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Post by coachvann on Oct 1, 2016 14:52:23 GMT -6
I usually ignore parents when things aren't going their way. I believe it comes with the job that not all parents will be happy with you. I've always treated it like water off a ducks back.
Now I have a parent going to my players and causing dissension in the program. This parent is calling all of us coaches m'fers and calling the school a dump and he went to my players about this.
His kid is one of our best citizen type kids...straight As and a hard worker and he us loved by the team so the kids listen to his dad.
I just want to know what you guys would do with this.
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Post by Stangs13065 on Oct 1, 2016 15:08:11 GMT -6
Maybe talk to the kid 1-on-1 about it. Let him know your concerns, while still being respectful. Ask him if he could talk to his dad
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Post by planck on Oct 1, 2016 16:20:57 GMT -6
Somebody is always pissed about something. Escalating the situation isn't going to help. All that you can do is build a positive environment so that when people hear criticism of the staff, they look at the criticism as out of touch rather than the staff as incompetent.
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Post by coachd5085 on Oct 1, 2016 16:41:07 GMT -6
Maybe talk to the kid 1-on-1 about it. Let him know your concerns, while still being respectful. Ask him if he could talk to his dad You as a coach...want to talk to a kid...about controlling their parent? |
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Post by chi5hi on Oct 1, 2016 17:12:36 GMT -6
Maybe talk to the kid 1-on-1 about it. Let him know your concerns, while still being respectful. Ask him if he could talk to his dad I think that's a losing proposition. I would consider doing and saying NOTHING! Not to your other coaches, the admin...no one. Let the parent talk himself out of the picture. People get tired of listening to a wind-bag. If he approaches you personally...smile, be as polite as you can, excuse yourself and get out of his way. Let him step on his own crank. |
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Post by Stangs13065 on Oct 1, 2016 17:40:28 GMT -6
Maybe talk to the kid 1-on-1 about it. Let him know your concerns, while still being respectful. Ask him if he could talk to his dad I think that's a losing proposition. I would consider doing and saying NOTHING! Not to your other coaches, the admin...no one. Let the parent talk himself out of the picture. People get tired of listening to a wind-bag. If he approaches you personally...smile, be as polite as you can, excuse yourself and get out of his way. Let him step on his own crank. You're probably right. Now that I've thought this over, it doesn't seem like it's bad enough to start a turfwar over |
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Post by coachvann on Oct 1, 2016 17:43:27 GMT -6
My original thought was to talk to the kid and other kids and challenge them about listening to us...but then it sounds like I'm throwing his dad under the bus...I want to just make sure our voices are louder than theirs.
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Post by coachvann on Oct 1, 2016 17:45:05 GMT -6
But I'm sure that is only my pride talking
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Post by sweep26 on Oct 1, 2016 18:53:58 GMT -6
Unfortunately, there is no magic potion that instantaneously solves issues like this once they reach this level. I would think that a personal meeting with this parent, in the presence of your Principal and A.D., might be your best chance to get immediate results.
When you are developing your program, you have to expect that issues similar to this are bound to occur sooner or later. Have a plan, and work hard at developing trust and unity. Team unity begins with your relationship with the players, they must trust that you know what you are doing, and that you always have their very best interest at heart.
If you can develop outstanding team chemistry, your chances of successfully deflecting the impact of these types of negative attacks will be enhanced dramatically.
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Post by poundtherock1 on Oct 1, 2016 20:55:20 GMT -6
I mean if you know that you are doing things that right way, treating the kids well, and have a strong culture-- that means this parent is an idiot, and you never try to reason with an idiot.
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Post by coachphillip on Oct 1, 2016 21:25:40 GMT -6
Just be the very best coaches you can to the kids and your credibility will win out over his influence. Kids who believe in you won't get shaken by him. If he's being a problem though, leave the kid out of it. He's just a kid trying to have fun playing football. Tell admin to watch out for him and if he gets out of hand, have him escorted out of the stands. I've only had it that bad once, but it was dealt with. The kid felt embarrassed as all hell and the other kids immediately lost respect for the guy, if he had any at all. Provide an atmosphere of positive influence that trumps his.
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Post by nstanley on Oct 1, 2016 22:21:51 GMT -6
I usually ignore parents when things aren't going their way. I believe it comes with the job that not all parents will be happy with you. I've always treated it like water off a ducks back. Now I have a parent going to my players and causing dissension in the program. This parent is calling all of us coaches m'fers and calling the school a dump and he went to my players about this. His kid is one of our best citizen type kids...straight As and a hard worker and he us loved by the team so the kids listen to his dad. I just want to know what you guys would do with this. I don't know what your AD or principal are like but in my experience, having those people advocate for you will go a long way. |
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Post by carookie on Oct 1, 2016 22:45:12 GMT -6
I worked with a HC who would address such things with the team. He would basically start of a team meeting by bringing up all the 'white noise' or 'elevator music'. How there were "people out there, maybe some family members of your teammates, who are going to try to tear the program down and the things we are building."
