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Post by coachcb on Dec 20, 2010 14:03:44 GMT -6
absolutely detested a kid? I'm kind of struggling right now: for the first time in my career I am finding myself truly disliking a (former) player. I have had kids that p-ssed me off but I always gave them the benefit of the doubt because they're kids. I'm having a hard time doing that right now.
The player in question quit early on in the season and cried wolf. His parents pushed him to go out for football, he quit and told them that he'd been hazed. It's a total crock and he admitted to it. But, I tried to talk to the kid several times; I needed to know exactly what was going on. He blew me off, acted like an arrogant little punk, and caused problems for me.
The kid is a discipline problem in school; he's always in trouble for something. I don't have him in any classes but I have shipped him down to the office for crap he was doing in the hallway. I do the same thing with a lot of students but I am starting to wonder if my attitude towards the kid isn't fueling some of it. The other teachers and administration know what went on with the kid and they think I am being fair but this is whole thing is still lingering in the back of my head.
Have any of you guys experienced something like this?
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Post by coachjd on Dec 20, 2010 14:24:48 GMT -6
Been there done that!!!
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Post by runtoball on Dec 20, 2010 14:26:54 GMT -6
Man that sucks. I know this isn't what your post was over, but make you sure you document that you tried to talk to the kid to resolve the situation. That way if the parents try to pursue something you have evidence that you tried to take action, and he didn't cooperate.
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Post by coachcb on Dec 20, 2010 14:49:09 GMT -6
I documented all of it and that helped shut it down. The kid sunk his own ship because of the stuff he was pulling out of his butt; his claims were absolutely ridiculous.
If there was any hazing going on, it wasn't on my watch. The kids are never alone, anywhere. They're bussed to and from school so I am on the like hawks from the minute they get into the locker room to the minute they get on that bus. I collect cell phones from them at the beginning of practice so that there isn't any bullsh-t going on with that. There was one 'incident' that could be considered 'hazing'. One of our obnoxious sophs told this freshman that he had to carry the water down to the field and I nipped it in the bud. That soph became our permanent water/equipment boy. But, the kid never even mentioned that incident.
We really watched out for the freshman on the field; we made sure that he was never in a position to get hurt. He was always lined up across from guys he matched up with during drills. If anything, the whole team looked out for him; he took a pop from a senior in a scout team situation and he scooped him up off of the ground and felt terrible about it.
This freshman stays in the dorms during the week and his folks didn't even know he had quit football. They found out two weeks after he quit and that was because we had a game that this player wasn't at. We didn't have practices over the weekends, so he'd just go home and act like everything was kosher. BUT, all hell came loose when they found out. He fed them that crap about hazing and I actually had to meet with the director of schools over it.. I was (and still am) friggin livid about it.
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Post by dubber on Dec 20, 2010 16:27:17 GMT -6
CB,
Do you coach college?
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Post by mariner42 on Dec 20, 2010 16:30:50 GMT -6
Yup. Usually in the classroom, there's a kid or two who just does everything the way that I hate. It invariably turns to pity, but before I can reach that place... ARRGGHHHH!!!! Makes me want to punch a seal pup.
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Post by coachcb on Dec 20, 2010 16:32:45 GMT -6
No, I coach and teach in a small, isolated Catholic school. We have dorms on campus because we have students that live nearly two hours away from campus.
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Post by coachcb on Dec 20, 2010 16:42:04 GMT -6
Yup. Usually in the classroom, there's a kid or two who just does everything the way that I hate. It invariably turns to pity, but before I can reach that place... ARRGGHHHH!!!! Makes me want to punch a seal pup. We have a lot of problem kids that have terrible home lives. I discipline all of the kids in the same manner and am fair (in the football field and on the classroom) but I always feel bad for those kids. However, this kid is from a wealthy ranching family in the area and that really adds fuel to the fire for me. Like I said, this is uncharted territory for me. I have had kids that really set me off but I've always managed to shrug it off. I just can't seem to do that with this kid.
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Post by cc on Dec 20, 2010 19:08:47 GMT -6
Yeah I have had a few kids that I was either glad to see they graduate or quit.
Seems to be a few more lately I can't tolerate.
Not sure if I am just just getting grumpier and less tolerant as I get older....
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Post by coachcb on Dec 20, 2010 19:58:13 GMT -6
Ya know...I'm just going to throw this out there and I know there will be some who pray for me, or chastise me, or whatever... But look here, kid or not there is a line to being an a-hole. You aren't talking about a 10 year old here, you are talking about a HS student correct? So age 15-18? OK...well F that kid. High School is a time of learning, it's when young men and women grow up and that learning is in a lot of areas not necessarily tested by the ACT. A kid who comes through treating everyone like an A-hole, even those who are trying to help him, still being a jerk and you're conflicted? Let me ask you this - lets say you didn't know him. Lets say he treated you or your wife like that at the Mall. Would you still be conflicted on disliking this kid? No you would not. I'm in a similar situation, lots of kids with sad stories but the line you have to walk with them is the ability to help them without allowing them to abuse you in the process. Sometimes they cross the line and when that happens, you have to be very swift and harsh in your reaction. It has to be costly to them otherwise it just becomes worth it to them. I see it happen everyday. Next time a kid asks you for a dollar for lunch give it to them infront of the class and see how many more suddenly need a dollar for lunch. You can't let them take advantage of you and it seems like this kid is doing exactly that. There is nothing wrong with disliking a kid. I dislike a lot of them...doesn't mean I won't help them, but a doormat I am not. I just had a player and former student suspended for fighting. It got video'd and posted on youtube. The player, a kid I took home almost everyday, bought food for, etc. In season, good in class, after the season in class he was disrespectful, rude, skipped class, I threw him out several times - he got beat up in the fight, suspended 10 days and fighting = explusion at our school...Guess what - karma's a b!tch. He got exactly what he deserved and I don't feel a bit bad about it. There is far far too much enabling going on in HS's today. Can this kid act/treat people at a job like he's doing in school? No he can't. But he's getting away with it now because he's a kid...what's that teaching him? Maybe Airman's coach can talk to him. I wouldn't say he's taking advantage of me. I shipped his a-- down to the office after school today because of more of his bullsh-t behavior. I just want to make sure that I'm being consistent with my discipline. I'm wondering if I don't get tunnel vision when the kid walks down the hall.
