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Post by senatorblutarsky on Aug 17, 2009 10:51:48 GMT -6
Here is the short version:
We have a senior who could be a good player for us. He was 2nd team all-dist. last year...weightroom stud, practices hard.
Kid is from a screwed up situation. His parents are out of state- he was adopted this past year by an aunt and uncle. He has since moved out and is living with another guy (33 year old HS dropout- they worked construction together this summer). 33 year old is not a bad guy... is trying to help, but is a bit naive.
This player has, in the last 3 days, missed practice (3x) and lied to me about it. He has also violated some of his conditions set forth by his guardians (who had to sign a consent form for him to play... her turns 18 in January).
As of now-he has to sit 4 games (team rule)- and I am (and have been) ready to let him go. We do not need him. The fact is though, that he might need us to have a chance. The kid is a perfect candidate for a prison lifer (but he is not a bad kid... just horrible judgment).
I suspect that when school starts, he will be here and therefore more responsible (though little structure at home makes me wonder).
I met with our captains today-they don't want him back. I do not either, but think it might be the last chance to save this kid.
I proposed this: Assuming he shows up again-make him play scout team through Sept., do all his make up conditioning, and keep in line at school and address the team and apologize. IF (big IF) he completes all required tasks, then we would accept him back.
I know everyone is busy, but would appreciates thoughts/perspectives.
As per our team rules, he is gone if he misses again. Still, I can't help but think that football might be able to save his life, so I'm really torn between letting him go for the good of the program or keeping him, making him earn his way back, for the good of the kid.
Thoughts?
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Post by superpower on Aug 18, 2009 0:45:43 GMT -6
That is a tough one, Coach. I agree with what you proposed. My prediction, based on what you have shared, is that he will cut himself before it is all said and done.
Good luck.
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Post by justryn2 on Aug 18, 2009 5:15:41 GMT -6
I applaud what you're trying to do Senator but, you just cannot save them all. How he responds now will let you know whether or not he is one of the ones you can save.
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Post by jgordon1 on Aug 18, 2009 15:46:37 GMT -6
I would try to keep him..IMHO, the easy thing is to let him go
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Post by jpdaley25 on Aug 18, 2009 17:41:46 GMT -6
I think he's already cut himself, coach.
Have you already had a heart to heart with him? If you have, then it's probably time to hang up the spurs. If you haven't, do it quick before he misses that fourth practice. It sucks, but you can't risk the respect and discipline of the team for one player.
Having said that, you can still try to be a positive influence on this boy even if he's not on the team. If he knows you care about him, you've got a shot. I had a somewhat similar situation years ago where a boy in a bad situation quit and wanted to come back halfway through the season. I didn't let him back on the team, but I did let him be the manager and be with us, part of the family, for the rest of the year. The following year he came back out and became a good player for us.
Good Luck, Coach, and let us know how it worked out.
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Post by alneufeld on Aug 18, 2009 21:32:07 GMT -6
Keep him coach and give him a chance. If you won't, who will? It sounds like he needs a break.
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Post by rbush on Aug 18, 2009 23:00:12 GMT -6
If you put it on the scale how does it come out?
You keep him and are wrong, it doesn't help and creates internal strife.
vs.
You let him go and are wrong. He ends up in prison.
Then you have to weigh the other kids. You'd have to ask: is the discipline hit you'd incur with the other players one they could handle? It sounds like you have a solid, stable program but it's worth asking.
Is there any way of retaining him as a manager type? If not, is it possible for him to make up what he owes his teammates? Perhaps most importantly, why has he missed?
Last thing I'll throw out is this. Personally, I'd rather make a decision I felt went with my faith and be wrong than be right on one I felt violated my beliefs. Hope something in there helped Bluto.
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Post by 42falcon on Aug 19, 2009 0:40:08 GMT -6
This kid needs football more than football needs him! Sit him down and talk with him if it is possible explain to him why he is needed and wanted by the team. Then give him the ultimatum folllow XYZ and this can be your safe haven chose and really emphasize the word chose not to follow XYZ and you can no longer help.
From what it sounds like football is just not in the top 3 of his priority list in life, think about his situation when I do (from what you have said) it would not be on my list. This makes it hard as he does not see himself violating any sacred rules he knows he is screwing up but the bigger issue he sees is why is he abandoned by his parents and what does he do to support and care for himself.
Offer compassion and caring he will be there all season
either that or I am ever the optimist!
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Post by bulldogoption on Aug 19, 2009 13:02:01 GMT -6
I think what you have proposed is a good plan. You are trying to keep the kid, but can't just give him a free pass back in, there has to be consequences.
IMO, putting those consequences with his return will seal his fate. The only way you will get this kid to stay is to take it easy on him. I'm not sure which one you want.
Sabotaged by life.........I'm just so sick of seeing this from parents...............
