those guys may give you some crap, but its not gonna matter. Go to practice.
|
|
|
Post by holmesbend on Apr 10, 2017 12:30:11 GMT -6
When did bachelor parties become such a big deal? When they made the Hangover and this generation convinced themselves that every bachelor party ever had to be equally "epic". I mean, the generation of kids getting married now are also responsible for promposals. ....unless you were part of a Vegas bachelor party for three nights and 4 days BEFORE "The Hangover" came out. lol Nobody died. Or got married. Success. We were and/or still are coaches (well most of us were then), so we went during our two week dead period here in KY.
|
|