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Post by cmow5 on May 21, 2008 17:56:46 GMT -6
I am a 8th grade coach. We are going through a camp right now with 6,7,8 and a couple 4,5, graders. So that I means I get to coach my 8th graders one more time. I had a kid that was probably one of our top 5 players overall. A good kid, always gives 100% no matter what. Kind of quite, but not to bad. I was coaching em up the other day and told him that we feel you have some talent and I think if you work hard you could be a big contributer in high school. I told him the same thing in the season and his eyes lit up and he asked me if I really thought so and he asked what kind of drills he could do in the off season.
Now 8 mos later I say the same thing and he responds with "Coach you dont have to spare my feelings I know I suck" I could not beleive what I heard.
Today I was standing back with the Varsity coach and the kid was doing a drill and really doing well. The varsity coach asked who he was and I told him and also told him that the kid is to hard himself.
Before the Varsity coach could respond he got pulled away.
Now finally my question. I think this kid might give up football because someone is filling his head with negative thoughts. After tomorrow I dont have a chance with him anymore. What should I do?
Should I talk with him in a one one setting and encourage him one more time? Should I let him know that the varsity coach was talking about him in a good way? I think this kid has a good chance of being a great high school ball player and I would hate to see him give it up because someone is filling his head with negatives.
Remember the kid is only 14.
One more thought. We have about 12 varsity kids helping us out. What do you think about having one of them mentor him or just talk with him?
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Post by coachneria on May 21, 2008 19:06:00 GMT -6
Coach, any time you encourage a kid you do it, you know that. If you find the right kind of high school player to mentor set it up. Make sure that the kid has some sort of success tomorrow no matter what.
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Post by amikell on May 21, 2008 19:44:14 GMT -6
I like having one of the older guys mentor him, but definately pass that along to the varsity. he may be hearing crap at home. one of the biggest challenges we have as coaches is to correct poor parenting.
Love 'em up and do what you can to positively support them.
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Post by dubber on May 21, 2008 20:51:43 GMT -6
Always be positive, but do it in the present sense.
I use to occasionally make a comment to a young buck along the lines of "hey man, keep working hard, and you'll be good someday"
This does a ton of negative things:
*Kid can think: "Am I not good enough now?"
*Kid can think: "Wow, I'm pretty good...let's skip next workout"
(this one happens a ton, and is why I sometimes will NEVER give certain kids compliments......it goes to their head, and they slack. To these kids I say, "Is that all you can do?"---challenging works best for these kids)
*Kid can feel pressure to live up to your expectations, and performance suffers
*As my be the case with your kid, such talk brings up his issues with self-esteem
Be positive with a kid, but never in a future sense.
"Good block", "Nice run", "Great hustle"..........all those convey pleasure with a present performance, and actually are more benefical than future comments of a kids potential.
You cannot get the kid to stop self-depracating, in fact, it may be his way of garnering the attention he may be missing from elsewhere.
Here's what I'd do: Tell him you do not allow any negativity on your team. Tell him you wouldn't allow other players to tell each other that they suck, and you won't allow a player to do it to himself.
Don't coddle the kid, yet be there for him.
A fine line, indeed.
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Post by cc on May 22, 2008 8:22:09 GMT -6
Great post Dubber! Your players are fortunate to have a coach like you! I would want my future son(s) to play for a guy like you if that's how you treat them!
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Post by cmow5 on May 22, 2008 8:42:44 GMT -6
I agree great post dubber, but heres my problem now. I have already done the things you said not to do. I know for the future, but as of now I made the mistake. Also, I dont and wont have that much time with the kid today because we have about 50 kids so during indy's I wont be with him during team stuff I might not see him much. So I wont have the chance to say "Nice hit, great hustle" and if I do get the chance is one day enough to change his mentality that he has acquired over the last 8 mos. Also, at this camp the coaches are kind of consecrating on there up coming class so I am working with the current 7th graders a little more. So, if I say " Tell him you do not allow any negativity on your team. Tell him you wouldn't allow other players to tell each other that they suck, and you won't allow a player to do it to himself." Do you think his attitude might be hey you are not really my coach anymore anyways and I wont even be at this school next year. I know he will never say it but he might think it.
I love your post and I know what to do if I have a future situation like this, but do you think I have done to much damage and not enough time to correct it?
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Post by coachwoodall on May 22, 2008 9:31:27 GMT -6
If you have built a relationship with him, just talk to him. I am big on being honest. I don't try to blow smoke up anyones' arse. If you want to take it from a different approach than player/coach, then try to get him in a setting outside of the practice field (hallway at school, in the parking lot waiting for his ride, etc...)
An easy format for discussing a negative situation is to:
1-start with a positive
2-address the negative
3-finish with a positive.
If he isn't looking for a pep talk, keep it specific to skills and atttibutes related to him as an athlete and the position he plays.
Again it is hard to say not knowing the relationship you have with the kid.
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Post by fbdoc on May 22, 2008 9:34:29 GMT -6
Coach them Up! Coach them Up! Coach them Up!
I am as guilty of not doing this as the next guy but this is one of our mantras. Our coaches are encouraged to actually stop practice and Yell out, "What a great effort (or play, catch, run, tackle) Billy!" We want the kid and everyone else to know when we see that great effort!
Another one I try to use if I feel a negative comment coming on is "You're better than that!" Like Dubber said, the kid's negativity may just be the way he is wired. Try to get him to be an encourager himself to another young kid - maybe that will help him be a more positive player himself.
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Post by dubber on May 22, 2008 11:08:06 GMT -6
I agree great post dubber, but heres my problem now. I have already done the things you said not to do. I know for the future, but as of now I made the mistake. Also, I dont and wont have that much time with the kid today because we have about 50 kids so during indy's I wont be with him during team stuff I might not see him much. So I wont have the chance to say "Nice hit, great hustle" and if I do get the chance is one day enough to change his mentality that he has acquired over the last 8 mos. Also, at this camp the coaches are kind of consecrating on there up coming class so I am working with the current 7th graders a little more. So, if I say " Tell him you do not allow any negativity on your team. Tell him you wouldn't allow other players to tell each other that they suck, and you won't allow a player to do it to himself." Do you think his attitude might be hey you are not really my coach anymore anyways and I wont even be at this school next year. I know he will never say it but he might think it. I love your post and I know what to do if I have a future situation like this, but do you think I have done to much damage and not enough time to correct it? hey, control what you can control. That's ALL you can do. that kid may take that attitude, that's his decision. I bet you there is another kid in your 7th grade group that needs your encouragement. Focus on him. Always stay focused on what you can do, with what you have, where you are, and for whom you are with. Let me tell you a story about a kid that still haunts the coaching staff I was on last year. This kid was a stud for us. He was an athletic big man with a mean streak on the field. Would've been a three way starter---easy. For one reason or another, he gave up on football. Coaches reached out as much as they could, but this young man had other interests..... One night he got messed up on drugs, and stole some guns from someone's house (we are a big hunting community). The guy calls his house, and his step-dad knows, and tells him he and his mother will be talking to him about it. This kid, in his out of it state of mind decides the best thing for him to do is to commit suicide. Not a day goes by were our HC, who was an assistant when this all went down, wonders if he could've done more. Not for football's sake, but for the young man's life. In reality, he did ALL he could do.....most of the time, that helps, but sometimes, no matter how much you care, people will do what people do. Love em' and coach em'..........but remember we are all autonomous beings, capable of making our own decisions, regardless. |
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