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Post by shortpunter on May 26, 2009 9:37:42 GMT -6
I always like the little stories coaches tell about the humor in football so I am looking for humorous little stories from the football field for a piece I am writing. If you have one can you post it here.
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Post by touchdowng on May 26, 2009 16:26:41 GMT -6
I coached at a large inner city high school and the district was considered an open enrollment district. Top FB players went to another school, top hoop players went to another, etc., etc.
Our school was considered the FINE ARTS school. Not exactly a football hotbed if you follow. We had some terrific kids who always gave everything they had and they were a lot of fun to coach even though games tended to be frustrating against the better schools.
We had this player who everyone called "RUDY." He wasn't really sharp but he was fast. He wasn't very large but he played with a big heart.
We were on defense and we just forced the other team into punting. "RUDY" lined up on one of their wide coverage guys. His job was to block him to the outside.
The ball is snapped and he starts to run with the kid, the kid breaks to the inside and RUDY continues to run with him stride for stride. The punter gets off a dandy - 45 yards with LOTS of hang time - RUDY's guy falls down and for whatever reason RUDY decides to look up to see where the ball is. Not only does he track the ball down and catches it before our returner can get settled under it as he signals for a fair catch.
As RUDY snatches the ball out of the air he hits the ground and takes off sprinting but the referee calls the play dead due to the fair catch signal.
As RUDY exits the field he jogs past me with a huge smile on his face and says, "HEY COACH, DID YOU SEE MY PICK?"
He actually thought he intercepted a pass.
WOW !?
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byuwolverine
Junior Member
Life is a game of inches --- Add them up in any aspect and there is your outcome.
Posts: 285
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Post by byuwolverine on May 26, 2009 17:08:44 GMT -6
I coached at a large inner city high school and the district was considered an open enrollment district. Top FB players went to another school, top hoop players went to another, etc., etc. Our school was considered the FINE ARTS school. Not exactly a football hotbed if you follow. We had some terrific kids who always gave everything they had and they were a lot of fun to coach even though games tended to be frustrating against the better schools. We had this player who everyone called "RUDY." He wasn't really sharp but he was fast. He wasn't very large but he played with a big heart. We were on defense and we just forced the other team into punting. "RUDY" lined up on one of their wide coverage guys. His job was to block him to the outside. The ball is snapped and he starts to run with the kid, the kid breaks to the inside and RUDY continues to run with him stride for stride. The punter gets off a dandy - 45 yards with LOTS of hang time - RUDY's guy falls down and for whatever reason RUDY decides to look up to see where the ball is. Not only does he track the ball down and catches it before our returner can get settled under it as he signals for a fair catch. As RUDY snatches the ball out of the air he hits the ground and takes off sprinting but the referee calls the play dead due to the fair catch signal. As RUDY exits the field he jogs past me with a huge smile on his face and says, "HEY COACH, DID YOU SEE MY PICK?" He actually thought he intercepted a pass. WOW !? I think every program has had a kid like that LOL |
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Post by shortpunter on May 26, 2009 19:47:09 GMT -6
On a particular saturday morning with the JVs I went through the lockerroom and saw CJ sitting with the team in full dress only he was wearing his white jersey while everyone else had on Black.. CJ wasn't the brightest bulb in the pack. I went over to ask him if he noticed anything different. He looks around, looks at me and says "you got your hair cut??" I had to walk away, finally someone told him to change his jersey.......
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Post by knight7616 on May 26, 2009 20:50:58 GMT -6
One of my lineman came to me on a thursday before our fist game and was freaking out. He was about to fall to pieces, so I calmed him down to find out what the problem was. Somebody took his jersey. I asked him several times if he had left it somewhere, maybe someone grabbed it on accident. All the usual questions. Finally I asked if he had looked again on the table where all the jerseys had been laid out. He was like yes of course, but I'll look again. So, I went with him to look. Anyway his number was 66. Looked at the table, and he says "the only lineman jersey there is number 99" we don't have a 99. Well I get a big smile on my face, HA HA, jokes on me right. I tell him to go check on the other side of the table to see if he can find his jersey. As I am turning around to walk away he make it to the othe side and says "Hey somebody put it back!", the boy was dead serious. Still to this day when I set that jersey out I have to chuckle.
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Post by julien on May 27, 2009 0:04:32 GMT -6
We have a big guy playing strong side DE for us a few years ago. Not a very bright guy. And he was nicknamed "Will" by everybody because he was a clone of Will Smith. One day during a meeting, DC explained adjustement to our next opponent.