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Post by fbdoc on Aug 19, 2009 19:00:56 GMT -6
Senator - your plan is very good. Life sucks and it sounds like the kid has been dealt a bad hand. Still, HE has the opportunity to make good or bad decisions. As football coaches we have a chance to impact lives but we can't do it all and there are some kids that we just won't be able to reach. I know exactly what you're saying when you say he needs football more than football needs him, but - why don't we ever hear that about band, or drama, or student government, or .....? If kids can't keep on the straight and narrow in those activities - they are gone! It sounds like you have gone to the very end with this guy. Now its up to him - If he lasts the year, you've helped save him, but don't beat yourself up IF he makes another poor decision after you have done everything possible to help him out. I wish him and especially you, the very best.
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Post by ayziggyzoomba on Aug 19, 2009 20:26:01 GMT -6
An old teacher once told me after a rough day of teaching...
"Who do you think you are? The greatest teacher of all time had a class of 12 and even he lost one student."
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Post by John Knight on Aug 20, 2009 5:05:34 GMT -6
I am not sure the kid would even be eligible in Ohio.
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Post by blb on Aug 20, 2009 7:38:42 GMT -6
I think you have given him chances or opportunities, and he scored a TD - "Turned Down."
No player or coach is more important than the team, and no one team is more important than the program. This kid could cause you long-term problems.
I'm not in the business of unnecessarily punishing kids but they have to Get With the Program at some point or we have a parting of the ways. The structure and discipline of football can benefit many; some just refuse.
Related to ayziggyzoomba (don't tell me we have Bowling Green people on here!) - I'm not the Good Sheperd, don't want to lose the flock trying to save one little lost lamb.
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Post by champ93 on Aug 20, 2009 11:03:51 GMT -6
I agree--this kid needs football and your plan is good.
But, some kids refused to be saved.
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Post by senatorblutarsky on Aug 20, 2009 11:37:52 GMT -6
An old teacher once told me after a rough day of teaching...
"Who do you think you are? The greatest teacher of all time had a class of 12 and even he lost one student."
My new favorite saying...
He has until Monday to get his act together. We'll see what happens. We could use him on scout team, and he could certainly benefit by being with us... but we'll see.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Aug 21, 2009 15:22:36 GMT -6
Ayziggyzoomba, great quote! Thanks for sharing it.
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mhs99
Junior Member
Posts: 250
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Post by mhs99 on Aug 21, 2009 17:41:14 GMT -6
Agree with DCohio he needs to go. You asked your captains they said cut ties. If this blows up on you it will be hard to get your kids back completely. When you ask your kids their opinion, respect it, they know. Trust is a huge thing.
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Post by senatorblutarsky on Aug 21, 2009 18:54:42 GMT -6
Appreciate the info. Some will disagree, but he practiced today. We actually had our intersquad scrimmage- he played on the scout team only. We had a blue and a white for 3 series each (he watched). Then we went #1 O and #1 D against others... and he played for the "others".
I'm going to be honest- I think bringing him back was the right call in this situation... again, I gave the short version of his circumstances. He does have 3 unex. misses- which for us is miss 1/2 the season... but not all. That's our rule, and I guess we're abiding by that. He was committed to our program year round, then just kind of lost his mind last week. He spoke with me yesterday (after I told him on Tuesday to "get his life together"- then gave him 3 specific things to do- which he did), and I agreed to let him practice, after he addressed the entire team- which he did.
I should say too that our captains don't (didn't) want him back if he doesn't care- but agreed that our little "work release program" would be acceptable- because before he was on his own he was of a "football is life"mentality.
Here is how I justify this: 1. His presence on scout team makes our team better. I saw that occur today. 2. Giving him an opportunity (nothing more) to earn his way back can only help him, 3. If he is able to make it back- he will make our team better in games- even if he is a back-up. he is a good athlete and plays hard.
The down side is if he disappears again... but while I wouldn't bet a lot, I would bet on him to be here from now on.
It has been an interesting summer. Through several tragedies, I have been reunited with more former players this year than any other. It is probably this year too that I finally understood the impact that we all have on the lives of the people we coach.
As I told our captains- if all we do is go out to win football games, I'm not sure we have anything of great value here. However, if we go out to win football games while developing skills as leaders, and as team members, and learn to be hard workers and become those who are committed to a cause beyond themselves, who can trust and be trusted... and never give up no matter how many times we are knocked down...
... then we have something beyond value.
Make no mistake- winning is important here. Our team and our program are important. Still, I do not believe that we will be weakened in our attempt to give guidance and structure to someone who needs it, though he showed very poor judgment. If anything, we might be stronger if we help him become what we aim to personify.
And if he is AWOL again... he's gone... He knows this.
I guess we'll see how it all unfolds...
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Post by coachinghopeful on Aug 22, 2009 0:48:32 GMT -6
Coach, good luck with this kid and, for whatever it's worth, you've got my respect for looking at the kid and his situation and giving him a chance to redeem himself instead of just kicking him off. It looks to me like you've navigated this with the wisdom of Solomon.
I sincerely hope he can tough it out and earn a spot on your team at midseason, butfotball or no football, I just hope the kid can hold it together with all the horrible stuff he's got going on in his personal life. I can relate to a lot of that myself and it kills me to see other kids in similar situations.
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