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Post by coachphillip on May 5, 2014 8:26:17 GMT -6
Coachspeakus arrogantous: The guy who is always "on" no matter where you see him it's all coach speak all the time. He's got all the latest and best coach speak out there and isn't afraid to use it... "So when we get a double dog blood stinger look over the emlos that te has to make a momo call to the tackle and then the tackle is gonna triple piviot double under to get vertical and horizontal movement while the te use a tunnel technique bucket release hitting it thick then the fb is gonna rip dip under triple lindie on the new emlos" "So the te blocks out, the tackle doubles with the guard and the fb kicks out the guy over the te?" "Yes just like Nick does at 'Bama, you know Nick....Saban..." And if you think the coaches have no idea what he is saying it's always great to see how the kids have no idea on the field. I love these guys at clinics. As soon as someone starts laying in thick into the coachspeak crap I usually walk out of the room. Went to a clinic with some young buck from an Ivy League school. He kept saying "seek and deploy". Finally, I asked him what the heck he was talking about. "Oh, finding the strength and lining up." Old coach next to me said "Thank god you asked. I thought we were in tactical combat training."
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Post by larrymoe on May 5, 2014 9:55:12 GMT -6
I love these guys at clinics. As soon as someone starts laying in thick into the coachspeak crap I usually walk out of the room. Went to a clinic with some young buck from an Ivy League school. He kept saying "seek and deploy". Finally, I asked him what the heck he was talking about. "Oh, finding the strength and lining up." Old coach next to me said "Thank god you asked. I thought we were in tactical combat training." My favorite case of this was a DC talking about "banjoing" their DEs depending on the strength call. I must lack the gene that thinks making this crap up is a good idea.
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Post by 5straight on May 5, 2014 13:39:26 GMT -6
This post is great !! How about the Youth Coach Guy
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Post by larrymoe on May 6, 2014 6:51:07 GMT -6
This post is great !! How about the Youth Coach Guy You mean the JFL Lombardicus? The guy who thinks that he's instilling life long lessons into 3rd and 4th graders through the power of football? He consistently spouts out statistics from a kid's 5th grade season when trying to explain why the HS coach "doesn't know what he's doing". "Hell, that kid had 1,000 yards for me in Middleweights. We went undefeated that year and beat this team we're playing by 50. That HS coach just doesn't know how to use the talent I've been sending him. If I were there..." The guy who deeply researches the best lifting methods for those same 5th graders despite 90% of them still being 2 years away from puberty. The guy who routinely quotes Saban to a bunch of kids who don't even know Alabama is a state yet? I've had some experiences with that guy.
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Post by coachklee on May 6, 2014 9:52:54 GMT -6
I think unfortunately we all have some "score" in multiple categories...I know I have elements of "circleus perfectimus" & "ultimatus leaderus". Great stuff fshamrock. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Post by coachtaps on May 6, 2014 10:43:45 GMT -6
What about the rookie coach? Two types the one who is eager to learn and the one who thinks they know it all! The eager to learn won't miss a meeting and will ask questions to be on the same page. The one who thinks they know it all will pick and choose meetings and never ask questions, hell he will tell the HC and OC how to do things!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2014 12:25:05 GMT -6
Freefoodicus and drinkius:
This is the coach that does not cook or buy one meal the entire football season because they mooch off of every team dinner, fundraiser, pre-game dinner, gameday breakfast and take leftovers away from each of these, even off of other people plates.
You can determine this species by seeing if they go to concession stands after games and try and to get free leftovers when the boosters are cleaning up after the stadium lights have been turned off...
