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Post by raider7342 on Mar 26, 2008 7:37:41 GMT -6
any good way to do this. how honest to be about what is going on? what about rumors you hear about asst. talking behind your back? advice appreciated on how best to handle this.
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Post by fbdoc on Mar 26, 2008 8:05:24 GMT -6
Are you leaving to take another job? Are you being "asked" to leave? Each situation is different. As far as the assistant talking behind your back, I think the only way to handle that is a private face to face. Regarding telling the players, if you're going to another school I would stress the following -
I have really enjoyed coaching your guys
I will always have great memories from this school
My new position is a GREAT opportunity that I couldn't pass up
If there is ever anything I can do to help you please call me
and, if you are parting on good terms -
I want you to give the new coach the same respect, desire, and loyalty that you have given me these past years.
Life is all about changes and challenges. One door closes and another one opens. Hopefully there will be some regret at seeing you move on, followed by celebration and good wishes for you at this new opportunity.
On the other hand, if you are being asked to leave there is no good way to tell the team, and many times the school/Ad/Principal takes it out of your hands and makes or leaks an announcement before you can make a nice private statement. Either way, taking the high road will (in my opinion) pay dividends down the road. Thanks your players - as a group or in private - and stress the positives. Hope some of this helps.
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Post by touchdowng on Mar 26, 2008 19:44:26 GMT -6
Why ARE you leaving?
This would help in putting together a reply.
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Post by raider7342 on Mar 27, 2008 7:09:45 GMT -6
not being fired but admin took a long time (months) to say i could stay after bad season. some in community calling around to set up meetings to get me fired. job opening closer to home, not HC so less responsibility, more time at home, dont see realistic chance of getting program where it needs to be without major changes from admin, which i dont think are coming. other reasons
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newhc
Sophomore Member
Posts: 209
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Post by newhc on Mar 27, 2008 7:35:21 GMT -6
Raider,
This is always a tough situation. I am sure that you really will miss the kids. I say be honest with them. I think that is the only way. I don't think that kids need to know about the Administration side (Adult Side) of why you are leaving. Stress to them the honest points. I think that kids know about more about stuff than we give them credit for.
On another note, I am in a situation where I feel like the administration is not supportive, and makes me want to leave. I need help because I am battling with whether to leave or go. If I leave I am looking to relocate, and I have interviewed for a couple of positions, but I have not heard a answer as of yet. I love the kids, but I don't care alot for the administration. Help!
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Post by fbdoc on Mar 27, 2008 8:22:16 GMT -6
OK, they took a long time, but they DID ask you to come back! That's go to be a positive... Sometimes those "major changes" are just not going to happen - now or 10 years from now - regardless of who the coach is. Ask yourself if you will be happy coaching these kids with the way things are right now. If the answer is no, then it may be time to move on.
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Post by touchdowng on Mar 27, 2008 20:26:03 GMT -6
dcohio
that was then, this is now
too bad because people were once given a chance to make something meaningful happen before some genius decision maker would cave in.
RAIDER -
Stick with the HIGH ROAD. Honesty and integrity. And like other posters say, filter what you tell kids and keep them moving towards their own futures (next season and beyond) as they will remember you for this. I've been there and had to tell the incoming seniors to get behind the next HC as this was their only chance for success. That was a half dozen years ago and many of those kids still stay in touch with me and I can look them in the eye because I've always had THEIR best interest at heart.
Do nothing that could burn a bridge (with anybody) and pursue your other opportunities
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Post by gpaul62 on Mar 28, 2008 9:46:59 GMT -6
Coach,
This can be handle many ways but there is a lot to be said about telling the truth.
GP
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Post by coachorr on Mar 28, 2008 12:13:48 GMT -6
Dear friends it is hard for me to be loyal to this program when the powers that be have not been loyal to me.........
Okay, that is a little over the top, but it would be truthful. Or you could take the blame yourself, either way, you are not happy just leave and try to use something like DCOhio has stated. Given the fact you have not made any mention that you will be leaving kids behind, it should not be that tough.
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Post by rideanddecide on Mar 28, 2008 12:28:06 GMT -6
job opening closer to home, more time at home, Why can't this be it? It's honest. Family first, you can't argue what's best for your family. |
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Post by raider7342 on Mar 28, 2008 13:01:32 GMT -6
coachorr, thanks for reply, i have been here a long long time and i didnt mention the kids because i just assumed that coaches would know that leaving the players you have worked with would be hard. didnt mean my post to sound like i didnt care about them or wasnt concerned about them. it is the toughest professional decision i have ever attempted to make and am still not 100% sure what to do. i just dont feel i can get the program where it needs to be and where i want it to be without major changes that i dont feel will happen before i would get fired. have a very young group next year and could possibly go 0-10 to 3-7 but with communtiy feelings, i might have to sneak out of the stadium after some games. admin might change even this summer so new principal may even fire me before season. the other opening is there now, so looks like that might be best choice. thanks for advice guys and keep it coming
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Post by coachorr on Mar 28, 2008 17:43:49 GMT -6
That is a tough one. I don't envy you at all. I personally think being a Head Coach could be too stressful on family life at times. I would understand if you took the other job, and I think most would too.
What would be the reaction from the assistants and players? Just out of curiousity.
