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Post by nltdiego on Sept 24, 2013 20:28:54 GMT -6
Our #2 FB an #2 Lb (starter on special teams) just informed me he will miss next friday for a wedding. Have any of you ever encountered this situation? I will be talking with parents but I'm sure they have mind made up.
- Should he sit out another game?
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Post by fantom on Sept 24, 2013 20:33:37 GMT -6
Whose wedding?
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Post by nltdiego on Sept 24, 2013 20:37:57 GMT -6
Aunt
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Post by brophy on Sept 24, 2013 20:51:10 GMT -6
this seems to come up every season...
It makes me wonder who in the blue hell thinks its a good idea to get married during football season? It doesn't even matter if you like football, WHY get married during football season?
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Post by dsqa on Sept 24, 2013 23:07:30 GMT -6
Tough to discipline him for a parental mandate...family...maybe parents should have to miss the next game :-).
Sorry to make light, It's very frustrating... I've been there when parents have pulled kids from games for less...family vacation,etc.
Not sure what I ever gain by punishing the kid...seems having to miss the game for a family function is punishment for him - if he cares at all...not always the case, but for most it isn't easy to have to miss for something like that...it's family, what are you going to do...
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Post by coachphillip on Sept 24, 2013 23:14:06 GMT -6
I've dealt with this before. My aunt had me as a ring bearer my freshman year. She didn't tell me her wedding was a Friday evening. I told her she'd either have to find a new ring bearer or carry the ring in her dress because I was not going to miss a game.
Any kid that's missing a game because of something that trivial is not a kid you want anyway. If his family's making him go (an excuse I never really bought), then he's already been sat out. Give the back up more reps the next week and tell him it's because you can rely on him.
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Post by vmorazorback on Sept 24, 2013 23:29:39 GMT -6
Wedding trivial? You must not be married? To most people,getting married is nothing but trivial. One football game weighed against a ceremony that will change the lives of two or more people for ever. The poor player has NO choice in the matter.
I would say that he should be excused. People who miss games for billsheit reasons should suffer consequences. The gratitude from a player who has a supportive coach can also have him fight even harder for you, the next week.
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Post by pvogel on Sept 25, 2013 4:44:39 GMT -6
Ya you gotta let him go.
And yes, what in the world is wrong with people planning fall weddings??
Last year I was asked to be a groomsman in a buddies wedding this year. The date - October 12th. Not only am I a die hard Texas fan (thats the day of the Red River Shootout, so maybe he was trying to save me from that torture) but I'm 3 time zones away.
Fall wedding + 3 time zones away + trying to find a possible flight out of a rinky-dink airport like Charleston = good luck i'll send you a target card.
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Post by blb on Sept 25, 2013 5:41:10 GMT -6
Have encountered it twice. Once was when coaching in college, our starting TE's brother got married on a game day and he was Best Man. We went three WRs and won 69-14 without him.
Don't believe in "punishing" kid for family emergencies, obligations, whatever (vacations different matter). Missing one of his at bats playing HS Football enough.
Again, have to realize Football not as important to others as it is to us who have made it part of our life's work.
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flingt
Junior Member
"We don't care how big or strong our opponents are as long as they're human.?
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Post by flingt on Sept 25, 2013 6:17:21 GMT -6
I thought as coaches we are to teach "God(or insert religion), family and then football"? Is this only when it's convient for us and our team? I have never had a problem with a player missing something for a legitimate family function, i.e., funeral, wedding, even an illness of a family member.
Or am I wrong? After 21 years of coaching I think I have a pretty good knowledge base.
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Post by John Knight on Sept 25, 2013 7:10:29 GMT -6
The key word here is RIVAL GAME! I mean if you play at Ohio State you can miss the Indiana Game for a Wedding, you can't miss MICHIGAN!
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Post by spos21ram on Sept 25, 2013 7:13:23 GMT -6
Tough situation but I don't think you can punish them.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using proboards
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Post by coachphillip on Sept 25, 2013 7:14:41 GMT -6
Wedding trivial? You must not be married? To most people,getting married is nothing but trivial. One football game weighed against a ceremony that will change the lives of two or more people for ever. The poor player has NO choice in the matter. I would say that he should be excused. People who miss games for billsheit reasons should suffer consequences. The gratitude from a player who has a supportive coach can also have him fight even harder for you, the next week. I can see what you guys are saying. But, if you think my opinion that the wedding is trivial is off based on your own personal experiences then I could argue the same thing. Unless he's the one getting married, get out of here. Like I said in the post. He's already missed the game. What other punishment can you give him? |
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Post by chipprjonz10 on Sept 25, 2013 8:04:47 GMT -6
I am of the belief that family comes before football... So in this case, yes it sucks, but you just make sure the back ups are ready to perform... Atleast the kid gave you a heads up and you can prepare, unlike a kid who tells you the day before or day of the game
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2013 8:16:52 GMT -6
I too agree that in most cases, "My family is making me go" is sort of a lame excuse. In this matter, I would think it's pretty legitimate.
