Showing Respect to the Kids

Learn their names, first and last and apply that information. Thats a start.

Do not curse at them or call them names.

Teach them, provide real coaching, not just criticism and no useless put downs.

Equal opportunity, apply rules to all players, not just upper classmen or not just stars. All are equal.

Care about them off the field and out of season.

Real good points!! Just to piggyback - This is important:

1. Avoid sarcasm (Really know your audience)
2. No profanity (Lead by example)
3. Talk to the kids - Not AT Them. Create relationships with players. Get to know them and their family.
4. Constructive Criticism - Be honest with kids but do not "Belittle them" or make fun of them in front of their peers. I tell my coaches if you push some of our players in a corner you might not like what you see.
5. Fair - Praise their for their positive efforts and accomplishments. Hard work, weight room attendance, Scout Team effort... Also we really emphasize "effort and hustle".. Mental mistakes that are constant I put on the coaches but "loafs" or lack of effort plays will get a player a good lashing. Kids respect you if you do both.

I had a player transfer to my school his senior year from a rival. Good football player (RB) but a really good wrestler. Well this kid had a reputation of being a thug. At his last school he "punched the wrestling coach in the face". I was apprehensive. Well in our program kid was a quiet hard working player and in one game probably won for us with his two TDs... Well I find out that the wrestling coach from the other school calls him a "Little Pusssy" in front of the whole team....

Yep - The coach in my opinion got what he deserved! The coach also was fired after that incident too!

Treat them the way you would want a coach to treat your own son.

Treat them like a man, not a kid.

Shake their hands when greeting them, and look at them in the eye when you talk.

Be honest with them, even if it is at times brutal honesty.

Always allow them to maintain their dignity. Give them an out.

If you screw up, apologize. If they screw up, show forgiveness.

Genuinely say "Thank you" and "I appreciate you" often.

Build their confidence and self-esteem.

Treat them fairly.

Balance toughness with tenderness.

Maybe I am wrong here, but shouldn't we treat them the way we want them to treat us? I want them to call me by my name, my name just happens to be coach. I want them to look at me in the eye when they talk to me, I want them to be honest with me even if it is brutally honest. I just try to treat my players the way I want them to treat mee. I hold myself to the same standards that I hold them and it seem to work very well for us.

"People want to know that YOU CARE, before they want to know what you YOU KNOW."

This quote has really helped shape the way that I coach and treat my players. My guys know several things:

1. That I will never raise my voice to them, berate them, or swear at them.

2. They will get the same coaching and attention as the next player. This holds true from the first guy on the depth chart to the last.

3. They know that I will repeat myself an infinite amount of times about any number of skills; and I will do so without getting upset. But, they also know that if I tell them the same thing a dozen times and it's not getting done, that they shouldn't expect playing time.

4. They know that I will always be honest with them and that they can come talk to me about anything. They will get an honest answer about what they do well and what they need to improve upon.

5. They know, that based upon the above statements, I respect them and will treat them as such. And, because they know that I respect them, they know that I expect the same level of respect from them. A couple of them have found out the hard way what happens when they treat me poorly; especially given that I treat them so well.

I had one of our starters talk back to me while I was coaching him, I sent him home and told him to come back when he felt like apologizing. He came back the next day and apologized, but I counted his absence against him and sat him for the first half of the next game. I had another player refuse to do something I asked of him (stand up while icing his shoulder), I sent him home and told him to come back when he was ready to apologize. He came back with a "I'm sorry, but you should apologize to me too" apology, so I sent him home again. He didn't come back.

I understand where you are coming from and take no offense at all. The men I coach are anywere from 18-22 years old so that that point in their lives, they should have an idea on how to behave like a grown man.

Some really powerful comments here. Thank you.

There is a guy coaching in Utah, we stopped there on our way to a BYU 7 on 7 camp. This guy has been in the same position for over 35 years. It amazed me when I watched how he spoke to the players and his mannerisms. He didn't have to do anything but say, "listen up men", and every one of his players was quiet and paid attention. Everything that came out of his mouth was kind and respectful. The whole event left me with the feeling of, "that is the kind of coach I want to be". It was truly awesome.

Thanks for the great insights.

daily

I agree to a large degree.

I have three children. Do I treat them all the same? No way. Their behaviors have much do to with how they are treated. Do I love them all the same. Probably not but I love them all with the same intensity.

I have read a ton on Wooden and there is nothing he has written that doesn't hold lots of truths. However, I sometimes wonder how his overall philosophy would have been had he been in charge of 100 High School aged boys rather than 12 hand picked collegiate players. I've always felt that basektball coaches do the best job of building relationships with their players but they have a much smaller team than many of us do.

I would say that I show respect to all of my players but I probably handle each a little different based on their history within our program and I explain this to parents and players at the beginning of each season. Trust is a huge foundation in our program and we talk about it constantly. As long as trust is intact, we will work hard for our players but will also hold them accountable. I feel that if we don't hold our players (and coaches) accountable, that is a form of disrespect.