Coach Unk
Junior Member
[F4:coachdonjones]
Posts: 392
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Post by Coach Unk on Oct 27, 2011 11:14:04 GMT -6
If your wife loves you and supports you while you have balance with your time she will not ask you to give up what you love to do, period. Why would she "force you to choose"? That makes no sense to me in the least. You balance your time, simple. Many careers are ruined by either mismanagement of time or a selfish wife who wants 98% of it.
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Post by coachcb on Oct 27, 2011 11:28:29 GMT -6
My fiance really struggled with my coaching, initially. But, it wasn't because of the time I was putting in, it was all about me being selfish with my time away from the field. I didn't spend as much time with her and I was preoccupied when I did.
Here's the deal guys; coaching is time consuming. BUT, we all tend to make it more so by wasting time. Film sessions that drag on for an entire day could be done in 4 hours. We don't need to bring that film home at night during the week; there's ample time during the day to watch it. We come home pissy because of a bad day of practice or game.
You're wife isn't going to leave you because of football; she's going to leave you because of YOU. Leave work at work.
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Post by mikedeesel on Oct 27, 2011 12:00:22 GMT -6
[glow=red,2,300][/glow]
My wife happens to be a hospice nurse and makes about 60k a year. my stipend is 3k a year. I can think of 57,000 reasons to choose my wife if it ever came down to it!
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Post by Coach Huey on Oct 27, 2011 13:22:04 GMT -6
[glow=red,2,300][/glow] My wife happens to be a hospice nurse and makes about 60k a year. my stipend is 3k a year. I can think of 57,000 reasons to choose my wife if it ever came down to it! true ... but for some subsets of coaches, teaching/coaching is their only career. it isn't something they do after they have finished at the workplace - it is the work place. for me (and my Texas brethren), not coaching would mean having to either a) find another line of work completely or b) hope the school will hire you back as a teacher only (we are on a contract where if you resign as a coach, you resign your teaching position - that teaching position is likely tied to a coaching position. only way you get to keep teaching if is they have another teacher leave and they can tie coaching to that teaching field) |
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Post by gunrun on Oct 27, 2011 14:35:24 GMT -6
CoachCB, well put. We don't get in the doghouse as much for the time we are away as for the time we are there. It's hard to turn off that switch when you get home and be a husband and not a football coach, but it's something I think we have to do if we want our marriage to be successful.
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kirk
Freshmen Member
Posts: 52
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Post by kirk on Oct 29, 2011 11:03:40 GMT -6
My wife all the way. I love football but football does not love me back or raise my kids with the love they deserve.
I agree with gunrun, its the extra time I put in that gets me in trouble (film, football on TV, and CoachHuey.com). My wife is well aware of the preparation needed for practice and games, not to mention the time at practice and at games. When I come home later than usual, thats a problem, when I come home and do more work instead of be a husband and father, thats a problem. Just need to find balance. My wife use to coach volleyball, so she totally understands the coaching profession, not so much the film aspect but the other stuff. She is also the most UNselfish person I have met, other than my Mom and sister, so she does not demand 98% of my time, so thats one of the many reasons I married her.
Last thing, when my 6 year old daughter told me she hates football because of all the time I spend at it, I had to re-evaluate whats really important and how much time football deserves. Wins and losses mean less to me than being a good father/husband.
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Post by blueswarm on Nov 9, 2011 22:46:11 GMT -6
My wife gets fed up with football and the amount of time I put in, but when the season is over, she misses it (she sheepishly argues against it). My wife would not make me choose, just like I would not choose football over my wife and/or kids! I believe that is what a relationship is. We both give and take and the time that I am home the rest of the year, I try to make up for the time I am away during the season. As my kids get older, it is easier to bring them around and do things while I am away and even though I have two girls, they love being around the football team. My two year old asks me every day when I get home from football practice if the football team won! How priceless is that!?!
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Post by mholst40 on Nov 10, 2011 11:24:57 GMT -6
As a recently married coach, I am blessed that my wife is as supportive as she is. She knows I love football and before we got involved she understood my commitment to the game from a player's perspective and quickly from a coaching perspective. We don't have kids yet, so her attitude may shift a little bit when that happens, but I've always told her that if I'm coaching there is only one way to do it and that's the right way. I've also joked that if I didn't coach she wouldn't want to stay married to me anyway because I wouldn't know what to do with all my free time.
