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Post by shocktroop34 on Nov 26, 2013 16:55:54 GMT -6
I'm not a poor communicator, but I'm not a great one either. This is one area that I could greatly improve in. I've had decent relationships with my AD's, but I have always looked for ways to make them stronger. Same with admin.
One of my best years was when I had a principal that expected me to meet with her every Monday morning. The communication was great. Since she left, I have never been able to replicate that open atmosphere with anyone else.
I'm looking for ideas from those who have seen or consider themselves to be effective communicators. Also, how to be effective when your superiors are not great communicators themselves. Techniques, philosophies, or concepts to better communicate with people would be appreciated.
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Post by carookie on Nov 26, 2013 17:46:19 GMT -6
Do you feel that you struggle to communicate effectively when expressing yourself to others, or that you don't open up the lines of communication as often as you should?
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Post by shocktroop34 on Nov 26, 2013 18:37:23 GMT -6
Do you feel that you struggle to communicate effectively when expressing yourself to others, or that you don't open up the lines of communication as often as you should? Great question, and honestly, it's a little bit of both. If something isn't right, I have a hard time telling a superior what I think. I was in the military so I really believe in following authority. It is a flaw of mine as I think me not speaking up has hurt my program/players at times. I struggle with finding the line between respect and insubordination. A lot of times, I just can't find a way to start a conversation if I know it is a difficult matter. I will let time go by hoping it will just die down and fizzle out. When that happens, I think it erodes the relationship a little each time.
And then it snow balls. When I think there might be tension (and it could be minor), I tend to clam up. Then I don't communicate as often as I should, which ultimately creates more awkwardness, etc. A lot of times, I think I just want things to be perfect and when they aren't (in my mind) I get quiet. Sometimes I think I make problems bigger than they are because I can be an "A type" personality. But when I get quiet, I just seem dig a deeper hole.
I'm not a rookie as I've coached for many years. But I promised myself that I would do a lot of self-reflection this year. This is one of the things I'm trying to address. I'm a big boy, so even if it's not pretty, I appreciate the feedback.
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Post by kmiller716 on Nov 26, 2013 22:26:45 GMT -6
Shocktroop,
This has a potential of being a great thread, not just in regard to communication, but a general theme that all individuals go through. It is very difficult for people to look in the mirror when a summative self-evaluation is being done on ones own effort. It is much easier to look through a window and try to figure out why we are not feeling the way we need to be or thinking why we are not where we used to be, and thus, ultimately where we want to be by looking at external factors or forces. You are taking huge strides in being self-reflective and honest with yourself. Everything starts with us. We will never change our external environment by avoiding or moving away from it. We can all share experiences in our past where we were not happy or pleased with a particular setting and thought that searching and finding a new one will bring us what we want. Unfortunately when we do make a change, the same scenarios (drama, BS, aggravation, etc) arises, through different forms but similar content and I think this is the universes way of providing learning experiences for us to go through. All of us on this board, and the thousands of others in this profession are utilizing this great game to do such. What is even greater is that we have the opportunity to model our newly found developments to others, giving them the tools to carry on in their lives to overcome our fears.
I can say that I am in the same boat as you in my weakness/fears as a person. I have strong thoughts and feelings, but many times I fail to express them because I am not a person that like to "rock the boat" with others in authority. Personally, I believe I have this idea that authority equals someone who has a higher road traveled, and thus, who am I to express my thoughts and feelings when they are not congruent with the person in authority. Truthfully, because someone is in a position higher than me does not mean that they are perfect and have the correct way and process that is the "end all, be all". I think finding balance in what you seek is key. In my very own reflection, my goals for the next year is to be honest with my thoughts and feelings in a constructive way. I know I can do such with my students and players with ease, but there is that block for me with authority.
