coachwoody
Freshmen Member
Gotta love it!!!
Posts: 45
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Post by coachwoody on Mar 12, 2009 22:15:08 GMT -6
Today is a first in my career. Ten minutes after workouts our starting left guard drove approximately 3 miles down the road, lost control and had a fatal wreck. I have never had to deal with something like this before. I just returned from his parents and feel I need to vent a little. I arrived on the scene and stayed until they cut him from the car. It is the most difficult day of coaching in my life. What do you say to the kids? his parents? This kid was the nicest kid that I have ever coached and he was one of the best O-Linemen we had. This kid was always positive. I could have ran them to death that day and this kid would always say "see you later coach" with a smile on his face. I have never even heard this kid ever say anything bad about anyone. Well enough venting and rambling. Just remember the wiggins family in your prayers.
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Post by coachorr on Mar 12, 2009 23:16:59 GMT -6
I don't know what to say to you coach, other than I am so sorry to hear of your sad story. I will pray for you and the community.
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moon
Junior Member
Posts: 324
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Post by moon on Mar 12, 2009 23:55:17 GMT -6
Wow, I feel for you, the family, and the rest of your team. I too will be praying for you and the community.
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Post by tiger46 on Mar 13, 2009 0:05:44 GMT -6
My condolences to his family and community.
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Post by touchdownmaker on Mar 13, 2009 3:35:11 GMT -6
tough times coach.
Pray for the family, the students and community.
Give everyone a couple of days off for family and friends. Celebrate the young mans life together after some time.
In a similar situation a few years back we had tee shirts made with a young mans face and the words REMEMBER HIM.
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Post by shortpunter on Mar 13, 2009 3:38:01 GMT -6
Prayers from Ohio to the Family and friends of this young man....
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Post by airraider on Mar 13, 2009 3:58:53 GMT -6
Today is a first in my career. Ten minutes after workouts our starting left guard drove approximately 3 miles down the road, lost control and had a fatal wreck. I have never had to deal with something like this before. I just returned from his parents and feel I need to vent a little. I arrived on the scene and stayed until they cut him from the car. It is the most difficult day of coaching in my life. What do you say to the kids? his parents? This kid was the nicest kid that I have ever coached and he was one of the best O-Linemen we had. This kid was always positive. I could have ran them to death that day and this kid would always say "see you later coach" with a smile on his face. I have never even heard this kid ever say anything bad about anyone. Well enough venting and rambling. Just remember the wiggins family in your prayers. Coach , I am going to give you a call a little later on today, but when I first saw where this kid was a Riverdale kid... I immediately knew that this was one of yours.. words cannot really do justice at a time like this.. but just keep his family in your heart and in your prayers. |
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Post by pantherpride91 on Mar 13, 2009 5:14:41 GMT -6
We went through the same thing right after the season ended....
It was a Saturday night and one of our players was having a going away party because he was moving. One of our kids had just got his license and was driving way too fast in the wrong lane. A car came over a little hill and he cut it back and flipped it about 5 or 6 times. The driver lived but has just this week come out of a coma and one of the passengers died. The kid who died was an all around good kid and we were hoping to be a starter next year.
As a team we just sat and cried. This is the time when the kids turn to you the most. We made sure that every kid had a chance to vent or talk no matter the time of day. Our HC got a call one night from a player at about 2 AM who couldnt sleep because he was so upset. I had a kids come into my class and just want to sit there. There is no template for how to deal with these situations. Just know that the players will look to you more than their own parents for guidance and a shoulder to cry on. This is where the team becomes so important and can be a great savior for kids.
I wish you and the family the best coach.
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Post by jpdaley25 on Mar 13, 2009 5:44:28 GMT -6
My prayers are with you coach.
