AMusing things overheard from players

"I'm not going to get a drink of water...it gives me cramps"

Tuesday was blustery, rainy day here.

Just as I was walking out to practice, sun came out and stayed out until we were done, although we lost a hand shield that blew away (and had to save couple others plus Agile bags).

After wards one of our seniors said, "Coach, I think you intimidated the rain into stopping."

Kind of woke me up to how kids view me. I think maybe I need to be "kinder and gentler."

Practicing in gym in uppers only on a rainy day. QB gets under C, then jumps back. "Mark isn't wearing a cup." HC replies, "Just run the play." Without even a pause, QB snaps back, "if he gets wood we're going shotgun the rest of practice."

Two weeks ago our starting WR asked his position coach how he could tell if a play was a run or a pass.

We had a player ask after kickoff return if we were on offense or defense. This is no lie...He is trying to get into West Point!

Once had a kid ask me if Homecoming was a home game thiat year.

Another asked what time the bus was leaving day before a home game.

Punter once told me I made him nervous when I watched him kick (during Specialty period).

Told him I planned on being at all nine games.

I've got a few to let you all understand what we deal with. These are all from this year.

Player: "That was incomplete! Coach, I swear to god his knee was down when he caught the ball!"
Coach: "He's allowed to have his knee down while catching a pass"

Another--
Coach- "If people are too close to you on a punt, just call a fair catch"
Player- "What's a fair catch?"

Another
Coach- "Well we had less three and outs this week so that's a positive for us."
**A room full of blank stares, one kid raises his hand**
Player: "What is a three and out?"

That's my season so far.

blb and Phantom, my brother coached at a school that had their Homecoming Week...on the week of a road game. It was changed because the volleyball team played a tournament the day of the original Homecoming and there was concern the girls wouldn't have time to get their hair done. Honest to God truth!

"coach, can we run an onside punt?"

Our offense has the ball as the 3rd quarter runs out. A player turns to me and asks, "coach, do we get to keep the ball?"

He asked the same thing 2 games before that as well.

This is about the same kid, about one week apart, two different stories.

The kid came up to me and said "Coach, I bet I know just as much about football as you all do." The next words to his teammate next to him, "I'm 14-9 on madden online, so I'm thinking about asking if I can be a player coach next year". He meant it too. Dead serious.

About a week later, we're trying to run the clock out because were up by 3 with less than 2 minutes left. Sure enough, the sophomore OL coach and I hear that same defensive player, "It's a good thing we have all 2 of our time outs. Coach is going to need them - why the heck are we running and staying in bounds anyways?". I can't figure out what's worse, him thinking that the full timeout allotment was 2, the fact that he thought he could be a player coach, the thought that he could coach because he played madden "well" at 14-9, or the fact that he honestly though we needed those 2 time outs when we were running the clock out on purpose.

Pretty smart kid otherwise, just flipping 0 common sense.

Really not kidding.

Gah. I can go on. I hope jturner pipes up in here, he has one of the best regarding a kid we nick named cowboy at the school I was at last year.

We play for the league title this Friday.Before today's practice, my starting D Tackle says to my line coach "Coach, I don't know if I can practice today. I turned around in Chemistry class and bumped my knee on the drawer." (The fact that he's taking Chemistry in the first place is shocking enough)
Last year, the week of Homecoming, I'm talking up the game, the crowd, how all the alumni will be there, etc. My starting ILB: "Coach, what's alumni?"
During film, we notice our backup wide tackle is lined up outside the tight end. We tell him he needs to be inside the TE. Him: Who's the Tight End, I couldn't tell." This happens in the 9th game.`
Our school test scores were way down last Spring, I think I know why.

instead of having him kick to the side, just point him at an angle, so he`s still kicking forward, it`s the field that`s at a funny angle.

believe me when I tell you, we have tried everything its funny because he think its a equilibrium thing... ha ha...what son?