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Post by CoachHess on Dec 30, 2013 9:26:34 GMT -6
Came to my attention this morning that I have a young assistant coach who is Facebook friends with several high school players and even more high school students in general. He graduated from this high school a few years ago, only about 22/2 yrs old. I always used as a rule that until they walk across the stage, we will not be social media buddies. How would you go about this with this coach? To me, we have no business being 'friends' with these kids who we are trying to coach and impact. He has already been reprimanded before for his fraternization with high school players, and I am wondering if he just doesn't get the coach-player relationship.
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Post by coach2013 on Dec 30, 2013 9:34:54 GMT -6
It happens with older coaches too.
If you had the rule in place, like the rule or not, it should be enforced, or do away with the rule.
When you are a HC you don't want to try and police everything and everyone so you make the rules you can enforce.
Call the kid into your office. Be open and honest with him about the policy, make sure you give him a chance to right it, if he refuses, then you can say "you made your choice."
That is how Id handle it, not much different than Id handle other disciplinary actions with a coach. Forget his age and just address the behavior as it relates to your expectations.
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Post by coachphillip on Dec 30, 2013 9:58:00 GMT -6
I make sure all my players know that they can't be my friends on Facebook until after they graduate. I have a coaching Facebook account and a coaching Instagram account. They're good to have to stay in touch with players year round. But, they won't be accepted to my personal account because that's for family and friends and they know we may be close, but we are not friends.
If it's a staff rule that's been expressed clearly, then you need to deal with the kid. If it's just a personal preference, then you need to either make it a rule or get over it. Does it effect his coaching?
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Post by coachphillip on Dec 30, 2013 10:00:31 GMT -6
For what it's worth, the few guys I've known who hang out with high school kids when they're 22 are not very well respected by the kids they're fraternizing with.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2013 10:16:08 GMT -6
I agree with the above post. To me, there's a big difference between being friends with people on social media versus actually hanging out with them. If this guy is spending a great deal of time actually hanging out with players, that's a bigger alarm than being Facebook friends with them. To me, social media can be a great communication tool. However, if you feel the need to have the rule in place, then you need to tell the assistant to get them off his Facebook and enforce it.
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Post by irishdog on Dec 30, 2013 10:29:47 GMT -6
I tell my players the only way they can get hold of me is either A). come see me; or B). call me. I want to see their faces, and hear their voices. As far as the young coach is concerned I would advise him that if he expects the players to respect him as a coach, he needs to be their coach first. If they see him as a "buddy", they will treat him as such.
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Post by coachd5085 on Dec 30, 2013 11:19:59 GMT -6
If he is 22 years old..then chances are most of the kids that are currently in highschool with..WERE NOT in highschool while he was. That is what would concern me the most. This isn't like a 19 year old who just graduated in May being friends with someone who was a sophomore or jr when he was there.
Very little to nothing good can come from this. LOTS of BAD (especially when dealing with females) can come from this.
Just me, but I would be a douche about it. "Hey --look, make your choice.. adult hood or adolescence. I don't let kids work for me" This is a great chance to show to him that coaching is a profession...not a hobby. If he only wants to play madden with real people, give him the phone numbers to the local youth orgs.
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Post by cqmiller on Dec 30, 2013 13:13:55 GMT -6
I personally like the ability to check on my kids when they don't know I am... we have a facebook page where the kids get information and info from us in the program and I must add them. They all have to friend to add, so now I have access to what they are doing. It has helped me head off a couple of things that could have become issues to be honest...
If it is something inappropriate or not what you want an assistant coach to be doing, tell him he's gotta stop or go.
