How to Coach:

When I picture myself disciplining my players one day I always imagine myself as a loving but firm father: he commands your attention with his presence, experience, and knowledge but he never disrespects those entrusted to him. He is assertive and speaks up for attention but rarely resorts to yelling. He is always in control of his emotions. He has discipline to command discipline. He is caring and knows when to uplift you but also knows when to furrow his brow and put you in line without degrading you.

I already know my personality and can imagine my personal coaching style, and I know that I will never be a "yeller" or one who needs to instill fear in his players. It's very difficult to describe, but I picture myself as someone who one day has such a knowledge of the game and such a presence when I enter the room that people pay attention because they want to be there to learn. I think that should be the ultimate goal of every coach, but it's something I try to visualize a lot. I run through situations and make up conversations between other coaches and players in my mind to see how I would react. I also try to represent my rational side, one who isn't blinded by anger. Anger does not build, it only destroys. I think for someone who identifies as a passionate coach like you there are a few practical things they can try to discipline themself (note, I did not say "tone yourself down"):

1. Remove all swear words from your vocabulary. I believe that if you do not swear in a casual setting you will certainly not swear in a professional setting with younger students you have been entrusted with.

2. Time heals everything. Instead of blowing up immediately when one of your players does wrong allow yourself two-five seconds to take a deep breath and exhale before speaking to him (note: speaking to him, not talking/yelling at him). Just be sure not to sound exasperated, because I think it's equivalent to a player having bad body language.

3. Be like Fonzi. What's Fonzi like? Cool. And that's what we're gonna be, we're gonna be cool.

No, seriously, I hope you took at leats one thing from this.

Coaching with enthusiasm and intensity doesn't have to include anger or shaming. I like to think I can do a good job of coaching with great enthusiasm and volume (brings energy to the situation) while staying on the positive side of things.

That doesn't mean you can't say "Phil, that's not good enough" when Phil doesn't do it the way you want, but you don't have to curse Phil's mother's existence and bemoan her decision to give birth.

I try hard not to cuss at my players and I don't really like yelling at my players. I do a pretty good job at projecting my voice so everyone can hear, but rarely does it turn into a yell. I do admit that I slip from time to time and I've also discovered that some players will react better to being yelled at then being told something. I had a DE this season who had a heck of a time remembering to do his job and not just make a play. I told him again and again to no effect. Then one day during team I lost it and went off on him and he turned in to one of the best DEs we had.

I agree. Never curse at a kid. In times where I have been excited or intense and cursed while explaining something to a player or coming down on a player, I always make sure to put my arm around him after practice and tell him why I love the young man. I think it goes a long way for helping him understand why it happened and that you care about him even if you do slip up and curse.

I have never berated nor sworn at a player and I never will. I've come uncorked on the rare occasion and raised my voice when dealing with a discipline issue but I've never attacked a player verbally. IMO, it's just not the right way to treat the players, or anyone else for that matter. And, it doesn't tend to get results from the kids anyway.

The players know I'm p-ssed off when my tone goes flat and the brutal honesty comes out. I had a very athletic DL this last year who was a lazy sloth. We were teaching him all of the fundamentals, he'd shine on game day, but gave no effort in practice. After prompting him several times to pick it up one day, I just told him to take his pads off and go take a seat on the sidelines. I told him (without yelling) to come back to practice when he felt like actually working and that to make his mind up quickly because I was going to consider it an unexcused absence and he wouldn't play at all that week if he didn't get his crap together. He sat over there and pouted for a bit but decided to come back to practice and worked his a-- off.

I had the same thing happen with another kid, but it went the other way; he just sulked for the rest of practice. I pulled him aside after and in a flat, calm tone of voice told him that he wasn't going to play that week and that if he was going to keep it up, he might as well turn in his gear because he wasn't going to play for me. That struck a cord with him; he developed a whole different work ethic after that.

IMO, had I hollered at the two of them, it would have been a different story. It would have made a confrontational situation much worse; they would have shut off to the problem and focused on my yelling instead. Instead, it became a choice for them; they'd better figure out if they wanted to put in the effort that was required of them if they wanted to play football. Taking away playing time hit home for them in a way that running or screaming at them wouldn't have. They may have quit and that would have been very hard on the program this year, but we will not tolerate laziness and bad attitudes in practice.

It is impossible to defend the position that you as a coach feel it necessary, or even a good thing, to cuss at a kid.

The practice field is like another classroom. I don't yell or swear in my classroom to teach lessons. The practice field is the same.

As a player I never like being berated and I try my hardest to avoid doing it my players. I never cuss directly at them or call the names but I might let a cuss word slip in frustration, but I try my hardest not to.

The biggest thing I learned is if the your emotions get the best of you, gather yourself and then calmly explain why you were upset and how you, the player/team or going to correct it.

Know your players and watch how they respond to you and adjust accordingly. Not all kids respond to the same coaching tactics.

Agree with that and the other comments above - if you yell and/or curse all the time the kids will filter it out, as any of us will. Used at the right time a little additional volume or a very rare bit of bad language will wake 'em up.

One other thought on getting loud - when you're in the teaching/learning phase, yelling is just not an effective way to teach. Being patient until you are confident a kid gets it (and each kid will have his own pace with that) is at the heart of teaching. Now lack of effort or a kid not doing what you know he is capable of and knows how to do, it's gonna get loud.

The #1 thing I see that drives me nuts is getting on a kid for a game situation he wasn't prepared for, like throwing for 10 minutes in practice that week then throwing 30 times in a game and getting on the QB or WR - "Didn't you see that guy wide open?" or "Throw it to one of our guys!", or "Catch the ball!". Applies in context to any position, it's our job to have them prepared and if they are not that's on us.