He said someting like: "When the offense line up like that, Will LB you have that responsability... Blablabla and Strongside DE you have that responsability".
Will did not understand what the DC wanted him to do on the field.
We figured out later that he thinked "Will (LB)" was him...
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Post by mariner42 on May 27, 2009 0:06:49 GMT -6
I had a kid ask me a year ago what a 'cockblock' was and whether it was legal, because someone told him he was very good at it. Hysterical in the re-tell, but at the time I was just sort of stunned.
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crl
Junior Member
Pick me , pick me... I want to be on the RNC location scout team.
Posts: 476
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Post by crl on May 27, 2009 3:02:44 GMT -6
We had a Special ED kid who was well, great in the sense that everyone really like him. He was always giving his all and we had him on the scout teams and he did what he could. We felt bad that he never played so my assistant came up with the scheme to put him on the far side of our kickoff return team and to just block the far guy as best as he could. So the day of the game came and he was excited about playing and we won the toss, my Assistant set him up we would run a left return and he was on the right side. Needless to say he is hopping up and down and ready to go and the ball is kicked, well he turns around runs about a million miles an hour and tackles our returner on our 10 yard line. You could hear a pin drop, everyone was in shock including the other team. He gets off our player shows him his number and say´s, "You see this, better get use to it because your going to see it all day long!"... we scored only once that game and lost on a defensive touchdown and 2 pt conversion , we did not pull him but said as soon as the ball is kicked he was to step of the field so as to confuse the other player and explained to him that he had to block and not tackle our own guy, did not have the heart to say more to him. The following week he was hurt so we did not have to go through that again. What was great is the players never said nothing to him or made fun of him, great bunch of kids.
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Post by fbdoc on May 27, 2009 8:41:10 GMT -6
Many years ago - JV Game - we had an assistant coach who was more of a "Get back" than a coach. We kicked off, ball was set, and the other team ran a play. The official noticed that our kick off tee was still on the field, picked it up, and then threw it toward our sideline. It was a high arc and for some reason, it seemed like every eye on the field and sideline watched it decend - and drill our coach right in the nuts! He dropped to his knees like he'd been shot, and started groaning in pain! About 2 seconds later - our entire sideline, along with BOTH teams on the field, collapsed into laughing comvulsions. It took a few minutes before we could resume the game!
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Post by coachbush1525 on May 27, 2009 8:48:12 GMT -6
We had a kid last year on our JH team that had never played football. His name was Hoover. He was built like a fire hydrant, and would knock the crap out of anyone who got in his way. But he had no clue what was going on either with the play, the scheme, nothing. We made a 1 technique out of him, and it was perfect. He didn't have to think, just go in the A gap. He didn't start, but he was a decent fill-in.
During one game, we were getting killed something like 48-0. The team was a LOT bigger, stronger and faster than us. Our starting RB was out, and our fullback was playing his position. We needed 1 yard on a 3rd down for a first. The OC grabs Hoover and says, "Hoover, you remember that one play we taught you?"
Hoover looks really confused and says, "Uh... no."
The coach says, "Great, get in there and hit somebody."
We got the first.
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coachriley
Junior Member
"Tough times don't last; Tough people do."
Posts: 406
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Post by coachriley on May 27, 2009 13:51:39 GMT -6
I remember last year, God bless this player, he tried hard but had no clue what was going on. One of those players that kinda just came out to be with his friends but he played a decent scout team for us.
Well we were running varsity Kick Return and were setting up lines of scout kick-offs so we could go through it all faster. Well I was talking to this player about what to do cuz I could see he was lost. I told him that I wanted him to go down there and get the ball. I asked, "can you do that Dylan" he says "yeah coach". I turn my back, 10 seconds later I turn back around and he is walking back with the football he just took off the kicking tee, lol. I asked, "what the hell are you doing?" and he just said you told me to go get the football. I was just lost, and I had to turn and walk away while the players all around couldnt stop laughing.
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eric58
Junior Member
Me sparring Bruce Lee back in 79'
Posts: 298
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Post by eric58 on May 27, 2009 21:36:08 GMT -6
Back in 2000 my first year of coaching varsity O/D line. This was the first weak of double days and we were working on how to defeat a double team. This one kid came out of know where and he was 6'0 a solid 260 and for us that was big. So I was like yes we have a fine looking DT. Well the offensive line lines up and they double team the CRAP out of him. "I was like what are you doing? You just got your a$$ kicked. You didn't even hear a thing I just said. What are you deaf" The hole time this kid was just looking at me dumbfounded. Then I hear 3 of the other linemen tell me "Coach, he's DEAF" I'm like be quiet. There like no we're not kidding. So I tell them to go get water and I go and ask the head coach and he says "yeah why" I told him what happened and how I felt bad after I was yelling at him.