I've been through this three times now, and I know how you and your boys are hurting. Let me suggest giving them a few days off, but allow them to workout if they want to - some of them will want to use physical activity as a way to deal with their grief. And just be there for them, and with them, through the whole process. In each of my experiences, we decided to sit together as a team with our game jerseys on at the funeral. There will be a few who won't. There will be a few who don't attend. That's okay. Everyone deals with grief in their own way. After a little time has passed, let the team decide how they want to remember him. We did helmet stickers and our guys also decided to leave his locker just the way he left it, to pack his travel bag for away trips, and just to keep him with us until the time when he would have graduated. On senior night on what would have been his last game, we retired his jersey. Now, it is considered the highest honor on the team to be the one who has his locker, and the whole team votes on who gets it. We will always remember him here.
This is the hardest thing a coach will ever have to deal with, but I know you will help your boys get through it.
Again, my prayers are with you coach, and I wish you well.
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Post by coachgup on Mar 13, 2009 6:39:09 GMT -6
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Post by olinecoach61 on Mar 13, 2009 7:07:10 GMT -6
Just be there for your guys. When we went through this we had a team meeting where we just let everyone vent and cry. Later we brought in the young man's priest to speak with the team, not about God, just about life and how fragile it is.
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Post by gdoggwr on Mar 13, 2009 7:11:07 GMT -6
My prayers to you, the team, and his family.
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Post by cnunley on Mar 13, 2009 7:18:40 GMT -6
My thoughts and prayers are with you coach
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Post by kylem56 on Mar 13, 2009 8:15:11 GMT -6
my prayers are with you and your program
make sure to be there for all your kids because they will be looking to someone for guidance
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Post by bluecrazy on Mar 13, 2009 8:29:10 GMT -6
I really want to say something, but this is one of those times where it is tough to come up with the right words, except, God Bless ya coach, and may He be with the family of this kid.
Prayers said.
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Post by coach1619 on Mar 13, 2009 8:44:44 GMT -6
I am very sorry for your loss.
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Post by coachjoe3 on Mar 13, 2009 9:07:45 GMT -6
The Wiggins family and you and your team are all in our prayers, Coach.
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Post by coachorr on Mar 13, 2009 10:24:06 GMT -6
I think one thing to remember and it has been said by a few on here, is that everyone greves differently and at different times. As a leader, I think it is appropriate to point this out that just because an individual does not do what the group does, does not mean they are not upset, it just means they are trying to figure out on their own the situation and it is tough on everyone.
It has been a real challenge to read some of these posts without feeling everyone's pain and in some regard a great admiration for my colleagues in the field of coaching. Coachwoody, I read an article about the accident in the paper and I felt deeply saddened by such a tragedy, yet I felt good to know that the kids will have such a king and compassionate role model to lean on.
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Post by ajreaper on Mar 13, 2009 11:32:06 GMT -6
I read the threads title and thought to myself "coach it's not as bad as you think" because I just had a HC in our region lose a kid a few days ago and it really forces a reality check on what's important. Then I open this thread and see you are going through the same thing and I know that was absolutely the worst day you or any of us could possibly experience. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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Post by kylem56 on Mar 13, 2009 13:31:25 GMT -6
found this article in one of my files, hope it helps..
How to Insulate Teams in Crisis
By Kathleen Hessert - Sports Media Challenge
Last December, the University of Michigan’s Jeff Reese died from kidney and heart failure after a 2-hour workout in a 92-degree sauna room. Random violence took the life of Pablo Lopez, a star football player at the Florida State University who was destined for the NFL. The University of North Carolina’s top basketball recruit, Charles Hayward, was diagnosed with
Leukemia before the season even started.
Traumatic events such as these can have a devastating effect on the people involved, especially athletic teams that draw their character and much of their success from closeness, interdependency and chemistry among their members.
Avoid "Business as Usual"
How can a coach deal with such a situation? By using an often-neglected crisis management tool: Post-Trauma Counseling. Experts contend that it’s inappropriate to act as if nothing happened and assume business as usual. In the case of the wrestler’s death, the Wolverines suspended their season for 20 days so that the school could investigate and review policies, look at its practices and rules, and allow the players to cope with the loss of a team member.
Players and staff look to their coach for direction, so how does one deal with the after-effects of a traumatic experience? Emotions are very high after a trauma, so you must refocus your team for the season. Often, coaches find that trauma can be a tremendous motivational tool; using symbols such as black armbands, a seat reserved on the bench, a preserved locker, and jersey or number retirement.