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Post by casec11 on Sept 25, 2013 8:45:58 GMT -6
As coaches many preach Faith, Family, Football... all would state family before football, you cant punish this kid.
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Post by blb on Sept 25, 2013 9:22:35 GMT -6
I can't even believe this is a debatable topic. It's the kid's aunt...not his mother...not his father...not his sister...it's his aunt who is getting married. You don't get bereavement pay to attend the funeral of anyone outside of immediate family...aka, mother, father, son, daughter, brother, sister...I'm not seeing the importance of him being there for his aunt unless he lives with her and she is the one raising him. Can argue about which family members' weddings are "excusable" or "okay" to miss a game for or not. May be more to situation than OP has indicated. For example, wedding may be out of town and player's parents don't want to leave him home alone for couple days. |
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Post by silkyice on Sept 25, 2013 10:03:31 GMT -6
First, why are you just now being informed? That is my ultimate beef with this.
Second, Friday night wedding? Is it not a Saturday night wedding and he is just going to the wedding rehearsal on Friday? I would check into that.
Third, is he in the wedding or just attending the wedding?
Fourth, aunt? Not immediate family. It is family, but not immediate family.
Family does come before football, but does going to the Friday concert or movie as a family count? Does that trump the kid playing in the game? Of course the wedding is different than movie night, but still family is a higher priority does not mean that it ALWAYS come first in every situation.
All that being said, I would obviously talk with parents and find out the answers to these questions and would have some extra conditioning for him to do and/or probably even suspend him for a half. Not sure if that is the right answer or not, but that is what I would probably do.
Two more questions that will probably never be answered. Would he be going if he was a starter? Would he be going if he was the stud player?
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Post by spos21ram on Sept 25, 2013 10:45:20 GMT -6
The question is do we punish the kid. Obviously all of us as coaches would be a little ticked off no matter who's wedding it was. But do you punish the kid? I don't think you do.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2013 11:07:21 GMT -6
I have only ever been to 4 wedding in my lifetime...mine, my brothers and sister and a relative...I will suggest the kid isn't being made to go...i.e he wants to go.
My experience says that he has or had the choice...and most here are correct when they say no need to discipline and no grounds to...but it tells you a great deal about the parents, family and the kid.
And the days of him being somebody you can can count on done.
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Post by fantom on Sept 25, 2013 11:09:24 GMT -6
It's irritating that the kid is missing a game for his aunt's wedding but if the parents say that that's how it's going to be that's the end of that story. He misses the game and I don't see any point in punishing the kid.
I think that a lot of coaches worry that allowing this might cause an epidemic. I doubt that that will happen. I've done this for a long time and can only remember a couple of times what a player missed a game because his parents made their kid miss a game to attend a family event.
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Post by dubber on Sept 25, 2013 11:10:08 GMT -6
Here's the bottom line........this kid doesn't care to miss this game THAT much.
If he did, he would have done what every other 15 year does when they don't want to do something, tell the parents HELL NO.