Anytime he put his fingers on his throat and went up and down told me that he needed water. So the kids behind my back would tell him to make the sign and he would raise his hand and make the sign. We called him Scuba Steve
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Post by julien on May 27, 2009 23:20:28 GMT -6
Back in 2000 my first year of coaching varsity O/D line. This was the first weak of double days and we were working on how to defeat a double team. This one kid came out of know where and he was 6'0 a solid 260 and for us that was big. So I was like yes we have a fine looking DT. Well the offensive line lines up and they double team the CRAP out of him. "I was like what are you doing? You just got your a$$ kicked. You didn't even hear a thing I just said. What are you deaf" The hole time this kid was just looking at me dumbfounded. Then I hear 3 of the other linemen tell me "Coach, he's DEAF" I'm like be quiet. There like no we're not kidding. So I tell them to go get water and I go and ask the head coach and he says "yeah why" I told him what happened and how I felt bad after I was yelling at him. Anytime he put his fingers on his throat and went up and down told me that he needed water. So the kids behind my back would tell him to make the sign and he would raise his hand and make the sign. We called him Scuba Steve That makes me remenber another funny story. Back in late 90's. A friend of mine was coaching a skelly with our under 18 team. Freshman QB was awful that day, failing to connect with all the receivers. Coach said something like "You didn't even listen a thing I just said!!!" The kid was keeping his head down. I was an assistant at that time and I saw the Coach really getting mad at him yelling "look at me, son! Look at me for Christsake!"... Minutes later I've told the Coach that the kid have a divergeant strabismus... |
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ccox16
Junior Member
Posts: 343
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Post by ccox16 on May 28, 2009 6:02:11 GMT -6
julien, your gonna need to translate those last two words for most of us.
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Post by eaglemountie on May 28, 2009 6:11:57 GMT -6
I've got a good kickoff return story, similar to one posted above...
We had a senior this past year that couldn't play dead and that was after he IMPROVED from his junior year. This not too talented and not too bright player gets to practice kickoff return and was coached up to "run back to the ball as fast as you can and form the wedge." All he heard was "run back to the ball as fast as you can." Well he ran as fast as he could back to the ball and laid the best hit I saw all year in practice on the unsuspecting returner...
That was his first and last kickoff return!
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Post by gre3nday on May 28, 2009 6:16:44 GMT -6
Divergent Strabismus (also known as walleye) - one or both eyes are directed outwards.
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Post by atalbert on May 28, 2009 7:10:16 GMT -6
Last year we had a kid who had never played a sport before and decided, as a freshman, that football would be a good place to start. He was 5'8 and 125 lbs. I am not sure what actually held his body together because I don't think he had any muscle whatsoever - maybe just a huge sack of cartilage.
Anyway, my first encounter with him is on our first offseason testing day. I'm walking into the gym and the HC greets me (I was F/S HC) with a big grin and says I've got a new player and I've gotta see him - he's putting on a show in the weight room.
I think he's serious and walk into the weight room and ask "Where is he?" HC points over to the bench press and I see a kid laying there with about 15 people standing around him shouting his name and pumping him up (the kids really like him). I see him take the bar off the stand as I make my way over.
I can't see how much weight he is doing until a couple of kids move to let me by, but by the look of anguish on his face, it must be ALOT. I get to the bench and see that he has a pair of 5 LB. PLATES on the bar that he is struggling to get off his chest. He now has a look of fear on his face, like all 20 of us are going to watch him die trying to lift this weight.
He proceeds to dump the left plate on my starting LBs foot and immediately after that dumps the right plate on my QB's shin. To top it off, the bar that is still on his chest has now rolled up to his neck and is about to kill him. I've got two studs hobbling around and my new kid gasping for air.
He doesn't get into the weight room much, but when he does, every other kid that's in there makes sure he has clips holding on his 2.5 lb plates that he's repping with.
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Post by shortpunter on May 28, 2009 7:19:25 GMT -6
Thanks for the responses guys. I am including many of these in my piece. I am not using your names to protect the innocent or the stupid........
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Post by fbdoc on May 28, 2009 7:37:33 GMT -6
atalbert - I think your player was in my weight room yesterday! We've got a new kid that is so skinny we could probably FAX him to another school. We actually have those BFS 1.25 pound plates for our little guy program and this kid will stack those babies on the 30 pound training bar for his reps. Oh well, at least he's in there - too bad he's already a junior!
