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Post by op4shadow on Dec 10, 2012 19:58:23 GMT -6
found out i have my first child on the way (due date is may 14). for those of you who have been through this experience, how do you do it? with the amount of film and preparation that goes into the season (not to mention the offseason), how did you manage the two? i've talked with the wife, and have her blessing to see how this next season goes, but i am drawing a blank. i guess i wonder how you can give to one without taking away from the other? anyway, hope that made sense...just would like some ideas on how to be a productive coach, AND a good father.
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Post by gdf on Dec 10, 2012 20:17:06 GMT -6
Make your family part of the team. I include our 3 young boys in as many of our summer throwing sessions and wt room activities as I can. Now there are some things I don't bring them to as they are too young and would need my total supervision. In my experience you can't make them mutually exclusive...there's just not enough time. I've also found that by including the family, the boys and wife are actually excited for FB season to start. Getting them to enjoy the season makes it easier for me to spend the time on it.
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Post by realdawg on Dec 10, 2012 20:47:30 GMT -6
It has to be about quality time. Not quantity. My wife always saved my daughters reading homework for after I got home. That way she could sit on my lap and read. It came to be something we both enjoyed and looked forward to. Also, you will not be able to come home and relax. You will have child duty from the time you get home till all is asleep. Also, as mentioned make them a part of it. Although I hesitate to take my 5 yr old daughter to weights or practice with me, she absolutely loves coming to the games. My wife doesn't miss a single game home or away bc my daughter loves to watch the bulldogs. Occasionally she will crawl into my lap and say daddy can we watch the bulldogs? I miss seeing them. Then I will pull out a DVD and watch a game with her.
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Post by olinecoach61 on Dec 10, 2012 20:48:29 GMT -6
My 3 year old daughter loves going to games and the weight room. If they are brought up in it they know no better. I have really tried to include her. We play football after home games and she chases me around. I always make sure that I spend quality time with the family on Sundays. I watch film later at night, the iPad helps too. You have to be efficient.
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Post by realdawg on Dec 10, 2012 20:50:27 GMT -6
By efficient he means sleep deprived. If you have to work at home do it while the kid(s) sleep
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Post by gapshoot76 on Dec 10, 2012 20:56:17 GMT -6
My daughter was born on may 4th of this year... Being a head football coach I was very nervous. First of all my wife knew when she married me that I was also a football coach. Secondly I never knew how much I could love something until I had my daughter!
As football coaches we sleep very little during season anyway. Now you will sleep less this first year for sure. Few tips. Set aside time each night to spend with your wife and child. For me it was bath time. No matter what else I had going on, how busy I was... I always made time for bath time. You have no idea how much your wife will appreciate that! And quite frankly it's a great time to let down your guard and just enjoy your child. Every once in a while stop by the local store and bring home an outfit just to show you are thinking about the kid. Also, you need to take your turns at night to wake up with the baby too... I learned very quickly that being in season is no excuse for not waking up to take your turn at night! Final tip. Communicate before you have the kid, and before season about how much time football really takes. Don't let it be a surprise. My wife and I started talking right now about how football season was going to play out the following August. With all those discussions we both knew where we stood and what we expected. Just don't go back on your word.
Good luck, and have fun! It really is worth every second!
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Post by carookie on Dec 10, 2012 22:37:05 GMT -6
If your wife is on board thats a BIG one to have; and I have found that most programs are kids friendly. Most of my kid's best friends are the other coaches kids; they hang out together-gym, wt. room, sidelines, after game pizza.
During the season it can be a bit hectic, but at least from my stand point you have time. Mondays and Thursday Im home by 6, Saturday film has me home by 4 and Sundays are all mine. Then, in the offseason, since I teach, Im home by 4:30 (and don't get me started on all the time I get with the kids in the summer) thats a LOT better than most dads who are in other professions (and believe me Ive used that line on the wife).
But most importantly Congratulations! Its an AMAZING ride.