You don't think this kid could get his way if he really wanted it?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Sept 25, 2013 11:14:47 GMT -6
It's irritating that the kid is missing a game for his aunt's wedding but if the parents say that that's how it's going to be that's the end of that story. He misses the game and I don't see any point in punishing the kid. I think that a lot of coaches worry that allowing this might cause an epidemic. I doubt that that will happen. I've done this for a long time and can only remember a couple of times what a player missed a game because his parents made their kid miss a game to attend a family event. But then the parents are a problem and have aligned themselves on the wrongside of the coach... If the parents are ok to do this during a game, then they are ok to do it during a practice, summer work out, school function, fundraisers, whatever they deem important is important... You know where parents get off with this type of behavior during summer break, spring practice or whatever? it is because some coach decided they were ok with a parent doing this. What do you think other parents see? You cannot possibly see this as not problematic. |
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Post by blb on Sept 25, 2013 11:21:31 GMT -6
It's irritating that the kid is missing a game for his aunt's wedding but if the parents say that that's how it's going to be that's the end of that story. He misses the game and I don't see any point in punishing the kid. I think that a lot of coaches worry that allowing this might cause an epidemic. I doubt that that will happen. I've done this for a long time and can only remember a couple of times what a player missed a game because his parents made their kid miss a game to attend a family event. But then the parents are a problem and have aligned themselves on the wrongside of the coach... If the parents are ok to do this during a game, then they are ok to do it during a practice, summer work out, school function, fundraisers, whatever they deem important is important... You know where parents get off with this type of behavior during summer break, spring practice or whatever? it is because some coach decided they were ok with a parent doing this. What do you think other parents see? You cannot possibly see this as not problematic. OP did not say player has missed other Football activities for family reasons or because "parents made (him)." Don't assume facts not in evidence. Coaches should deal with one issue at a time, not hypotheticals. If a coach tried to punish player for something like this, there are many, many administrations who would not back him-her. |
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Post by fantom on Sept 25, 2013 11:31:02 GMT -6
It's irritating that the kid is missing a game for his aunt's wedding but if the parents say that that's how it's going to be that's the end of that story. He misses the game and I don't see any point in punishing the kid. I think that a lot of coaches worry that allowing this might cause an epidemic. I doubt that that will happen. I've done this for a long time and can only remember a couple of times what a player missed a game because his parents made their kid miss a game to attend a family event. But then the parents are a problem and have aligned themselves on the wrongside of the coach... If the parents are ok to do this during a game, then they are ok to do it during a practice, summer work out, school function, fundraisers, whatever they deem important is important... You know where parents get off with this type of behavior during summer break, spring practice or whatever? it is because some coach decided they were ok with a parent doing this. What do you think other parents see? You cannot possibly see this as not problematic. I don't see it as a problem because it hasn't been a problem for us. If it is a problem in your program- a real problem, not a potential one- you may need to address it differently. |
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Post by wingtol on Sept 25, 2013 18:19:17 GMT -6
Never underestimate the stupidity of parents in situations like this.
You can tell them all kinds of things about not missing stuff during the season, don't schedule dentist apt's after school during the season, we go to camp these dates please don't take your vacation then, and on and on. But they still do it. And they still make kids go to stuff like this no matter what you say. Move on. I would say it's more of a loss for the kid than anyone. Can't punish him any more if you ask me.
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Post by pirate1590 on Sept 25, 2013 21:28:18 GMT -6
He isn't even a starter. Im sure you can find someone to fill in for him while hes gone that week. Wedding comes first. Two people united together (hopefully until death), its a beautiful thing. Football is just a game. And I am sure the kid would rather be playing. I remember when I was in 6th grade and my grandparents had their 50th wedding anniversary in Cleveland. I pitched a fit for weeks before the game but my parents wouldn't have any of it. I even told my coach I wouldn't be missing(which my parents shut that down). Did it mean squat for me at the time, not at all. Now that my grandparents have been gone for 23 and 18 years and missed all of their grandchildren's weddings (got my 13 year younger cousin getting married at 30 next spring, last one!) it meant a lot to them. I wouldn't punish the kid. I would absolutely tell him to go if it was his brother or close cousin but in this case remember he is a KID and he probably is being dragged by his parents to go.
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Post by rhscoachbh on Sept 26, 2013 11:01:39 GMT -6
Some of you guys have your priorities way out of wack. Football is a game, a recreational activity for kids. It is not their life like we have made it ours. Coach up the back up and go play the game. It could be a great opportunity for the back up and a way to solidify depth for later in the season.
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Post by fantom on Sept 26, 2013 11:16:04 GMT -6
Some of you guys have your priorities way out of wack. Football is a game, a recreational activity for kids. It is not their life like we have made it ours. Coach up the back up and go play the game. It could be a great opportunity for the back up and a way to solidify depth for later in the season. Although I agree that some are making way too much of this situation I do have to ask this: Do they fire coaches for losing where you are? |
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Post by coachphillip on Sept 26, 2013 11:30:48 GMT -6
Some of you guys have your priorities way out of wack. Football is a game, a recreational activity for kids. It is not their life like we have made it ours. Coach up the back up and go play the game. It could be a great opportunity for the back up and a way to solidify depth for later in the season. The majority of the guys on the post have stated that the kid already loses a game because of the wedding so the punishment has already occurred. Therefore, the solution is to coach the back up's back up and go play the game. That part I agree with. But, for you to say our values are out of whack because we value playing high school football over watching your aunt get married, that's your opinion. Some guys want to play the game. Some want to watch a wedding. We get it. |
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