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Post by shocktroop34 on Apr 12, 2015 5:41:37 GMT -6
This JUST in...my wife wakes up to a text message from one of her students. The girl tells my wife she is pregnant. Who's her boyfriend?...you guessed it, one of my players. WTF. As fantom stated earlier, I'm not sure there is a clear cut way to handle these situations. I'm not sure that I actually expected one, but some of the responses gave me a few good laughs. I think at the end of the day, I just need to let the player(s) know that I'm not going to get in their business, but I will be watching their behavior. If I feel it is becoming an issue, I'm going to bring them and their parent(s) in to discuss my concerns. Other than that, I'm not sure there is much else that can be done. Ultimately, kids are going to do what they want. My dad who coached for nearly 35 years once told me that sometimes there are things you just don't want to know about your players. In other words, some things just work themselves out. I appreciate the dialog. |
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Post by wolverine55 on Apr 12, 2015 6:36:17 GMT -6
This is actually the one topic I try to avoid with players when they ask for my advice, which I could count on one hand the number of times a player has asked me about women though. I'm 35 years old, have a failed engagement on my resume, and haven't had a date in years. I'm the absolute LAST person that should be giving advice when it comes to matters of the opposite sex!
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Post by CoachWeitz on Apr 12, 2015 7:21:16 GMT -6
I agree with a previous post about the idea of toxic relationships. I've seen constructive relationships and toxic ones in high school, college and after college. The effect on the athlete, in my opinion, really comes down to the type of relationship. If it is a good relationship each partner should be stronger, if it is toxic one or both of the partners is being dragged down. In my mind this is a perfect conversation to have with the kids. I'm not saying it will work but it's something I feel we should do, maybe as a type of preemptive strike.
So many relationships now are not healthy for a variety of different reasons (mainstream media, social expectations, home life etc). While this problem is worse in High Schools, because high school kids are high school kids, it exists after school. I imagine we could all think back to a story where someone we know was in one of these relationships and it had a negative impact on their goals, character or social life.
My thought is that we need to teach what a good relationship looks like. We always talk about teaching kids leadership, study habits and work ethic to set them up for the future but understanding the dynamics of a strong relationship is just as important. When you consider that the person most of us will spend the most time with (although maybe not in season) is your partner, having a strong, healthy dynamic there has to be considered incredibly important. Especially at a time where so many of our kids are coming from single parent homes or homes with a dysfunctional relationship and there are not many examples in the media we have to be the ones modeling and talking about what a good relationship should look like.
Now to the OP as to what to do with a kid who has been snatched up into one of these relationships, showing concrete examples of how his performance has declined can help but it's really hard to see how toxic a relationship can be from inside the relationship.
I'll step down from my soap box now but that's just something that really effects our school.
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Post by s73 on Apr 12, 2015 7:28:28 GMT -6
This JUST in...my wife wakes up to a text message from one of her students. The girl tells my wife she is pregnant. Who's her boyfriend?...you guessed it, one of my players. WTF. As fantom stated earlier, I'm not sure there is a clear cut way to handle these situations. I'm not sure that I actually expected one, but some of the responses gave me a few good laughs. I think at the end of the day, I just need to let the player(s) know that I'm not going to get in their business, but I will be watching their behavior. If I feel it is becoming an issue, I'm going to bring them and their parent(s) in to discuss my concerns. Other than that, I'm not sure there is much else that can be done. Ultimately, kids are going to do what they want. My dad who coached for nearly 35 years once told me that sometimes there are things you just don't want to know about your players. In other words, some things just work themselves out. I appreciate the dialog. Since I've been at my current school, we've had 3 players get their girlfriends pregnant at some point in their senior years. And yet...it continues. To me, nothing more true than what BLB said. Fortunately, most of my guys can handle a relationship and training. PS - First kid who got his girl pregnant had twins. |
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Post by coachbdud on Apr 12, 2015 10:18:36 GMT -6