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Post by airman on Dec 11, 2012 0:03:39 GMT -6
Hire a good nanny or governess.
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Post by dubber on Dec 11, 2012 1:48:43 GMT -6
Hire a good nanny or governess.  Or, you could just quit your job. Then you'll have plenty of time for family AND football.  I believe this has more to do with their desire to SPEND TIME with their child. |
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Post by coachwilliams2 on Dec 11, 2012 6:06:57 GMT -6
30 years from now, no one will remember what your record was (for the most part), but they WILL remember how well you raised your child.
As much as I love football, my son takes my priority. Now, I still devote alot of time to football (probably too much), but as others have said, you have to realize that you don't get down time. You get home, spend that time with your child and wife.
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Post by larrymoe on Dec 11, 2012 8:43:05 GMT -6
Watch less film.
There's very little to be learned from a film after about the second time you watch it.
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Post by wingtol on Dec 11, 2012 8:43:09 GMT -6
I was at a college recruiting night last night and was talking with a some coaches who were in their late 60's and 70's. So you can coach for as long as you want. Your kids are only young once.
Also no matter how on board your wife says she is there will be moments where she isn't on board at all! LOL
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Post by jhanawa on Dec 11, 2012 10:01:07 GMT -6
My youngest son, who is 6, gets pissed off if I don't take him to work out with the team. He's grown up running with the older boys, it's been a positive experience.
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Post by ogre5530 on Dec 11, 2012 11:19:26 GMT -6
It's a challenge most definitely! My wife is stay at home mom for our 3 year old and 9 month year old so football season is quite hectic when she has the kids all day and most of the evening. You have to find time for the kids and your wife. I wake up with the baby every night, but it's something I kind of enjoy. It gives him and I a little bonding time...Like others have said we don't need much sleep time as football coaches! Enjoy the ride!!
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Post by lochness on Dec 11, 2012 11:30:40 GMT -6
Football coaches over-work like it's a badge of honor. We should dedicate ourselves to working SMARTER, not harder. Be efficient. Trim stuff that isn't adding value. Don't work for the sake of working. Your job is to be effective, not be an undisputed workhorse.
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Post by blb on Dec 11, 2012 12:01:14 GMT -6
To piggy back on Nessie's post, this is why in the Off-Season we do the bare minimum that I deem necessary to be successful or at least competitive.
And I don't require our coaches spend all weekend including Friday night squinting at film - ours or theirs - looking for "The Winning Edge."
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Post by cqmiller on Dec 11, 2012 12:21:24 GMT -6
There isn't really a "balance", but more of a "trade-off"...
There was a thread on this a couple years ago but I couldn't find it. Basically, hope your wife REALLY understands the time commitment you are making on both ends. I know the divorce rate for coaches is much higher than for non-coaches.
I married a varsity basketball coach, so she really understands what it takes to run a program and the time commitment. Basically, from June - November, she is the parent and I am the one that comes home and plays with the kid for 2 hours before she gets put to bed, and from December to May, I am the parent and my wife is the one that comes home and plays with the kid for 2 hours before she gets put to bed.
Our offseason S&C is at 5:30 AM so the wife takes daughter to day care in the AM and I pickup in the afternoon which allows us to both get stuff done in each others season. Same during football season. I drop off at day care and wife picks up.
It can be difficult, and I have #2 on the way right now, so we will see how that affects the schedule.
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Post by dubber on Dec 11, 2012 12:26:43 GMT -6
Football coaches over-work like it's a badge of honor. We should dedicate ourselves to working SMARTER, not harder. Be efficient. Trim stuff that isn't adding value. Don't work for the sake of working. Your job is to be effective, not be an undisputed workhorse. Very good. It helps when your program is built to "do what we do" and have the ability to dictate looks to the defense that just leaves us with "what's their plan versus that look?" Spend most of your time preparing the kids.......they are the one's who play the game anyway. Your decision making is limited (or enhanced) by your team's execution, so focus on the 2 hours a day you are with them..........the rest can sometimes be like a person with OCD How most coaches work:  If I don't watch enough film something bad will happen......... |
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Post by runtoball on Dec 11, 2012 13:31:01 GMT -6
...
