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Post by coachplaa on Dec 11, 2012 21:46:21 GMT -6
So much good info on here. I look at a few of the coaches I know, that spend a lot of time on football and don't have families, and I think it would be hard to NOT have a family to share and support. I know I'm blessed to have three great kids and a supportive wife, even though she can get annoyed throughout the season. My wife actually runs my endzone camera during the game. She was tired of hearing parents/fans yell at me from the stands, so she was either going to stop coming, or she needed to get away from it. Its been a big help. One of my sons is our ball boy, and my other son did all of our Hudl Live Tagging this year, and did a great job. My daughter is busy imitating the cheerleaders most of the game, but after the game she runs at me and gives me a big hug (only 9yo), and I quickly am reminded that no win is too important and no loss is too much to overcome. Along with this, I try to keep in mind what I ask from my staff. I have single guys, guys with girlfriends, guys with wives, guys with young kids, guys with older kids, etc., all on my staff. I try to keep their time commitment reasonable out of respect to them and their own families.
The way I do it is I try to keep practice at two hours for a variety of benefits, I give our team and coaches Saturday off, but each coach has an expectation of watching Hudl (whatever their role is), and each player is required to watch game film. Sundays we meet in the afternoon for 2 to 2 1/2 hours max. I ask for each coach to come prepared, but we do not watch film as a staff. I may have 5-10 clips I want to show the staff, but we won't sit down and break down a whole game(s). I probably spend an hour each night after practice, at home, while the kids are doing homework, or right after they go to bed, to grade/review practice film.
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Post by holmesbend on Dec 11, 2012 21:55:59 GMT -6
It's a total family commitment ,that's for sure...but, one that can easily be made into a very enjoyable way of life.
In August of 2011, our daughter was born. Even more than that, she was born the Monday of our opening game. Like many on here, I have the epitome of a coaches wife. We've been married for almost 3 years, but we dated for 5 (as I call it, "test drove" her lol ). I grew up in a coaches family, though...my mom and grandmother were/are both coaches wives for 30 years each.
My wife has missed one game game in 8 years (I'll give a hint as to which one), and it was all I could do to finally get her to understand that it'd be ok not to go.
But, as others have posted. You just have to make them part of your football family, as well as learning to just balance things throughout the year. From the first part of July-1st week of December, it's what we do. "We" meaning, my wife, my daughter and I. If it's not our games on Friday nights, it's them coming out to home JV games on Monday's, Middle School games on Tuesday's, Freshmen games on Thursday's and even a few hours on Saturday's when I'm out there with Little League. I'll even include them to go with me to playoff games after we have been beaten out. Something here in Kentucky that I've noticed the last couple years is that, the Thursday night before the 1st day of finals on Friday's is and always has been "guys night". On Friday's for the first three games, it's just coaches...but, for Saturday's finals games, many have had their wives come down for that day. I/We are going to start doing that next year.
On the flip side of that, and I know these both might sound like the anti-Christ of football protocol, but we don't really meet on the weekends as a staff, either. Obviously, we text/call each other as needed about stuff we see on film and reminders for when the week of practice begins. However, on Sunday evenings from about 6-10 pm, our offensive coordinator, OL coach and myself (Head Coach, but I also still handle the defense) block that time off to meet. It's open to everyone on staff, but they are the only ones I actually require to be there. We might meet an hour or 4 hours, just depends. Why don't we meet longer? Well, fact of the matter is...one of the main reasons why I believe staffs met all day long on Saturday's and/or Sunday's is because there was ONE film. So, everyone had to get together to watch that one film. Well, the evolution of burning multiple DVD's and now with Hudl has changed that. Now.., we don't meet, but each staff member has their Hudl responsibilities and what not that they are to have ready come Monday. I ask my coaches to basically give me all they have Monday-Friday, and come the weekend...spend that with your real family (I require each coach to work a full Saturday of Little League, though...usually a 12 hour...8-8 day).