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Post by coachd5085 on Dec 30, 2013 13:20:35 GMT -6
I personally like the ability to check on my kids when they don't know I am... we have a facebook page where the kids get information and info from us in the program and I must add them. They all have to friend to add, so now I have access to what they are doing. It has helped me head off a couple of things that could have become issues to be honest... If it is something inappropriate or not what you want an assistant coach to be doing, tell him he's gotta stop or go. Coach-- I think there is a world of difference between an organizational social media account (which can also be used to keep tabs...but keep in mind that the privacy settings can be used to exclude you from seeing things they dont want you to see...) and a 22 year old having a personal account connected to students attending the high school |
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Post by fballcoachg on Dec 30, 2013 13:28:16 GMT -6
No reason for it. Set a hard line and let him know that with all the possible conflicts/problems he can't do that and work with you.
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Post by cqmiller on Dec 30, 2013 13:30:45 GMT -6
The group was created using my personal facebook account, so I have all of the players in my program on my personal facebook account...
Gonna be tough to have a 22 year old who was a student at the school (gonna have friends + and - 4-5 years depending on siblings, families, etc) to drop everyone that he may have on his account.
Again... it isn't the facebook that is bad, but the inappropriate use of it. He needs to be explained the situation and needs to understand that he now has a different role with each of those people and cannot "be an idiot" with it, or he has to just drop it or decide not to coach. From what it sounds like, he has been explained and is still being an idiot, so he's either gotta close up the account or close up the coaching job.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 30, 2013 14:02:41 GMT -6
Just to reiterate my point: in discussing this issue with the coach I would also ask him to be open and honest about how much he interacts with these players and other high school students in the real world, because to me that's the bigger issue and compromises the player-coach relationships more.
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Post by buck42 on Dec 30, 2013 15:05:21 GMT -6
Baaaaaad idea for him...especially if any of these "friends" are females!!!
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Post by shocktroop34 on Dec 30, 2013 15:44:26 GMT -6
I may be the last person in the world under 45 that doesn't have facebook or twitter. So, understandably my post will be biased. Nevertheless, for me, it would be a quick conversation. Facebook or playbook...take your choice.
And honestly, I'm not a social media hater. I think it has some really good purposes. However, as CQ referred to, in our profession, if the user operates it in a fashion that could possibly harm the program, it's simply not worth it.
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Post by spos21ram on Dec 30, 2013 15:52:40 GMT -6
If He only has them on Facebook and doesn't actually hangout with them then I don't see a problem with it. I have cousins that are in high school that i have on FB so I don't know where you draw the line. But as others have said. If He's 22 hanging out with high school kids then That's not good and needs to be addressed.
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Post by 42falcon on Dec 30, 2013 16:26:57 GMT -6
Each situation is unique.
With that said your role as HC or any type of coach is that of a parent you are responsible for these boys plain and simple if the situation is wrong (not on a football level but on a safety / appropriate level) you are responsible and so is the coach. So this might be a good conversation piece "hey you are not their friends, we are responsible for their safety and their well being, are you doing that?"
I text my players all the time some of them have helped me move stuff around the house (I pay them for their time) but the relationship is professional we are not friends.
Your young coach is in a potentially great but also dangerous spot:
-he is young enough he can connect / reach these boys on a level us older dudes can't (remember gotta know em to teach em)
-he is young enough he can easily cross the line ie: hang out on weekends, date the girls at the school,
Just talk with the guy.
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Post by coachrocco on Dec 31, 2013 9:17:29 GMT -6
<abbr>As a 21 year old assistant coach that graduated from the school I am coaching at 4 years ago, and who does have two players added on facebook, I just want to remind you of a couple things:
-Many, if not most, of these friend adds may well have happened when the coach actually WAS in high school, or at least before he started coaching. The two players who I am friends with on my personal accounts are the younger brothers of two of the guys I played with, which was why they were added in the first place.
-The current senior class was in 8th grade when this coach graduated, so they may not have been in high school yet when he graduated, but it's not like they were in kindergarten. I knew 90% of what is now our HS football team when I was in HS because it's such a small town. I rode the school bus with many of these kids for years.