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Post by ogre5530 on Dec 11, 2012 13:34:56 GMT -6
To piggy back on Nessie's post, this is why in the Off-Season we do the bare minimum that I deem necessary to be successful or at least competitive. And I don't require our coaches spend all weekend including Friday night squinting at film - ours or theirs - looking for "The Winning Edge." I think you and cqmiller with the post below yours said it best...the offseason is where more of the "trade-off" occurs. I know as a married man with kids I do not spend nearly the same amount of time doing off-season work as I did as a single man. I used to go clinics all over the place and visit other coaches among other things. These things had to take a step back with family being the obvious priority. |
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Post by silkyice on Dec 11, 2012 13:47:17 GMT -6
I am going to second working smarter. Don't practice past 5:30 or 6. We only meet on Saturdays 9am to 10:15 with the players. Coaches watch film on Hudl. We will text/call each other. We will talk on Monday to make sure we are ready, but we don't start to finalize our gameplan until Tuesday. Get your entire family involved in any way you can. Of course this is difficult with a newborn. But right now, I have to be the luckiest man on this entire board. My wife is my AD assitant. Well, ok, she is really the AD in everything except the name . My oldest son is on the team and my younger son and daughter are ball boy/girl. I am blessed. |
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bighit65
Junior Member
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Post by bighit65 on Dec 11, 2012 14:01:13 GMT -6
First of all congratulations! I agree with making all time together quality time. Learn to hold your child and bottle with one arm while you use the remote or take notes with the other. Also, when it is your night to get up to feed have everything set out so that it is as quick of a process as possible. Turn your clocks so that you can't see them in the middle of the night then you can trick yourself into thinking you only lost 5 minutes of sleep. Mind over matter. Good luck!
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Post by Coach Goodnight on Dec 11, 2012 14:39:27 GMT -6
Silky, Are you saying you guys don't watch film together as a staff at all? How well does this work and do you give them specific things they are to look for on film? Such as the Oline coach will watch film and give all the fronts and stunts for the Dline.. etc...? Is it easier to do it this way or to watch as a staff in your experience? I am going to second working smarter. Don't practice past 5:30 or 6. We only meet on Saturdays 9am to 10:15 with the players. Coaches watch film on Hudl. We will text/call each other. We will talk on Monday to make sure we are ready, but we don't start to finalize our gameplan until Tuesday. Get your entire family involved in any way you can. Of course this is difficult with a newborn. But right now, I have to be the luckiest man on this entire board. My wife is my AD assitant. Well, ok, she is really the AD in everything except the name . My oldest son is on the team and my younger son and daughter are ball boy/girl. I am blessed. |
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Post by emptybackfield on Dec 11, 2012 14:46:50 GMT -6
I don't have much to add to this thread given that most everybody else has contributed what I would have.
I just wanted to say congrats. My daughter was born 2 months ago and it's the coolest thing you'll ever experience. If it's not, then you're getting to do some pretty cool {censored} in your life.
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Post by amthd45 on Dec 11, 2012 17:39:56 GMT -6
Lockness applause to you my friend! Indeed this "Badge of honor" of never being home and watching endless hours of film, along with pointless meetings about "What if" is absurd.
BLB....where were you when I was an asst. coach? LOL I wish i could have worked on your staff!! An understanding family man Head Coach!!
OP4Shadow I will tell you this my friend, Family comes first. You know what changed my perspective? When I coached as an asst. on a State Championship team a few years ago. My Mother had been diagnosed with a rare form of cancer and was withering away every day (she died 6 months after the diagnosis). The coaching staff i worked on had Saturday meetings and Sunday meetings. Saturdays for film review of our game, Sunday for game planning the opponnent. Each weekend passed I was unable to get away to see my Mom. When the season ended in December, I remember coming ot see my Mom and she was so weak should could not even hold her grandson. I then realized how the end was near for her. I really started to resent the profession at that point. More so i started to resent the Head coach whom I worked for. 7 days a week of work and a state championship ring was not worth missing precious weekends to which i could have seen my Mom.