In the offseason, I have a strength and conditioning coach (who also does our in school weight lifting...athletes only) along with two other assistants who handle the offseason (I mix things up with my appearances in there...I might be in there two full days or parts of all three, etc) Thankfully, all of our upperclassmen have weightlifting during the day, so the only ones after school are our soon to be freshmen and sophomores who aren't playing another sport. The three assistants and myself who handle the weight room split this up as well, essentially just needing to be there two days a week. One thing learned from guys I know who have been in this a long time and who also have happened to be very successful is, HIRE A STRENGTH guy before anything. Find somebody who loves it. Find somebody who wants to make that 'their baby' so to speak. That was the first hire I made this time last year when I took our head job, and I haven't regretted it yet.
Point is....it can be done. These are just some of the things I do, and some of the things I was given insight to do from those who wished they could have gone back and, "Shoulda, coulda, woulda" if they had the chance to do it all over again.
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Post by holmesbend on Dec 11, 2012 22:06:27 GMT -6
So much good info on here. I look at a few of the coaches I know, that spend a lot of time on football and don't have families, and I think it would be hard to NOT have a family to share and support. I know I'm blessed to have three great kids and a supportive wife, even though she can get annoyed throughout the season. My wife actually runs my endzone camera during the game. She was tired of hearing parents/fans yell at me from the stands, so she was either going to stop coming, or she needed to get away from it. Its been a big help. One of my sons is our ball boy, and my other son did all of our Hudl Live Tagging this year, and did a great job. My daughter is busy imitating the cheerleaders most of the game, but after the game she runs at me and gives me a big hug (only 9yo), and I quickly am reminded that no win is too important and no loss is too much to overcome. Along with this, I try to keep in mind what I ask from my staff. I have single guys, guys with girlfriends, guys with wives, guys with young kids, guys with older kids, etc., all on my staff. I try to keep their time commitment reasonable out of respect to them and their own families. The way I do it is I try to keep practice at two hours for a variety of benefits, I give our team and coaches Saturday off, but each coach has an expectation of watching Hudl (whatever their role is), and each player is required to watch game film. Sundays we meet in the afternoon for 2 to 2 1/2 hours max. I ask for each coach to come prepared, but we do not watch film as a staff. I may have 5-10 clips I want to show the staff, but we won't sit down and break down a whole game(s). I probably spend an hour each night after practice, at home, while the kids are doing homework, or right after they go to bed, to grade/review practice film. Coach Plaa, Had I read yours, I could have just liked your post...instead of writing mine, then "liking" yours. It's kind of funny....in the time that I was writing that post, my wife just looked over and said, "Coach Huey?" "Yes...but, I'm actually talking about how good of a coaches wife you are." To which she replied, "Bullsh!t.....nice try with the answer, though."
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Post by fballcoachg on Dec 12, 2012 7:25:13 GMT -6
So much good info on here. I look at a few of the coaches I know, that spend a lot of time on football and don't have families, and I think it would be hard to NOT have a family to share and support. I know I'm blessed to have three great kids and a supportive wife, even though she can get annoyed throughout the season. My wife actually runs my endzone camera during the game. She was tired of hearing parents/fans yell at me from the stands, so she was either going to stop coming, or she needed to get away from it. Its been a big help. One of my sons is our ball boy, and my other son did all of our Hudl Live Tagging this year, and did a great job. My daughter is busy imitating the cheerleaders most of the game, but after the game she runs at me and gives me a big hug (only 9yo), and I quickly am reminded that no win is too important and no loss is too much to overcome. Along with this, I try to keep in mind what I ask from my staff. I have single guys, guys with girlfriends, guys with wives, guys with young kids, guys with older kids, etc., all on my staff. I try to keep their time commitment reasonable out of respect to them and their own families. The way I do it is I try to keep practice at two hours for a variety of benefits, I give our team and coaches Saturday off, but each coach has an expectation of watching Hudl (whatever their role is), and each player is required to watch game film. Sundays we meet in the afternoon for 2 to 2 1/2 hours max. I ask for each coach to come prepared, but we do not watch film as a staff. I may have 5-10 clips I want to show the staff, but we won't sit down and break down a whole game(s). I probably spend an hour each night after practice, at home, while the kids are doing homework, or right after they go to bed, to grade/review practice film. Coach Plaa, Had I read yours, I could have just liked your post...instead of writing mine, then "liking" yours. It's kind of funny....in the time that I was writing that post, my wife just looked over and said, "Coach Huey?" "Yes...but, I'm actually talking about how good of a coaches wife you are." To which she replied, "Bullsh!t.....nice try with the answer, though." Same exact conversation last night...women's intuition I guess, or we are just that predictable!