-Being facebook friends with somebody is not the same as fraternizing with the players. If he is fraternizing with high school kids thats a WAY bigger problem than being friends on social media. The major problem with the social media thing IMO is that he violated a team rule. So long as he conducts himself professionally on faceboook (I use my facebook for business networking in my non coaching job so there are ZERO shenanigans) I think having the players added can provide an efficiency boost in getting info out.
Overall, so long as he conducts himself like a coach in his social media interactions, I see no problem with the coach adding kids on facebook. That being said, from what you are saying it seems there are other problems here. I would address those problems first and forget the facebook thing.
</abbr>
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Post by coachd5085 on Dec 31, 2013 9:32:51 GMT -6
<abbr>As a 21 year old assistant coach that graduated from the school I am coaching at 4 years ago, and who does have two players added on facebook, I just want to remind you of a couple things: -Many, if not most, of these friend adds may well have happened when the coach actually WAS in high school, or at least before he started coaching. The two players who I am friends with on my personal accounts are the younger brothers of two of the guys I played with, which was why they were added in the first place. -The current senior class was in 8th grade when this coach graduated, so they may not have been in high school yet when he graduated, but it's not like they were in kindergarten. I knew 90% of what is now our HS football team when I was in HS because it's such a small town. I rode the school bus with many of these kids for years. -Being facebook friends with somebody is not the same as fraternizing with the players. If he is fraternizing with high school kids thats a WAY bigger problem than being friends on social media. The major problem with the social media thing IMO is that he violated a team rule. So long as he conducts himself professionally on faceboook (I use my facebook for business networking in my non coaching job so there are ZERO shenanigans) I think having the players added can provide an efficiency boost in getting info out. Overall, so long as he conducts himself like a coach in his social media interactions, I see no problem with the coach adding kids on facebook. That being said, from what you are saying it seems there are other problems here. I would address those problems first and forget the facebook thing. </abbr> That's all fine and great. From my perspective : 1) I wouldn't have been "friends" with the younger siblings of players that I played with that were not in high school while I was there. 2) A PROFESSIONAL COACH--not a hobbyist with a whistle-- would not be FB friends with anyone in the HS (exceptions for team organized sites, or a professional coach profile) Just my opinions on the subject |
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Post by s73 on Dec 31, 2013 9:36:16 GMT -6
Came to my attention this morning that I have a young assistant coach who is Facebook friends with several high school players and even more high school students in general. He graduated from this high school a few years ago, only about 22/2 yrs old. I always used as a rule that until they walk across the stage, we will not be social media buddies. How would you go about this with this coach? To me, we have no business being 'friends' with these kids who we are trying to coach and impact. He has already been reprimanded before for his fraternization with high school players, and I am wondering if he just doesn't get the coach-player relationship. Tell him to "de-friend" them or you will "de-coach" him. He's already been told once. You don't need that kind of risk. |
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Post by coachrocco on Dec 31, 2013 9:49:25 GMT -6
<abbr>As a 21 year old assistant coach that graduated from the school I am coaching at 4 years ago, and who does have two players added on facebook, I just want to remind you of a couple things: -Many, if not most, of these friend adds may well have happened when the coach actually WAS in high school, or at least before he started coaching. The two players who I am friends with on my personal accounts are the younger brothers of two of the guys I played with, which was why they were added in the first place. -The current senior class was in 8th grade when this coach graduated, so they may not have been in high school yet when he graduated, but it's not like they were in kindergarten. I knew 90% of what is now our HS football team when I was in HS because it's such a small town. I rode the school bus with many of these kids for years. -Being facebook friends with somebody is not the same as fraternizing with the players. If he is fraternizing with high school kids thats a WAY bigger problem than being friends on social media. The major problem with the social media thing IMO is that he violated a team rule. So long as he conducts himself professionally on faceboook (I use my facebook for business networking in my non coaching job so there are ZERO shenanigans) I think having the players added can provide an efficiency boost in getting info out. Overall, so long as he conducts himself like a coach in his social media interactions, I see no problem with the coach adding kids on facebook. That being said, from what you are saying it seems there are other problems here. I would address those problems first and forget the facebook thing. </abbr> That's all fine and great. From my perspective : 1) I wouldn't have been "friends" with the younger siblings of players that I played with that were not in high school while I was there. 2) A PROFESSIONAL COACH--not a hobbyist with a whistle-- would not be FB friends with anyone in the HS (exceptions for team organized sites, or a professional coach profile) Just my opinions on the subject You would not have refused a very basic social media connection with kids who you saw every day in high school? I don't buy it, largely because the kids on our varsity team often are friends with the kids on our modified team. We aren't talking about talking every day, we are talking about hitting an "accept friend request" button. Your second comment seems to have no legitimate purpose other than to take a shot at me for having a non coaching job, largely because you provided no reasoning for it whatsoever. I won't even respond. |
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Post by spos21ram on Dec 31, 2013 12:49:35 GMT -6
I agree. Having kids as Facebook "friends" means absolutely nothing. It's not like it's a dating site.
