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Post by airraider on Jan 7, 2011 7:42:21 GMT -6
So while one of my assistants was speaking with a coach from SMU the other day, he mentioned to him the stats that our freshman QB put up in our last varsity game of the season. Also mentioned to him that his oldest brother stands at a whopping 6'8! He of course said, he will keep an eye out for him.
So as a motivational tactic, I tell the QB that SMU said they will be keeping an eye out for him over the next few years.
His response... What is SMU?
I say.. Southern Methodist University over in Dallas.
His response.. But Im not Methodist.
So without missing a beat... I say, would you be willing to convert to a Methodist?
He says, I dont know, what do they do?
I say... They just do everything in life by a certain method...
He says... I can try!
I just walked away. Gonna see how long it takes him to figure this one out!
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Post by Chris Clement on Jan 7, 2011 7:50:25 GMT -6
Tee hee...
I once told my defense I wanted them to go "biblical" on the opponent. They didn't really get it.
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Post by phantom on Jan 7, 2011 9:06:58 GMT -6
A few years ago they were putting a new track in at our stadium. They'd torn out the old one and had started to put in the blacktop for the new one when we played our first game. One of our managers asked what they were doing. We told them that NASCAR was starting a high school division and that we were starting a team. He bought it so every week, as the work progressed, we embellished it: "That's where the pits are going to be (high-jump area)"; "Coach Snyder is going to be the coach (he was one of our assistants. He's as redneck as they come so that was believable)"; etc.. It was fun until they finally finished the rubberized track and we had to break the truth to him.
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Post by Chris Clement on Jan 7, 2011 9:13:50 GMT -6
You're horrible. I love it.
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Post by John Knight on Jan 7, 2011 9:58:51 GMT -6
One time during two a days we were doing LB reads and keys and they were just going through the motions and I started my speech about "it is hot and the second week of two a days and we are bored, this is mundane" All of a sudden one of my not so sharp MLBs pipes up and says, "Huh Uh Coach it is Wednesday!" I just sent them all to the fence!
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Post by jpdaley25 on Jan 7, 2011 10:47:21 GMT -6
I tell my kids that I teach a covert ops class at night. When they ask when and where I say, "If you have to ask that question, you're not qualified to attend."
I fought in WWII, Korea, Vietnam, and I was the last man off the embassy roof in Saigon. I've been in the CIA and the Secret Service. I was a spy and I used the cover name Bruce Springstein and had a singing career so I could travel the world and do spy stuff. Just look up Bruce Springstein on Google if you don't believe me. I had to have cosmetic surgery to change my appearance once my cover got blown.
I got into teaching as a narc to bust up a big mafia drug ring, and the puniest, most scholarly male teacher in the school is a Kung Fu Master who is teaching me the five fingered exploding heart death touch.
When they finally come to the conclusion that I'm pulling their leg, I wink and say, "that's exactly what I want you to think."
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Post by John Knight on Jan 7, 2011 11:07:28 GMT -6
Look, I found a picture of JP Mary had a little lamb........
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Post by blb on Jan 7, 2011 11:58:18 GMT -6
Look, I found a picture of JP Mary had a little lamb........ One would have to be of a certain age to appreciate Col. Flagg reference...
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Post by John Knight on Jan 7, 2011 12:02:19 GMT -6
I was never here!
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Post by blb on Jan 7, 2011 12:18:56 GMT -6
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Post by John Knight on Jan 7, 2011 12:34:19 GMT -6
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Post by Chris Clement on Jan 7, 2011 13:06:24 GMT -6
That's not Col Flagg, it's Capt Goldberg. Tomorrow it'll be Lt. Carter. Yesterday it was Maj. Brooks. No one can pull the truth out of him because even he doesn't know what it is.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2011 13:57:18 GMT -6
Five years ago, had a kid get a personal phone call from Ron Zook for Illinois. School I coached at the time was maybe a two hour drive from Champagne. As coaches, we were all excited...problem was the kid had no idea who Ron Zook was!
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Jan 7, 2011 14:05:49 GMT -6
I once told a class that I was leaving teaching to go work for a casino in Vegas. When prompted by the class as to what job it was, I told them I was working in the sports betting department and my job was to sit at the bar in the casino where sports bets were placed and give unsolicited advice to the people placing bets. I really yucked it up, though, and included many unbelieveable details. Well, or soI thought
The next day after class, I felt horrible because a girl came into my room, all teared up to tell me how much she'd miss me, and gave me a farewell card! And then, the day after that, the principal saw me and with a disgusted look on his face, said,"You're really leaving me in the middle of the year to work at a casino?!" He was dead serious!
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Post by tango on Jan 7, 2011 17:35:47 GMT -6
A kid asked today if that will hurt my joints. We were doing corkscrews and I told him only if they are in your front pocket.
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Post by emptybackfield on Jan 7, 2011 19:39:15 GMT -6
Great stuff. We have a former coach at our school that still helps us with stats on Friday nights. I told the kids that he came to Missouri to help the Confederates fight in the Civil War and then just hung around to coach football afterwards. Many of them believe me.
