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Post by nltdiego on Feb 5, 2013 20:54:43 GMT -6
Coaches,
I'm curious what the take on this is. With hard economic times most weddings are on friday nights. I'm in my 2nd year as HC and my best friend asked me to be in the wedding which would have me miss a game in October.
I'm curious where you all stand on this? I have not responded to his invitation yet, but I do not feel comfortable at all missing a game. I have never missed one as a coach and curious what the insight or rules are on this.
Anybody got similar situations and/or stories of this?
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Post by piratefootball on Feb 5, 2013 21:02:08 GMT -6
Coach,
To be honest I would not miss a game for the wedding and I am in my 11th year as a head coach. I am not saying that I am right but that is my take on it. I did miss a game when my first was born but I do believe that to be slightly different (my next child was born in January - we planned better!)
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Post by groundchuck on Feb 5, 2013 21:08:05 GMT -6
I would miss the wedding. No question.
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Post by irishdog on Feb 5, 2013 21:57:21 GMT -6
Sorry, I'd be coaching my kids.
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Post by Chris Clement on Feb 5, 2013 22:10:08 GMT -6
Can they get married at midfield over halftime?
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Post by spos21ram on Feb 5, 2013 22:44:12 GMT -6
Just curious why a Friday is more economical.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747
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Post by larrymoe on Feb 5, 2013 22:45:02 GMT -6
Personally, there's no way I'd miss the game. My buddy isn't going to pay my salary, buy me a house, and provide for me and my family. Possibly winning that game will. Throw in the fact that I hate weddings (hell, I didn't really want to be present for mine- it's a hatred of ceremonies thing with me, not that I hate my wife) and it's a no brainer.
Besides, it's got a 50/50 chance of making it anyway. Just tell him to schedule better for his second one.
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Post by larrymoe on Feb 5, 2013 22:45:49 GMT -6
Just curious why a Friday is more economical. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 I didn't get that part either. |
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Post by psbrowning on Feb 5, 2013 22:48:15 GMT -6
Never would miss a game for a wedding. If they want me in it bad enough then they will schedule it to be on Saturday or NOT during football season.
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coachmitts
Sophomore Member
Always compete
Posts: 186 
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Post by coachmitts on Feb 6, 2013 0:03:54 GMT -6
Just curious why a Friday is more economical. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 My wife's a wedding planner and I can answer this for you. Most venues, catering companies, flower companies charge a premium for weekend affairs. The reason being they can. Everyone wants a Saturday wedding because typically party's run later, which mean more food, more open bar, longer time to rent the space. Average wedding on a Saturday begins at one pm. Reception at 4, party til whenever On a Friday, weddings are later. Say ceremony at 4 reception starts at six or seven. So because of those factors it's cheaper to do it Friday than Saturday. You want a real cheap wedding, do it on a Monday. Places will basically give you the hall for next to nothing just to have it rented out. |
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coachmitts
Sophomore Member
Always compete
Posts: 186
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Post by coachmitts on Feb 6, 2013 0:04:50 GMT -6
And to answer your question, unless its your own wedding, I wouldn't miss the game.
I already told my sister if your wedding is in season, I won't be there.
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Post by s73 on Feb 6, 2013 5:54:29 GMT -6
I would not attend the wedding. I'm telling you from experience that this will cause a "funk" in your season. Several years ago I had a QB miss a game for his brothers wedding and our team was never the same. Cost us a play off berth by one game. Want to know which one we played the worst?
Also, it puts you in a terrible position the next time a kid wants to miss something and you don't think he should.
Just my 2 cents.
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Post by rwb32497 on Feb 6, 2013 6:17:55 GMT -6
A coach in NC got fired a few years back for missing a game for his sons wedding. His son's wedding was on a Saturday but the Friday name game got rescheduled do to inclimate weather. He went to the wedding and came back Monday with no job.
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Post by syphrit7 on Feb 6, 2013 6:25:26 GMT -6
Would it ok with you if one of your starters was going to miss a game for a wedding?
I would skip the wedding and coach the game. Wouldn't even give it a second thought.
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Post by cnunley on Feb 6, 2013 6:43:29 GMT -6
I know you're in a pickle, but as HC you can NOT miss this game. I could understand if you were an assistant and got approval from the HC well ahead of time, I just can't see how this would be any good for your team. And like mentioned above, this is a very slippery slope. You will soon have players missing for various reasons.
If hes your BEST friend, he will understand.
On a side note, compromise a little with him. Attend the Rehearsal dinner if time allows for it, be a presences at all areas of the wedding, except for game night.
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Post by wingtol on Feb 6, 2013 7:28:16 GMT -6
My HC and I were in a situation two seasons ago where one of our best friends was getting married on what would have been the 2nd round of the playoffs. It was 50/50 because we weren't sure if we would make it that far (1st round was a lock). We told him could be Fri and miss the rehersal or it could be Sat and miss the wedding. He understood since he was a D3 All American now our wives on the other hand...
I would not miss. I tell people all the time do not get married during football season if you expect to see me at the wedding.
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Post by newhope on Feb 6, 2013 7:29:36 GMT -6
I wouldn't miss a game as head coach to go to my daughter's wedding.
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Post by blb on Feb 6, 2013 7:35:48 GMT -6
I would not miss. I tell people all the time do not get married during football season if you expect to see me at the wedding. I'm forced to agree. My sister changed her wedding because I was coaching (D-III assistant) original date. Heck I didn't go to my eventual Brother and Sister-in-law's nuptials because it was day of Michigan-Ohio State game. |
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Post by newt21 on Feb 6, 2013 11:15:35 GMT -6
I wouldn't miss either, look at it this way: if you don't go to the wedding, you may upset two people, but if you don't go to the game, how many people will you upset? all of your players and fans? most likely.