For all you coaches who read this and may scoff and think that I am an idiot and dont realize it really takes "so much work" to be an effective staff, you will realize one day. I just pray for your sake that you dont realize it at the cost of never seeing your kids grow up, watching your wife walk out on you due to neglect, or losing a loved one. Nothing wrong with working hard. But like it was said before with spending time iwth your family, there is "quantity" and "quality" in doing your job too. You dont have to burn the candle at both ends to Win football games.
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Post by emptybackfield on Dec 11, 2012 19:12:37 GMT -6
I think blb and many others have shown that there eventually comes a "point of diminishing returns" and you don't have to live at the office to be successful.
I would have tried my hand at the college deal a few years back if I was going to have to tolerate never seeing my family. In high school ball, no one should have to do that.
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Post by davishfc on Dec 11, 2012 19:22:35 GMT -6
I was at a college recruiting night last night and was talking with a some coaches who were in their late 60's and 70's. So you can coach for as long as you want. Your kids are only young once. Great observation Wing. Puts it into perspective for sure. |
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Post by jackedup on Dec 11, 2012 19:43:21 GMT -6
There are some great advice on here and I think you'll find that you'll develop your own routine. Early on its not a huge ordeal because the baby will be really young and won't be awake too much. It's the 6 months and older when they start the crawling that you'll be exhausted. And if you're like these guys and myself, you're child will grow up with it around and it'll be his/her passion just because its your passion. My daughter LOVES Football Fridays!
Just remember to give your wife, "You Time". I think its natural for couples to forget to spend quality time alone but when one of you is a coach, it can get worse.
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Post by fballcoachg on Dec 11, 2012 20:12:54 GMT -6
It is an awesome thing to have my son around the program, he is a little under 2 and all of the cheerleaders know him and all of the players and coaches see him as a mascot-mini team member. One of my favorite pictures is right before a game, as the captains are standing for the national anthem my wife captured my son holding a football and standing next to/looking up at the players...just a cool thing that is kind of a snapshot on how my family and my football are intertwined. Have a daughter on the way and football is going to be what she knows, sure she will probably experience it a little different then my son (maybe) but my wife does a great job of working with my son and soon my daughter on game nights.
Now to echo what the others have said, just be smart with your time, cut out the unnecessary stuff, work during nap time and at night as much as you can. Additionally as my HC told me, pick a time every night where you turn off your phone, shut the rest of the world out, and have you and kid time. It can be bath time, playing, reading, anything really but it is amazing what kind of levity it brings you and I hope it goes a long way when my kids get older in that dad was there.
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Post by silkyice on Dec 11, 2012 21:38:25 GMT -6
Silky, Are you saying you guys don't watch film together as a staff at all? How well does this work and do you give them specific things they are to look for on film? Such as the Oline coach will watch film and give all the fronts and stunts for the Dline.. etc...? Is it easier to do it this way or to watch as a staff in your experience? I am going to second working smarter. Don't practice past 5:30 or 6. We only meet on Saturdays 9am to 10:15 with the players. Coaches watch film on Hudl. We will text/call each other. We will talk on Monday to make sure we are ready, but we don't start to finalize our gameplan until Tuesday. Get your entire family involved in any way you can. Of course this is difficult with a newborn. But right now, I have to be the luckiest man on this entire board. My wife is my AD assitant. Well, ok, she is really the AD in everything except the name . My oldest son is on the team and my younger son and daughter are ball boy/girl. I am blessed. I think this is a very important thread. Probably more important than any X and O thread on Coach Huey. So in order to not hijack the thread I will start a new thread on on this topic. |
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