He'd keep it ambiguous enough that nobody could say he was specifically targeting a specific parent, but everyone knew who he was talking about. I don't think there is really too much else you can do, as long as its just words, address the issue without addressing the person.
I'm reminded of the words of Casey Stengel, when asked how he was able to win so much, "I keep the guys who hate me away from the ones who are unsure." Address the issue with the team the best you can, try to build hedges around those that needed it with your addressing of the issue, and trust that the proof is in the pudding (as long as you're doing a good job that will mean more than the words of any fan).
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Post by somecoach on Oct 3, 2016 10:01:43 GMT -6
You need to hardline this guy. Sit him down with the head coach and have the head coach tell him "You stop this BS or you and your kid are out of the program. I will not allow this to go on."
and if he walks HE WALKS.
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Post by dubber on Oct 4, 2016 9:28:19 GMT -6
Set a meeting with the parent.
"Hey, I heard there were some issues and wanted to meet with you (and school admin) to discuss"
Then watch him backpedal like the puzzy he is.........
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Post by dubber on Oct 4, 2016 9:29:11 GMT -6
You need to hardline this guy. Sit him down with the head coach and have the head coach tell him "You stop this BS or you and your kid are out of the program. I will not allow this to go on." and if he walks HE WALKS. Are you a head coach? I ask because why in hell would you penalize the kid?! |
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Post by The Lunch Pail on Oct 4, 2016 13:15:22 GMT -6
I usually ignore parents when things aren't going their way. I believe it comes with the job that not all parents will be happy with you. I've always treated it like water off a ducks back. Now I have a parent going to my players and causing dissension in the program. This parent is calling all of us coaches m'fers and calling the school a dump and he went to my players about this. His kid is one of our best citizen type kids...straight As and a hard worker and he us loved by the team so the kids listen to his dad. I just want to know what you guys would do with this. I'm dealing with a parent like this right now. He told his kid to milk an injury to get back at me for not starting him on offense. After every game, I get an angry email from him. His kid is a great kid. Great attitude, talent, and good student, too. His dad has tried to make him quit three times and he loves football too much to carry out with it. It's no wonder his dad has also been kicked out of multiple youth sport leagues for being fricking crazy. Guys like these are just bullies. They know they have nothing to lose and you've got everything to lose. Their goal is to make you lose your job just for the fun of it. The best thing you can do is treat him like he doesn't exist. If he confronts you, be very polite and agree with everything he says. Like others said, he'll just end up either straightening up or another parent will |
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Post by coachcb on Oct 4, 2016 13:36:59 GMT -6
Set a meeting with the parent. "Hey, I heard there were some issues and wanted to meet with you (and school admin) to discuss" Then watch him backpedal like the puzzy he is......... This. The worst parents I have dealt with were when I coached youth ball. We had a dad that was a nightmare.. The league put out email addresses on the "team contact list" for the parents (I reamed their azzes over that..) and I would have an email from this idiot dad every other day. He had one gripe after another, even after I made it clear that I wouldn't discuss schemes or playing positions with the guy (his two major b-tches..). I finally ignored his emails and he approached me after practice, just furious that I wasn't answering him. I walked away and sent an email to him and CCed the league administration the next day. I told him that we could set up a meeting with the league commissioner but that I would not discuss his son playing quarterback (his biggest complaint) or the fact that we were running a "junk offense" (his verbiage from an email). I told him that if this wasn't satisfactory, then he could pull his kid from the team, pick up a clipboard and run his own unit next year. |
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Post by somecoach on Oct 4, 2016 13:46:07 GMT -6
You need to hardline this guy. Sit him down with the head coach and have the head coach tell him "You stop this BS or you and your kid are out of the program. I will not allow this to go on." and if he walks HE WALKS. Are you a head coach? I ask because why in hell would you penalize the kid?! Nope, kid won't be penalized. We have done this multiple times with VERY hostile parents, and every single time they don't call our "bluff", no one is stupid enough to call the bluff. We talk man to man, it gets fixed, and we move on with the season. No one is going to call my coaches (and friends) M'Fers and degrading, let alone going to the PLAYERS and causing DISSENSION This is a one way ticket to a mutiny and the overall destruction of the program. I am not punishing the kid, and even if it comes to it, is it really worth it to allow the kid's father to disrespect me and my coaches? or even allow the guy to convince the kids to start disrespecting us? |
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Post by coachbdud on Oct 4, 2016 15:05:40 GMT -6
i know your pain
this has been the worst year of my career (11) for dealing with parents
every single parent thinks their kid is going D1 and we are doing something to hurt their chances of playing in college
i think i read on this site years ago where a guy made a joke about wanting to coach a football team at an orphanage so he never had to deal with parents again
in the era of 7on7 year round, "elite camps", highlight videos... every parent thinks more than ever that someone is out there to watch their kid and their kid only
ive had delusional parents before... where they think their kid is great
but ours are in the stands getting in fights (verbal, not physical... yet)
because they are naming other kids saying how $hitty they are and why their kid or another kid is way better)
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Post by tothehouse on Oct 4, 2016 15:31:57 GMT -6
Bring dad in. With a transfer form. Tell them they can leave if they want. And you'll sign the paper right then and there. When he says..."we aren't doing that". Then say..."then you aren't talking $hit anymore either. Are we clear?".
