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Post by coachhortman on May 21, 2008 0:21:00 GMT -6
I am part of a very successful hs football program that has had several sons play for many of the coaches on staff. The sons have all seemed to have excelled and actually gotten into coaching themselves and were great ballplayers at the hs level. My son doesn't attend this school and doesn't like me coaching him, he wants me to be a dad and just watch but it drives me crazy when he is doing something wrong technique or conditioning wise. any advice on how to handle up on a son that really doesn't want your advice on what to do but wants advice from other coaches? Anything would be helpful.
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Post by fatkicker on May 21, 2008 6:13:19 GMT -6
put yourself in his coach's shoes.....
would you want some crazy dad (i know you are the exception to the rule) changing your player's conditioning or technique?
what do you think that coach would do the first time he said..."my daddy said my 3 point stance should look like this!"
my opinion is keep giving him advice on grades, school, and life......his coach will take care of the sports part......
good luck
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Post by carson101 on May 21, 2008 6:36:57 GMT -6
I agree coach the best thing would be to sit back and enjoy your son getting the most out of his experience. Life advise and good grades and his relationships with his peers are more important along with practical parenting are all you need to offer him.He knows your a good coach he just needs you to spend the time enjoying him play.I experienced this as I first tried to help my son, and the fact that he knows I am a good coach will bring him to realize at some point he will have questions that only you can answer instead of his coach.Wish him the best. Coach sometimes we grow a little bit more when we become a spectator in our kids life watching them grow under someone elses thumb.It helps us enjoy his success and failures because the end result is he comes home to us and in knowing that we are his security no matter what.
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bbevill
Probationary Member
Posts: 9
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Post by bbevill on May 21, 2008 7:16:55 GMT -6
My father coached me ever since I can remember, and for a year in high school. When my dad wasn't my coach he would let the coaches coach; from high school to college ball to now being a coach myself.
All I ever heard from him was great job son... no MATTER how bad I may have played. It just let me know he was proud of me because he knew/knows what a tough sport it is, and thats all I ever needed to hear.
If you aren't his coach be his dad. If you do end up coaching him on your team then coach him.
Now me and my father have such a good relationship that he coaches for me.
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Post by justryn2 on May 21, 2008 7:41:14 GMT -6
coachhortman, maybe there are still some things you can do with your son, related to football, that would be beneficial and still not step on other coaches toes. I coached my son for six years in youth football. Last year, his freshman year in HS, was the first time I coached a team without my son and the first time he played for a team I wasn't coaching. I wanted to make sure I didn't step on the toes of his coach so I tried not to offer my son too much advice. However; we did get some game tapes so we were able to sit together and break down those games. This is a lot less about me offering critiques (well, a little less anyway) and more about helping my son learn how to break down game tape.
Hope that helps.
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Post by fbdoc on May 21, 2008 15:18:40 GMT -6
I feel for ya coach. I had the opportunity to coach my son - I wasn' this position coach, I was the head coach - but he was one of our captains and we had a great time. Since you are not his coach, I agree with the others - be the best DAD you can be. Support him, encourage him, congratulate him. I believe there will come a time when he asks you fo rhelp and advice and you will be there for him. Until then, help him as much as he allows. Good Luck!
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Post by touchdowng on May 21, 2008 20:26:25 GMT -6
The 2nd most important title you have is "Coach"
The 1st?
"DAD"
Be his dad.
I'm in a similar situation and am glad that my son has the courage to tell me that he just wants me to watch.
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Post by jjkuenzel on May 21, 2008 23:00:23 GMT -6
One of the best lines that I ever heard about this topic was this
"Your son needs a father and a coach. Don't rob him of either."
He has already decided that he doesn't want you to be both as much as it may pain you.
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Post by coachsky on May 22, 2008 17:51:21 GMT -6
I don't think there is much to say in this case; players play, coaches coach, parents watch. In this case you are a parent. And as a coach yourself, you understand you shouldn't provide any information contrary to what he's being taught.
I have coached all my kids over the years. Currently, I coach on the same HS team that my son plays on, that can be delicate situation.
We have a rule in our program; "you can't coach your own kid". Overall it's a good rule. We only have about 4 or 5 staff coaches so the rest of the program is staffed community volunteers. We had a problem a few years back with dad/coaches. It makes sense. We've had to move some position coaches around every few years to comply with the rule.
I hardly see my son at practice until group/team and I am focused on my group. We drive separately, I leave an hour later than him, so half the time we don't even catch up to each other until bedtime. He's doing homework and I'm watching film.
Last year, early in the season my son scored on a couple of really spectacular plays. I was on a headset , drawing on a white board with my Dline and a few players and another coach came over jumping up and down hooting and hollering wanting to give me five, all excited. I told em to get their heads in the game and quit interfering with my work.
We always have some Dad time over the weekend and he can tell me about his perspective.