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Post by s73 on Dec 12, 2012 8:51:18 GMT -6
I couldn't agree more with what Lochness said about working smarter and not harder. That is the epitome of our program. In fact, that slogan is printed on the 1st page of our playbook.
As a result, I have crafted every aspect of our program to fit this mantra. Just one example, my first 2 seasons as a HC I ran 2 a days because you are "supposed to". I lost both season openers. The last 6 seasons as HC we have not run a single 2 a day and we are 6-0 on opening day.
On a side note I have competed against a coach who "wears the workhorse badge" as lochness stated earlier. This guy told me he SLEEPS OVER at school 1 day a week during the season to get more film time.......we have never lost to them:)
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Post by newhope on Dec 12, 2012 9:14:14 GMT -6
You have to learn how to organize and balance your time and energy. I admit that when I was a young coach with a family, I spent too much time on coaching. Of course, I was doing multiple sports in order to support my family back then. As a head coach, I try to take into consideration younger coach's time for family and not overdo what I ask of them. We don't do a lot of meeting during the week...I don't require them to be there much more than what I require of the players--who also have lives outside of football. I don't ask anything of them on Saturday. We meet Sunday afternoon and that takes 4-5 hours of their time for film, planning, etc. They have access to film through Hudl. The coordinators spend a lot more time in preparation, but they budget when they'll do that. It can be done without sacrificing family.
With that said, you can tell what kind of coach a young guy's really going to be when he first gets married and then when he first has kids. If he starts cutting back and not putting in the same effort because the new wife wants him with her, he ain't going to make it. She'll never let him. If he starts wanting to leave early, etc, when he has kids...starts letting his preparatin slip when he has kids, he's probably not going to make it. I'm just stating what I"ve seen over the years. It's not a lot different than with that player who gets a car or a girlfriend.
You don't have to give up your coaching responsibilities or your family to get them both right. You have to give up some of that other stuff you spend time on.
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Post by panthercoach10 on Dec 12, 2012 12:26:02 GMT -6
Saturday afternoon is all abou the family. We go out to dinner to get everybody out of the house and the kids get to pick what we do afterwards. Some days we go bowling or to the movies and sometimes we go home and play games. The wife and kids loves it. My wife brings our kids to school for the pep ralley and my son rides the bus home after the game. It is a huge comittment for everybody but I wouldn't have it any other way.
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Post by mholst40 on Dec 13, 2012 12:10:19 GMT -6
I know a lot of coaches tell their players that they want to teach them how to become better men, husbands and fathers down the road. I know we do in our program.
But, how many actually practice what they preach? I am married without kids and wonder all the time how my life will change once we decide to have them.
Finding a balance between being a good football coach and a great husband/father seems extremely difficult. In fact, we had a couple of big time coaches in our area resign and they listed family as one of the top reasons for giving it up.
I think you have to keep the time commitment reasonable and realize that most high school coaches don't want (or need) a college schedule.
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Post by mrjvi on Dec 13, 2012 13:32:43 GMT -6
My schedule of very little on weekends and being home for dinner most nights allowed me to feel good about my time with my 3 daughters. Being the head, I became very good at delegating and not micro-managing. My expectations were (are) clear to my staff and I had to let some go during my 32 years total at 2 different schools- 21 as the head. No-one wants to win more than me but this is still high school football. We have won an average of just under 6 out of 9 games throughout those years with some championships and 2 state final visits. Would we be better with substantially more time? Maybe, but I won't change it. I feel I've been able to make our planning very efficient. I learned when I was an assistant that we really did waste alot of time.