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Post by fballcoachg on Jan 8, 2011 20:15:13 GMT -6
Not football but I help out with wrestling. This is only my 3rd year around the sport but I was telling some of the kids something one day and they asked if it would really work, I told them "it should, thats the exact move I used to beat the East German national champ in the 1982 pan american games to win the gold." All but 2 or 3 wrestlers still believe that I was in the 82 pan am games and won the gold and the legend continues to grow, I have no clue if wrestling was a sport for the pan am and no idea if it was in 82 but the best part is I was born in 1984.
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Post by fballcoachg on Jan 8, 2011 20:15:29 GMT -6
Not football but I help out with wrestling. This is only my 3rd year around the sport but I was telling some of the kids something one day and they asked if it would really work, I told them "it should, thats the exact move I used to beat the East German national champ in the 1982 pan american games to win the gold." All but 2 or 3 wrestlers still believe that I was in the 82 pan am games and won the gold and the legend continues to grow, I have no clue if wrestling was a sport for the pan am and no idea if it was in 82 but the best part is I was born in 1984.
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Post by tog on Jan 9, 2011 0:11:47 GMT -6
My favorite comes around when the kids see my knee surgery scar. "what is that coach?"
"I got bit by a shark"
"really?"
seeing the knowing smiles of those nearby that "get" it is always amusing
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tdtom
Sophomore Member
Posts: 208
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Post by tdtom on Jan 9, 2011 0:38:05 GMT -6
One day I was running the Jugs machine and one of my freshman said, "man coach, you are great at that." I told him that is why I was getting called up to the NFL at the end of the season. At the end of the season banquet he and his father came up to me to wish me luck next year and was wondering if I could send them some Carolina Panthers t-shirts when I got to my new job.
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Post by pvogel on Jan 9, 2011 1:24:07 GMT -6
i had a kid ask me if the boise state smurf turf was real.
"of course" i replied. "havent you ever heard of kentucky blue grass?"
he he he
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Post by John Knight on Jan 9, 2011 7:17:01 GMT -6
When they built our new gym in 1973 all the teachers talked about the pool under the gym floor. We were never sure why this was the big rumor or where it even came from until we saw this. (skip to the 3:00 mark after it loads)
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Post by jpdaley25 on Jan 9, 2011 9:34:17 GMT -6
There's a pool under our gym floor too, but that's just camoflauge for the secret labyrinth of government research facilities that lie below. And I'm not really CIA. I'm CID. I just say I'm CIA to throw off the NAS.
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coachood
Sophomore Member
Perfection is not attainable, but if we chase perfection we can catch excellence. -Vince Lombardi
Posts: 173
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Post by coachood on Jan 9, 2011 10:55:52 GMT -6
There was a pool under our gym floor, but you had to take the elevator to get there, and you couldn't ride the elevator without a ticket. Some of us older guys made a lot of money selling elevator tickets to freshman.
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Post by coachd5085 on Jan 9, 2011 13:00:24 GMT -6
I once used Microsoft page editor to "edit" the USA TODAY high school poll to create a JR. High poll. The Jr. High team I was helping Started 2-0 and was playing well, so we were in the "others receiving votes" category (or something like that) After the next week, we broke into the top 25...Which unfortunately was reported by the students at a student assembly. As this was a high tuition private k-12 school, parents also thought that the kids needed special recognition because they were "now ranked".
The next wednesday USA TODAY printed that they were suspending their JR HIGH POLL due to illness of the writer. To bad...we could have been the Jr. High National Champs.
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Post by bigdog2003 on Jan 9, 2011 14:22:30 GMT -6
I am the assistant varsity wrestling coach this season and the other night we had an away match against a school we had never wrestled. They had an albino kid on the team, and during the match, our heavyweight looks at me and says, "Coach, I always thought that albino people were a myth, but now I've seen one."
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Post by tothehouse on Jan 9, 2011 14:48:21 GMT -6
We are a two school HS district. I'm at the bigger school in the district. Their school colors are Maroon and Silver. I have a messageboard that I started in 2003 (now I have a Proboards board like Huey's). One April Fools day I changed all of the colors to match the other schools colors. I then posted that I was getting transferred to the other school at the end of the school year.
Holy crud. The backlash was awesome. Phone calls from boosters, parents, etc. The posts on the messageboard were funny as well. Long time friends were fooled. I ended up having to change everything back really fast because it was getting out of control.
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Post by samadams on Jan 9, 2011 14:54:10 GMT -6
I was the OC last year and our HC retired after the season. One of my players I have in class asked me before we got out for Christmas break if I would be back to "play offensive coordinator" next season. I said, well i'm not sure, I think i'd rather play special teams next year.
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Post by phantom on Jan 9, 2011 19:35:49 GMT -6
There was a pool under our gym floor, but you had to take the elevator to get there, and you couldn't ride the elevator without a ticket. Some of us older guys made a lot of money selling elevator tickets to freshman. Now that you mention it I'm reminded that there's a persistent rumor that our school has a pool on the 3rd floor. We don't have a 3rd floor.
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Post by tog on Jan 9, 2011 20:36:38 GMT -6
silly
the pool is on the roof with the helicopter pad
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