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Post by mahonz on May 6, 2014 13:34:36 GMT -6
This post is great !! How about the Youth Coach Guy You mean the JFL Lombardicus? The guy who thinks that he's instilling life long lessons into 3rd and 4th graders through the power of football? He consistently spouts out statistics from a kid's 5th grade season when trying to explain why the HS coach "doesn't know what he's doing". "Hell, that kid had 1,000 yards for me in Middleweights. We went undefeated that year and beat this team we're playing by 50. That HS coach just doesn't know how to use the talent I've been sending him. If I were there..." The guy who deeply researches the best lifting methods for those same 5th graders despite 90% of them still being 2 years away from puberty. The guy who routinely quotes Saban to a bunch of kids who don't even know Alabama is a state yet? I've had some experiences with that guy. LOL Guilty as charged ! Dont forget the polar opposite of JFL Lombardicus... Doofus Magooicus He is the guy that is handed a whistle and a clipboard a week before pre season then makes ZERO effort to do an Internet Search or even check out a book at the Library that references anything Football. He scratches his chin a lot in wunderment as the Peanut Gallery behind him ties his noose. I have plenty of experience with these guys.
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Post by larrymoe on May 6, 2014 13:50:21 GMT -6
LOL Guilty as charged ! Dont forget the polar opposite of JFL Lombardicus... Doofus Magooicus He is the guy that is handed a whistle and a clipboard a week before pre season then makes ZERO effort to do an Internet Search or even check out a book at the Library that references anything Football. He scratches his chin a lot in wunderment as the Peanut Gallery behind him ties his noose. I have plenty of experience with these guys. JFL Lombardicus is also not to be confused with JFL Louthmoudicus. JFL Louthmoudicus- His main answer for everything is to yell loudly such inspirational slogans such as "Hit Somebody! Git Him! You gotta block somebody!" or the infamous "FIRE UP OUT THERE!!!" This guy knows absolutely nothing about the game of football other than what he learned from his HC 30 years ago. His answer to every question is either to yell one of the above quotations or to call you a {censored}. One of his main jobs is "toughening up these {censored}!"
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Post by 10dencyofdeception on May 15, 2014 23:22:39 GMT -6
Brewdrinkus Fooseballgenius
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Post by billyclydepuckett on May 16, 2014 10:22:32 GMT -6
Brilliant!!!!!
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Post by billyclydepuckett on May 16, 2014 10:26:19 GMT -6
"Familius Firstus"
This guy is always looking for ways not to be at the Field House when supposed to be there. Anytime his kids are even thinking about trying out for the glee club he cheerfully annouces that he must be there because "family comes first". The only thing that makes him happier than not being at work is when someone elses kid has to go to the hospital because that makes it okay for him to miss work too next time his family comes first.
He is also the first to whine when he gets passed over for advancement.
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Post by morris on May 17, 2014 11:29:40 GMT -6
Great thread!
I'm sure we all fit some place on here. Yeah I know I am the whiteboard guy though I don't slam the marker. In my defense it pisses me off to see someone draw up what our opponents are doing and it be completely wrong. Every year I had to redraw the Wing-t 100/900 formation because the DC couldn't remember it. We play 3 wing-t teams that base out of it. I also piss people off by asking why a lot.
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filmjunkie
Sophomore Member
[F4:@AlexJKirby]
Posts: 160
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Post by filmjunkie on May 19, 2014 15:41:03 GMT -6
Should I check my old staff meeting room for cameras? I've worked with all of these guys.
I also remember being the young coach who thought he knew everything. Man, if I could go back and slap some sense into myself back in the day...
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Post by spartan on May 19, 2014 19:01:49 GMT -6
What about the I'm not a Cover 3 guy or I'm not a Zone guy. Super arrogant coach who blames everything on the kids and the coaches. Works behind the scene with the AD always cutting down everyone when they are not around. Got a lot of great one liners. Hires the worst coaches so he can be the smartest guy in the room.
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Post by s73 on May 19, 2014 19:41:03 GMT -6
Socialus Awkwardicus
This is the guy who talks so much football that he doesn't realize that their are actually people outside of the program that don't really care all that much. This guy has been seen discussing football in technical terms in the faculty lounge, the main office and even during class. But the true determinant for this guy is the dreaded coaches couples night out.
That's right, this is the guy that when the HFC puts together a night out for the staff and their wives, this guy ALWAYS steers the conversation back to football. He's a oblivious to the fact that the wives want 1 night away from FB (including his own). Furthermore, his hardened exterior is impervious to all attempts at subject change. He will plow through all of that futility to reach his quota of 3 hours of football talk per evening.