My effectiveness with student-athlete relationships is due to my ability to get into the shoes of the individual I am trying to reach or make a statement and understand their workings, who they are, and where they have been in life. This is my most cherished part in coaching; finding what makes a person tick, what that internal button is, and then teaching them how to push it themselves. In terms of authority, I guess I can transfer it to knowing what that individual stands for, what their values are as a leader, and finding balance in expressing my thoughts and feelings that are congruent with both them and I. I have been around people who constantly confront and express what they feel with passion and at times anger, however, after a while they separate themselves from the pack in a negative way and are known as stubborn, compulsive, egotistical, out of control, etc. And I have been around others on the other spectrum who say "yes mam/sir" to everything and get walked all over. I have never been a head coach and have aspirations to do such and understand that this is one aspect of my development in coaching that I need to polish in order to survive the role. I have always been a pleaser and I will get eaten alive living up to that as a HC. My pleasing attitude has gotten me up the ladder at a quick rate because I bust my arse going the extra effort on everything for my HC and AD, but I know I will have to adapt my efforts as a HC.
In your situation, I would assume that when you had those weekly Monday meetings with the previous principal, you got to know her on a different level by "shooting the bull" with her. You became more comfortable with yourself in her presence. I think this is exactly where CAROOKIE was going with his question re: opening lines of communication. I would offer to ask, how were you with the idea of meeting with your principal on a weekly basis at first? What were you feeling on those first couple of Mondays when you knew you were going to be sitting down with her? Then ask yourself the same during your last several sessions. If there was a huge change in your thoughts and feelings of the meetings in the beginning compared to the end, what was the difference maker with in that. Reflect more, and see how you can adapt those into your current situation(s). It could be as simple as trying to crack a person who is impersonal by manipulating tactics of weekly meetings or such to get to know them better.
Great post and I appreciate it because this has sparked an even greater personal insight for me! Good luck coach!
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Post by carookie on Nov 26, 2013 23:35:19 GMT -6
Brother I wish I had the answer to that. Similar to KMiller Im a real good communicator when Im talking, but as my wife can attest, Im not one to always say whats wrong when something is wrong. As men, we always feel like we can fix things, and if we have to discuss them with a superior then its almost as if we are somewhat giving in.
Now I realize that deals more with internal problems (say as a coordinator having issues with a position coach, but not wanting to bother the HC with it). But the premise still remains.
One thing I started using in my exit interviews with players is having them list "three things they would improve or do different". For this I don't accept "nothing" or back out answers, they have to list things they would change.
Maybe, when you have a moment to meet when things are positive, you can establish a policy with your AD/principal/whomever: you will meet on a regularly scheduled day and time during the week. At these meetings each of you will bring "one thing that you could use the most help with" or also "one thing that you wish was done different". You can include other similar types of statements (positive or otherwise) but the important thing is how they are worded, and that each of you MUST put something of substance.
I realize this may not be for everyone, but hopefully it would force open the lines of communication.
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Post by Coach Bennett on Nov 27, 2013 6:01:48 GMT -6
I'm looking for ideas from those who have seen or consider themselves to be effective communicators. Also, how to be effective when your superiors are not great communicators themselves. Techniques, philosophies, or concepts to better communicate with people would be appreciated.
If you're a good employee or coach, if you're not causing headaches for people through mismanagement of your team/department, if you're on top of your budget, if you handle team disciplinary issues effectively, etc. then you stand on solid ground to talk to your superior no matter what the issue. This sounds obvious but sometimes just recognizing what YOU do well provides the confidence to have the difficult conversation. This sounds pretty basic too, but much like a speech, I've made sure to have all my talking points on a notecard to make sure I stay on track and don't let the moment take over, so to speak. As for fostering positive relationships with your "higher ups," go in and talk to them about something that's not critical or needs to be handled "right now" and ask their opinion. Tell them you're just looking to get better at the topic at hand and appreciate their experience/wisdom in brainstorming solutions. You'll stroke them a little, get them to open up to you, and you'll start developing that relationship. |
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Post by CanyonCoach on Nov 27, 2013 12:05:46 GMT -6
I just finished the 360 degree leader by John Maxwell.
1. Do your job! Do everything that is expected with enthusiasm and detail. (there are always things that I hate to do and procrastinate doing them)
2. Take care of yourself- Be organized, be prepared to take on more responsibility. This applies specifically when you are bring forward ideas or identifying problems. Avoid complaining about issues...provide solutions. If you bring an idea forward be prepared to be the vehicle to bring the idea to fruition.