Keys to Coping
Because degrees of trauma vary, you must first assess the team’s needs both as a unit and as individuals. Are school counselors and ministers needed, or do you bring in professional post-trauma counselors and sports psychologists?
Secondly, act fast—within the first 24 hours. This is where crisis planning is critical. For example, what if the crisis happens on the road? When a traumatic experience occurs while your team’s away the confusion and lag time are multiplied. You’ll need extra help because you don’t have the same resources available as you do at home. Documenting steps taken while handling the crisis can also lend support the next time an event occurs.
Another key to dealing with traumatic events is to look to assistants, trainers and other coaches to see if they’ve dealt with similar situations. In the UNC case, head basketball coach Melvin Watkins gleaned helpful advice from a former assistant, Kevin Billerman, who was the head coach at Florida Atlantic University and had lost an athlete to a heart attack.
Lastly, care about your team members and staff—they’re your primary concern. If it’s not your style to be warm and talkative, listening effectively conveys compassion.
Post-Trauma Counseling Can
• Help
• It’s not unusual for coaches or players to avoid post-trauma counseling.
• There’s something inherent about sports that convinces participants they don’t need help coping. How do you deal with this? Make the first meeting with a counselor mandatory. Let them gripe about it, but make them go so that the counselor can assess counseling needs.
• Post-trauma counseling benefits you and your team in the long run. Counseling helps people sort out emotions and gain closure while reinforcing the solidarity of the group.
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Post by wingtol on Mar 13, 2009 14:36:27 GMT -6
prayers and thoughts are with you and the family.
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coachwoody
Freshmen Member
Gotta love it!!!
Posts: 45
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Post by coachwoody on Mar 14, 2009 9:38:28 GMT -6
Thanks guys. It sure does mean alot to read each and every one of your responses. It has been the most difficult few days in my coaching career. We had a candle light vigil last night in which I was asked to speak. The funeral will be Sunday and his parents have asked me to speak at it also. It will be tough but I have made peace. I realize that the kids need me and I have been there for them so far. A couple of kids have really taken it hard. Even a couple of kids that were mad at each other have made up and are best friends again. This has really drawn us closer as a team. Again thank you for your support and prayers.
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Post by jgordon1 on Mar 14, 2009 10:56:42 GMT -6
Good Luck coach.. Would like to hear how it went
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Post by kcbazooka on Mar 14, 2009 11:05:01 GMT -6
coachwoody - my thoughts are with you...
I have had the misfortune of going through similar days in my coaching career. None are the same.
I do like the idea of coach daley of keeping his locker special. We did the helmet stickers and retired his jersey. We also gave his jersey to the family - they decided to have him buried in it. The team wore their jerseys including the pallbearers.
The hardest day of my life was speaking at the funeral although it was also a most rewarding one. We cried and laughed and remembered the good times.
for one of the athletes the football field was named after him. It has been twenty years and now some of the kids don't know who he was - so we show game videos of him - my most memorable coaching moment was when he came back from fighting leukemia and was part of winning shuttle hurdle team - i always try to show my hurdlers that.
another youngster that died too young we remember by naming the 4x400 relay after him. A fellow coach, now retired, buys a baton we print on and give to the winning team.
you will have your hands full the next couple of days and but don't forget to treat yourself too. its not just the kids that are going through some hard times - don't forget that you too might need a break.
Death Be Not Proud
by John Donne
(1572-1631)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
DEATH be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not so,
For, those, whom thou think'st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie.
Thou art slave to Fate, Chance, kings, and desperate men,
And dost with poyson, warre, and sicknesse dwell,
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell'st thou then;
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.
###
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Post by irishbulldog on Mar 14, 2009 11:57:05 GMT -6
Coach, my prayers are with you, your program, your community and the family of the young man.
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Post by lilbuck1103 on Mar 15, 2009 8:22:16 GMT -6
Coach,
Prayers are with you during this difficult time.
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slimbo7722
Sophomore Member
Some days yoour the dog...some days you are the hydrant.
