|
|
Post by coach1234567 on Jun 19, 2005 10:09:28 GMT -6
How do you guys balance family and career goals? How do your wives deal with you being gone so much? How do you afford kids with the high price of daycare?
|
|
champyun
Junior Member
Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but of playing a poor hand well.
Posts: 252
|
Post by champyun on Jun 19, 2005 11:52:26 GMT -6
My wife has always been ready to uproot and go to the next town if need be. She's a real trooper when it comes to being a coaches wife. We have been at 6 different schools/cities and she's made a "home" at each. Our children have never known how it is to NOT have their Dad around. I don't ask our staff to come to work on Sundays. This is rare in the state of Texas, but feel that they need (and I) that time away from school to be with their families. I am of the belief that I can do my job just fine without having to LIVE at the school to get it done. If this means having to bring some of the work home (which I do a lot), then so be it. As far as me being gone quite a bit - I try to take my wife with me or she will travel to be at most of the events that I have to coach or attend. Our children have always been a part of it as well, either as spectators or participants. As far as daycare, we made it somehow. My wife has worked for most, if not all of our marriage and the raising of our children. It takes a lot of teamwork. I'm very fortunate.
|
|
SlipScreen
Freshmen Member
Just Bring It!
Posts: 85
|
Post by SlipScreen on Jun 19, 2005 12:54:33 GMT -6
I have almost the same beliefs and situation as you Champ. A great wife makes this job a whole lot easier and more fun. My kids think of our fieldhouse as a second home.
|
|
fish
Junior Member
Posts: 485
|
Post by fish on Jun 19, 2005 13:28:38 GMT -6
i want my wife to be part of my career goals. we talk about everything that comes up. we both have busy careers, she is in the medical field as a physician assistant. we have one child, but we put everything we have into him. daycare is a necessary evil. make sure you find a good one. it can be expensive, but it is your child and if they have to be their the majority of the time then make sure that the daycare is doing things that you would want your child to be doing and learning. one thing to always remember is family comes first.
|
|
|
|
Post by Split50 on Jun 19, 2005 13:30:29 GMT -6
I have to agree with Champ and Slip. I have been at 10 different schools. My two daughters each graduated from different high schools. We have lived in about 15 different houses over the years. My family understands the demands on my time and we never have a problem with it. I am going to always be there for them when it matters and they know that.
My wife does everything she can to be a part of the school and the activites I am involved in. My daughters were both very active during there school years.
|
|
|
|
Post by tog on Jun 19, 2005 23:21:41 GMT -6
Coaches in Texas can resign their coaching spot, and if they are ok with the principal teaching wise, then they can usually stay in the teaching position.
This rarely happens though, as most coaches want to continue coaching, and are resigning from the coaching spot in one school to take a spot in another school
|
|
|
|
Post by tog on Jun 19, 2005 23:41:39 GMT -6
KW, you would not be let go from a coaching job. If the hfc got fired, then you could find another job easily. If you were pushed out due to backstabbing reasons, then most coaches in the state would know the situation and look at your knowledge and still hire you.
|
|
|
|
Post by coach1234567 on Jun 20, 2005 8:13:54 GMT -6
Do all coaches in Texas teach?
|
|
fish
Junior Member
Posts: 485
|
Post by fish on Jun 20, 2005 10:33:17 GMT -6
yes. some districts allow you to 'teach' in the iss room.
|
|
Oz1
Sophomore Member
Posts: 114
|
Post by Oz1 on Jun 21, 2005 8:08:32 GMT -6
back to the original question
i have a very supportive wife, she understands the coaching business and the long hours. Her father was a coach before he became an administrator.
I try to include my boys in everything I do. They come to the end of practice and hang out with the players in locker room while I am finishing up my duties. They go to all the games and I let them go on to the field after the game is over. When my oldest gets older say about 9-10 my HC has already said he could be our ball boy.
As far as Teaching,
every coach teaches unless you are the HC/AD in our school district
that changes from district to district
|
|
|
|
Post by cookiemonster on Jun 21, 2005 12:57:37 GMT -6
The answer to your question KW is no.You must be a full time employee of the district to coach at the high school level
|
|
|
|
Post by coachtua on Dec 24, 2014 3:43:15 GMT -6
An older coach told me early in my coaching career...At the end of each season make sure you buy your wife a piece of jewelry as a thank you for allowing you to coach...I do it every other year...
|
|
|
|
Post by mrjvi on Dec 24, 2014 7:01:55 GMT -6
|
|
|
|
Post by groundchuck on Dec 24, 2014 7:39:10 GMT -6
I have a supportive wife. I always make sure she is cared for as well during the football season when she may feel like a single mother.
