Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 31, 2013 10:54:52 GMT -6
Coaches how do you deal and cope with the agony of defeat? I have a difficult time with this. Besides the obvious- schemes, personnel, play calling etc... How do you deal with the emotional aspect of it?
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Post by jsk002 on Dec 31, 2013 11:57:20 GMT -6
1. Perspective is always good to have. It is just a game.
2. We are all competitive people, so none of us like losing. However the fact remains that only half of us win on any given Friday night. I think it goes back to how you prepare. On Friday nights you have some control, but you aren't playing. You have greater control in how you prepare your guys or your team. If you are confident that you did all you could to prepare your guys, then while loses will still hurt, you will have either solace in the fact that you did all you could or you will have a chance to review what you could have done better.
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Post by dubber on Dec 31, 2013 12:02:05 GMT -6
God grant me:
the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Or, just start drinking.
As a coach you need to realize you have tied your emotional well being to 16 year old kids, and that you will probably die young because of it.
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Post by coachjimd on Dec 31, 2013 13:21:21 GMT -6
I had a very successful and well known coach in our area say to me before a scrimmage "you know we spend our whole lives working at this game and you best player is thinking about where he is going to get a b$&! J&$ after the game".... Perspective!!
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Post by silkyice on Dec 31, 2013 13:21:28 GMT -6
24 hour rule.
24 hours to celebrate any win.
24 hours to mourn any loss.
After that, move on and get back to work.
This rule applies to everyone on our team. Players and coaches.
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Post by kylem56 on Dec 31, 2013 14:43:09 GMT -6
24 hour rule and miller lite! Kidding aside, it sucks to lose but your kids are usually more resilient than you are. At the end of the day, as long as you're doing things the right way, that's all you can control. Keep grinding away, life isn't easy and neither is our profession
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blue22
Freshmen Member
Posts: 62
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Post by blue22 on Dec 31, 2013 14:47:55 GMT -6
My wife gives me 8 minutes to get over it. that's how many minutes it takes me to drive home from the facility. In reality you have to put it in perspective and also have some balance I don't get paid enough to live and die with wins/losses. Enjoy the process
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Post by dubber on Dec 31, 2013 15:03:04 GMT -6
Yeah, the wife always tells me to leave it at the door.
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Post by buckeye7525 on Dec 31, 2013 19:05:42 GMT -6
I generally try and break a record for the most food ever ordered at McDonalds after a tough loss.
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Post by rpetrie on Dec 31, 2013 21:12:35 GMT -6
My wife doesn't get over it...I think she handles it worse than me. I dread coming home because I have to answer all her questions of the why's & how's.
Learn to compartmentalize...a win or loss doesn't define you as a person unless you do nothing to TRY to IMPROVE. We are control freaks by nature...losing is the defining aspect of control lost. The BJ comment above by coachjmd summarizes it up best.
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Post by realdawg on Jan 1, 2014 7:30:04 GMT -6
Get back to work. Best way to get over a loss is to get to work on the next one. Our staff meetings are at 9 on Saturday morning. So we come in, watch the film from Friday night to see what needs fixing, and then we are over that game and moving along to the next. Love the McDonalds comment, I love to eat copious amounts when we lose as well. Also, my wife doesnt expect me to get over it, she is depressed as well because she knows how hard we work and wants us to be rewarded for it.
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Post by blb on Jan 1, 2014 7:47:19 GMT -6
Coaches how do you deal and cope with the agony of defeat? I have a difficult time with this. Besides the obvious- schemes, personnel, play calling etc... How do you deal with the emotional aspect of it?
Just finished my 39th year of coaching, 29th as head coach, and answer to your question is - poorly.
I hate weekends during the season anyway - watching film, meetings - but when we lose I'm a miserable human being, especially Saturdays.
It has not improved as I've gotten older, probably worse. I wish it were not so and that I could handle losing better but it's not a conscious choice, it's just my make-up.
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Post by coachjm on Jan 1, 2014 8:32:13 GMT -6
A thing that has helped my perspective is by looking at losses as a growth opportunity. Essentially every hardship I have faced in life I believe has helped me become better in some capacity. So losing exposes our weaknesses and in turn allows our coaches, players, and team to identify the area's we have to get better at. The harder part in my mind is convincing many of those around (kids, coaches, and some passionate fans) that we are not defined by that loss but instead it merely shows us what we have to get better at.
Success yields confidence, failure allows growth! Growing is a good thing!
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Post by dubber on Jan 1, 2014 10:13:22 GMT -6
I generally try and break a record for the most food ever ordered at McDonalds after a tough loss.