3. Lead the people on the same level as you by being a positive role model.
4. Lead the people you supervise by giving specific detailed directions and assistance when they are struggling. And then give them the same expectation detailed in #2- when they have a problem talk them through finding solutions.
5. Tell it the way it is. Almost always having the uncomfortable conversations ASAP is the best way to avoid issues. Your good friends don't sugar coat life...be a good friend at every level of your work. Integrity and honesty. This is way harder than it should be with some people. I am not responsible for your emotional state but I can chose when we have the conversation.
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Post by shocktroop34 on Nov 27, 2013 12:47:22 GMT -6
I honestly don't know where to start. You have all helped me immensely in just a few short posts. I can't lie to you, my palms were a little sweaty when I was typing this thread. It is always difficult as a man to show vulnerability in front of people that don't know you personally. On that alone, I thank you guys for having the ability to see me "exactly where I'm at" so to speak.
As kmiller stated, I think a part of my challenge is to create an atmosphere that will foster openness. As Dude stated, using moments to just talk and get their feedback, is a way to gain their support. Note cards (in a more formal setting) are a great idea. And carookie suggested a great idea that I think I will take with me going into any job that I ever have again. When it comes to a direct superior, a regular meeting place/time is essential. In fact, I won't take a job unless I am assured that we can establish a regular meeting schedule.
The is one thing that I feel a good head coach does, is that he has the ability to make people feel good about themselves. Kids, parents, boosters, teachers, admin, reporters, etc, etc, etc. However, those are a lot of areas to manage. If you are not acutely aware of the need to build people up, then things could go south quickly. It did for me. As you said carookie, this (style/philosophy) may not be for everyone, but I know for certain (given my personality and coaching style) that it is for me.
One revelation that has hit me (after reading all of your posts five times-haha), that if I keep the needs of the kids first and foremost, I shouldn't be afraid to say what's on my mind. As long and I'm speaking tactfully, yet respectfully, I've done my due diligence. Hopefully with practice and consistency, I can become better at this over time.
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Post by shields on Nov 27, 2013 15:57:10 GMT -6
shocktroop34, when you met with your principal on Monday mornings, what sort of topics were discussed? Was it a "state of the program" discussion or just an open, informal conversation? It really has me thinking because I too am not as open to communication as I should be. I am not as open and brutally honest with my admin as I need to be as you stated you were not. The same goes with my coaches because I am a pleaser. Weekly meetings could open the dialog that's needed and make us comfortable enough around each other to be able to talk about anything. Great post!
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Post by spos21ram on Nov 27, 2013 16:33:50 GMT -6
I'd also like to know what your Monday conversations were about. I think this is a good thread and communication is vital, but where I am, meeting every single week is a little much. If the principal met with every head coach every week they wouldn't have much time doing principal things. IMO a principal wanting to meet every single week is bordering on micromanagaing.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I747 using proboards
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Post by shocktroop34 on Nov 27, 2013 17:22:51 GMT -6
shocktroop34, when you met with your principal on Monday mornings, what sort of topics were discussed? Was it a "state of the program" discussion or just an open, informal conversation? It really has me thinking because I too am not as open to communication as I should be. I am not as open and brutally honest with my admin as I need to be as you stated you were not. The same goes with my coaches because I am a pleaser. Weekly meetings could open the dialog that's needed and make us comfortable enough around each other to be able to talk about anything. Great post! No problem. First, let me explain a little about her. She was a HUGE supporter, but also understood aspects of the game. Now, she didn't know an A-gap, from an A-hole, but she knew what she saw. Meaning, she could tell if we were or weren't executing, too many turn overs, etc.
When I was first hired, she would call me down to her office during the last period on Monday. After a couple of months, I just knew to show up. She always had the same demeanor, win or lose. Always calm and civil. If she was frustrated, she never let it show. The climate was relatively informal, but there were no wasted words. She liked to get straight to the point. We weren't drinking coffee. It was "business casual," if you will.
She would always start the conversation by asking me my thoughts. I would then in turn ask her what she thought. Almost every time she spoke I would marvel at how keen of an eye she had. The conversation would then turn to players, injuries, behavior, school issues, etc. She would inquire about my coaches (were we getting along, who was helping, who was hurting, etc.).