I have quickly learned that I must become better at delegating certain things. This is tough for me because I am a micro manager at heart, but I am slowly getting better and better.
My wife was happy football season just ended, but I know she loves going to games on Friday nights and watching me do what I love. I would never choose her over football or football over her and she would never make me choose. Coaching makes me who I am and if we have issues concerning coaching, we would work through them.
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cujo
Sophomore Member
Posts: 107
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Post by cujo on Nov 10, 2011 14:51:56 GMT -6
Just me, but my family is the most important thing for me. I work alot of hours, but when I get home at whatever time, my time is with my girls. I was diagnosed with parkinsons, football would have loved me, but my family takes care of me. During the season, there is no extra stuff(Saturday afternoon with the boys, etc..) film at home is done after my little one and and wife go to sleep, or I wake up early. I make sure I take my girls somewhere Saturday night. I make sure I find my girls after a game, and not talk to 50 people who don't have my back. We watch "Tinkerbell-The enchanted life" for the 75 million time" because she doesn't care if my offense ran for 125, with 3 fumbles.
I get it, we all love football, and we pay through the nose. I don't count girlfriends, there is no ring or committment, But I promised my wife. If your not married, let your girlfriend go through a season or two. But if you are married, make the changes you can. Make sure you make her feel football is not as important as her.
I told my wife that I wasn't sure my Parkinson's would allow me to coach any more, she told me to quit having a pitty party, and to get my a$$ out there, or they would find somebody to take my place. She knows me better than I know my self.
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Post by belebuch1 on Nov 10, 2011 17:20:09 GMT -6
Cmon, women just cant stand to see their man happy, why you think they close their eyes during s^x? Lol
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Post by WTR on Nov 11, 2011 9:42:10 GMT -6
Wife, but she would never ask me to chose. She is a true coaches wife and supports me 100%. I am blessed.
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Post by fantom on Nov 11, 2011 9:57:31 GMT -6
I haven't chimed in because I find the idea of the thread silly (no offense meant to anybodyO.
There's only two possibilities here:
1. She married you knowing who and what you are and wants you to change. You married a
selfish woman. Hate to tell you but whatever you do won't be enough.
2. Circumstances-health problems maybe-change. Hell, there's nothing to talk about. You do
what you have to do. Nobody in his right mind would argue that he'd keep coaching
instead of taking care of a sick wife or child.
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Post by tojorich on Nov 25, 2011 10:09:13 GMT -6
More feedback on this than most Football questions/debates. Anyway, I married a true saint-on-earth. She has never once had a negative about my coaching and I actually left her sister's wedding to see an NFL draft 1 year cuz a kid I coached was getting drafted. Anyway, I always thank my wife publicly at the end of year banquet for the sacrifices she makes year round. She is THE 1st thank you on my list. I'm very fortunate. As far as answering the question...no way. I highly doubt my wife would see this but I would be sleeping with 1 eye open for the rest of my life if I gave the wrong (in her eyes) answer.
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Post by lochness on Nov 25, 2011 17:37:50 GMT -6
If you're a HS coach and you spend so much time coaching that it is jeopardizing your marriage...you need to take a f-ing time management course or two. Most HS coach's issues with time are self-created. We read these coaching biographies or whatever, and we think we're not doing a good job if we're not immersed 18 hours a day in practice, film scouting, etc.
Get good at managing your LIFE, which should include a balance of family, football, friends ,and (if you have it) faith.
Being successful at anything is about balance. If you allow your poor time management skills to unbalance your life toward football by engaging in over-work, the issue is YOURS and not your wife's. If you ARE managing your time reasonably and your wife is still not understanding...you may not have married the right woman.
I'm the luckiest guy in the world. My wife is a cheerleading coach at the same school I coach at. So, not only does she understand coaching...but she goes to all of our games and loves it!
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Post by rileygrey on Nov 28, 2011 4:50:23 GMT -6
I would kill or die for my wife... until I would do the same to keep coaching then its not much of a decision... Shack. |
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Post by Chris Clement on Nov 28, 2011 11:54:34 GMT -6
It's basically supply and demand... Is there really that much demand for a guy like you? I'm only teasing. |
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Post by airman on Nov 28, 2011 15:20:04 GMT -6
kyle chandler from friday nightlights talked with several coaches to see how to portray a coach. one coach had this board on one side it said football season the other side said marriage season. he had a slider which covered up onside or the other. during the football season marriage season was covered up during the marriage season football was covered up.
personally i do not think a coach should be married. just like a priest how can you devote your time to football if you have others to worry about. it did not get married tell I was 40 so I had many years with just a girlfriend.