Double Quarter Pounder 20 piece Chicken Nugget Large Chocolate Shake
If we lose on the road in the playoffs, we always stop a McDonalds, and this is the salve that soothes me.
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Post by buckeye7525 on Jan 1, 2014 16:27:46 GMT -6
I generally try and break a record for the most food ever ordered at McDonalds after a tough loss.
Double Quarter Pounder 20 piece Chicken Nugget Large Chocolate Shake
If we lose on the road in the playoffs, we always stop a McDonalds, and this is the salve that soothes me.
Nice! We lost one last year on the final play and I told the rest of the staff I was going to go try and rebuild the cow at McDonalds. |
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Post by dubber on Jan 1, 2014 16:32:21 GMT -6
Double Quarter Pounder 20 piece Chicken Nugget Large Chocolate Shake
If we lose on the road in the playoffs, we always stop a McDonalds, and this is the salve that soothes me.
Nice! We lost one last year on the final play and I told the rest of the staff I was going to go try and rebuild the cow at McDonalds.
You probably have the same New Year's Resolution that I do........same one every year..........
I'm trying green coffee bean supplements this year......
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Post by blb on Jan 2, 2014 8:41:08 GMT -6
Double Quarter Pounder 20 piece Chicken Nugget Large Chocolate Shake
If we lose on the road in the playoffs, we always stop a McDonalds, and this is the salve that soothes me.
Nice! We lost one last year on the final play and I told the rest of the staff I was going to go try and rebuild the cow at McDonalds.
We lost TWO games last fall on the last play, another by one point, and one more by six when we had a KO return for TD nullified by bad call.
Four of the games we lost we were ahead or tied at halftime, another trailed by one (which I guess means it must've been the coaching).
Game 6 we played the Number One-ranked team two divisions above us in state. With three minutes left we were only down 18-15.
I should be trying to rebuild the whole HERD at Mickey D's. Instead am settling for increasing profit margin for Miller Brewing Co.
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Post by coachd5085 on Jan 2, 2014 10:13:39 GMT -6
Just finished my 39th year of coaching, 29th as head coach, and answer to your question is - poorly.
I hate weekends during the season anyway - watching film, meetings - but when we lose I'm a miserable human being, especially Saturdays.
It has not improved as I've gotten older, probably worse. I wish it were not so and that I could handle losing better but it's not a conscious choice, it's just my make-up.
Interesting-- I am surprised at this. I mean zero disrespect here blb --your success obviously speaks for itself-- but I am just surprised that dealing with a loss is that difficult for you (and is getting harder with age) given your often used mantra of "bare minimum needed to compete". To be clear, not taking a shot at all, I am truly surprised by your answer. I would have thought your philosophy would make losses easier to swallow. |
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Post by blb on Jan 2, 2014 10:24:17 GMT -6
Just finished my 39th year of coaching, 29th as head coach, and answer to your question is - poorly.
I hate weekends during the season anyway - watching film, meetings - but when we lose I'm a miserable human being, especially Saturdays.
It has not improved as I've gotten older, probably worse. I wish it were not so and that I could handle losing better but it's not a conscious choice, it's just my make-up.
Interesting-- I am surprised at this. I mean zero disrespect here blb --your success obviously speaks for itself-- but I am just surprised that dealing with a loss is that difficult for you (and is getting harder with age) given your often used mantra of "bare minimum needed to compete". To be clear, not taking a shot at all, I am truly surprised by your answer. I would have thought your philosophy would make losses easier to swallow.
Probably too much ego, pride, and an overdeveloped sense of competitiveness.
It's all very psychological.
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Post by gibbs72 on Jan 2, 2014 10:43:14 GMT -6
I agree with McDonalds after a loss Taco Bell after a really bad loss. Honestly I just look in the mirror and ask myself a simple question: did I do everything I could do is the coach to put us in a position to win? If the answer is yes then I just compartmentalize it and move on nothing else to do besides dwell on it. If the answer was no but I figure out what I could have been different and do it differently next time. And of course a couple of rum and cokes doesn't hurt
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Post by coachd5085 on Jan 2, 2014 10:43:15 GMT -6
Interesting-- I am surprised at this. I mean zero disrespect here blb --your success obviously speaks for itself-- but I am just surprised that dealing with a loss is that difficult for you (and is getting harder with age) given your often used mantra of "bare minimum needed to compete". To be clear, not taking a shot at all, I am truly surprised by your answer. I would have thought your philosophy would make losses easier to swallow.
Probably too much ego, pride, and an overdeveloped sense of competitiveness.
It's all very psychological.