That being said I've (gladly) made sacrifices. I have not pursued opportunities I otherwise could have in terms of other high school jobs or college jobs when I was younger. She doesn't want to be the family that moves around. I'm sure there will maybe be a move sometime, but for for the last decade we've been in one place.
Personally I don't have hobbies that take me away from my family outside of football. I don't hunt or fish. I don't play park and rec sports like softball. I coached track too, but when that got to be too much I hung that up. When football is over, I'm home.
|
|
|
|
Post by emptybackfield on Dec 24, 2014 8:23:49 GMT -6
Holy buried thread
|
|
|
|
Post by coachdawhip on Dec 24, 2014 10:27:28 GMT -6
After the season, I usually do a getaway evening with the wife.
|
|
|
|
Post by coachbdud on Dec 25, 2014 1:32:06 GMT -6
I took bae to disneyland 4x in 2014
She's happy
|
|
|
|
Post by freezeoption on Dec 25, 2014 14:47:11 GMT -6
my wife moved out to idaho to live with me, i told her before you come out here you need to know we will probably move a lot and i will be gone a lot, she still came out and we got married a year later, this year will be 20 yrs, probably moved about 9 times, we have also adopted 6 kids through the years and had a suprise about 5 yrs ago, she is a trooper, dealing with kids alone is tough, we have been lucky with good daycare wherever we've been
|
|
|
|
Post by coachwoodall on Dec 26, 2014 20:58:51 GMT -6
-Sell the golf clubs, fishing boat, poker chips, or what ever hobby that normal people have; your hobby is football. Football/family=2 is company; football/family/hobby= 3 is a crowd.
-Define what is work/football and what is home/family life. And don't mix the 2. There is nothing wrong with including the 2 if they go well together, but don't expect the family to want to sit all day in in the equipment room and sort jock straps. If the wife/kids want to come to a game/scrimmage/7-7/etc.... then that is okay; don't expect the wife/kids to have the same excitement about those activities as you do, or see them as important as you do. Include them when it's something that they want to do, not something you have to do.
-Halloween, birthdays, and important family events in the fall will naturally take a back seat to work since often since practice and games days will conflict with them. However, going to pick apples, going to the pumpkin patch, taking a drive to see the leaves turn can happen on those few off days that occur on during the season. Be excited about doing these things even if you had a 3 hour road trip the night before and you lost the biggest game of the year. The 4 year old doesn't care, he/she just wants to spend that time with daddy.
-Go to church with the family, or what ever 'normal' activity you do on a weekly basis. Make it a habit. It might be dropping the kids off at school (you can learn a lot if you interact in this time), picking the kids up from scouts, dance lesson, or from little league practice; go and get ice cream on the way home and make a big deal out of the few minutes you have together. While taking the kids to school, stop and get a biscuit and talk for a few minutes.
-Find a an off switch. When you leave the field house, be sure to do something that will signal to yourself that football is over. Call the wife and say you are on the way home, change out of your coaching gear, just something that will flip that switch in your mind it's family time.
-Hudl works 24 hours a day. You can come home, gets the kids in the bath tub, go out in the yard and play Jedi light saber attack, help with homework, ask about the wife's day/work; and then go break down film when they are in bed.
-Send the wife flowers for no reason. Or bring home take out food. Maybe show up with a movie. She just wants to know that you are thinking about her and not football every once in a while. Make an effort to have a date night with her in season. It doesn't have to be fancy, just some time together.
-Let technology/social media be your friend. Send a text/email to communicate to them that you are thinking about them every chance you get. And please don't let it be the score of the game; ask how the day went/try outs went/how the dog is doing/etc..... something beside football.