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Post by phantom on May 22, 2008 20:30:23 GMT -6
I We have a rule in our program; "you can't coach your own kid". Overall it's a good rule. We only have about 4 or 5 staff coaches so the rest of the program is staffed community volunteers. We had a problem a few years back with dad/coaches. It makes sense. We've had to move some position coaches around every few years to comply with the rule. To be honest it doesn't make sense to me to shuffle staff assignments to avoid having coaches coaching their sons especially if we're talking about veteran paid coaches. |
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Post by phantom on May 22, 2008 20:35:32 GMT -6
I am part of a very successful hs football program that has had several sons play for many of the coaches on staff. The sons have all seemed to have excelled and actually gotten into coaching themselves and were great ballplayers at the hs level. My son doesn't attend this school and doesn't like me coaching him, he wants me to be a dad and just watch but it drives me crazy when he is doing something wrong technique or conditioning wise. any advice on how to handle up on a son that really doesn't want your advice on what to do but wants advice from other coaches? Anything would be helpful. You're not his coach. Bite your tongue and be his dad. |
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Post by unc31 on May 22, 2008 20:46:25 GMT -6
I coached both of my sons as their Head Coach and it was a great experience. We created many very positive and special memories together. One played at Carolina and the other played D3 ball. I would not take a Million dollars for that time in my life.
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Post by coachhortman on May 22, 2008 21:07:19 GMT -6
Gentlemen,
Thanks to all of you that made a reply. He hasn't started practicing yet with his hs school team as he is just now finishing 8th grade with the first week of June in which he will start lifting weights with his high school. After reading your replies and talking it over with his mother, I am stepping aside to be just his dad even though I have given him a couple DVD tapes that talk about punting which one of those is Ray Guy, the funniest thing is he was asking me who in the heck is that? I just shook my head and laughed til I could not laugh any more. I will not get to see very many practices or very many games since I work at a rival school across the river. I am letting him become his own personality without folks saying "hey, that is Coach Hortman's son." Hopefully, I will be able to watch game tapes of him playing and that is possible since his school and mine are in different classifications for now. I may be able to catch a game or two since all of our games are on Fri and I think they play a thurs night game or two. Anyway thanks for the advice and looking forward to the next four years.
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Post by schultbear74 on May 22, 2008 21:10:11 GMT -6
I have coached my two sons. I was not their position coach, I do DLine they were Lb and Qb respectively. I did have the honor of teaching both of them how to lift weights and how to condition themselves. My younger son, the Qb, will be a senior next year. I have to say that teaching at their High School and coaching them has been a highlight of my life and I believe that it has been for them as well.
I was fortunate to have worked for other men whose kids were on their football teams when I was younger and I greatly admired the way that they handled their kids as athletes.
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Post by catsrb92 on May 23, 2008 19:46:56 GMT -6
I know this post wasn't for me, but you fellow coaches have certainly helped me on this topic!!!! Thanks!
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Post by bigsandwich on May 27, 2008 6:05:53 GMT -6
I got my 17 month old to hike the football on comand....too much too soon?  ? |
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Post by coachcastleman on May 27, 2008 6:41:35 GMT -6
Coaching your son can be a great time for the both of you, or a disaster. I coached with a couple guys, one the HC and the other the OC, who had their sons on the team. The HC was horrible to his son and really made life difficult for everyone. The OC did a much better job of coaching his son and then being Dad after practice. I look forward to coaching my son someday. He is only 6 now, so I have a few years to think about it. But as everyone on here knows, you miss time with your kids during the season. I look for every opportunity to see him. He was the water boy for the JV games last year and has asked to be the waterboy for the varsity games this year. I am not sure about that yet, I don't want to have to "parent" him on a game night. Has there been anyone who has had their son be the waterboy and if so what age is ok?
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Post by raiderpirates on May 29, 2008 5:36:27 GMT -6
Is his approach to contact sound? You have a right to be worried about technique.
As for other aspects, does he make himself a big target to get hit by the defense, does he look for the football before he's identified coverage, does maintain leverage and limit his stride in blocking?
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Post by phantom on May 29, 2008 6:36:37 GMT -6
I got my 17 month old to hike the football on comand....too much too soon? ? Heck no. Teaching him to long snap is always a good idea. |
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kdcoach
Sophomore Member
Posts: 194
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Post by kdcoach on Jun 1, 2008 19:13:00 GMT -6
coachcastleman, both of my sons have been water/ball boys for me. My oldest now starts at fullback and mlb for us and my youngest is still the water/ball boy for me and also our Jr. High QB and Safety. In both cases I told them that they work for our head manager (Sr. Girl) and that what she says goes. If it becomes a problem then they could go sit in the stands with the fans. In both cases there has never been an issue and it allowed me to let them be part of what we're doing while letting someone else "baby sit" for me. It's worked out great.
On another note, last year was my oldest son's first year playing for me at any level. We both had a tremendous time with it. I am thrilled that I get two more years with him and then 3 with my youngest son assuming that I'm still coaching there when he gets there. Mostly I think I like it because if I wasn't coaching him it would be that much more time that we weren't spending together.
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Post by 1bignasty on Jun 1, 2008 19:21:28 GMT -6
my son began being the ball boy and helped with water at about 8 years old. He was old enough to understand the game a little and when to and when not to be on the field
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