Either you're rowing with us or you're the anchor.
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Post by CoachMikeJudy on Oct 4, 2016 16:06:27 GMT -6
I dealt with this earlier this season.
Hotshot lawyer-type, trying to buy his kid playing time...
He shot a bunch of angry e-mails about how his kid should be starting etc...I told him as per our parent/player/coach agreement that playing time is never up for discussion- this wasn't good enough for him. Then he told me that his kid wouldn't be coming to practice until we met with him. I, as to not penalize the kid, said fine- let's meet Monday (e-mail on Saturday night after scrimmage). I had emphasized that we REALLY wanted his son back to practice ASAP to keep from harming his development, how much we like the kid blah blah blah.
He never came, kept the nasty-mails going until Friday. He never set up a meeting, kept pushing my buttons. Then he alleges that we were abusing/degrading his son. So now I have to investigate- who/when/where/how...he wouldn't come off with it...just kept trying to guilt trip us and BAIT me into getting angry. I held my cool- even my AD and principal were liek "you're not really going to let this kid back, are you?" LOL
I let AD and admin know, and sent a final e-mail that stated a date and time for the meeting since he didn't set one. I gathered all 30...yes! 30 pages of e-mails and texts showing that we were honest, upfront, and supportive of his son and that the dad was ignoring my responses and stirring the $hit pot. Meeting time came and he balked- never showed up. Three days later his kid is enrolled at the school that we beat on that Friday 60-13. And he is playing JV there now...same as he was here...
For the meeting I had an agenda with the following bulleted:
-outline of situation
-kid's status in the program (kid is in fine standing)
-parent concerns as I understood them (playing time, not fair treatment etc.)
-my proposal to resolve the situation (see below)
-other business: allegations brought by him against our staff (we were "abusing" him, degrading him...)
-contract for him and son to sign stating our team rules and expectations AGAIN
Basically, I was STILL willing to bring the kid back as long as the dad goes away. If I brought him back he would be suspended from play at any level for the amount of time he missed (2 weeks) + another week to earn his JV spot back.
If you hold a meeting, let the dude talk, look like a fool, self-destruct and have ALL documentation ready to go. Be cool and stay positive regardless.
They will try to bait you into a pi$$ing contest- don't do it. Make it very clear that nothing he says or does will affect how we coach our team or his kid.
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Post by dytmook on Oct 4, 2016 16:16:38 GMT -6
Had a dad pull his son out of the school because he wasn't getting the carries "he should be". He basically cornered our OC once saying he didn't watch enough film and we are missing out on a great RB. His son is the only one penalized for making mistakes. Trying to politic to other parents that his kid is so great. Kid was 4th on the RB depth chart, but has been a starting LB for two years. Kid has the least amount of carries, the most fumbles, and just doesn't have the vision of a good back. Our RB coach has been at it for 20 plus years, I trust his judgment. Not to mention the whole offensive staff agrees.
Sucks to lose the kid because he was a great kid, but dad can not let the door hit him on the way out.
