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Post by coachdubyah on Dec 20, 2013 18:47:37 GMT -6
Figured I would let you guys know. My wife asked me if my "Huey Pen Pals" know yet...I've made a lot of friends on this site and I am asking for some feedback. I am going to be a Dad in April. I am very excited, but I want to ask you dads/coaches out there how much it changes. How do you balance it? Especially early on? I am fully expecting things to change. I will have to say that after this past season (my worst in my 7 year career...1-9) has really helped me put a lot of things into perspective. I just want to know what adjustments you guys had to make to your everyday life as a coach during the season. Some of you may have made none, while others may made some alterations to your work weeks and weekends during the season. I want to be a good dad and I am already crazy about this kid. There will be times where I won't see him or be around him as much, so I am not afraid to say that I am a little nervous. I consider myself a grinder (mostly because my Head Coach is one). I do most of my work Saturday and Sunday Nights. My wife is awesome and very supportive. She has her moments, but she gets the whole coach's wife thing. All you dads out there, give me some feedback.
Let's here it guys.
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Post by tigercoach11 on Dec 20, 2013 19:03:12 GMT -6
Kind of in the same boat. Wife is due in June with our first. My problem is (Im the HC) but I dont have any asst full time on staff. I am the guy on the grind, and laundry boy, trainer etc etc... I would love to hear from experienced guys on how they balance this. Also, I understand having a bad season putting things in perspective, I have been there, but I am coming off my best as a HC (12-1 and SC)and I am fairly young especially for a HC (30) but as long as my wife has a healthy baby the great season takes second to the awesome year that I am having/bout to have (I found out the week of our only loss and seriously have never been in a better mood after a loss lol!!). I always feel like I try and put family first (even though I know FB takes priority a lot of times with my time commitment and wife is great about it) but I am at a loss on how I am going to balance this. I have asked admin to get on the ball with making hires for open positions with full time coaches but we will see. But I also know that this is how I provide and as much as my wife likes me around she also likes our bills being paid ....serious though I am curious on any suggestions yall have, sorry to hijack dubyah
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Post by coach2013 on Dec 20, 2013 19:05:16 GMT -6
Have had five kids, wife pregnant seven times since I started coaching.
Do everything right out of season, focus on the team during the season. Make sunday a family day.
Work from home when you can.
Its doable.
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Post by coachjimd on Dec 20, 2013 19:24:46 GMT -6
I think hudl has really helped in that respect. I can sit on my couch with my laptop and do work that otherwise would have to be done at school
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Post by 42falcon on Dec 20, 2013 19:59:09 GMT -6
First off congrats! Secondly everything changes. It's all doable but EVERYTHING changes. I'm a HC as well. The best thing that's happened is our program has grown and I have more supports. I might be one of the few here but your family comes first in season and out of season. Keep in mind I'm a teacher not a paid full time coach. Here is the wife & I handle it: -any film / at home stuff is done after kids are in bed & wife is in bed. Your relationship is between your wife. & kids so they both need nurturing. -you make sacrifices ie: no golf or beers after practice -I try as much as possible to involve my wife and kids in what we do as a team ie: they come to dinners this coming year my 5 year old wants to help with water ( we have trainers she can hang with) Every decision you make now affects her & the kids. So in the past if you had weekend meetings. & she went shopping she's now working (raising kids) & you are missing things you will never get again
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Post by carookie on Dec 20, 2013 20:51:45 GMT -6
Congrats, its the best thing in the world.
Had my first kid after 4 years of middle school and 1 of HS (JV) so by the time I started coaching varsity I already was one kid in. As has already been mentioned HUDL is huge, having a loving wife who is good with the kids also helps.
I think the makeup of your staff could help too; I was at a school for a while where the HC, the OL coach, and myself were the same age and had kids that were the same age. The HC always had his kids around, as did I, so it wasn't so bad in that aspect. This differs from the school Im at now, where all the coaches kids are a lot older than mine (a lot of them actually are on the team). That being written I still try involve my son all the time (hes only 6 but I bring him to afterschool workouts once a week).
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Post by emptybackfield on Dec 20, 2013 21:41:45 GMT -6
First off, congratulations. It's exhausting, but awesome.
The biggest piece of advice I can give (and others have already touched on this) is to "be home" when you're home. I struggle with this daily, and quite frankly am not very good at it. Keep your laptop and cell phone out of sight until the kid is asleep. It's a lot easier said than done.
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Post by holmesbend on Dec 20, 2013 21:52:07 GMT -6
Everybody else has already said it all.
Very doable, and for me it really hasn't changed much of all. We have a 2 year old little girl and another little girl on the way. She was born two days before our first game in '11 when I was an assistant…and, the last two years since I've been the HC, nothing has really changed.