Coaching is like any profession that is time intensive. You have to make the effort to show that they are as important in your life as anything else that is going on. I haven't gone to see my alma mater play a game in 5 years, and that was an out of the blue chance that came up out of nowhere. It's not that I don't like doing that kind of stuff, it is secondary to making sure that my family comes first. If I go fishing, camping, to see a game, play golf, go shooting, etc... it is either because I am getting chance to do it with my family or because I have already done something with them that allows me to get some time away. It really isn't that hard. You just have to define your priorities.
|
|
|
|
Post by realdawg on Dec 27, 2014 5:40:54 GMT -6
One thing I heard on Huey a few years ago, that CoachWoodall reminded me of......it comes down to this.....its not about the quantity of time, its about the QUALITY of time.
|
|
|
|
Post by coachfloyd on Dec 29, 2014 7:53:34 GMT -6
-Sell the golf clubs, fishing boat, poker chips, or what ever hobby that normal people have; your hobby is football. Football/family=2 is company; football/family/hobby= 3 is a crowd. -Define what is work/football and what is home/family life. And don't mix the 2. There is nothing wrong with including the 2 if they go well together, but don't expect the family to want to sit all day in in the equipment room and sort jock straps. If the wife/kids want to come to a game/scrimmage/7-7/etc.... then that is okay; don't expect the wife/kids to have the same excitement about those activities as you do, or see them as important as you do. Include them when it's something that they want to do, not something you have to do. -Halloween, birthdays, and important family events in the fall will naturally take a back seat to work since often since practice and games days will conflict with them. However, going to pick apples, going to the pumpkin patch, taking a drive to see the leaves turn can happen on those few off days that occur on during the season. Be excited about doing these things even if you had a 3 hour road trip the night before and you lost the biggest game of the year. The 4 year old doesn't care, he/she just wants to spend that time with daddy. -Go to church with the family, or what ever 'normal' activity you do on a weekly basis. Make it a habit. It might be dropping the kids off at school (you can learn a lot if you interact in this time), picking the kids up from scouts, dance lesson, or from little league practice; go and get ice cream on the way home and make a big deal out of the few minutes you have together. While taking the kids to school, stop and get a biscuit and talk for a few minutes. -Find a an off switch. When you leave the field house, be sure to do something that will signal to yourself that football is over. Call the wife and say you are on the way home, change out of your coaching gear, just something that will flip that switch in your mind it's family time. -Hudl works 24 hours a day. You can come home, gets the kids in the bath tub, go out in the yard and play Jedi light saber attack, help with homework, ask about the wife's day/work; and then go break down film when they are in bed. -Send the wife flowers for no reason. Or bring home take out food. Maybe show up with a movie. She just wants to know that you are thinking about her and not football every once in a while. Make an effort to have a date night with her in season. It doesn't have to be fancy, just some time together. -Let technology/social media be your friend. Send a text/email to communicate to them that you are thinking about them every chance you get. And please don't let it be the score of the game; ask how the day went/try outs went/how the dog is doing/etc..... something beside football. Coaching is like any profession that is time intensive. You have to make the effort to show that they are as important in your life as anything else that is going on. I haven't gone to see my alma mater play a game in 5 years, and that was an out of the blue chance that came up out of nowhere. It's not that I don't like doing that kind of stuff, it is secondary to making sure that my family comes first. If I go fishing, camping, to see a game, play golf, go shooting, etc... it is either because I am getting chance to do it with my family or because I have already done something with them that allows me to get some time away. It really isn't that hard. You just have to define your priorities. This could have saved a ton of marriages! I especially like the idea that this is your hobby. You don't get to do other things. I don't spend the night at coaching clinics. I don't play golf. I don't go fishing. I don't get to lift weights near as much as I used to. I am amazed to hear coaches talk about playing video games or other such things. When do you have time to do those things if you have a family and want to be a good coach? A few things I do... i take my sons with me anytime I go scout. My dad did the same with me. i take my family to church every Sunday. Last year our hc asked if we wanted to come in early one Sunday meeting. I politely told I'm I wouldn't be there until one because I feel like it's a husband and fathers responsibility to take his family to church. i call my wife at lunch every day and text her often. when I get home every night I put my phone on silent and turn it face down. This is huge. to save time at home I watch practice during the fart around time in the office after practice. i constantly remind myself that I only get one shot with my sons and daughters and then they are gone. the absolute best thing after a loss is to see your kids running to you on the sideline. That's better than winning. i am of the belief that first and foremost God put us here to be good husbands and fathers before anything. I constantly have to remind myself of that when I am immersed in football on a regular basis. |
|
|
|
Post by spos21ram on Dec 29, 2014 18:43:17 GMT -6
I took bae to disneyland 4x in 2014 She's happy You get a plaque on the wall for being the first person to say "bae" on here. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using proboards |
|
|
|
Post by coachbdud on Dec 29, 2014 20:11:48 GMT -6
I took bae to disneyland 4x in 2014 She's happy You get a plaque on the wall for being the first person to say "bae" on here. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using proboards Haha I purposely added that in there to see if anyone would catch it |
|
|
|
Post by rsmith627 on Dec 29, 2014 20:29:17 GMT -6
You get a plaque on the wall for being the first person to say "bae" on here. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using proboards Haha I purposely added that in there to see if anyone would catch it Probably should be banned from the site for that... |
|
|
|
Post by dubber on Dec 29, 2014 20:46:54 GMT -6
I took bae to disneyland 4x in 2014 She's happy You get a plaque on the wall for being the first person to say "bae" on here. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using proboards
Generation Y in the hizzy!