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Post by amikell on Mar 28, 2008 18:28:43 GMT -6
Raider,
I truly feel sorry for you. I have been in a similar situation. I was told by my AD that they wanted to bring in an older/more experienced coach (they had someone in mind already) and we would be "Associate Head Coaches". I had been at the school for 5 years, first job right out of college. I chose to step down rather than be an "associate head coach." I felt like they really wanted him calling the shots.
My assistants were very loyal, so I just told them the day I met with the AD (already had a scheduled meeting for that night). I was very honest with them. I didn't have a job yet, but was not staying at the same school. I asked the staff not to say anything to anyone, b/c the admin didn't want anyone to know what was going on/why I was leaving.
It was a completely different story with the kids. I waited several weeks until my wife (who worked at the same school. she had been there 9 years.) and I had a chance to tell the faculty. I simply told the kids that my wife and I were going to move to the western (more rural) part of the state to start, and raise, our family. The kids were blind sided and some were surely hurt, but they ended up winning more games the next year under the new hc than they had since 1999. They deserved success. There were a myriad of factors coontibuting to this, but to say more would be me simply whining.
We moved and I became an assistant coach. I LOVE IT. I work for one of the best men I have ever met, and he allows me a lot of leeway & freedom in coordinating special teams. In all, I am in a near perfect situation teaching and coaching, and live in a GREAT small town.
More to the point about what to tell the kids, I would be as honest as you can and tell them that you're doing what is best for your family. If you have an assistant that is stabbing you in the back then...i i think that is one of the situations like coachorr is talking about when being an HC is just too stressful. If you can get rid of him...then leaving is not a bad idea.
I hope some of what I said helps. Again, I don't envy you. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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Post by leighty on Mar 28, 2008 19:22:12 GMT -6
Be as honest as possible without burning any bridges.
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Post by bulldogoption on Mar 29, 2008 10:14:57 GMT -6
Tell the kids what they need to hear........think about them first.
The truth is that you don't feel you can win with an admin that will not support you and assts that are likely throwing you under the bus.
I wouldn't "tell the truth" in this case as most have advised you to do.
I think FBDocs info is good. Take the high road.
It is probably tempting to tell your kids something concerning the admin, asst. coaches, and community. This will add fuel to the fire. If you really want that other job, you want to leave on good terms and just fade away right???
It's difficult to swallow your pride. I would think that in 15 years you would be happier with yourself for just taking the high road.
As far as confronting asst. coaches goes...........good luck. It's really a no win situation. Coaches who have never been a HC have NO IDEA what its like. Its just society these days. Turn on the TV and radio and you can find experts willing to criticize who want to sit on the sidelines. Telling them how you feel may help you feel better but unfortunately it won't really change their mind. They think they know better, but haven't ever been in your shoes or a position like yours. Until they do, they will NEVER understand no matter what you say.
Good luck coach,
Silly situations like this happen all the time.
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Post by coachorr on Mar 29, 2008 11:14:54 GMT -6
If you are a good person, you will land on your feet. I know I always have. If you love the game, care about the kids and have good work ethic, then something really good is just around the corner. That said, take the high road. Great point Aimkel, I would have to agree with you.
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Post by raider7342 on Mar 31, 2008 7:48:50 GMT -6
coachorr
I think most of the kids will be surprised. i feel some of them will be disappointed, while i am sure a few will be glad as their families have really run my name into the mud lately. one of the asst. knows i have been contacted by other schools. he says he wants me to stay but not sure of his motivation. others have ties to community and probably see the writing on the wall. so many variables in the situation that it could go anywhere in the next year. thanks for all the advice, it really helps to talk to some guys who understand and can be objective.
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Post by raider7342 on Apr 21, 2008 10:48:55 GMT -6
thanks everyone for the advice. i resigned a couple of days ago. it was one of the hardest decisions i have ever made. i, of course, took the high road, just told everyone i was resigning because i felt is was time and it would give me more time with my family, which is truly part of the reason. i confronted no one about some of the reasons i am leaving. i felt that if i hadn't talked about those things yet then it was just too late. thanks again for the advice.
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Post by poweriguy on Apr 23, 2008 11:08:06 GMT -6
Best of luck with your family and your future endeavors coach.
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chs96
Freshmen Member
Posts: 66
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Post by chs96 on Apr 24, 2008 10:16:00 GMT -6
my boss didnt know what to say....so he let the kids read it in the paper.
never talked to any of them.
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Post by threeback on Apr 24, 2008 14:37:20 GMT -6
Went through this in December. I wish I could tell you there was a "right" way to do it. I was in the same circumstances you are- assistant coach talking behind my back, admins, etc. Only thing different was the head guy was leaving too.
I can tell you what worked for me- honesty. Don't try to feed the kids a line- they'll see right through it. Leave with your character and integrity intact. If you resort to pointing the finger and reciprocating on the talking, it only shows flaws in your own character. Be what you are as a man, and if it's because of the unprofessionalism of others- say so. Personally, I would leave names out of it- they know who they are and it will eat them up inside if you take the high road. I sincerely hope that everything works out for you.... the hardest thing I ever had to do was tell a room of 70 kids bawling their eyes out that I was leaving, but I had to. How you do it is just as important as what you say. Good luck coach.
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