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Post by shocktroop34 on Dec 27, 2014 14:35:25 GMT -6
Men, I write to you today with a heavy heart. Last night one of my player's mother died due to complications from a surgical procedure.
I have called and talked to him and his father who are remarkably composed given the circumstances.
My question [to any and all who have thoughts/ideas] is what might be something we could do to support this young man and his family. I have thoughts of my own, but I was looking for additional ideas that you might have heard of or done in this type of situation.
Whether it is a public display, or a more personal touch, I just want this kid to know that we, and his teammates, care about him and his family.
Thank you in advance for your thoughts.
-Shock
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Post by s73 on Dec 27, 2014 15:22:41 GMT -6
Men, I write to you today with a heavy heart. Last night one of my player's mother died due to complications from a surgical procedure. I have called and talked to him and his father who are remarkably composed given the circumstances. My question [to any and all who have thoughts/ideas] is what might be something we could do to support this young man and his family. I have thoughts of my own, but I was looking for additional ideas that you might have heard of or done in this type of situation. Whether it is a public display, or a more personal touch, I just want this kid to know that we, and his teammates, care about him and his family. Thank you in advance for your thoughts. -Shock Coach, I'm sorry to hear about your trouble. My heart goes out to that family. I once had a players mom die about an hour and half before one of our games several years ago. Believe it or not the player and his father came to see me before the game to let me know they would not be attending. I could not believe they were worried about it. We won the game and signed the ball and dedicated the win to his mother. I had my captains deliver it to his home. His father called me. It was very moving. We also had the school send flowers, etc. We attended the funeral. Everyone wore their jerseys as a show of brotherhood. His mother had always wanted to see him play football but had not seen any of the games b/c she was too sick. He buried his jersey with her. It was EXTREMELY EMOTIONAL. He also brought the signed ball to the ceremony. Basically I told him to return on his own schedule and that we would do what we could for him. My heart goes out to you. Not a lot you can do to soften that blow. I think the biggest thing is that you show that you care. |
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Post by maikaione on Dec 27, 2014 16:08:14 GMT -6
Men, I write to you today with a heavy heart. Last night one of my player's mother died due to complications from a surgical procedure. I have called and talked to him and his father who are remarkably composed given the circumstances. My question [to any and all who have thoughts/ideas] is what might be something we could do to support this young man and his family. I have thoughts of my own, but I was looking for additional ideas that you might have heard of or done in this type of situation. Whether it is a public display, or a more personal touch, I just want this kid to know that we, and his teammates, care about him and his family. Thank you in advance for your thoughts. -Shock Wow that's tough coach. It's important to keep in mind that everyone copes with situations like this differently. Some are overtly appreciative of help. Others will resist and may even resent the extra attention/assistant while they cope. This is why it's so important to truly know your kids. It may be a good idea to do a simple, unobtrusive gesture on behalf of the team. Maybe prepare a meal or two, something to help with the normal daily workload while they adjust. Then let the son and father know you guys are there for them. Gauge the reaction and decide how to proceed. Let your player know you are there to listen if he wants to talk. It may also be a good idea to train your captains on signs to look for that may indicate he isn't coping well. Sometimes, despite their best efforts to be resilient, people can really feel alone and lost after a tragedy like this. That isolation can lead to severe depression, suicidal thoughts. It's important to have leaders prepared to identify these signs and seek professional help to prevent the worst. |
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Post by coachklee on Dec 27, 2014 16:10:43 GMT -6
If possible, attend the funeral & encourage as many teammates as possible to attend.
I lost my mom during basketball season my senior year. All of my basketball teammates, the basketball HC, the assistant, my football HC, track HC & assistant, a former JV basketball coach all came to give their condolences. My teammates came past the casket in groups of 2 & then gave myself, younger brother (several had been football teammates with him & knew him as he was a So.) & my dad hugs or handshakes with a few words. I know it meant a lot to myself & my family. It also made returning to practice & eventually school much easier because I knew my teammates/coaches/teachers/classmates were there for me.
One player I coached had lost his father & we arranged for a bus ride to the funeral home after a practice & did something very similar. It lifted the spirits of both him & his mother.
Be there for him, encourage teammates to do the same & any other coaches or teachers. And of course pray...even if you normally don't. I know him, his family & his loved ones will be in my prayers for awhile.
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Post by natenator on Dec 27, 2014 16:33:14 GMT -6
Had a player's father pass away prior to pre-season this past year.
I reached out to him and his mom to let them know I experienced similar at his age and that anything they needed help with I would try to accommodate.
This young fella was going through issues early on in the season where his play really wasn't very good and he knew it. I let him know in no uncertain terms that no matter his play he'd have a starting role on this team.
Him and I shared some tears after our final game of the season. His dad would be so proud of the way he handled himself in such a difficult situation.
Just be there for him and let him know you're being there extends far beyond the football field.
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Post by Chris Clement on Dec 27, 2014 17:21:00 GMT -6
Our player's father who was also our team trainer died suddenly shortly after the season's end. I don't think we did anything really special, it was enough just to have everyone show up for him.
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Post by wingtol on Dec 27, 2014 17:24:24 GMT -6
We had a situation where a players mom took her own life Sunday night before the last week of the season this year. Kid was a two way starter,captain, and a senior. As it would be that week was senior night as well. Needless to say it was a roller coaster week in our very small community. Bit different for us since we were in season but try and organize the team and go to the viewing/funeral as a group. That seems to be the best way to show support as a team. In honesty the best thing you can do is let him know you are there if he needs anything and stay in touch with him. Sometimes that's all you can do. If he has a good support system around him offering your sympathies and letting him know you care are all you can do. Every situation is different and you prob know what type of situation he is in, just don't force yourself into the situation as I have seen some people try and do.
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Post by Chris Clement on Dec 27, 2014 17:33:37 GMT -6
Well that sounds awful. Ours was bad and it was just a heart attack, your story sounds like the saddest thing ever.
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Post by wingtol on Dec 27, 2014 19:36:24 GMT -6
Well that sounds awful. Ours was bad and it was just a heart attack, your story sounds like the saddest thing ever. It was a week that's for sure. On top of that we are new at this school and you guessed it were playing the school our staff left after being there for a decade so there was a ton of build up because we betrayed them or whatever. The who lost his mom we'll his cousin was the qb of the other team and his dad basically tried to get a lynch mob out after us for leaving. So of course first play of the game they throw at our kid who lost his mom. Kid who lost his mom ended up having a fifty yard TD on a scoop and score needless to say that was quite a moment to witness |
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Post by freezeoption on Dec 27, 2014 20:31:11 GMT -6
i have had several parents of players, or players or students die, it sucks, just do the best you can and try to keep the same schedule, and listen and understand, the player that died, that week was tough, had kids breaking down in practice all week, after the game and on and off during the season
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Post by shocktroop34 on Dec 28, 2014 9:36:00 GMT -6
Thank you to everyone who responded. You all provided insight on things I never even considered. Thank you all very much.
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