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Post by husky44 on Dec 13, 2012 16:19:12 GMT -6
Coach, I am entering my second year as a HC and would like some ideas of what to delegate to the assistants? The first year was tough as far as time, we were fairly successful and I felt like I did not ask too much of the kids and coaches but am looking for ways to lighten the load.
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Post by RedRaider on Dec 13, 2012 20:16:36 GMT -6
It's really good to hear all the great stories from good coaches but GREAT FATHERS. I love it. I have 4 boys (12,7,5,3) my two oldest plays as well. It's hardworking for sure but like all have mentioned its well worth it. My boys have grown up with a lot of my players who have seen my oldest play as well from the time he was 6. We as coaches preach how much a team is a family, well bring that family closer. My boys have been around the programs I have coached at (HS and JUCO) an have learned some positive things as well. They have been in the Wt room, at practice and even film sessions. It also show the young men we are coaching what a MAN looks like (some have no father figure) and how a real man reacts to tough decisions and how to balance both. Now I have been blessed with a wonderful wife who is a football fanatic. She bleeds, breathe, and eat football just as much as I do. She understands the time that is put into it.
You have to communicate with your wife before the baby comes and after. Create a structure that works best for your house. When I coached HS my wife and I would have a movie date every Saturday night or Fridays when I coached college. Sunday was all family day. Now during the week after my sons practice we would come home, eat, and play with them till it was bed time. Even tho it's usually only about 45 mins each night it seems like an eternity to them. One thing I learned from a my first head coach I worked for was learning how to balance work, home, job and the kids.
I got my film sessions in at the school or a Lil at work after the boys were sleep. Be prepared for sleep deprivation. If it becomes overwhelming then you know what to choose. Coaching n football is going no where (unless Goodell takes over all levels then we are all ......) but we can't get time back that was missed with the kids.
"DADDY DUTY IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN COACH DUTY"
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Post by tango on Dec 13, 2012 21:03:46 GMT -6
No hobbies, leave once you are done, tuck them in every knight, drop them off at school or daycare, once the season is over pick them up, clean the field house with you, if you trade film have them ride with you, hugs in the end zone before the game and after the games. My 6 year old girl knows more about the game than half my team. My three year old would only answer to coach for about a year. I hope the don't get any older.
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Post by mrjvi on Dec 14, 2012 10:03:07 GMT -6
I delegate different jobs to my assistants. Offensively I don't need to do a major amount of game planning as we don't know what d we'll face. We prepare for a variety all the time. My d coach does more prep obviously but he has our other coaches look for certain things and text or call with any questions. I give jobs to the players and hold them accountable during the season including locker room cleanup and security and we as coaches take turns each day with supervision. I have the week plan always done from a template so all the coaches know how much time and when they will have their groups. Just like teaching it gets easier to use past practice plans with tweaks so over the years it just gets easier. My d coach lets me know before Monday's practice an idea of his plan and so does the special teams coach. Any excessive variation from our pre-season meeting plans would be a problem that I would have to deal with done time-wise. We need to be on the same page before the season. We just don't meet on the weekends unless it is a unique situation. My coaches set time on the weekends on their own and always have a great plan, maybe because they can do it when they want.
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Post by coachdag on Dec 14, 2012 10:35:20 GMT -6
It was tough on my wife that first year but we managed and now expecting our second I learned a lot from some mistakes I made that first year that I have vowed to do my best not to make the second time around.
this past season, after 1pm on Saturday there is no football talk, film or planning till Sunday after 8pm when my daughter goes to bed. She of course enjoys watching games with me and came to almost every single game we had this past year and it was great. There is no feeling after a loss or a win like hugging your child, and after a few brutal losses, those hugs and holding her made it a lot better.