Parents would come up from time to time (I had some rowdy ones). She would want to know about my relationship with the community. These conversations would vary from week to week. She never meddled, but she would state things in a way to let me know she was aware. If I needed to fire someone, she never questioned why. She would want to know my reasoning. As long as it was sound, she approved.
If I lost, she did not want to hear excuses, and would call me out on it if I tried. If/when I messed up, she would have my back, but she didn't want me to make the same mistake twice.
After a while, because of the communication that we had built, she would support me when the wolves came-a-hunting. I was 1-4 in my first five games. She told me that the parents were hoping the ticket I bought was round trip. It's funny now, but at the time it hurt to hear that. It was her way of saying, 'don't listen to them, you're still my guy.' One week we blew out a cross town team 50-0. They were just bad. We weren't very good at the time either, but we scored in all three phases of the game and were subbing by the 2nd quarter. Their principal called to complain. In no uncertain terms, she told him to stop crying and suck it up. The woman was no joke.
Over time, she started to give more motherly advice. We'd talk family stuff, holidays, raising children, etc. (Spos21) I hear what you're saying, but it didn't feel like micromanaging. Her tone was caring, not pressuring. I think she could tell that I pressured myself more than anyone else could, so she laid off that stuff. And, I don't think she met as often with the other sports as she did with football. I just looked at it like a department meeting or something like that. The football department.
Good Lord. I didn't realize how much I miss her guidance until typing this all out. These threads are the cheapest form of therapy you could ask for. So, that was how things basically went. Let me know what you think.
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Post by shields on Nov 29, 2013 7:11:00 GMT -6
That's amazing! In high school, so many times the admin can make or break you. She undoubtedly wanted you to be successful and was going to help you grow as a coach. We can't ask for more from our admin. Don't meddle in X's and O's and personnel but help you grow from an administrative standpoint-overall program management, hiring/firing (who is working and who is not), handling parents-the things she also deals with in her job. I would love to have this relationship with my principal and it probably starts with me. Thanks for sharing shocktroop34.
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mcrsa75
Sophomore Member
Posts: 116
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Post by mcrsa75 on Nov 29, 2013 8:40:04 GMT -6
I'm looking for ideas from those who have seen or consider themselves to be effective communicators. Also, how to be effective when your superiors are not great communicators themselves. Techniques, philosophies, or concepts to better communicate with people would be appreciate it.
I don't know that I am necessarily a great communicator but I will provide some of my thoughts:
1. Become a great Listener. LISTEN when your boss is explaining his/her philosophy, ideals, or beliefs pertaining to a situation (athletic or non athletic). It seems like common sense but people (at least in my case) fail to understand that this individual is laying out what IS/IS NOT important to them. Since you are not the boss, YOUR PHILOSOPHY, IDEALS, OR BELIEFS DO NOT MATTER unless they are solicited by your boss.
2. Act upon their communications. What do I mean? Basically, do not let their communications go in "one ear and out of the other". Take appropriate steps based upon what your BOSS HAS COMMUNICATED TO YOU. For example, if your boss has stated that you must follow protocol (counseling, parental contact, progressive discipline) before suspending/dismissing a player then make sure that you follow the procedures and document accordingly. Although you may/may not agree with this policy, I believe that you will gain your boss's trust/respect when you implement policy BASED UPON THEIR BELIEFS, IDEALS, AND PHILOSOPHIES and not your own.
3. Take a proactive stance towards communication. How do you take a proactive stance? I believe that you should always be in a reflective mode and try to anticipate problems, issues, or concerns before they arise. For example, you should ask your boss to clarify/elaborate/explain a policy which may be vague or unclear. Often, the boss does not know that his/her communication is unclear because no one has told him/her so. Also, you want to take preemptive steps of addressing potential problems, conflicts, or issues BEFORE they arise. This step will go a long way towards a) minimizing future conflicts and b) shaping the outlook of how your boss views the organization of your program. Finally, offer VIABLE alternatives to specific policies that you may not agree with. Your boss has implemented a solution to resolved a (perceived) problem. By offering an alternative, your actions will demonstrate that you have given some thought to addressing a particular issue.
Just a few of my thoughts.
MCRSA75
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