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Post by planck on Oct 4, 2016 19:40:25 GMT -6
Set a meeting with the parent. "Hey, I heard there were some issues and wanted to meet with you (and school admin) to discuss" Then watch him backpedal like the puzzy he is......... This. The worst parents I have dealt with were when I coached youth ball. We had a dad that was a nightmare.. The league put out email addresses on the "team contact list" for the parents (I reamed their azzes over that..) and I would have an email from this idiot dad every other day. He had one gripe after another, even after I made it clear that I wouldn't discuss schemes or playing positions with the guy (his two major b-tches..). I finally ignored his emails and he approached me after practice, just furious that I wasn't answering him. I walked away and sent an email to him and CCed the league administration the next day. I told him that we could set up a meeting with the league commissioner but that I would not discuss his son playing quarterback (his biggest complaint) or the fact that we were running a "junk offense" (his verbiage from an email). I told him that if this wasn't satisfactory, then he could pull his kid from the team, pick up a clipboard and run his own unit next year. You handled that right. Often, I don't handle it as well as you did. I let their kid play and watch the kid get smacked around for a while. I had a dad pissing in my cheerios over his kid not playing RB. I repped him through it in practice this week, put him in during garbage time, and watched the other team's 2's hold him to -20 rushing yards on 6 carries. Hopefully this gets dad to go the hell away, but it won't. People with dumb ideas are rarely dissuaded by evidence. |
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Post by coachcb on Oct 5, 2016 7:51:30 GMT -6
This. The worst parents I have dealt with were when I coached youth ball. We had a dad that was a nightmare.. The league put out email addresses on the "team contact list" for the parents (I reamed their azzes over that..) and I would have an email from this idiot dad every other day. He had one gripe after another, even after I made it clear that I wouldn't discuss schemes or playing positions with the guy (his two major b-tches..). I finally ignored his emails and he approached me after practice, just furious that I wasn't answering him. I walked away and sent an email to him and CCed the league administration the next day. I told him that we could set up a meeting with the league commissioner but that I would not discuss his son playing quarterback (his biggest complaint) or the fact that we were running a "junk offense" (his verbiage from an email). I told him that if this wasn't satisfactory, then he could pull his kid from the team, pick up a clipboard and run his own unit next year. You handled that right. Often, I don't handle it as well as you did. I let their kid play and watch the kid get smacked around for a while. I had a dad pissing in my cheerios over his kid not playing RB. I repped him through it in practice this week, put him in during garbage time, and watched the other team's 2's hold him to -20 rushing yards on 6 carries.Hopefully this gets dad to go the hell away, but it won't. People with dumb ideas are rarely dissuaded by evidence. I understand and accept that we're gong to receive criticism as coaches. But, I don't suffer fools gladly, period. As I tell parents, I will not discuss playing time (youth league=everyone plays if they show up the practice), schemes, or positions. We will discuss any situation that arises where they feel their child has been mistreated or "abused". But those are serious allegations and a meeting will take place with an administrator present. With respect to the dad I described above, I did "discuss" his boy playing quarterback. I laid it our for him very simply: his kid gets plenty of reps at QB at practice. But, unlike the two kids above him on the depth chart, he can barely take a snap (uncoachable), he doesn't understand the terminology for our system (uncoachable), he doesn't know the footwork for the plays or the proper hand-offs (uncoachable..) and he can't take a 3-step drop properly to save his life (UNCOACHABLE). As such, I told dad that WHEN HIS KID WAS COACHABLE and learned the offense, then he'd get game turns at QB. Until then, he'd play WR and DB. My final statement was: "We can't play a kid at quarterback if he won't learn how to play quarterback.." Unfortunately, the kid's bad attitude could be attributed to his father. He walked into practice every day with a chip on his shoulder, with the delusion that he should be starting at quarterback and he didn't do what was asked of him. |
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Post by hammer66 on Oct 5, 2016 9:44:09 GMT -6
It is the new NORMAL.... its not going anywhere. It is unfortunate. Parents and kids feel entitled. I have learned to be completely immune to it. I know how hard we work as players and coaches. I know what we know...and am confident in what we teach. Not going to let any gas bags out there get in my head. With social media the way it is you will always have someone taking a shot at you. Win or lose... there is always a critic. I get the underlying concern. Undermining the rest of the kids.... if it happens. Well nothing you can do, they are not buying into what your doing then and that is an even bigger issue. Just keep it positive and as one post mentioned talk about the ISSUE without pointing a finger. I told one of our players yesterday when he mentioned to me that someone had a FACEFRIEND rant about me...that he could just add him to the list of people that don't like me. Every decision you make should be to benefit the entire squad.
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Post by coachcb on Oct 5, 2016 10:03:24 GMT -6
Honestly, this is nothing new. I have dealt with many difficult parents over the years. But, I've learned to set the boundaries with them in terms of what will and will not be discussed and then I put down dissension in a blunt but professional manner. The kid doesn't need to play for us if the family is that angry about what we're doing. And, on the flip side, I won't coach for an administration that would will allow a parent to jack us around.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2016 14:09:29 GMT -6
It's unfortunate because if he's a good kid he hates what his dad is doing and he can't control it. I couldn't really care less what a parent says about me but any parent that is calling my assistants mother*bleepers* and going around trashing them & the team to anybody that will listen, doing his best to tear apart my team is going to have a meeting with me and the AD. I would hate to punish a kid for the actions of his father but if the father's behavior is severely negatively impacting the experience of all the other players then I'm going to have to let the guy know - either shut it or you & your kid are gone. I understand why some would say that's stupid but I'm going to protect the unity of the team.
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