This JUST in...my wife wakes up to a text message from one of her students. The girl tells my wife she is pregnant. Who's her boyfriend?...you guessed it, one of my players. WTF. As fantom stated earlier, I'm not sure there is a clear cut way to handle these situations. I'm not sure that I actually expected one, but some of the responses gave me a few good laughs. I think at the end of the day, I just need to let the player(s) know that I'm not going to get in their business, but I will be watching their behavior. If I feel it is becoming an issue, I'm going to bring them and their parent(s) in to discuss my concerns. Other than that, I'm not sure there is much else that can be done. Ultimately, kids are going to do what they want. My dad who coached for nearly 35 years once told me that sometimes there are things you just don't want to know about your players. In other words, some things just work themselves out. I appreciate the dialog. some baby daddy stories i have encountered last spring a good sized/athletic OL transferred in from another local school (over the hill different league) would have been my starting LT and possibly started on defense.. he was in my weight class and i got all excited because i had 4 returning starters on the OL coming back, he wouldve been the 5th piece and i was all set... a couple weeks in he tells me his gf is having a baby, and she is due in a month... he pretty much dropped out form then on to work one of our better 2016 players had a kid last season... he says he will still play this year (would start at LB and play a lot of FB on O) When i was a senior in HS, we had this HUGE freshman on the basketball team... he was about 6'6... i think he got all the way up to 6'9", fairly good player by the time he was done in HS... anyway he was pretty much the definition of thug life. I do not know his points or rebounds per game from his freshman year, but his off the court stats include: 1 child, 2 DUIs |
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Post by shocktroop34 on Apr 12, 2015 19:08:38 GMT -6
This JUST in...my wife wakes up to a text message from one of her students. The girl tells my wife she is pregnant. Who's her boyfriend?...you guessed it, one of my players. WTF. As fantom stated earlier, I'm not sure there is a clear cut way to handle these situations. I'm not sure that I actually expected one, but some of the responses gave me a few good laughs. I think at the end of the day, I just need to let the player(s) know that I'm not going to get in their business, but I will be watching their behavior. If I feel it is becoming an issue, I'm going to bring them and their parent(s) in to discuss my concerns. Other than that, I'm not sure there is much else that can be done. Ultimately, kids are going to do what they want. My dad who coached for nearly 35 years once told me that sometimes there are things you just don't want to know about your players. In other words, some things just work themselves out. I appreciate the dialog. some baby daddy stories i have encountered last spring a good sized/athletic OL transferred in from another local school (over the hill different league) would have been my starting LT and possibly started on defense.. he was in my weight class and i got all excited because i had 4 returning starters on the OL coming back, he wouldve been the 5th piece and i was all set... a couple weeks in he tells me his gf is having a baby, and she is due in a month... he pretty much dropped out form then on to work one of our better 2016 players had a kid last season... he says he will still play this year (would start at LB and play a lot of FB on O) When i was a senior in HS, we had this HUGE freshman on the basketball team... he was about 6'6... i think he got all the way up to 6'9", fairly good player by the time he was done in HS... anyway he was pretty much the definition of thug life. I do not know his points or rebounds per game from his freshman year, but his off the court stats include: 1 child, 2 DUIs First of all Coachb- shout out on the "migity mack" reference. I've been singing 90's rap songs all day. The year we made our run to states, we had a NASTY O-lineman. He played center. He and his girl were serious and she got pregnant. He also had rotator cuff surgery in the spring. We were sure we lost him. Not only did he battle back from one of the toughest surgeries to come back from (I had mine done two years ago-shoulder surgery is no joke), but he also got his business together with her and made it back to football by August. I guess it just depends on the player. I talked to another coach today on the this same topic. He felt that a player could be good, but not great when it came to having a girlfriend. We both had "baggage" in that area from H.S. so maybe it is our personal experiences that lead us to this mindset. I don't want to send the wrong impression that I think girls are altogether a negative thing. I've seen plenty of other players handle girls just fine. They go unnoticed because they are actually handling their business in a non-dramatic fashion. No easy solutions... |
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Post by coachmonkey on Apr 13, 2015 10:07:04 GMT -6
Some kids are dying to feel desired and wanted. They aren't getting it at home and these girls can fill that void. I think as coaches it is our job to talk about these things (character development) and model them. A lot of kids don't have that being modeled at home. If we don't talk about it, we are just perpetuating it. I do agree it is a locale issue in a lot of cases, but some kids just make bad decisions. A lot of the comments on this threat make me wish all coaches had to read Joe Ehrmann's Inside Out Coaching. If there is an issue, address it.
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Post by coachtua on Apr 15, 2015 1:42:04 GMT -6
Sport Science proved this. Testosterone levels were higher in athletes thad had sex the night before competition... |
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