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Post by mhcoach on May 24, 2010 10:03:53 GMT -6
Doug
One thing I always tell the players, your parental unit doesn't put on a helmet & doesn't play, YOU have to be here & be on time. I do understand things happen, but as long as I am notified it's ok. Dealing with difficult parents is never easy, I don't hold the player to the sins of the parents.
I think it's always easier when you are winning. I also think it's up to us Coaches to spell everything out in the beginning.
Joe
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Post by tiger46 on May 24, 2010 10:38:37 GMT -6
I've tried the mandatory parent meeting. Two parents showed up. Weekly emails are not a good vehicle of communication for me, either. Not one player on my team last season owned a computer. I'm sure some may have had access to email through their school. Most parents didn't have jobs that used or required email, either. Things that I'm thinking of trying this season: 1. Mandatory Meeting. By that, I mean if a parent misses the meeting, I'll use their contact info to schedule a meeting at their house. They will sign their parent contracts at that meeting or, decide that they do not want their child to participate in our football program. 2. Player contracts with outlined acceptable reasons for missing practices. 3. Buddy system with rewards. I'm thinking of raising funds to buy two $100 gift certificates to Best Buy, Wal-Mart, whatever.... The kids will be paired. Each pair will gain points for each practice they attend. i.e... If both show up, that's 2pts. If one shows and the other doesn't but, he was in contact with his buddy and knows why the other didn't show up, that's still 1pt as long as it was an acceptable reason. If the reason was unacceptable, that's 0pts. If he doesn't know where his buddy is or why he didn't show up for practice, that's -1pt. At the end of the season the pair that earned the most points get the gift cards. (Obviously, any missed practice should be cleared by the coach. But, I'm trying to give extra incentive for players to care about one another. Also, it may pressure their parents into bringing them to practice.) 4. Making a weekly newsletter to be handed out at first practice of each week. It will definitely include any honor roll and/or school awards. I can also paste in photos of the players. It will have a 'Football Question of the Week' such as 'How many yards does the offense need to gain to earn a first down?' We cover those type of things in practice. The question of the week will help reinforce what we practice. I think a game review with color commentary could be entertaining to the players. i.e..."With 3:20 left on the clock in the 3rd Qtr., the Tigers broke through the opposing team's defense behind the bruising blocking of #65 Robert Jackson(pulling RG), who pancaked the opposing team's LOLB into the dirt, breaking open #15 Jimmy Jett, who galloped for a 20yrd TD!" I may include things like game stats & player stats per game. I hope this will get around the issue with lack of emails and foster more pride and effort in school and football participation. Besides, players like reading about themselves. 5. Creating smaller, cheaper versions of HS Football players signs for players to display out in their yard if they live in a house. Or, they can hang them on the balconies if they live in an apartment. i.e... 'Home of Joe Smith #20. G.E.A.Y.A. Tigers' Again, always appreciate any helpful solutions.
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Post by mhcoach on May 24, 2010 11:27:33 GMT -6
Tiger
No Email? Wow! I like the sign idea. Not so sure on the buddie system. May I ask when did you schedule your parent meeting? One thing I do is schedule my parent meetings for right before the end of practice. That way most parents are there already to pick up their player. Sometimes I forget just how lucky I am not having to deal with many of these issues. Our boys being older(14U) we put more on their shoulders. Last season we had 27 players, 14 had perfect attendance, 10 only had excused misses(a low number at that), only 3 had unexcused misses.
Having a parent meeting & only having 2 parents show up sounds like a real problem. How can you hold the players accountable when their parental units aren't? When I coached in NYC we often had players with truly dysfunctional families, again they were older(15-16) so we could hold the player to higher standard.
Our younger teams often suffer from too much parental involvement. It's not unusual for there to be 15-20 dads on their sideline during practice. My parents are not allowed on the field for practice. They usually stay on a hill overlooking the field so they can see everything, but far enough away to not get involved.
No computers then I guess cell phone's are out too. We did use TXT MSG's quite often last season. I wish I had a better answer, good luck!
Joe
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Post by davecisar on May 26, 2010 8:45:44 GMT -6
Absolutley Coaches Contracts Player Contracts Parent Contracts MANDATORY player/parent meeting- Hard core expectation setting How you tell if you are doing well: 80+% kids with perfect practice attendance 95%+ retention Smiling faces Kids playing for each other and you- team that has chemistry/character Ive coached inner city with 2 parents at games- some parents I didnt see in 5 years of kids playing- Ive coached spoiled rich brat kids Easliest- Suburban middle class kids- lots of helicopter parents but lots of support My inner city team- over 1/3 did not have a home phone- we had to go to their house on any game change info I ended up going to 4 different practice fields for my 16 teams and assigned kids based on walking distance to the fields Yes- no computer= printed paper handouts Years 1-2 I met every parent at their homes- couldnt do it when we grew to 400 kids- doing so years 1-2 were INSANE- what I saw in those homes- total lack of interest in the kids for the most part- open drug use etc- appalling Weve been doing the buddy system since 1998- works
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Post by mhcoach on May 26, 2010 10:42:36 GMT -6
DC
Isn't Lincoln NE, farm country? I know you were in Omaha for awhile. What you are describing sounds alot like Beirut. When I coached in NYC we often dealt with players who had no home life what so ever. I had 2 who were shot, 1 died,1 lost his leg. 1 who was stabbed to death that was over 12 years. So it was very rare that we had a season pass without a tragic event. As bad as things were, we always had better participation to the games. Again I am thankful I dealt with older players. The first time we took a team to travel we had to raise over 25k, most of those boys came from 1 parent or no parent homes.