-Make Saturday or Sunday, or half of each a day for the fan in season -Home Frosh/JV/8th grade games a family time. It might not sound ideal, but it's fun. I know the last two years, those nights were family nights for us and/or times when my wife will bring my little girl up…we get a little daddy/daughter time on the Gator. My wife does her cross fit or whatever in our weight room…watch the games, hang out. - Get home and go walk….if close to a golf course, do that. The 10th hole tee box is 200 yards from my front door…we load up on the golf cart and go make evenings out of it, especially in August and September. - HUDL from home. I'm a night owl, so I do most of mine at night after the girls are sound asleep..so, when I'm home…I'm with them. - Sitting around the office shooting the bull is good…it's needed….we all enjoy it, but get in and get out. Matter of fact…trade out nights on who sticks around to make sure everybody has been picked up. We do that….two a night…flip flop.
I out kicked my coverage in more ways than one marrying her, but we were together for 5 years before we got engaged, then married. As I tell people…I had to test drive her for a bit, and I'm sure the feeling was mutual. I had to see if she was made for this, and not all women are. If anything, she is ready for the football season to begin, especially this time of year and throughout the winter. We've been done a little over a month and I'm already driving her crazy.
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Post by holmesbend on Dec 20, 2013 21:54:45 GMT -6
First off, congratulations. It's exhausting, but awesome. The biggest piece of advice I can give (and others have already touched on this) is to "be home" when you're home. I struggle with this daily, and quite frankly am not very good at it. Keep your laptop and cell phone out of sight until the kid is asleep. It's a lot easier said than done. ^^You said it.
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Post by blb on Dec 21, 2013 7:24:24 GMT -6
They know what causes that (babies) now a days.
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Post by veerman on Dec 21, 2013 8:11:14 GMT -6
Best advice I can give is never do football work at home while your kids are still awake at home, when your there and they are there awake you should give them the time they deserve. you may have to stay up till 3 am our wake up at 4am if your a morning person to get your work in, but everyone has to make sacrifices. Your family pays theirs, you have to pay yours.
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Post by shocktroop34 on Dec 21, 2013 9:23:59 GMT -6
Congratulations, Coach!
A couple of thoughts...First, it might not be as tiresome as some make it out. It's just about time management. You just have to find the best way to manage your time based on you and your family's lifestyle.
Lastly, if you have to choose football or choose family...choose family, every time.
I think a lot of coaches, whether they admit it or not, have regrets about investing more time in other people's kids than they do their own. I confess that I'm partially in that category. Fortunately, I was able to coach my two oldest boys and make up for a lot of time as they were around me so much in high school.
I'm just saying, I think you'll feel better about yourself as a dad if you can look back at the time with as few regrets as possible. It's the hardest job you'll ever love.
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Post by Coach Bennett on Dec 21, 2013 9:46:22 GMT -6
All great points above.
In a "not selfish way," make sure you take care of yourself as well when you're going 1,000 miles/hour.
A 5 a.m. walk every morning before the house wakes up does wonders for me in season. Burns some calories, lends perspective to the day and family, and allows me to process a lot.
Find your "walk" and make it happen.
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Post by realdawg on Dec 21, 2013 10:33:35 GMT -6
A quote I actually got off of here when my kid was a baby. "quality not quantity" Your time demands are your time demands when it comes to coaching. My wife understands it, hopefully yours did too when she agreed to become a "football wife" The key is to make the time you spend with them quality time. I never bring football home anymore. Before a child I would work on stuff after I got home while my wife watched soap operas. Now the only thing I do at home is watch film and I get up before everyone else to do that. Also, my wife saves my little girls reading homework for me to do with her every night. This gives us some special time together. I look forward to it and so does my little girl. Also, make them apart of your program. My wife and little girl both love Friday nights so much that my daughter cried herself to sleep after we got put out of the playoffs. They also love my players like their own child/brothers. As someone else said you have to give somethings up. For me during season their is no golf or hanging out with the boys. Its football and family. Those other things have to be saved for the off season. Also, IDK about your faith but church on Sunday morning and lunch with them afterwards really helps me feel closer to them and recharges my batteries.
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Post by wingtol on Dec 21, 2013 11:30:08 GMT -6
First congratulations.
Second to answer your question, everything. Especially if you are going to have a newborn during the season. "coaches wife" turns into "stressed out mommy" real quick during the season and it ain't pretty! LOL My wife and I made a rule, esp during football season, that once we went to bed the other person could not hold you responsible for what you said until the alarm goes off the next morning. This will make a lot more sense at about 2:30 am some night....
Third remember your KID(s) will be the ones making the decision on what old folks home to put you in some day, not your players.
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Post by trojan83 on Dec 21, 2013 12:06:08 GMT -6
I too keep my film work for after bedtime, and I get up really early Monday morning and go to work and get a lot done there....kills the sleep time a bit, but you get used to living like a zombie anyway.