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Post by seagull73 on Dec 20, 2010 21:33:05 GMT -6
11 years as a coach with 30 - 55 kids each year on the team odds are your going to find someone you can't stand. I have a few myself.
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Post by 19delta on Dec 20, 2010 22:11:16 GMT -6
I can honestly say that I have never had a kid that I "hated". With that being said, there have been numerous kids that I wouldn't pi$$ on even if they were on fire.
One such kid...needed a letter of recommendation for college. When he came to me, I realized that he was pretty desperate. I asked him, "Johnny, are you SURE that you want me to write a letter for you? I am going to be completely honest."
Killed the kid to have to ask me to write the letter...really was a shot to his pride. Several teachers, when asked by him, simply told him "No, I won't do it" (kid was a HUGE jagbag), so I KNOW that he really had to swallow his pride to ask me.
So, I wrote the letter but I was honest...said that he really wasn't a very hard worker, wasn't very trustworthy, and didn't have much of a concept of teamwork and was very selfish and egocentric. Kind of felt bad giving him a copy of the letter, but I wasn't going to lie and say that he was a good person...he really wasn't and I wasn't go to throw garbage all over someone else's front lawn.
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Post by coachplaa on Dec 21, 2010 9:13:42 GMT -6
I have learned that administrators are only interested in documentation. I have an upcoming senior that causes me constant, annoying, little problems. His attitude sucks, and he's gotten very good at fooling his rich daddy- who causes a scene at every little "injustice" placed on his son. So this year, I'm keeping a list. I'm going to make SURE I document everything he does, so I have ammunition for my administration if he chooses not to be a team player.
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Post by coachcb on Dec 21, 2010 9:30:56 GMT -6
I have learned that administrators are only interested in documentation. I have an upcoming senior that causes me constant, annoying, little problems. His attitude sucks, and he's gotten very good at fooling his rich daddy- who causes a scene at every little "injustice" placed on his son. So this year, I'm keeping a list. I'm going to make SURE I document everything he does, so I have ammunition for my administration if he chooses not to be a team player. I don't think I have to worry about him coming out for football next year. He'll find a way to get kicked off of the team if he does; he's that kind of kid. Best case scenario: he rides the bench all year and I document every little thing he does and says. I'd be hard pressed to give the kid a second chance if his attitude turned around as he did a lot of damage to an already struggling program this last year. I would prefer to tell him to stay the hell away from the team but I can't do that.
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Post by k on Dec 21, 2010 13:32:24 GMT -6
Hated? Detested? Naw. Those are not words I'll ever apply in seriousness to a high school kid.
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Post by John Knight on Dec 21, 2010 13:38:26 GMT -6
Just darn hard to like. I had one and the worst of it was his dad and I are best friends and he lives across the street from me.
His Dad has really had a tough time with the kid who is no longer in athletics at all.
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Post by coachcb on Dec 22, 2010 7:28:46 GMT -6
Who was the coach or general that said if you treat them all like dogs you'll always be fair. (or something like that). Emily: Do you really think THIS is the best way to gain the respect and admiration of these young men? Major Benson Winifred Payne: They may not like me, but they WILL respect me. Emily: Let me be more direct: they HATE you. Major Benson Winifred Payne: Good. It'll draw 'em close together, make 'em a team. Emily: That's a very cynical plan! Major Benson Winifred Payne: Yeah, well at least it won't backfire. -- Major Payne I know what you mean though. For what it's worth I think you're being fair. I mean we all have a few kids who we let slide a little bit more than others and some who get the letter of the law. That's just how it is. "Want me to show you a lil somethin' that'll take yo' mind off that pain?" It was funny, I got stuck with him in class yesterday (long story). He walked in, greeted me with a smile and a "hey coach", sat down and kept his trap shut the entire period. He generally gives the rest of his teachers hell, maybe he did learn a lil something from the whole ordeal. Still don't care for the kid; I'm reminded of the delightful meeting I had with the director of schools every time I see him.
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Post by champ93 on Dec 22, 2010 8:11:24 GMT -6
Some kids are easy to dislike. Sounds like this kid fits the bill.
All you can do is try to show this kid the right path. He has to choose to stay on it or not. You've got to do your job when he crosses it. If he is on your radar, then he needs to not fly in the danger zone.
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Post by amthd45 on Dec 25, 2010 16:35:23 GMT -6
As a classroom teacher I have had more than a few I was relieved and happy when they did not show up to class due to a suspension or they just skipped class all together. THere was always one or two that if they were not in class, the class was great! But i will give you this advice. I tell this to my class/players every year. If i discipline them or send them home/out of the classroom for a day, the next time they are in class or at practice is a brand new day and a new slate. I refuse to hold grudges and you will be amazed, as hard as it is sometimes, how much kids will appreciate that. Cause they will test you as you know. They will do something stupid on purpose the next time just to see if I practice what i preach! So just hang in there and as a wiseman once said "Dont let someone else drive YOUR Bus"
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