The really awkward part is when a fellow staff member feels the heat from his better half and makes a strong effort to push the conversation 180 degrees to involve the women folk but SA shoots that down by summoning the waitress over and communicating to her in some cheesy FB jargon - "Miss, I'm glad I could intercept you, it's late in the 4th Q and I'm going in for the score, I'm out of time outs and I need 2 more beers to get me to paydirt".
The waitress politely chuckles (b/c she wants her tip), while the rest of the coaching staff makes silent eye contact w/ one another and the women folk silently pity this poor bastards wife.
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Post by Wingtman on May 20, 2014 19:52:02 GMT -6
I just reminded myself of another stereotype and prejudice that I have. Fortunately, I haven't worked with one of these but I see some at clinics or on tv or and I make generalizations about the content of their character. I might be jumping to conclusions, but whatever. The Country Club Coach Golfis ToomuchicusThis is the coach that always looks as if he just came from a country club. Triple pleats. Concho belt. Sweater and/or sweater vest. And the piece de resistance - the visor. Because he wants the practicality of a hat, but without hiding his luscious locks. He believes the visor is one of the greatest inventions in world history. Combines practicality with sexuality. Kind of like his BMW 3 series convertible. Which he lets everyone know he drives. Bonus points if he uses hair gel. He is tan. It might be fake. He is so comfortable with his metrosexuality that he isn't even aware that he is a metro-sexual. Loves talking about hot moms and how well he shot this weekend. Does that stupid fake putt into an imaginary hole in the coach's office. Loves to talk about his connections. Who he is related to, who he golfs with, and who's wife he slept with most recently (alledgedly). I've got parts of this, but its a camaro bro
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Post by georgefred86 on May 20, 2014 20:07:59 GMT -6
Socialus Awkwardicus This is the guy who talks so much football that he doesn't realize that their are actually people outside of the program that don't really care all that much. This guy has been seen discussing football in technical terms in the faculty lounge, the main office and even during class. But the true determinant for this guy is the dreaded coaches couples night out. That's right, this is the guy that when the HFC puts together a night out for the staff and their wives, this guy ALWAYS steers the conversation back to football. He's a oblivious to the fact that the wives want 1 night away from FB (including his own). Furthermore, his hardened exterior is impervious to all attempts at subject change. He will plow through all of that futility to reach his quota of 3 hours of football talk per evening. The really awkward part is when a fellow staff member feels the heat from his better half and makes a strong effort to push the conversation 180 degrees to involve the women folk but SA shoots that down by summoning the waitress over and communicating to her in some cheesy FB jargon - "Miss, I'm glad I could intercept you, it's late in the 4th Q and I'm going in for the score, I'm out of time outs and I need 2 more beers to get me to paydirt". The waitress politely chuckles (b/c she wants her tip), while the rest of the coaching staff makes silent eye contact w/ one another and the women folk silently pity this poor bastards wife. What's even funnier is this type of guy (social night out, he's THE GRINDER) that puts in the least amount of hours in the weight room, watching film or making meetings in the offseason. This guy is actually the TRUE PRETENDER!
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Post by coachmoore42 on May 20, 2014 22:26:54 GMT -6
0ne more that I could be accuse of being BLANK PAPER AND A PEN GUY BPAAPG The easiest person to buy a present for. Just give him a ream of paper and a pen and he is content to x + o the rest of the night. Can be seen doodling plays at all times of the day; at the breakfast table scribbling on napkins, at church drawing on the weekly messages, and on a team roster watching girls volleyball, boys basketball, TV. An ideal vacation would be sitting in a mountain cabin porch with a blank notebook and pens. YES! This is me. I'll draw the same thing 17 times...and love every second of it.