You maybe right about suburban middle class being the best for parental support, as far as being the easiest, not sure there. Here in Mint Hill we get a great blend, from upper middle class to bottom of the barrel. The mix maybe the easiest to coach because each group brings a unique element to table. The blending of those elements truly aides in building team chemistry. When I was in Florida we seemed to have polar opposites( rich kids & very poor kids) The kid who drove his Porche to practice couldn't understand the one who had to use hand me down shoes. Their parents didn't socialize even in the stands. Here we have seemed to break down those barriers( it helps that 14's don't drive). That support system works well, that is why I find it so incredulous for no email.
Joe
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Post by davecisar on May 27, 2010 17:51:25 GMT -6
Omaha metro is 900,000+ In my first week of first season in my own startup- man watching our practice 20 yards away- shot 5 times, killed 3 of my players have been shot and killed within 1 year of aging out Had a coach attacked, bit, man arrested, coach had to get anit HIV shots etc Lots of wild stuff Lincoln is 225,000 I had 2 farm kids on the team last year- lots of people living on agreages- not farmers where I live now- no minority kids, VERY few super poor kids, only 10% single parent vs 70% in inner city Omaha where my other program was- TOTALLY different deal
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Post by tiger46 on May 27, 2010 23:48:50 GMT -6
mhcoach, I tried to schedule meeting before and after practices. Never could get enough interest. Heck, I even tried before and after games. Didn't work well when I and the other coaches were the one providing rides, etc... Text messages would only be slightly better than computers. The parents had cell phones. But, they'd get cut off regularly. Constantly deal with new numbers and/or disconnected numbers. They also move around a lot. I had one player that moved and changed phone numbers several times in the two years that I coached him. I was the one providing him with rides to practice. Everytime he'd move, I'd have to track down where he lived. We just concluded a free two-day camp. We had 28 kids show up. We had another 10 missing because they no longer lived in the same place and we have yet to track them down.
But, it was not my intent to make a 'woe as me' post. Other coaches have found ways to deal with these issues. So, I think I can, also. I just need to find the right mix of strategies.
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Post by davecisar on May 28, 2010 5:14:27 GMT -6
Much of what Tiger says is VERY common when you coach inner city teams I once did a mailing to the 400 kids we had in the program in 2001- over 30% of the mailers came back- the parents had moved- no forwarding address ALWAYS had about 1/3 with no phones or like he said- change of numbers I had VERY strict attendance policy- If you missed 2 times I came that night to pick up gear- you had to otherwise you lose all your equipment I went to the Project aparetment one night after practice-yellow crime tape accross the ajar door- my gear in a back room amoungst piles of garbage and dirty clothes- family disappearred You have to get creative- all the kids walked to practice- we were practicing right across the street from the projects But game days we drove them from pickup points- VERY doable That first year 36 kids, 32 with perfect attendance They loved playing in the environment we created There was accountability, chemistry, caring and an expectation of excellence IM sure these kids didnt have anywhere else in thier lives In baseball we had kids on team A coming to pratices of Team B and C- because they WANTED to be around us- we only had 1 practice diamond on tiny field- had to practice at different times Once the league changed the time of our game because of rain-IMPOSSIBLE- had to go to homes, parks, track kids down, a nightmare- We actually had kids give us the phone numberrs of neighbors
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Post by mhcoach on May 28, 2010 9:17:08 GMT -6
Tiger
I never thought you were whinning, just trying to make things work. Now having been out of Brooklyn for so many years, I guess I have forgoten what it's like to coach under those circumstances. Perhaps, the bigger problem is that I wish I knew the perfect answer. Coaching in itself consumes so much energy, having to deal with these other issues can be frustrating & humbling. It seems to me most problems we face as coaches usually stem from the parental units. Whether it is from to much involvement(little johnnie should be the QB), or no involvement. Parents do show up for signups, perhaps that is the time to have them sign contracts & tell them your expectations.
Good Luck again!
Joe
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Post by davecisar on May 28, 2010 15:40:00 GMT -6
When coaching in inner ciyt my program 400 kids- No sign ups in person All done via phone or mail Lots of teachers signing kids up Many or most of the parents I never met
Until youve actually lived it, hard to comprehend no phones, no weekend food, no parental care, kids up til 3 on school nights, no parent home after practice to open door- one kid- I stayed with one until 10 on a school night-I was dropping him off- no one home- mom was out and about- not working
Real disturbing stuff
You are as much social worker as coach- draining stuff
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Post by mhcoach on May 29, 2010 7:51:52 GMT -6
DC
These "lost boys" need youth football more then any other. One thing I have found is that for the most part these boys are good kids, only lacking structure in their lives. There are many success stories that come from football & "lost Boys". Unfortunately, there are many more failures. All we can do as coaches is attempt to give them hope.
Having lived most of my life in Brooklyn, I never would have thought places like Lincoln would have the same issues. I know another dull witted New Yorker. Here in Charlotte we do see some of this but thankfully very little. Last season we had 3 boys that came from truly dysfunctional families, but because of our support system it was easy to deal with. They all attended the same middle school so we always had a way to contact them. Yes it is draining but we as youth coaches can make an impact on their lives.
Often I have been asked if I treat all my players the same. I always answer with a resounding NO. I treat them all fairly, but they are individuals & each needs to be treated as one. When confronted with these situations sometimes real life can overwhelm football. I wish there was a set plan or action that eliminate it, but truth is we can only do what we can. I think it is particularly difficult in dealing with the younger ones. I'm not sure I have the ability to do that. So my hat is off to those who can.
Joe
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