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Post by airraider on Nov 28, 2011 18:45:01 GMT -6
kyle chandler from friday nightlights talked with several coaches to see how to portray a coach. one coach had this board on one side it said football season the other side said marriage season. he had a slider which covered up onside or the other. during the football season marriage season was covered up during the marriage season football was covered up. personally i do not think a coach should be married. just like a priest how can you devote your time to football if you have others to worry about. it did not get married tell I was 40 so I had many years with just a girlfriend. Ive been on this board for SEVERAL years... and have seen SEVERAL less than remarkable comments... But that has to be the dumbest thing I have ever seen on here... |
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Post by blb on Nov 28, 2011 19:09:19 GMT -6
"Friday Night Lights" is not real life - hope you understand that.
I am as obsessive-compulsive as anybody on this board about coaching Football that I have seen. Maybe too much so.
But I would not have had near the success we've had nor been able to last as long as I have without my wife.
And wouldn't have been able to enjoy my life, heartaches and all, without her.
As a coach, she is the single biggest asset I have.
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jlc
Freshmen Member
Posts: 53 
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Post by jlc on Nov 30, 2011 11:44:08 GMT -6
I don't care if I offend anyone with this.
This is the most ridiculous question I have ever heard. If you even think this is a close choice, what kind of person are you, why did you get married in the first place, and what kind of woman would marry you?
How good a coach could you possibly be if your priorities, morals, and values are this out of whack?
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Post by letthecoachescoach on Dec 3, 2011 0:27:24 GMT -6
If you're a HS coach and you spend so much time coaching that it is jeopardizing your marriage...you need to take a f-ing time management course or two. Most HS coach's issues with time are self-created. We read these coaching biographies or whatever, and we think we're not doing a good job if we're not immersed 18 hours a day in practice, film scouting, etc. Get good at managing your LIFE, which should include a balance of family, football, friends ,and (if you have it) faith. Being successful at anything is about balance. If you allow your poor time management skills to unbalance your life toward football by engaging in over-work, the issue is YOURS and not your wife's. If you ARE managing your time reasonably and your wife is still not understanding...you may not have married the right woman. I'm the luckiest guy in the world. My wife is a cheerleading coach at the same school I coach at. So, not only does she understand coaching...but she goes to all of our games and loves it! I understand where you are coming from as far as the coaches reading biographies lol, but its not that kind of deal for me. I am an extremely competitive person; my thing is if I am not doing everything within my power and the rules of the game to help my team get better (and win of course  ), then it is difficult for me to sleep at night when things don't go right. Granted we cannot control everything in life, but there is a lot more we can control when we spend lots of time trying to find ways to help our team get better and win. What would you say to a coach who sees that, considers that, and considers never getting married? Do you think that is wise? If I am a workaholic, Urban Meyer type coach and I know that either A: I want to change but realize I am probably never going to, or B: I realize that it won't ever change and I don't want it to change, then is it really fair to get married and have a family when she could have married a more committed man and had a better marriage for herself and a better life for her kids? I follow the same line of reasoning for career firefighters, military personnel, policemen, politicians, etc. I know that is not realistic, but IMHO the world would be a somewhat better place if that policy were adapted by more people. |
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Post by fantom on Dec 3, 2011 8:43:17 GMT -6
If you're a HS coach and you spend so much time coaching that it is jeopardizing your marriage...you need to take a f-ing time management course or two. Most HS coach's issues with time are self-created. We read these coaching biographies or whatever, and we think we're not doing a good job if we're not immersed 18 hours a day in practice, film scouting, etc. Get good at managing your LIFE, which should include a balance of family, football, friends ,and (if you have it) faith. Being successful at anything is about balance. If you allow your poor time management skills to unbalance your life toward football by engaging in over-work, the issue is YOURS and not your wife's. If you ARE managing your time reasonably and your wife is still not understanding...you may not have married the right woman. I'm the luckiest guy in the world. My wife is a cheerleading coach at the same school I coach at. So, not only does she understand coaching...but she goes to all of our games and loves it! I understand where you are coming from as far as the coaches reading biographies lol, but its not that kind of deal for me. I am an extremely competitive person; my thing is if I am not doing everything within my power and the rules of the game to help my team get better (and win of course ), then it is difficult for