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Post by dacoachmo on Dec 21, 2013 16:16:38 GMT -6
When your child is working on a sleep schedule. You and your wife may want to split shifts.i would be "on duty" from 10-1 and my wife 1-6. That way both parents knew they would get 5 straight hours of sleep...
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Post by tothehouse on Dec 23, 2013 1:13:07 GMT -6
Football wouldn't exist without wives.
You can do it coach. Early on the babies babble and burp. That is the time to figure out how to manage football and babies for when they start rolling, climbing, standing and searching. Then it gets funky.
But again...lean on grandparents and your wife/girlfriend. Make time for yourself in between game plan, mowing the lawn, making food, watching film, doing laundry, lesson planning, etc. It's all doable.
Good luck and congrats.
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Post by planck on Dec 23, 2013 6:37:08 GMT -6
The bad news is that everything they tell you about kids is true. Not much sleep, stuff broken constantly, house messy. The good news is that you can choose to enjoy the ride instead of feeling stressed. You aren't going to have free time, so make every second count. Love the time you get with your kids, because when your kid shits on you (and they WILL {censored} on you) you can either laugh or cry.
Good luck, kid, you're going to need it.
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Post by fballcoachg on Dec 23, 2013 7:40:23 GMT -6
Congrats man! I was fortunate enough to walk in to a great coaching situation this year and the best part of my week was Friday night, after the game, when my wife handed me my son that will be 3 in March and he would play on the field with me or the team managers. Funny how something that little becomes a great "de-gaming" mechanism.
As far as how to manage, it isn't one size fits all. My last HC gave me some great advice, set aside a time that is the same every day. It doesn't matter when it is but have a consistent time in which the phone goes off or you don't pick it up regardless of how many calls you get. Mine was always an hour before bed time. Sometimes it was a bath, sometimes it was playing, it always ended with books and putting him to bed (same now with my daughter that will be 1 in March...wife is awesome and "planned" kids around football season).
Try and eat dinner at the table every night. It's a small thing but how much will hudl while eating really accomplish that you can't make up for during your meal.
Leave the job at the job. I do work when my kids are up and around unlike some others have suggested but I'm not anal about stopping for an impromptu wrestling match, sword fight, human jungle gym session, or other ridiculous game he has come up with. What I mean is compartmentalizing has to become second nature. I am a terrible loser, but when I get home and my kids are up it is time to be dad. You can't take the 4 turnovers out on them, you have to find a way to fake it until you make it. It can be an acting job at times but it is well worth it, you don't want your kids associating football with crapshoot dad.
For warning...I can't speak for the other guys but I know for sure I have become more emotional, not like taking estrogen emotional and not quite Dick Vermeil emotional but I tend to see and care about certain things more that I never once batted an eye at. Players are looked at more like somebodies kids, the care and interest in them has taken somewhat of a different aspect. Not necessarily a bad thing but definitely a change for me.
Good luck, congrats, you'll figure it out.
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Post by spreadattack on Dec 23, 2013 11:22:21 GMT -6
1) As a relatively new Dad (3 month old), I will steal the line someone said to me, "It's the most amazing way to turn your life completely upside down." It's hard to describe but everything is different
2) Try to be home as much as you can, even if it means taking some work home. It's a little contrary to what people said above, but if you can watch some film or some other prep from home then do it rather than spending all hours at the office/facility. That said it is a challenge and you will find your schedule really shifts around.
3) Biggest advice is take advantage of every opportunity you can to let your wife get some sleep. She's going to be the one primarily dealing with baby craziness, especially if you're back at work, but if you can take a night shift or watch the baby while she takes a nap, particularly during the first few months, then do it. You'll make it up on the back end.
4) As someone else told me, "If you want to spend time with your young children, you have to do it when they are young." Enjoy it!
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Post by champ93 on Dec 23, 2013 15:43:50 GMT -6
Congrats boys! Have 3 of my own -21-19-13. Greatest accomplishments of my life by far.
As far as "balance"...forget it, you can't. During different times of the year, some aspects of your life will outweigh others. If you're trying to balance, you will stress yourself out. Understand that football will take away from time other things during the season. Those other things may be family, sleep, job, leisure, etc. To combat that, steal every moment you can to do non-family stuff (football, work) away from home. Eat lunch at your desk as you lesson plan or at the copy machine while making copies. Work smarter and less (time-wise)--re-use lesson plans year to year, not every play needs to be drawn up, watching film of another team when they're up by 25 is wasting time. And--this will be popular--lower the priority of media like this website (no offense intended!).
My boys have never known me to not be a coach--that's "dad" to them. They became part of the process more and more as they got older--ball boys to players to observers on the sidelines or press box with me. The most interesting thing is you won't know the impact your coaching or other life decisions will have on your kids for about 15-20+ years. As my oldest have grown from boys to men their only self-admitted regret is that we didn't teach them to cook. I can live with that.
