How many chances do you give?

Until you can get him to honor his mom, you'll keep having the same episodes.

You say that mom has little control - What does that mean?

If he was a horrible athlete and was doing the things he's doing, would you be putting this thread together?

Just something to think about.

You're reaching out because you don't want to enable his present behaviors. So, don't.

Let him know exactly what you expect from him and start with being respectful towards his mother.

If he can't live up to your expectations put him on a step by step process to where if he doesn't turn it around he will misbehave his way out of your program from a playing time standpoint. Do what you have to do to keep him connected (as you believe he needs this). Show him that there is no give up in you but don't allow him to be a knucklehead.

He can have as many chances as he can endure, let him cut his own throat. If he does not change then your not punishing him enough. Make it so he quits or gets with the program. If he does somehting bad you come down hard on him with lots of pain and agony. If he does something good praise the hell out of him. Whats the worst that can happen? If he quits you loose your problem child if he stays then he will be with it.

I expect to have some problems with Freshmen because they are not very mature at that age.

I expect to have few problems with Sophomores - they have been through our program, HS, drivers' ed etc. for a year. They should know what is required and expected.

I expect to have no problems with Juniors. And I expect Seniors to solve problems before they get to me.

We stress Commitment, Responsibility, Self-Discipline throughout the program. Those are the things kids can learn from participation in HS football besides how to block the off-tackle play or rush the passer.

If somebody reaches their Junior or Senior year and hasn't figured it out, and you as coach continue to tolerate negative behaviors, you will be damaging your team and program because kids will see you didn't really believe in what you were preaching.

I'm all for second chances but again - three strikes and you're out.

As Bo Schembechler said, "No player or coach is as important as the team. And no team is as important as the program."

sad this is this boy will most likely end up like his father. statistics show children with a father in prison are most likely going to continue this pattern.

Unfortunately (or fortunately) however you look at it, you can't be at their sides every waking moment of their day. With that being said, sometimes you can instill values but it is ultimately up to them to make the correct choices. If they are continuing to make the same mistakes, ultimately they are not learning from them and they are hurting the overall make-up of the team. Decision is very simple, either they are with ya or against ya, and they are the ones who can make that decision.

ed, you can lose with a kid like that, even though he's your best player.

I guess I'm in the minority, and maybe I don't have a good handle on what the kid is really like, but I don't think I would have him on our team any longer.

I do believe in second chances, but our football program will not improve and thrive if we have 'dead weight' dragging us down. That is what I see that kid as (as you described him, "working with him for a year and a half"). It's too hard to try and climb out of the hole of mediocrity as it is. But I know when you are struggling, it is easy to hang on to a kid and hope against all hope. I don't know if that is happening in your case, but I have went thru it.

You said, "we will be a better TEAM without him".

Pretty much sums up any decision I would have to make.

We have been working on the character development of our best athlete for the past year and a half

He is not an honest individual

He is selfish

He has lied to our faces several times and we have caught him in it

He is disrespectful at times to teachers in the building and other coaches of the sports that he plays

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Sounds like you pretty much answered your own questions...I agree with what the others have said. You should call the kid in and tell him that he is important, that you love him, and most importantly believe in him. I would emphasize that he should be proud of what he is a part of and the things your program is all about. Honesty, hard work, determination, character, and loyalty. Tell him about how despite what his family life may be or what his peers do that there are how ever many coaches and players who will support him and be there for him. But he must realize that everything he does is representative of his coaches, his team-mates, his school, his community, his family, and most importantly himself. And let him know that right now he hasn't lived up to the standard that is a positive reputation of any of those entities.

I would design a program to keep him on track and help him out. Have him write out his goals and ambitions. Get his eyes set on something that isn't football and is attainable. Goals can come in all shapes and sizes; from personal conduct, to academics, career etc. Make sure the goals are attainable and make sure that they are things that he wishes to accomplish & will benefit him in the long run. I would whipe the previous slate clean when you give him the new program.

Lay out the rules and consequences. I personally like to go with the three strike rule (at least with more serious offenses). Other minor offenses can be corrected individually, but bottom line is the kid needs to know his boundaries, he needs to get on board with improving his attitude/direction, and the consequences need to be clear.

He will either a) accept the challenge b) not accept the challenge and quit c) accept the challenge but push it as far as he can since he has seemed to get away with a lot and you will have to follow through in cutting him.

I'm with you the last thing I want to do is cut a kid, I think the majority of coaches feel that when they have to cut a kid they have failed them (we can't save everyone from themselves, people have to be responsible for their own actions). Football is such a great sport for developing character and life skills, but there are only so many chances you can give before the team starts to question your authority and your philosophy...we all know that once that happens you might as well submit your resignation because you have lost control of the team.

I sure hope that your player can pull it together for his sake. It would be a shame to see a kid throw away these valueable life experiences esp. when he doesn't have much direction at home.

You are all right. Its pulling the trigger that is the hard reality. We are setting out a plan for him and then he places the rope around his own neck. I'll keep you posted. Thanks to all of you. We all know our profession is very little X's and O's and really about helping boys become men. It is the most gratifying and hardest part of the job. When it clicks with a kid it doesnt matter the record, when it doesnt it is hard to watch.
Thanks