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Post by coachphillip on Aug 21, 2013 23:36:30 GMT -6
Up late, can't sleep and thought this would be a fun thread to have. What has been the cheesiest thing you've ever said while coaching? I mean so cheesy that you immediately thought in your head "What the hell am I saying and why am I saying it?"
Yesterday, my team was having a terrible practice. There was a lack of leadership and nobody was taking ownership. We got out of conditioning and ended practice. When we were huddled up to end, I went off about how the best programs are the ones where kids take ownership, where kids realize that coaches are there to help them get as good as they push themselves to be. Everything was going well, until I said ... "What I'm looking at right now is a ship without a captain! And ships without a captain, they don't make it to the dock! Let that resonate for a second!" *face palm*
Kids being kids, they didn't realize how cheesy it was and allowed themselves to get caught up in the moment. I think they actually bought in and liked it. But afterward, my coaches let me have it. They want to have our first staff pre game meal at Long John Silver's so that "we can be sure we get back to the dock after".
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Post by wingt74 on Aug 22, 2013 9:08:21 GMT -6
great story coach, we've all been there.
I try to stay away from analogies. One I did say once that was funny...but I won't say again because it was inappropriate was to our WRs during practice...hard bullet pass over the middle, WR stuck is hand out and ball ricocheted off his hand and into the air.
"Gentlemen, there are two things you never want to knock up, the ball...and your girlfriend"
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Post by mattharris75 on Aug 22, 2013 9:41:56 GMT -6
I don't know if this is cheesy, but I had a little Freudian slip at practice yesterday.
We have a running back whose nickname is 'Boobie', after the RB in Friday Night Lights. We were in our team offense period, I was working with the backup QB on a particular passing play. So, trying to direct the QB in his progression, I yell out during the play, "Look at the Boobie!!!". I don't know where the 'the' came from... Our head coach, of course, had to point it out. My only response, "Coach, I shouldn't even have to be telling a teenage boy that he needs to do that...". At least everyone got a good laugh out of it.
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Post by rsmith627 on Aug 22, 2013 9:51:34 GMT -6
"It may be cold outside tonight boys, but it's warm in here." (Points to heart) "And that's where we have to play from if we want to win this game tonight!"
This is the cheesiest thing I have ever heard a HC say. I only hope that one day I can tell my own team something as lame.
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Post by coachbdud on Aug 22, 2013 10:03:55 GMT -6
"It may be cold outside tonight boys, but it's warm in here." (Points to heart) "And that's where we have to play from if we want to win this game tonight!" This is the cheesiest thing I have ever heard a HC say. I only hope that one day I can tell my own team something as lame. Wow That is lame |
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Post by coachphillip on Aug 22, 2013 10:05:50 GMT -6
"It may be cold outside tonight boys, but it's warm in here." (Points to heart) "And that's where we have to play from if we want to win this game tonight!" This is the cheesiest thing I have ever heard a HC say. I only hope that one day I can tell my own team something as lame. That is hilarious. I keep picturing this talk around a country side camp fire. I couldn't say it with a straight face. My old HC when I played once said, "You have to be smart out there. You have to use this. *points at head* Cabeza!" It took everything I had to not bust out laughing and get benched the second half. |
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Post by CS on Aug 22, 2013 10:07:32 GMT -6
Never said it but we had a coach this year use the "pain is weakness leaving the body" line. I hate that line because it is so over used and cheesy.
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Post by John Knight on Aug 22, 2013 11:23:28 GMT -6
Had a HC who would recite this one,
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition;
And gentlemen in England now-a-bed
Shall think themselves accurs'd they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.
had the boys doing it too.
I thought it was cheesy!
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Post by coachphillip on Aug 22, 2013 12:06:03 GMT -6
Yeah. I coach in a pretty ethnic neighborhood. That isn't going down pre game lol.
