Funniest thing a player said this Season

We had a kid run off the field after a penalty for too many men on the field. We asked him what he was doing out there and he looked bewildered and said, I was playing Defensive End coach! We calmly explained to him that we do not currently run an offensive formation with a DE. You had to be there it was hilarious and although we didnt lose it there we sure did after the game talkn about it.

PS if we did run a DE on offense he would have been in the right position right off the other tackle.

Last year, I had a D-lineman who was somewhat decent. He only played defense because he couldn't remember an offensive assignment to save his life. On defense, he always jumped when a team went on two. In the second to last game of the year, he finally didn't jump. Later in the game, the other team went on 3. He jumped on the second hit. He saw that the flag was on him. He runs over to the sidelines and says, "It was on two!" I told him that they were obviously going on another count. Then he says it..."You can go on a snap more than 2?" He seemed dumbfounded when I told him that you can go on 20.

I had a pretty funny one. We were playing against a team towards the end of the game, and had them on about 4th and 6. I told all of the players, DO NOT EVEN MOVE! DON'T DO IT.

Well......the team gets on to the field and gets lined up. The QB starts barking hut hut hut hut hut hut hut(non stop)......like 15 times. Just as I see their coach going to the Ref to call time out, my player jumps. After like 20 huts.

I was pissed, but could not help but laugh my butt off. I asked him, when is the last time a team ever went on 20....he paused and said....."Dang, I knew I should have waited for one more!"

hahaha. I loved the guy.

Maybe it is not funny to everyone, but WOW!

During his second game one of my new O-Lineman came up to me and asked :"Coach, why for the Refs throw those yellow towels all over the field?"

I coach in Germany where few kids have a basic Football knowledge and he was new to the team *and* to the sport, but that one made me chuckle.

Cheers
Marc

:DDoesn't he own a pair of gym shorts for Gym class? That's a pretty good one.

HaHa, this was a good laugh. I can picture some of these kids.

One of our guards (13 yr old) finally gets to carry the ball in our last game. Gets tackled low, then is seen holding the area of his family jewels. In obvious pain, he pulls himself out of the game and comes by me and says "Coach, I think my children are going to be retarded now".

I had an 8 yr old come to me during practice (we're running offense as a team at the time) to ask me if he could go pee. I told him yes, but hurry back because he was the only kid at his position at practice that night. So, he runs to the portapot right next to our practice field. I don't know why, but when I call the play, my mind registers the sound of the spring on the portajon door stretch when it opens and the kid lets out a man-sized wretching sound. Seconds later he appears back onto the practice field. I said, "did you pee ALREADY?" He says to me, "no, somebody...somebody...uh uhhh, somebody crapped all over the seat." Then the huge wretching sound returns and he pukes all over the area we are practicing in. One of my assistants calmly tells the kids "move down, move down, move down" to get the kids to an area of yak-free turf, looks at me and says, "you'd think a kid named Preston Doody (no joke, that's the kid's name) would be able to handle seeing a little crap, wouldn't you?!" We had to stop practice because everyone was laughing so hard...

In our 3rd game last yr we won 21-0, this was our first win of the season and to this point we were having practice 3-4 times a week depending on Coach's work scheds. Well after the game a mom comes up to me and says "I guess since we finally won a game this means we dont have to practice as much." I held back the best i could, didnt have the heart to tell her now they get more intense. I should have told her "Sure, just have little Johnny here next Saturday at noon for the next game.

A few years back I was working with our defense and going over gap responsibilities,

I asked one of my A gappers what his job was and he barked back.... stay low and protect my A-hole.

I almost passed out trying to to laugh and quickley asked the next kid what his job was.

Wow. I'm currently watching over an ISS session and I could barely hold myself back on a few of those stories.. hahahaha..

"Protect my a-hole" , kids peeing on the fence, "smith is prison raping the guy across from him," "my children are going to be retarded now" LOL.. These are jus young kids. That is the funniest part.

My first game as head coach, 7th grade team. We were playing a very good team. We were already shell shocked like 21-0 in the second quarter. A kid walks up and asked my assis. coach "Coach when is the game going to start?"!!! I'm not sure if the question was funnier or look on my assis. face!


Same game... it was 3rd and 8. I send in a pass play...the ball is snapped (we run shotgun)... my guys punted! At the time not funny at all... but after the game my assis. and I had a hard time stopping the laughter!


Perspective... we were destoyed that game but afterwards my guys proceeded to have races with each other while the 8th grade game was going on.

One of my more clueless DLine players says to me mid-game: `Coach, I`ve noticed we do a lot better the less I play.` I could only reply `you said it kid, not me`

I give cookies (or brownies, or fudge) to the kids the practice after games to recognize great plays and great efforts. During practice, we were working line stunts and blitzes etc, and this kid finally figured out X-Ray, which is just DT strong comes across the center to the weak A gap, DT weak loops behind, hopefully the strongside guard (and one time the tackle and tight end too) follows, leaving a nice open rushing lane. So the same kid as above finally gets it right and asks: `Do I get a cookie for that` Our wisecracking linebacker (a 115-lb 11yr old girl who hits like a man and whom I privately refer to as Icebox) spits out `Aren`t you fat enough already`

Our worst player, a 62 lb 10yr old way out of his depth physically and mentally, was on the sidelines as we played in the finals, and we started to clobber the other team from the first play. Not just on the scoreboard, or recovering a fumble on the first snap, but our kids were way more physical and started hurting their players left and right.Now, I don`t coach my kids to cheat or injure, but I do coach them to hit extremely hard, solid, fundamental hits. No one was injured, they just all left the field with assorted bruises and a general desire not to play against us anymore. So this kid is on the sidelines and he starts to count how many of their kids we knock out of the game from sheer fear. Then he starts tracking their numbers and doing the math to see at what rate we were knocking out their players and how many we would knock out by games end and how many they would have remaining. Totally clinical about the whole thing. I started laughing at this kid drawing out numbers on my whiteboard. His projections were thrown off when I started using a quarter to determine who would play what position.