|
|
|
|
Post by dubber on Dec 29, 2014 20:55:33 GMT -6
One thing I heard on Huey a few years ago, that CoachWoodall reminded me of......it comes down to this.....its not about the quantity of time, its about the QUALITY of time.
I disagree with this.
That boring crap nobody thinks about (time in the car going to the hardware store, homework time, etc.) is more important than any "making memories" weekend.
Consistency wins. Period.
Either you are the consistency, or something else is.....
This doesn't mean you need to spend 8 hours a day with the family, but it does mean that 7 hours on Sunday on a family outing will not replace 1 hour a day doing the mundane.
|
|
|
|
Post by highball007 on Dec 30, 2014 9:05:32 GMT -6
Coachwoodall,
You are spot on. I grew up with my dad being a defensive coordinator for a very successful program and then he became a HC. He did everything you mentioned. As a child of a coach I just knew he was at work, then he came home and gave my sister and I the attention we needed which gave my mom a break.
Now that I am a coach I try to take that coaching hat off in the car on the way home, my 5 year old could care less how practice went or if we won or lost. Best part of coming home is when he jumps off the floor or couch and says "Daaaaaaaddy", and comes running to me. Makes you put things in perspective.
Thanks again for posting that, because all of us fathers and husbands need to be reminded of all those things more often!
|
|
|
|
Post by blb on Dec 30, 2014 9:16:55 GMT -6
While coaching at Arkansas Lou Holtz told the story that his wife and children were complaining that he was always gone, not home very much.
So he loaded them up in family car and drove them around the worst sections of Little Rock.
"I can be home every night from now on," he told them, "but your asses are going to have to live here!"
After that he said, if he was home, they asked him if he wasn't supposed to be out recruiting or something. |
|
|
|
Post by silkyice on Dec 30, 2014 9:38:24 GMT -6
Coach Woodall nailed it.
Let me add to try and get your family involved in the team. Ball boy, ball girl, take them scouting or show them film. Make them apart of the team. Bring them to practice and definitely to all the team functions that you can. Ask other wives to take your wife in and sit with her at games.
If your wife has no interest in football, you still can get her involved. My wife wanted the team to have navy pants because they are much easier to clean than white. So we have navy pants. They look great and it was her idea.
Sometimes I need terminology help or just brainstorming like I need a color with a R in it. If she comes up with the word and we use it, it is golden!! Even if she doesn't, she feels like I value her opinion, which I honestly do, and that she is a part of the team.
If she likes baking, let her bake the team cookies or whatever. My wife used to make the coaches breakfast for Saturday morning film. Maybe she would be interested in keeping stats or whatever. She used to keep the basketball book for me during bball season.
Anything to make her feel apart of your other life goes a LONG way!!
I am super lucky. My wife is a PE teacher at my school and assistant AD. Both my boys are now on the team and my little girl is ball girl for the fourth year now. But it hasn't always been that way.
|
|
|
|
Post by oriolepower on Dec 31, 2014 20:07:43 GMT -6
Some good things said up above. Dubber is right consistency is important. My wife understands the time commitment it takes to coach but has asked for one thing. She's asked I be present. That means when I'm with her and the kids, I'm with her and the kids. I can't be stewing about practice or last nights game. I also can't lock myself away and not be accessible.
All career choices have impacts on the family. It is a matter of understanding what each other needs and being present when you can.
I live in Wisconsin and don't hunt, fish, or go out with my buddies. When people are amazed by that I tell them I know a lot of divorced FB coaches that like to hunt, fish, and go out. I know a lot of happily married ones that don't. Football is my hobby.
|
|