The issue isn't Facebook it's if the coach is hanging out with these players outside of football/school in a buddies type of situation.
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Post by 42falcon on Dec 31, 2013 13:10:31 GMT -6
That's all fine and great. From my perspective : 1) I wouldn't have been "friends" with the younger siblings of players that I played with that were not in high school while I was there. 2) A PROFESSIONAL COACH--not a hobbyist with a whistle-- would not be FB friends with anyone in the HS (exceptions for team organized sites, or a professional coach profile) Just my opinions on the subject Dude you can't rip on someone for making different choices at a young age then the choices you made.. You might be in a different age and stage than this guy. My guess is you are a teacher / football coach awesome maybe he is not there yet but exploring this as an opportunity. It would be like me ripping on guys who are coaching at the HS level but are not teachers.. We are all in this thing for the same reasons. The one point he did make is really big: a FB friend is different than a person you hang out with on a regular basis. I think this is a generational thing. I have a friend he was my best man at my wedding he is 2 years younger than I am and I am 34 he has over 1,000 FB friends.. I have no FB account.... and if I did I don't think I would have more than 10 FB friends.. The way people use social media is very different. |
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Post by jg78 on Dec 31, 2013 15:33:54 GMT -6
I have a personal policy that I do not accept friend requests on Facebook from students, players, parents or colleagues. I like to keep my personal and professional lives seperate. I'm also 35 years old and single, so I don't want people (especially kids) reading posts on my wall and assuming/knowing who I am dating, where I'm going on Saturday night, or other things like that. My life details are probably more interesting to some than if I were 55 years old, married, with kids and grandkids. I just like to keep that door closed to all but legitimate friends that I know outside the workplace.
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Post by coachd5085 on Dec 31, 2013 15:45:24 GMT -6
You would not have refused a very basic social media connection with kids who you saw every day in high school? I don't buy it, largely because the kids on our varsity team often are friends with the kids on our modified team. We aren't talking about talking every day, we are talking about hitting an "accept friend request" button. I ignore friend requests from people on a daily basis. If the person isn't a friend, I don't "friend" them. I absolutely would not have "clicked accept" for some a kid brother/kid sister of a friend if I wasn't actually their friend. But as someone mentioned above, social media is used differently by people. Keep in mind the original coach is asking for different perspectives. Some are providing the perspective of a coach in their very early 20's, who do indeed have facebook friends of kids in high school. Others (like myself) are providing opinions and perspective from someone who isn't in the same situation. I don't really follow this here. If you are coaching...how am I taking a shot for having a non coaching job? I am talking about the difference between those choosing to treat coaching as a PROFESSION (even if they are non-faculty coaches) and those who look at it as something cool/fun to do. |
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Post by spos21ram on Dec 31, 2013 15:56:38 GMT -6
I have a personal policy that I do not accept friend requests on Facebook from students, players, parents or colleagues. I like to keep my personal and professional lives seperate. I'm also 35 years old and single, so I don't want people (especially kids) reading posts on my wall and assuming/knowing who I am dating, where I'm going on Saturday night, or other things like that. My life details are probably more interesting to some than if I were 55 years old, married, with kids and grandkids. I just like to keep that door closed to all but legitimate friends that I know outside the workplace. What if you are "real" friends with player's parents and have them on Facebook? I have several parents of players I coach or have coached on Facebook. I don't post anything stupid so I don't care who I have on there and what they see me post. If I'm tagged at a local bar I don't care if people know I'm there. Doesn't mean I'm getting silly drunk acting like a fool. The perception of Facebook has changed greatly in the past two years. It's not like the old MySpace where everyone was looking to hook up through it. It's very easy to be professional and still have a Facebook account these days. I have friends who are principals in other districts that have Facebook accounts. They don't just add anybody but if they happen to be real friends with parents then they wouldn't just decline requests. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using proboards |
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Post by spos21ram on Dec 31, 2013 16:10:28 GMT -6
What are some schools policies on this for staff and students? I would have my coaches follow those rules.
