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Post by runtheball86 on Apr 21, 2006 18:59:20 GMT -6
We are having the same problems many of us face - parents who are interfering with our ability to do our best job. We are being inundated with parents who are overstepping their roles and attempting to be much more involved than they should be.
We have come up with the following preliminary list of what we WILL and WILL NOT discuss with parents and the start of a list of what we SHOULD discuss with players.
What would you add?? Thanks, guys - we really need some help here!
NO DISCUSSION OF
Your Son’s Playing Time
Our Coaching Strategy and Game/Practice Decisions
Position/Personnel Decisions
Any Other Student-Athlete Other Than Your Son
FULL DISCUSSION OF
Health and Safety Concerns
Clarification of Team Rules/Expectations
Academic Issues
Personal/Family Issues You Choose to Share
DISCUSSION WITH PLAYERS
Ways He Can Improve
Personal/Family Issues He Chooses to Share
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Post by bulldog on Apr 21, 2006 23:50:59 GMT -6
We have a lot of the same things on a form that we have the parents sign before each season. It makes it real easy when you have an emotional parent to deal with. If they get into something inappropriate, the first question is, 'do you remember signing the parental form?' Carrying a spare form really helps when they stray. Here is the same information on our website: www.folsomfootball.com (click on Parents) |
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Post by los on Apr 22, 2006 4:51:22 GMT -6
If all else fails and common sense communication is lost and anarchy is about to ruin your team, this might help?  |
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Post by blb on Apr 22, 2006 5:34:00 GMT -6
We have a football parents' meeting in June and our AD has a fall sports parents' meeting in August where much of the above is covered, including no discussion of PT. I still have parents calling me, stopping me after games, emailing me, even one couple came over to my house! Most ADs won't step in to implement their own policy, much less protect the coach.
There's an old saying in coaching: "The best place to coach is an orphanage."
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Post by coachjd on Apr 22, 2006 6:19:55 GMT -6
we tell our parents that if there is a question about playing time the first step is to have their son talk to his position coach or the head coach about what he needs to do to increase his playing time. ie. get stronger, learn the plays, better consistancy at catching the ball etc... If it cannot be worked out between the player and the coaches then the parents can call and set up a face to face meeting with the coaches to discuss what their son needs to do to increase playing time.
If a parent calls or comes to me and the their son has not yet talked to his position coach or myself then, I inform the parents that their son needs to follow procedure and discuss what he needs to do to improve his playing time. End of conversation.
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Post by blb on Apr 22, 2006 7:53:24 GMT -6
We tell them pretty much the same things, jd - problem is they don't listen, or THEIR kid is the exception to the (any) rule, in their minds. Of course, a lot of the problems come from parents who didn't care enough in June or August to come to the meetings.
It's just like with the kids. The vast majority of our parents are positive and supportive. We have a good football booster club. It's just the few knuckleheads you have to deal with that are irritating.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Apr 22, 2006 8:30:20 GMT -6
I agree, JD. And it seems as if you always hear, "please don't tell my son I'm here." We will listen to a parent concern about playing time, but we will ALWAYS bring the player into the conversation. More than once a parent has been shut up by a kid who says, "I'm happy with my role." We had a kid a few years ago whose dad thought he should be returning punts. Dad came in, told us why his kid should be a returner, then junior came into the room. We told him the topic of conversation and he said, "dad, I can't catch punts."
Beautiful.
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Post by blb on Apr 22, 2006 8:35:58 GMT -6
Good story, ib. Here's a beaut: Last summer we had to suspend a kid the first five games for drinking - second offense. His dad calls me after the third game worried about how much he was going to get to play after he got off suspension.
First time I ever got a PT complaint from a parent of a kid who couldn't play!
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Post by knighter on Apr 24, 2006 4:54:02 GMT -6
Only way to meet with me or my staff is with junior in attendance. Meeting will not take place otherwise.
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kdcoach
Sophomore Member
Posts: 194
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Post by kdcoach on Apr 24, 2006 5:23:43 GMT -6
ANY time a parent starts a conversation with "I don't want my son to know....." as far as I'm concerned that conversation is over. I have found that when I ask the parent "when you talked to junior and asked him why he wasn't playing more, what did he tell you"? Typically I get the deer in the headlights look. I then send them back to their son and if they still need to talk we all do it together. If they won't involve their son then we aren't talking.
We do have them (and their son) sign a code of conduct to start the season, but they typically ignore it when it comes to them.
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Post by blb on Apr 24, 2006 5:56:29 GMT -6
Good idea, knighter - I like it. I think we'll institute that policy here.