Yes.. and the fact that you don't lose often probably contributes. I was just a bit surprised, as I would have thought those qualities you just mentioned would have made you into a "grinder" so to speak. |
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Post by blb on Jan 2, 2014 10:52:01 GMT -6
Six years of coaching CFB taught me that being a "grinder" doesn't help you win.
It just makes you perpetually tired and irritable and frequently unhealthy, none of which contributes to efficiency.
That's why Bob Stoops sends his coaches home after practice.
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Post by larrymoe on Jan 2, 2014 11:12:04 GMT -6
Now that my job is pretty much secure, dealing with losses is WAY more easy. When a loss could have literally meant the end of your livelihood it wore on me pretty bad. Not because of losing the game, but because I wanted to keep the thing I was able to feed my family with.
Now when we lose, it's more of an opportunity for me to see what I need to do differently. Helps that the only losses we've had in the past two and a half years have been in the playoffs. At that point there's no need to sulk because it's over.
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Post by coachphillip on Jan 2, 2014 12:48:03 GMT -6
I've never dealt with losing very well. When I first started, I evaluated my effectiveness as a coach by our win-loss record and that was a mistake. Now, I ask if I've maximized the potential of my players. Some times you're just not good enough to beat someone else. The new approach does help me feel better in the long run. But, immediately following a loss, I feel like crap. Regardless of whether we maximized our potential or not.
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filmjunkie
Sophomore Member
[F4:@AlexJKirby]
Posts: 160
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Post by filmjunkie on Jan 2, 2014 12:59:16 GMT -6
During the season, what always helped me was to get working on the next game right away, whether it was watching film and taking notes, putting together scouting reports, anything really. Of course, at the end of the season you don't have that luxury, but for the past 6-7 years, after the last game, I've come in the next day, whether it's Saturday or Sunday, and kept my routine of working all day, usually getting ready for the offseason by starting the self scout, creating cutups of things I want to study, etc. It's the only way I know of to keep myself from going insane from boredom.
I'm sure you guys understand, when you're going 90 mph for 3-4 months, it just feels weird to come to a complete stop right away.
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Post by gibbs72 on Jan 2, 2014 14:35:31 GMT -6
During the season, what always helped me was to get working on the next game right away, whether it was watching film and taking notes, putting together scouting reports, anything really. Of course, at the end of the season you don't have that luxury, but for the past 6-7 years, after the last game, I've come in the next day, whether it's Saturday or Sunday, and kept my routine of working all day, usually getting ready for the offseason by starting the self scout, creating cutups of things I want to study, etc. It's the only way I know of to keep myself from going insane from boredom. I'm similar. I like to move on to the next week (or season) soon after any win or loss. Helps keep the highs lower and the lows higher. |
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Post by rsmith627 on Jan 2, 2014 14:56:26 GMT -6
Our staff, win or lose (we are rebuilding a program that has never been good, so right now it is mostly lose)go out to eat large amounts of food and drink large amounts of beer after games. Saturday mornings we come in and review film with kids, and then we are done mourning our loss. It is on to the next opponent come Monday.
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Post by fantom on Jan 2, 2014 20:36:08 GMT -6
Coaches how do you deal and cope with the agony of defeat? I have a difficult time with this. Besides the obvious- schemes, personnel, play calling etc... How do you deal with the emotional aspect of it? You just deal with it. The possibility exits every week because somebody wins and somebody loses every game. You can feel bad for a while but you have to move on because there's another game next week. Of course, that's why losing in the playoffs is so tough because now there isn't another game. What you can''t do is take it out on the people around you. It's not their fault. |
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Post by fantom on Jan 3, 2014 13:54:26 GMT -6
Six years of coaching CFB taught me that being a "grinder" doesn't help you win. It just makes you perpetually tired and irritable and frequently unhealthy, none of which contributes to efficiency. That's why Bob Stoops sends his coaches home after practice. Coach, I'm with you on this one. I think that a lot of the off season stuff that we do is a waste of time that only helps coaches feel that they're doing something. |
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Post by coachjm on Jan 3, 2014 18:38:40 GMT -6
Six years of coaching CFB taught me that being a "grinder" doesn't help you win. It just makes you perpetually tired and irritable and frequently unhealthy, none of which contributes to efficiency. That's why Bob Stoops sends his coaches home after practice. Coach, Your honesty and straight forward approach really enhances this site. I just read a couple of your responses to my wife who of course spent a year or two next to your classroom as we both rolled through one of our stops and although I'm sure you don't need my encouragement I wanted to post and point out that your perspective on things and wisdom through experience is appreciated by many of us young pups who hope to be able to do this thing as long as you have.... |
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