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Post by joboo59 on Aug 22, 2013 19:32:07 GMT -6
We have a whiteboard in the coaches office where we post cheesy coaching lines that we are not allowed to use...ever. If you slip up, you owe $1 to the breakfast jar.
Phrases like...
Check down back
110%
Paydirt
Safety valve
Crunch time
Backs against the wall
No funny stories, just another stupid way to take peoples money.
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orion320
Sophomore Member
"Don't tell me about the labor just show me the baby!"
Posts: 211 
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Post by orion320 on Aug 22, 2013 19:43:52 GMT -6
I had a bunch of kids who liked to talk about why they made a mistake and I picked up somewhere, "Don't tell me about the labor just show me the baby." The first time I said it the QB was confused and I had to explain to the team what it meant. And that was cheesy within itself. When you first meet a newborn you don't ask the mother the finer details about the labor, nobody really wants to hear that story, you just want to see the baby.
I have said "Pinch the A-Hole" and other varieties of using A-hole instead of A-Gap. That's the problem coaching offense and defense in the same day
Me,"That is a terrible effort, you know people pay to watch you play, take pride in that." Player, "Coach we are freshman, they don't pay to get in." Me, "With effort like that, you should pay them."
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Post by coachwoodall on Aug 22, 2013 19:57:54 GMT -6
About my third year of coaching, I had gone to a preseason clinic and a speaker had mentioned the KISS principle and I bought that was a great idea. Weeeeeell first week rolls around and I'm fired up about everything and a bag of chips concerning football. I'm running through a drill trying to go hard, go fast, and get everything I can out of my guys; but my guys just can't comprehend the genius of my coaching at that moment. So I realize that obviously I need to apply my newly found nugget, so tell I my kids, "If I ever get too confusing guys then just say, 'Hey Coach just give me a kiss'."
I pretty much blew the remainder of my indy period trying to back pedal out of that one.....
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Post by coachweav88 on Aug 23, 2013 6:37:38 GMT -6
"Block somebody!"
"Tackle somebody!"
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Post by rsmith627 on Aug 23, 2013 8:33:51 GMT -6
"Block somebody!" "Tackle somebody!" Not really cheesy, but this is non-coaching at its very best. If a coach is yelling something like this, his players probably don't understand what their job is, which means he isn't doing his job very well to begin with. |
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Post by newhope on Aug 23, 2013 10:36:18 GMT -6
This summer, a college coach told a group of kids "If you come to XXXXX University, I have the formula that will make you a millionaire or get you to the NFL"...even the kids went wtf on that one.
While watching a high school team on tv last night, I heard a coach say "get knocked down 6 times get up seven" and thought to myself, just how do you do that? I know what he was trying to get across, but lots of kids are going to take it the same way I did----just how do you expect me to do that, coach?
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Post by coachphillip on Aug 23, 2013 10:43:26 GMT -6
Lol. Had an OC yell "I get knocked down! But, I get up again!" One of the assistants said "ain't ever gonna keep me down!" OC realized what he had done and started laughing. Kids were clueless.
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Post by Chris Clement on Aug 23, 2013 11:26:52 GMT -6
After a win somebody shouted "Just come on back if you ever wanna try again." I couldn't resist finishing the line for them.
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Post by coachweav88 on Aug 23, 2013 12:36:35 GMT -6
"You gotta want it more than the other team!"
Forget about execution and technique, you just gotta want it more. Whatever
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Post by tothehouse on Aug 23, 2013 12:50:43 GMT -6
Come on by @coachinggripes on Twitter. Some of these I could add to my library...if you'll let me.
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Post by John Knight on Aug 26, 2013 11:47:09 GMT -6
anything by WS is cheesy in my book!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 3, 2013 4:35:16 GMT -6
Some other coaches thought it was cheesy, but our DL coach a few years back was getting on to a kid for going to his knees..."Ain't but 2 things you do on your knees son, and one of em's pray...". Don't think the kids get it, but funny nonetheless!