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Post by knighter on Apr 24, 2006 6:31:25 GMT -6
blb-
almost totally eliminates parent meetings...as they do not want junior to know they are there in the first place. only exception is if junior is in trouble, or is having personal problems off the field (mom and dad divorcing, suspected substance abuse etc.) there are a few exceptions to the rule
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zexx14
Sophomore Member
Every failure carries with it the seed for an equivalent or greater success
Posts: 169
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Post by zexx14 on Apr 24, 2006 10:36:37 GMT -6
It seems to me that we are in an age when rules do not matter terribly much with some players and/or some parents. We too have our players and parents sign a contract, but in recent years, it doesn't seem to matter.
I agree with blb in that many administrators (ADs) don't seem to want to protect their coaches. One phone call from one angry parent and it seems like a national emergency to them. What is even worse is when your AD is a former coach who saw all of the problems first-hand and yet allows parents private meetings dealing with what are essentially playing time issues.
This all seems so negative in some respects, but the message is simple:
1) Treat your players and parents as fairly as you possibly can
2) Don't count on administrative help-some can become company men right before your eyes.
3) Do the right thing and stick to your guns
4) Remember that the problem parents are usually a very small percentage of the families whose lives you effect in a positive manner.
Coaching is a NOBLE profession filled with classy, caring individuals. Don't let the negative parents, or ADs change your deep love for the game or for the young men who play it.
JMHO
Zexx14
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Post by cqmiller on Apr 24, 2006 12:18:59 GMT -6
It's nice to go in to the AD & Principal, and go over your team rules, and punishments for things, BEFORE the season. Make sure that all 3 of you are on the same page, and get the principal & AD to also sign a copy of the rules/regulations so that ALL 3 of you have the same input.
It's been my experience, that AD's & Principals only hear about the rules and punishments after the fact, tend to tell coaches they over-reacted, but if you go over the plan BEFORE anything happens, then you are all on the same page.
Just My Opinion
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Post by dmp225 on Apr 26, 2006 8:24:01 GMT -6
If you actually speak to your AD or parents, that is usually helpful. Kids, Parents, and administration know when you are a fake or a quitter. Be a man and hold on to your guns and stop worrying about what other people think. If you do that you will be fine, if you don't, then you will find yourself crying about every situation worse than the kids and the parents.
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Post by dmp225 on Apr 26, 2006 8:27:47 GMT -6
Parents should be able to discuss their kids playing time. If you have reasoning why they are not playing, let them know. If you ignore them, it just creates a worse situation. Be honest, sometimes the truth hurts, but it is always better than making up some BS reply
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Post by superpower on Apr 26, 2006 8:40:55 GMT -6
I think in too many situations discussing playing time is a no-win situation. There are things that should be open to discussion, but I am not sure that playing time is one of them.
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Post by dmp225 on Apr 26, 2006 9:02:10 GMT -6
why else do parents complain? Playing time about their child should be discussed...philosophy should not. If a coach won't talk about playing time with a parent (their child only) then they are just scared of the parents...strike 1
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Post by knight9299 on Apr 26, 2006 9:10:25 GMT -6
At my previous job we taped as much of practice as we could. This way when a parent voiced a PT concern we could address it with the eye in the sky, and remember the eye in the sky never lies. The HC also spelled out the chain of command. If junior is concerned about playing time JUNIOR addresses this concern to his position coach. If that doesn't satisfy the problem junior goes to the coordinator. If that doesn't help than he goes to the HC. If that doesn't work then and only then can parents get involved. If junior skipped any of these steps the HC would inform the parents what Junior needed to do to before the parents and the HC could talk. The AD would tell the parents the same thing. It worked well.
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Post by blb on Apr 26, 2006 9:12:37 GMT -6
I have never come away from a meeting with parents about PT where one of us convinced the other, or that either of us felt better about the situation. They should have their son be a man and "fight his own battles" - go to his position coach and find out why he's not playing more (most of the players, if they're honest with themselves, already know).
Had a couple come in once. Told them their son was eighth out of nine kids at his position on our physical fitness test, was the smallest at his spot, and had missed an inordinate number of practices. They left yelling and screaming into the ADs office. Last week of the season the kid skips the first two days, so I kicked him off. The mother assaulted me because I refused to let him dress that Friday night.
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Post by superpower on Apr 26, 2006 9:13:04 GMT -6
In most situations a parent who is angry about playing time won't listen to anything the coach has to say anyway. They have their mind made up that the coach is out to get Junior or that the coach doesn't know what he is doing. I have been part of those meetings as a coach and an AD, and I don't ever remember a parent changing his/her mind based on the coach's reasons for not playing Junior.