Posts: 139
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Post by slimbo7722 on Mar 15, 2009 8:57:45 GMT -6
Thoughts and prayers from Texas.
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Post by touchdowng on Mar 15, 2009 9:41:18 GMT -6
coachwoody
Had a similar situation in '99 when one of our nicest and most talented kids took his own life. It was mid-season. Nobody had an answer nor did anybody see this coming. This is 10 years ago now and I often reflect on this as I drive by the cemetary at least 3 times weekly where he is buried. I just keep wondering, "why?"
Just be there for your players and his family as you are doing and please make sure that you also take care of yourself.
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mase04
Probationary Member
Posts: 5
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Post by mase04 on Mar 15, 2009 10:02:52 GMT -6
I wish there were some really good words of wisdom, peace, etc. that I could share that would help you and your players with this. However, I don't know if any truly exist. All I can say is that I offer condolences and prayers.
I will share with you an experience I had:
We had a Sophomore player in our program. Was on the JV but we felt like he could be a contributor on the Varsity as a Junior. Sadly, right after Christmas of his Sophomore year, his father killed his mother then killed himself. They had been going through an extremely bad divorce. The divorce was handled pretty fair by the player but it still caused him turmoil and he had some minor issues with classes, absences, missing workouts ... typical stuff one might expect of a child during such a rough time. Needless to say, after the death of both parents he was simply not himself. He quit football, withdrew from his friends, etc. -- all the things you would think would be a result of such a tragic event. By the middle of his Junior year he is back in school and putting the pieces back together (was now living with his grandmother). He was still not involved in athletics, though.
Well, the summer of that year he feels he wants to play football again. However, it was a 'rule' that if a player quits after his Sophomore year he may not return for his Senior year. He spoke with me and several other coaches about this. We spoke with his grandmother and she felt this was best for him to be involved again. For us, this was a no-brainer ... let the kid return to the team. Just to make our feelings felt about 'bending' this rule we went to our player council. We were so proud that they, too, felt he should be a part of the team ... they didn't even consider this an issue (him quitting). Not a single player felt otherwise. In fact, his return his Senior year was a great experience for many of our players on how to handle adversity, to continue pressing onward, striving for goals in life, etc. Not only was he 'better' for continuing with football but so were so many of his teammates whose life he touched.
All that to say, sometimes, kids are stronger than we think. They will do amazing things before our eyes. All they may need is someone to simply stand behind them - give them that safety net that is there should they falter. Often, that is all they need to succeed - just the subtle support of someone with them along the way should they need help, advice, guidance, or just a sounding board. I will say that it was a difficult situation at first, almost uncomfortable, when it came to coaching him again. Wasn't sure how to handle him, unsure about what to do when correcting him, and, yes, even having to 'admonish' him for doing things the wrong way (remember, they're still kids). But, we soon realized that just being 'normal' was usually the best method. Everyone involved was aware that athletics can be an outlet, an avenue to put troubles away for a time, and eventually learn how to live with them while not letting them totally consume you.
Now, I would love to tell you how he went on to become All-State, but, that wasn't the case. However, he did contribute. More importantly, he gained so much more by being guided by caring coaches and helped by loving teammates. He went on to college and graduated with honors. He is now in his 2nd year of coaching.
Again, young men are resilient and when they know you care they will respond. So, keep being that strong, supportive, guiding force for your players. They will, in the long run, be better because you cared.
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Post by coach4life on Mar 15, 2009 12:26:31 GMT -6
Man. Love 'em up, coach, just love 'em up. You were given a special blessing to have the opportunity to know that young man, work with him and influence him and his football brothers as they grew into men.
Aren't these young men we have the opportunity to serve wonderful? I know sometimes we wonder what they heck are they thinkin', why are they doing this or that, but thank God we get the chance to be a positive part of their lives.
Coachwoody when all is said and done you'll be sitting there one day, perhaps in your office or on the field, your mind will drift off, and you'll find yourself feeling like you wouldn't be surprised to turn around and see him, with that wonderful smile on his face. He may be out of sight but he will never be out of mind, for you and all that knew and loved him.
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