But once again I'm gonna say Facebook isn't the problem. It's coaches hanging out with kids outside of school and football that is concerning.
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Post by jg78 on Dec 31, 2013 17:04:05 GMT -6
I have a personal policy that I do not accept friend requests on Facebook from students, players, parents or colleagues. I like to keep my personal and professional lives seperate. I'm also 35 years old and single, so I don't want people (especially kids) reading posts on my wall and assuming/knowing who I am dating, where I'm going on Saturday night, or other things like that. My life details are probably more interesting to some than if I were 55 years old, married, with kids and grandkids. I just like to keep that door closed to all but legitimate friends that I know outside the workplace. What if you are "real" friends with player's parents and have them on Facebook? I have several parents of players I coach or have coached on Facebook. I don't post anything stupid so I don't care who I have on there and what they see me post. If I'm tagged at a local bar I don't care if people know I'm there. Doesn't mean I'm getting silly drunk acting like a fool. The perception of Facebook has changed greatly in the past two years. It's not like the old MySpace where everyone was looking to hook up through it. It's very easy to be professional and still have a Facebook account these days. I have friends who are principals in other districts that have Facebook accounts. They don't just add anybody but if they happen to be real friends with parents then they wouldn't just decline requests. Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using proboards If you feel that way, fine. I stated my own personal policy and why I do it. I wasn't trying to convince anyone of anything or say that anyone else's approach is wrong. I don't post anything foolish on Facebook either, but that doesn't necessarily mean I want everyone to know about what I'm doing. I don't want to mention on my Facebook that "Rachel and I are going to dinner at Ruth's Chris steakhouse tonight" and a kid (or nosy parent or colleague) sees it and asks me "Who's Rachel?" Nothing at all wrong with what I did or what I posted, but that doesn't necessarily mean I want more than my select friends to know about it. My way works for me and apparently yours works for you. To each his own. |
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souza12
Sophomore Member
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Post by souza12 on Jan 1, 2014 3:55:26 GMT -6
I think FB is a non-issue.. actually its something i have never thought of
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Post by veerman on Jan 2, 2014 21:44:18 GMT -6
I don't have either fb or Twitter, know coaches that do and follow players to keep a feel for the team. I'm not for either out against either. Agree if he is hanging out is a big problem.
A for the post about fb not being a hook up site like myspace...LOL yeah right..... know too many stories....
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Post by gibbs72 on Jan 4, 2014 17:23:08 GMT -6
I love using social media to get information out quickly to a large group of people. Also, we've been able to keep tabs (and get true versions of stories) from kids who put things out there that I suppose they don't think any of the coaches will read! Makes me SO happy there was not Twitter, Facebooks, cell phone cameras, when I was growing up ==> I can deny every stupid thing I did growing up. . . no evidence.
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