Duece
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Post by carrcaleb on Sept 10, 2013 11:59:07 GMT -6
This past Saturday during the 3rd qtr of our game(8/9/10yrs)we are up 14-0 after breaking 2 long runs(both tds) and getting our first 1st down of the season(I am DC)!!!! Offense is on the field when after a REAL crappy wedge the OC starts yelling on the field "I know you're tired! I know you are. But we have to dig down deep gentleman!!! It's in your SOULLLLLL!!!!!". I hadn't laughed that hard in years, he sent a player to the bench for laughing at him during his Vince Lombardi moment. He was a little too excited(first timer)about finally getting a 1st down in our game and bubbled over a little. I'm still going to have to tell him to contain himself, I thought afterwards that the other team/parents may have felt shown up by him yelling like that in the middle of the field. Very entertaining but what do you guys think?
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Post by coachphillip on Sept 10, 2013 12:28:55 GMT -6
That is hilarious. Did he hit them with the "this is why you lift all them weights"? I love theatrical OC's.
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coachsmi0901
Freshmen Member
Ever heard of that coach that hated his job? Yeah, me neither.
Posts: 85
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Post by coachsmi0901 on Sept 10, 2013 15:44:07 GMT -6
"It's only a game."
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Sept 10, 2013 18:02:57 GMT -6
What is really funny is between the HS jv program and the youth league I coach in, I have heard all of those and more than once.
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Post by carrcaleb on Sept 11, 2013 8:38:45 GMT -6
That is hilarious. Did he hit them with the "this is why you lift all them weights"? I love theatrical OC's. HAHAHAHAHA no, but I was expecting him to. He was just so jacked cause we finally got a first down. He's also the guy that tried to do circuit training at practice when we can only go twice a week for 2 hours. Up downs, sit ups, push ups, the whole nine.....We aint got time for that!!!!! |
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Post by coachphillip on Sept 11, 2013 9:20:02 GMT -6
That is hilarious. Did he hit them with the "this is why you lift all them weights"? I love theatrical OC's. HAHAHAHAHA no, but I was expecting him to. He was just so jacked cause we finally got a first down. He's also the guy that tried to do circuit training at practice when we can only go twice a week for 2 hours. Up downs, sit ups, push ups, the whole nine.....We aint got time for that!!!!! One guy I worked for made our JV guys do P90X for their full body workout day. It was definitely a low point in my career. |
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Post by CS on Sept 11, 2013 9:21:55 GMT -6
Same coach the other day told the kids to shoot for the moon and if they miss they will still be laying among the stars. It was really lame
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coachsmi0901
Freshmen Member
Ever heard of that coach that hated his job? Yeah, me neither.
Posts: 85
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Post by coachsmi0901 on Sept 11, 2013 12:37:27 GMT -6
Same coach the other day told the kids to shoot for the moon and if they miss they will still be laying among the stars. It was really lame Did fireworks go off in the background as he said it? |
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Post by fantom on Sept 11, 2013 12:59:19 GMT -6
This past Saturday during the 3rd qtr of our game(8/9/10yrs)we are up 14-0 after breaking 2 long runs(both tds) and getting our first 1st down of the season(I am DC)!!!! Offense is on the field when after a REAL crappy wedge the OC starts yelling on the field "I know you're tired! I know you are. But we have to dig down deep gentleman!!! It's in your SOULLLLLL!!!!!". I hadn't laughed that hard in years, he sent a player to the bench for laughing at him during his Vince Lombardi moment. He was a little too excited(first timer)about finally getting a 1st down in our game and bubbled over a little. I'm still going to have to tell him to contain himself, I thought afterwards that the other team/parents may have felt shown up by him yelling like that in the middle of the field. Very entertaining but what do you guys think? This is why I don't do oratory. I'm afraid that not only would the kids laugh but I might laugh at myself. I'd keep picturing: |
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