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Post by coach2013 on Dec 23, 2013 16:53:58 GMT -6
My son, whos entire life has involved me coaching told me today "I want to play in the NFL, I want to get a scholarship" - hes 7
I never really pushed football on him. Hes just taken to it this year.
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Post by coachcb on Dec 24, 2013 8:58:51 GMT -6
Sell the kid to gypsies, high school football is more important. Figured I'd give a different perspective. I have three kids but I can't even give them away.
Happy Holidays.
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hawk12
Sophomore Member
Posts: 117
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Post by hawk12 on Jan 1, 2014 4:32:47 GMT -6
Congrats Coach,
I am a father of 2 little ones (5 and 2) and over the last 15 years of my Varsity football career half of it has been coordinating so there has been a lot of grinding. First reading into your post a little bit I can tell your coming off a poor season and I am sure thoughts have crossed your mind with the little one coming into your life about possibly taking time off (could be reading too much into it). The first piece of advice is if you plan on being a coach continue to coach. I have had many friends have kids, take a season or so off, and they never get it back completely, expectations and precedents have been set if you take season off. Out of season activities try to involve your family as much as possible, and limit your night activities which is tough. If I meet with the defensive end of the staff I always meet on weekend mornings, mornings are always easier for mom to handle the kids and this allows you to have the rest of the day with your family or plan things. In season a couple of things I do to try to take the bite off the season. First on Thursday practices, while my little ones are still getting ready for bed and in bed between 7:30-8:30, I don't go to JV or Frosh games after practice. I come home after a game prep practice and have dinner with my family, it is really the only night we can because we don't get out of practice and film till around 7:30 Mon - Wed. When I get home from practice mon - Wed, I do not come home and go back to work on film, what I do is come home try to escape practice a little bit, help with bed time activities, and my wife and I then spend a little time together until its bed time. I have become a morning person. During the season I am up by 3:30, and work til 5:30 and in school by 6:30. It is just something you have to do, whether you are a night person or a morning person you must sacrifice some sleep.
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Post by coach2013 on Jan 1, 2014 16:21:59 GMT -6
Im the same. up at 3 am in season.
out of season more like 4ish.
off for winter break now, everyone sees more of me than they are used to. No big deal. playing madden all day with the kids.
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Post by CoachHess on Jan 1, 2014 21:22:05 GMT -6
Things will forever change and for the better. Nothing better than little arms around your neck after a big win or even more so after a tough loss. Helped me understand the big picture of life a lot more. Congrats.
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Post by wingt74 on Jan 2, 2014 21:16:05 GMT -6
First7-9 months after baby is born, it's pretty easy.
Once they're mobile until age 4 it's insanity.
I'll give you husband/fatherly advice.
FIND A BABYSITTER NOW! You and your wife have to go out on dates.
Figure out daycare NOW
Just like coaching football...threats and following through on them are critical. If you say "STOP THAT OR YOU ARE DONE!" they will ignore you...if you say "STOP THAT OR YOU GET A TIMEOUT" and you give them a timeout; you win.
GEt the kid a sleeping routine ASAP. It will take 1, maybe 2 nights of absolute HELL. (Screaming till 1 or 2 am) but all of a sudden, bed time is easy.
Speaking of bed time, get a perfect routine. Just like pre-game...it starts at dinner. 1. Dinner (6:00 to 6:22) 2. Bath (6:22 to 6:36) 3. Playtime with Dad (6:36 to 7:04) 4. Book/Story time (7:04 to 7:11) 5. Sing three songs. Not two, not four (7:11 to 7:15) 6. 7:15 lights out.
STICK TO A SCHEDULE AS TOUGH AS THIS. Trust me, it works.
Timeouts are your friend, give your wife lots of foot rubs, and maybe even find help during the season
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Post by coach2013 on Jan 3, 2014 3:44:52 GMT -6
IF you are a big guy, get yourself a top quality lazy boy recliner. You need goof furniture. Many days I have several kids plus my own girth in this chair. The weak chair shows its wear in a hurry. I am not kidding.
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Post by larrymoe on Jan 3, 2014 11:32:22 GMT -6
Perhaps this is not the place for this, and if so I apologize, but when did becoming a dad require you to be around your child every waking moment you can? I have a coaching friend who HAS to be home to give his kid a bath and do the whole bed time stuff. Why?
I have two kids and I love them to death and I'm pretty sure they reciprocate, but I'm not there for everything they ever do. They realize that there is some stuff I'm not going to be there for and they're good with that. I do less of the "grind" type stuff than most HCs, but it still adds up. I don't know when or why fatherhood has changed to this notion that you're not a good dad if you're not there ALL the time.
Live your life. Make some small concessions, but don't radically change everything. Your family's reality will be whatever you set it as.
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