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juice10
Sophomore Member
Posts: 200 
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Post by juice10 on Apr 26, 2006 9:20:19 GMT -6
why else do parents pregnant dog? Playing time about their child should be discussed...philosophy should not. If a coach won't talk about playing time with a parent (their child only) then they are just scared of the parents...strike 1 I don't think that coaches are scared of parents, I think it has more to do with parents believing that their kids are the best at everything, and sometimes that is not true. Parents "go behind" their sons back to get them more playing time; however they never see how they practice, how much time they have spent in the off-season, and maybe most importantly, that the athlete might be perfectly OK with his role on the team. I have had very few PT talks with parents that have ended reasonably well. The only way that I will talk playing time with a parent now is with their child present along with myself and the position coach. It is done after practice, never before! |
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herky
Sophomore Member
Posts: 189
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Post by herky on Apr 26, 2006 9:30:34 GMT -6
Parents should be able to discuss their kids playing time. If you have reasoning why they are not playing, let them know. If you ignore them, it just creates a worse situation. Be honest, sometimes the truth hurts, but it is always better than making up some BS reply I agree. You cannot shut out the parents completely, especially if athletics is viewed as an extension of the classroom in the secondary setting. Knighter and JD, those are excellent strageties to set limits and make effective use of your time. |
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Post by dmp225 on Apr 27, 2006 7:33:27 GMT -6
why is everyone worried about what the parents think? Your job as a coach is to coach the kids, but it is also your job to let them know why they are not playing. if a parent wants to speak about playing time, let them talk. If they don't like what you have to say, or don't agree with you, too bad. But you shouldn't run and hide from them. 99% fo the time, they will not agree with you, and they do not have to, but they will respect you as a man for standing by your philosophy and actions. Coaches who are scared of parents and who complaion about the admin. just make me angry. Get a backbone, or get out! In any other profession you have to stand by your work to your bosses and other people in the company, why should coaching be any different?
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Post by dmp225 on Apr 27, 2006 7:35:10 GMT -6
do you hide from an angry parent who calls a conference with you in the classroom also? as herky said, the field is just an extension of the classroom. let start to treat it that way
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Post by superpower on Apr 27, 2006 7:51:02 GMT -6
"they will respect you as a man for standing by your philosophy and actions"
I can't agree with this statement based on my experiences. I have been in meetings and explained very clearly why Junior is not playing. The parents go to the local coffee shop and run their mouth, bad mouthing the coach, and then the issue snowballs out of control. Maybe I have just been unfortunate to coach in places where some parents don't respect the coach. However, I don't think the parents who are complaining represent all of the parents. Most parents let the coaches coach and do support the coach, but one or two parents who don't respect the coach can be a real problem when they stir things up in the community (at least based on my experiences).
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Post by dmp225 on Apr 27, 2006 8:21:09 GMT -6
who cares if they stir things up a the coffee shop. It is their opinion, if you spend time worrying about that, you are just second guessing yourself
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Post by superpower on Apr 27, 2006 8:37:12 GMT -6
If you worked in a school like I am currently in (but leaving at the end of the school year), you would understand. Our administration and board listen to every parent who has a complaint, and coaches are fired based on what the parents are talking about at the local coffee shop. When you are the sole bread winner for the family, those things affect way more than just you as the coach.
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Post by dmp225 on Apr 27, 2006 9:03:21 GMT -6
do you teach also? or is coaching your fulltime job?
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Post by superpower on Apr 27, 2006 9:16:06 GMT -6
I do teach also, but I can't imagine teaching without coaching. I consider myself a teacher/coach and the two go together.
Here is the thing: The community that I am in right now has gone through 12 coaches in the past 28 years. In fact, going back to something like 1914, when they first started high school football here, the average tenure of a hs head football coach in this school is 2.7 years. The average number of wins since 1974 is 3.8 per season. They don't allow a coach enough time to build a successful program. If the coach doesn't have a playoff team in two years, the coffee shop crew applies their considerable influence and the administration and board fire the coach and put together a search committee (made up mostly of the coffee shop crew) in hopes of landing a big time coach.
By contrast, the school that I am going to puts out a pamphlet outlining athlete, parent, and coach relationships (pro-active rather than re-active). The pamphlet makes it clear that there is no guarantee of playing time at the varsity level. It also outlines how to handle communications with the coach, suggests appropriate things to discuss with a coach (and that list doesn't include playing time), and makes it clear that the player will be in attendance at any meetings between parents and coaches.
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