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Post by Luther Van Dam on Feb 6, 2013 11:34:18 GMT -6
I know you're in a pickle, but as HC you can NOT miss this game. I could understand if you were an assistant and got approval from the HC well ahead of time, I just can't see how this would be any good for your team. I don't think even an assistant should miss for something like this, personally. |
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Post by davishfc on Feb 6, 2013 11:42:15 GMT -6
Just curious why a Friday is more economical. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 Same here. |
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Post by blb on Feb 6, 2013 11:46:12 GMT -6
Just curious why a Friday is more economical. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 Simple - Supply and Demand. |
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Post by tigercoach11 on Feb 6, 2013 11:51:29 GMT -6
Not intending to hijack but on the subject of missing games....what about the birth of a child? I am a HC but I do not have kids yet. I have always wondered what would happen if and when the wife and I have kids if she goes into labor on a Friday night during football season? I can start this in a new thread but I just thought i would run off missing games. As far as for a wedding...I would not miss a game as a HC or as an asst for any reason other than a family emergency...as the HC I would not even consider missing practice for a wedding. JMO
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Post by fantom on Feb 6, 2013 12:06:07 GMT -6
It's funny that this question should come up because I'm probably going to have to miss a game for a wedding this year. The circumstances are different from the OP, though: it's my son who's getting married (I dunno, for some reason his fiance's grown up dreaming about an October wedding); I'm an assistant; and in 35 years I've missed a total of two practices (one because my wife had an operation; the other because the schools where I taught and coached were on different schedules and my HC scheduled a morning practice knowing I couldn't be there). I hate missing a game but this is a really unusual situation.
Would I miss a game for any other reason? No. If the guy is really a friend he'll understand.
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Post by gabehc16 on Feb 6, 2013 12:43:34 GMT -6
My two cents: Attend the game and when the game is over, have all your assistant coaches handle the end of game procedures. Talk to your team after the game like you normally would and then head on out. Shower in the fieldhouse and have your suit ready to go. Have a beer with your buddy at his reception and celebrate the victory and the wedding together. If it's out of town...send him and his fiance a nice letter thanking them for the honor but explaining why you can't make it.
Best I can offer.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2013 12:46:11 GMT -6
If they insist on keeping the Friday date, there probably isn't anything you can do. My friends and family know that if they pick a fall weekend to get married there is a good chance I won't be there. Now, I was actually IN a wedding during a fall weekend my second year of coaching and by pure luck, I was able to meet all football and wedding obligations. The couple knew that if there was a conflict with a rehearsal dinner or something, I was picking football but it all worked out. Im pretty sure I did take a "sick" day that following Monday though as I was running on fumes by the end of it.
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Post by NC1974 on Feb 6, 2013 14:01:24 GMT -6
I generally agree with what others have said but I'd like to pose a couple of questions?
Is it me, or do some of us almost get off on the fact that we're so committed that we'll miss funerals, weddings etc.? It's almost like a point of pride for some people. I'm not sure I get that. I get not missing, but I'm not sure I get the bragging about it.
Do we have any responsibility to teach the kids that there are things more important than the game of football? Couldn't missing a game for your son's, brother's, daughter's etc wedding be a good teaching point? Don't alot of us tell our kids that family comes before football?
I've never been in a situation where I had to miss for something like this as a coach but I imagine I would have to think long and hard about it.
When I was a senior in High School, I missed a very close uncle's funeral due to football practice. I was sure I was doing the right thing at the time, but today as an adult, I'm ashamed of my decision. I'm not saying others should be ashamed of similar decisions, but I think we have to honor our own personal values.
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Post by fantom on Feb 6, 2013 14:07:36 GMT -6
I generally agree with what others have said but I'd like to pose a couple of questions? Is it me, or do some of us almost get off on the fact that we're so committed that we'll miss funerals, weddings etc.? It's almost like a point of pride for some people. I'm not sure I get that. I get not missing, but I'm not sure I get the bragging about it. Do we have any responsibility to teach the kids that there are things more important than the game of football? Couldn't missing a game for your son's, brother's, daughter's etc wedding be a good teaching point? Don't alot of us tell our kids that family comes before football? I've never been in a situation where I had to miss for something like this as a coach but I imagine I would have to think long and hard about it. When I was a senior in High School, I missed a very close uncle's funeral due to football practice. I was sure I was doing the right thing at the time, but today as an adult, I'm ashamed of my decision. I'm not saying others should be ashamed of similar decisions, but I think we have to honor our own personal values. Well, the guy did ask. It's not as though people brought it up out of nowhere. Where do you draw the line? When is it OK and not OK to miss a game? |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2013 14:14:54 GMT -6
Maybe I'm stating the obvious here, but to me, a funeral isn't in the same category as wedding. If it's a funeral of a family member or friend that I'm close to, I'm going to the funeral. To me, this is almost a case-by-case thing and it's hard to give a simple answer.
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Post by NC1974 on Feb 6, 2013 14:17:34 GMT -6
I didn't mean that people on this thread were bragging, I just meant in general. As to where do you draw the line, I don't know. I know this. If a college buddy invited me to a wedding that happened to be on game day, it would be a no brainer for me. I would coach the game and not attend the wedding. But if it was say my brother's wedding, I would be much more conflicted.
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