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Post by jraybern on Dec 31, 2007 13:38:34 GMT -6
Coaches
I saw the character thread that has been up for a few days now - great discussion. It got me thinking of CONCRETE ways in which we demonstrate character. To be more exact in our role as husband/father.
I have been married for 6 months. My wife is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I am blessed because I know there are thousands (millions?) of broken homes out there. I have young men in my program who have NO male role model or who have a very negative male role model. I think in a lot of ways, we become the type of father/husband that we see as an example. If we are surrounded by great husbands then we are more likely to become great husbands and vice versa.
Here is my question:
In what specific ways do you SHOW the young men in your program how to be good husbands/fathers.
Those could be two different questions for those of you with children or you could lump them together. I am most interested in specific things you DO - actions.
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Post by superpower on Dec 31, 2007 13:44:15 GMT -6
This is a very little thing, but after every game my wife meets me on the field after we have our team breakdown. We hug and kiss. When my daughter is able to attend our games, she also comes onto the field to give me a hug and kiss.
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Post by davecisar on Dec 31, 2007 14:36:12 GMT -6
Inner City Youth teams when I had them I always spoke often and overtly of the love I had for my wife and children, how I always thought of her and always praising her etc.
I took a core group of kids out to dinner after each game and they sat down with us as a family to eat at a restaurant. Taught them table manners as well. Many had never seen anything like it unfortunately, 2nd-3rd generation single parent kids.
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Post by blackfly73 on Dec 31, 2007 16:26:23 GMT -6
Great Thread!
I too think it is important to be the role model by deeds.
I myself have a 3-year old daughter, and I have no trouble going over to her before the game, or after to let her hug and kiss her Daddy (and my wife too!). It isn't always possible for them to attend all our games, but when they do I love it.
My daughter has also been to a few practices and I always make sure I spend some time with her in the transition times of practice.
I've even turned down a couple coaching opportunities, because it would have meant not spending time with them - I'll coach football until I'm 60+, but she's only little once - and I have only once chance to get being a Dad right.
Family should ALWAYS be #1 in EVERYTHING. This is something I alwasy let my players know as well. If they have to leave early or miss some of the weekend practices we have because of family... I allow it.
I also think "A Season of Life" by Jeffery Marx is a great read by all coaches.
Football is about developing young men... not merely wins and losses. I think all TRULY great coaches know this.
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Post by coachveer on Dec 31, 2007 17:29:27 GMT -6
The kids are looking for role models and they know the real thing when they see it.
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Post by kboyd on Dec 31, 2007 18:48:46 GMT -6
Win or lose I meet my wife and kids half way on the field after each game for a kiss & hug. Plus they are involved in the various functions that take place other than the games. I talk with my players on a friendly level quite regularly about the importance of family.
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Post by touchdowng on Dec 31, 2007 18:52:53 GMT -6
My problem is that I'm probably a better coach to my players during the season than I am a husband to my wife and father to my own children.
From time to time, we will discuss as a team about all of the responsibilities that tug at us during the season as there are many. I'm not afraid to share my feelings of guilt to my players. We talk about time management strategies and ways to remain effective in all realms of life. We talk about not taking short cuts to getting the important things taken care of. Family is SO important but our coaching staff is putting in 90% of it's waking hours on this program.
For me, the reality is that I'm not particularly a very good role model when it comes to my family during the season. I try to make up for it during the off-season.
I am happily married (for 20 years) and have 3 beautiful teenagers so I must be doing okay. But I truly don't feel great about my family efforts during the season. So, I believe (right or wrong) that I'm doing my part in showing kids how to be a good husband and father by expressing my challenges when it comes to time. Football is SO consuming and that is reality.
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Post by aleator on Dec 31, 2007 19:29:24 GMT -6
"A Season of Life" by Jeffery Marx as mentioned earlier is an excellent book.
"The Man in the Mirror" and "The Dad in the Mirror" by Patrick Morley are also excellent books.
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Post by schultbear74 on Dec 31, 2007 19:30:16 GMT -6
Football is a family business. My children have always been a part of whatever football program I have been involved with. What better way to keep your kids close than to spend your time and theirs involved in and a part of football.
My wife is an ambitious and talented woman who is also a good football wife. I have been married to her for 29 years and she goes to almost all of my games.
My coaches in High School had successful marriages and families because they made football a family affair. I wanted and have what they had.
There are bad marriages and family problems in every profession. Choose to make it not a part of yours.
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Post by coachwoodall on Dec 31, 2007 20:43:48 GMT -6
I am not a fan of the Marx book. To touchy/feely for me, also they play up the 'love' thing at first and then down play it when they do not win, but I digress...
We preach (pound) it into our guys heads that we are in the busines of producing good fathers and a good husbands. It comes up in the post practice speeches, the preseaon speeches, the end of the year banquets, etc.... We have our circle meetings each Friday and we let it be known we are interested in the personal lives of ours players and want our families involved.
We work to form personal relationships with our kids with the off season work outs. We get their parents involved, wether it be the mom&dad, single mom/dad, grandparent, uncle/aunt, etc.... I think the key is focusing on the relationships that you are able to foster, not the ones you can't. You can't save them all. Hopefully you have a staff that is diverse enough to catch as many as possible.
I have my kids around practice as much as I can. I make it known that I expect that practice/games/workouts be a place where my kids can be and it can be a positve place for them to be.
Character education is like most football work. If you make a part of your 'daily musts', then it will be of tremendous benefit to you and your program. It is not something you hit in the off season. It is not something you talk about at the booster club meetings. It is not something you talk about at your preseason staff meeting. It is something that you live, talk, and walk everyday.
There is no magic formula. You have to take your values and make them a visible and an intergral part of your practice regime. Don't be afraid to talk about your personal life. Don't be afraid to be tough on your kids. The key is to talk to them. You would be surprised how seldom these kids today (even with all this technology) have no one to talk to, man to man.
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Post by larrymoe on Jan 1, 2008 12:45:15 GMT -6
There was a thread on here last year about someone taking a father/son camping trip before the season began and there they talked about fathering. I thought it was a great idea. I'm sure if you searched it you would find it.
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Post by carson101 on Jan 2, 2008 9:41:03 GMT -6
Being a good husband is tough, I was a coach before I was married which this is my second. When In season being a husband is always difficult as others have stated and I am guilty of maybe paying too mush attention to FB if i was too spend that much attention to my marriage it could be an awesome family like a team. I do make my family a priority when it comes down to brass tacks the difficult part is the family is anti FB in most respects and it has its issues. Is my attitude wrong when it comes to coaching, possibly but the reason I do gives me my own sense of worth so me teaching kids how to be better men than myself. I am not a ego guy so that doesn't have a factor in coahing vs family. I simply have never been one of those that has had any personal support for my efforts so in supporting the kids I get to oah gives me filled void because there might be that one kids that has that same void. So being a husband is important and I try my best for my family. but the important thing is I don't think GOD would of made me into a coach if he thought I wasn't worthy.
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Post by oldbuck72 on Jan 2, 2008 13:05:39 GMT -6
Great Resource: Quiet Strength-The Principles, Practices, and Priorities of a Winning Life: Tony Dungy with Nathan Whitaker
It will provided with some answers to your questions.
Great book - Hard to put down once you get started
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