me to sleep at night when things don't go right. Granted we cannot control everything in life, but there is a lot more we can control when we spend lots of time trying to find ways to help our team get better and win. What would you say to a coach who sees that, considers that, and considers never getting married? Do you think that is wise? If I am a workaholic, Urban Meyer type coach and I know that either A: I want to change but realize I am probably never going to, or B: I realize that it won't ever change and I don't want it to change, then is it really fair to get married and have a family when she could have married a more committed man and had a better marriage for herself and a better life for her kids? I follow the same line of reasoning for career firefighters, military personnel, policemen, politicians, etc. I know that is not realistic, but IMHO the world would be a somewhat better place if that policy were adapted by more people. Look, you can be a good husband and father and still be a good coach. It ain't easy. You have to stay up late and get up early. You work when anybody in their right mind is in bed. What you can't do is have a hobby or a social life. If you like golf, forget it. Use that time with your kids. Partying with the boys? While they're sucking Heineckens you have to be watching film. Like I said, it's not easy. If you're disciplined and have your priorities straight it can be done. |
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Post by letthecoachescoach on Dec 3, 2011 13:03:51 GMT -6
have your priorities straight it can be done. That is the problem  . I will never have my priorities straight. I enjoy coaching enough to stay in the office all day, work on football when I'm at home during the off-season, etc. I don't want to have to find balance in my life, I have always been an all or nothing person, its either family man or coach, can't do both for me. |
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Post by coachd5085 on Dec 3, 2011 13:16:29 GMT -6
How good a coach could you possibly be if your priorities, morals, and values are this out of whack? If one judges coaching by the W/L column...quite possibly an excellent if not Hall of Fame caliber coach... |
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ystick2
Sophomore Member
Posts: 191
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Post by ystick2 on Dec 5, 2011 14:46:08 GMT -6
Successful marriage - successful coach
Coaching is a privilege
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Post by blb on Dec 5, 2011 15:25:55 GMT -6
Successful marriage - successful coach Coaching is a privilege Good thing Newt Gingrich didn't go into coaching. |
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Post by letthecoachescoach on Dec 5, 2011 19:02:12 GMT -6
Successful marriage - successful coach Multiple Hall of Fame coaches agree with you, especially my favorite, Bill Belichick... |
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jlc
Freshmen Member
Posts: 53
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Post by jlc on Dec 6, 2011 10:28:28 GMT -6
But if the only measure of a coach is W/L that's pretty sad indeed.
The coaches I know whom I respect the most seldom talk about winning or losing seasons, or even games. They talk about the relationships they've made over the years, the kids' lives they've affected and the lessons that football teaches on the field that help off of it.
If you're in the NFL or DI bigtime football, I understand that winning is the only thing. The majority of us here aren't headed to the show anytime soon I'm guessing. If you value a career/part time job more than a human being you promised to love above all others, what does that say about how you value any of your players or fellow coaches?
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Post by saintrad on Dec 11, 2011 14:37:10 GMT -6
coaching. If coaching is a major part of your life and she doesn't accept it then she doesn't accept you as a person. It's a part of who I am. take it or leave it. I'm not saying that coaching should always be the priority or that you should neglect her but she does need to understand how important it is. If she doesn't, shes not right for you. I second this sentiment. One thing to remember too is that this is a game and a marriage is a committment for life. If this was lets say your job in the real world of buisness or if you ran a business would it be any different, or is it that she sees this as a silly game that you havent gotten over with yet? |
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flingt
Junior Member
"We don't care how big or strong our opponents are as long as they're human.?
Posts: 311
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Post by flingt on Dec 11, 2011 16:47:49 GMT -6
Many of you seem to be missing out on the mere hypocrisy of this thread. Don’t you try to teach to the young men you coach that their priorities should be
1. Faith
2. Family
3. Football
How can some of you teach more than football if you don't believe this yourself?
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), then it is difficult for me to sleep at night when things don't go right. Granted we cannot control everything in life, but there is a lot more we can control when we spend lots of time trying to find ways to help our team get better and win. 
. I will never have my priorities straight. I enjoy coaching enough to stay in the office all day, work on football when I'm at home during the off-season, etc. I don't want to have to find balance in my life, I have always been an all or nothing person, its either family man or coach, can't do both for me. 