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Post by coachmoore42 on May 20, 2014 22:28:18 GMT -6
The Field Maintenance Guy Cuttimus Grassimus This guy takes way too much pride in the way his field looks. If you can't find him around campus, just listen for the soft purr of his John Deere blades turning. Give him his straw hat and a can of gas and he'll be occupied for an entire weekend. He's sure to use about two times more paint cans than he needs on the field and runs every line three or four times. He has been known to get his feelings a little (meaning a lot) hurt when you don't comment on how good the field looks on Friday nights. Hell in his mind is watching the band march on his midfield logo, which was geometrically measured and meticulously painted. If you're in need of a chemistry lesson, just ask him how he fertilizes the field. He's hired. I hate doing that stuff.
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souza12
Sophomore Member
Posts: 179
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Post by souza12 on May 21, 2014 14:57:03 GMT -6
The Field Maintenance Guy Cuttimus Grassimus This guy takes way too much pride in the way his field looks. If you can't find him around campus, just listen for the soft purr of his John Deere blades turning. Give him his straw hat and a can of gas and he'll be occupied for an entire weekend. He's sure to use about two times more paint cans than he needs on the field and runs every line three or four times. He has been known to get his feelings a little (meaning a lot) hurt when you don't comment on how good the field looks on Friday nights. Hell in his mind is watching the band march on his midfield logo, which was geometrically measured and meticulously painted. If you're in need of a chemistry lesson, just ask him how he fertilizes the field. He's hired. I hate doing that stuff. I was gonna say.. he's a hero in my book.
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Post by newcoryell on May 26, 2014 7:33:09 GMT -6
The White Board Guy and Blank Paper combo....this made me laugh...all the way until I thought about myself..
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Post by newcoryell on May 26, 2014 7:36:08 GMT -6
He's hired. I hate doing that stuff. I was gonna say.. he's a hero in my book. Hired and getting a bonus EVERY semester...
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Post by coachklee on May 29, 2014 15:43:53 GMT -6
The Field Maintenance Guy Cuttimus Grassimus This guy takes way too much pride in the way his field looks. If you can't find him around campus, just listen for the soft purr of his John Deere blades turning. Give him his straw hat and a can of gas and he'll be occupied for an entire weekend. He's sure to use about two times more paint cans than he needs on the field and runs every line three or four times. He has been known to get his feelings a little (meaning a lot) hurt when you don't comment on how good the field looks on Friday nights. Hell in his mind is watching the band march on his midfield logo, which was geometrically measured and meticulously painted. If you're in need of a chemistry lesson, just ask him how he fertilizes the field. He's hired. I hate doing that stuff. I love my wife as we've gotten to the point where she checks as I'm headed to the bathroom to see if I have a pad of paper in hand knowing it will be at least 10-15 minutes or she'll yell at me to not take any paper in as that only takes about 5 minutes. Of course I've finally joined the modern age with a smartphone and "Tapatalk" that I can now check "Huey" instead of doodling x's and o's.
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Post by mahonz on May 29, 2014 16:31:26 GMT -6
He's hired. I hate doing that stuff. I love my wife as we've gotten to the point where she checks as I'm headed to the bathroom to see if I have a pad of paper in hand knowing it will be at least 10-15 minutes or she'll yell at me to not take any paper in as that only takes about 5 minutes. Of course I've finally joined the modern age with a smartphone and "Tapatalk" that I can now check "Huey" instead of doodling x's and o's. Knowing that...Im not sure I can read any more of your posts.
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Post by Coach Goodnight on May 30, 2014 14:47:10 GMT -6
I ALWAYS wear pants for games. Something I picked up from my first Head Coach. It just seems right to me. Feels more official and more professional in my opinion. I get crazy looks. I've coached in triple digits in khakis. Its just what I do. It would feel weird to coach in shorts. Whats really crazy is I too am like this.... The first high school coach I worked for said that coaching in shorts make them look like they are "bush league". The school I coached at following this one wore shorts but I still wore slacks.... I would have other head coaches come to me and ask me if I was the HC also the same with the White Hats....
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tyhpu10
Sophomore Member
Former OC & DC. Current QB coach. Twitter-@CoachTCrow
Posts: 157
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Post by tyhpu10 on Jun 4, 2014 21:47:58 GMT -6
Great Thread!
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Post by coachseth on Jun 4, 2014 21:59:42 GMT -6
Yep...I'm the White Board guy.
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