Plan as much as you can and hold yourself accountable. If you run late because of meetings or practice, the next day you have to give up some of that time you missed. I'm lucky that I have a HC that is very family oriented and understands that family will always come first. And as others said involve them in as much as you can. My little girl loves watching football, whether live or on TV or sometimes when there is a film I'm watching while she naps and she gets up, she'll curl up and watch some film and point at the screen and mimic me if I grunt or sigh. Now every time we walk through a store and there is a game on a TV she looks at the screen and says "papa, it's your sootball (her word for football) game. we watch now?"
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Post by coachplaa on Dec 14, 2012 15:25:04 GMT -6
One thing I do: Having a date night once a week during football season works wonders. Set it up for the whole season. Thursdays or Saturdays work great with a Friday night game. 2-4 hours a week, arrange the babysitter for the whole season, and plan it like you would set up a practice schedule. As our family got older, we started alternating one week date night, next week, family night out.
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Post by op4shadow on Dec 17, 2012 19:47:03 GMT -6
a ton of great info and a lot of good stories fellas...its much appreciated. my wife and i already had our close call last season. same story as some of the others, too much time spent on the game as opposed to my wife. thankfully, we worked through it, and she showed me a ton of support this year going to every home game and the close away games. she then traveled to our first round playoff game which was 1 1/2 hours away...and that moment kinda made me think that football and kids would be possible. and even to her surprise (she is not a football fanatic), she actually got into it. again, thanks for all the great advice, and i will be sure to keep the advice in mind as i move forward.
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Post by fballcoachg on Dec 17, 2012 21:09:11 GMT -6
I don't want this to sound callous however my wife genuinely never entered my mind when it came to coaching and the commitment. It was an understanding when we got in to our relationship. She knew and knows what our life entails and what the possibilities are. She may change in the future and we will have to cross that bridge when we come to it but she didn't marry me to change me and my priorities. That being said I try my best to still balance everything but if it comes down to going out to dinner or doing something I need to for football football is going to win out and she understands that.
Now, my child (future children) are a bit different in that they didn't knowingly get in to this and I don't want anyone else raising my boy. As much time as I can spend with him I do and I try my best to incorporate my family in to the football program. When he gets a bit older he will be with the team as much as feasible, ball boy etc. so I am around him and we don't miss out. Maybe we are still in a long honeymoon phase but an old coach once told me, if your girl doesn't like the time you spend on football find a new girl or find a new sport...I think I've been fortunate to find the girl and am in the right sport.
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Post by bufordtjustice on Dec 27, 2012 19:39:45 GMT -6
I think that a big part of the equation is a strong support system. When my two were little, I was fortunate to be part of coaching staffs that were a big extended family. Everyone helped out with kids. When they are old enough, they became fixtures at the field house and practices. Don't let this time slip away, my oldest just finished his senior season and played his last game for me. That was the toughest post game talk I've ever given. Enjoy every minute, it over all too soon.
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coachmitts
Sophomore Member
Always compete
Posts: 186
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Post by coachmitts on Dec 28, 2012 16:27:49 GMT -6
As a husband (and hopefully father one day), this thread was/is a complete breath of fresh air. I find myself struggling with the time commitments of being a husband, coach and student. My first year coaching was the one she almost walked out on me. Last year was a little better. But this year, I have changed my plan to make myself better. And this thread gave me tons of useful information and ideas to make my self better as a husband and a coach. So thank you to everyone who posted. You really have no idea how much you helped a young coach!
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Post by btex0127 on Dec 29, 2012 11:06:36 GMT -6
It is a balance. I have three children, one in college now. I can count three seasons where I did not feel there was a good balance. If I work at home I get up at 4:30 to do it. I had years when they were young that they came to the field house, when was a coordinator or hc. Had a stretch where we had a staff together for awhile and we had our kids around a lot. One key make your wife happy, have date night. As a hc I made our staff go out on a date on Saturdays. If they did not thy had to put 20 in our party can for end of the year party.
Also here is an interesting comment. I had the chance to pend an afternoon with Bum Phillps. He talked about coaching at Bama with Bear Bryant. How on Friday at 5 he made his coaches leave to go out with their families, hence the reason I do the above.
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