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Post by John Knight on May 28, 2009 12:17:29 GMT -6
Tuesday afternoon early season and they are dragging. We are in LB inside read drills and I stop the loafing for a little butt chewing. I start by saying "I know you guys are hot and this is dull and mundane...." My Mike LB started chuckling and I said "what is so funny, Bobby?" He said, "you know it is Tuesday don't you, Coach?" I had to send them to the fence on that one!
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Post by mahonz on May 28, 2009 12:51:34 GMT -6
Coaching a group of 9 year olds.
It’s the conference championship game and we are getting hammered. Its late in the 4th quarter and 4th and forever. I say screw it we are running a fake punt and having a little fun. So I call time out.
All game long #88 had been abusing us. I run out to the huddle. I have my back to the defense with all the little guys facing me nearly in tears. We had never run this play so I ask them…
“Where is # 88 ?”
One of my linemen quickly answers…
“Coach, he is everywhere.”
Coach Mike
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Post by julien on May 28, 2009 12:55:52 GMT -6
julien, your gonna need to translate those last two words for most of us. Waleye or like I used to say: One eye's looking BBQ, other is looking for chicks |
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coachriley
Junior Member
"Tough times don't last; Tough people do."
Posts: 406
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Post by coachriley on May 28, 2009 19:40:36 GMT -6
He doesn't get into the weight room much, but when he does, every other kid that's in there makes sure he has clips holding on his 2.5 lb plates that he's repping with. This reminds me of another event that occured this past season in our weight room. My brother (the DC) and I walk into the weight room and see a student in there who I found out later was one of those kids that thought he was too good or too strong for the football team. well he has his shirt off on the bench and struggling a bit to press up a 10 and 5 on each side. Now it wouldnt be horrible if this kid was a freshman, but I asked my brother later on and he told me that no, sadly that kid is a junior. Well he is bustin his butt to try and crank out 10 reps on the bench and trying to look like a BA. Well my nephew was with us and he was 9 years old. He walks up to another bench and slides on 2 tens on each side of the bar and without any warm up, starts repping the bar out without any problem. I saw it and just chuckled to myself as he starts making his way over to the leg press machine. My brother saw the weight and by this time we were about to leave, and he had been talking to the kid about joining football again which was in vain. My brother turned to this kid and said "hell son, at least put some real weight, you are gettin beat by my 9 year old son" He chuckled when he said it but you could tell this kids ego had been smashed, lol. I just think of this and laugh everytime I see some kid with light weight trying to show off. |
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Post by td4tc on May 28, 2009 19:48:41 GMT -6
i've got one i bet you haven't seen. My starting outside LB(not an A student) showed up for Monday practice with an usual medical complaint after a big win FRI night. i double as the team doc so he confided to me that he thought he swallowed a beer cap (playing beer pong) after the game. he was pretty sure it didn't come out the other end over the weekend.i got him Xray'd and sure enough there it was at the bottom of his stomach.got him to see a GI guy and he was able to fish it out with a scope the next day and he didn't miss a game!
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Post by bobgoodman on May 28, 2009 20:53:09 GMT -6
Thanks for the responses guys. I am including many of these in my piece. I am not using your names to protect the innocent or the stupid........ Our ewe keeping they're misspellings? |
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Post by coachbdud on May 28, 2009 21:58:16 GMT -6
Many years ago - JV Game - we had an assistant coach who was more of a "Get back" than a coach. We kicked off, ball was set, and the other team ran a play. The official noticed that our kick off tee was still on the field, picked it up, and then threw it toward our sideline. It was a high arc and for some reason, it seemed like every eye on the field and sideline watched it decend - and drill our coach right in the nuts! He dropped to his knees like he'd been shot, and started groaning in pain! About 2 seconds later - our entire sideline, along with BOTH teams on the field, collapsed into laughing comvulsions. It took a few minutes before we could resume the game! funniest thing i have ever read on this site |
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Post by tango on May 29, 2009 7:00:09 GMT -6
We had a kid that was a great player but not very smart. Come in to quit because he had a scratch on his anus. (Iris) Our head coach simply said you can't quit since you started. The kid said O.K. and had a great practice.
Watching a 9 year old team play that my best friend coached. Everyone is yelling at him you only have 10 players on the field. He only had 12 players on the team and their was one kid on the sideline. At halftime #77 comes running from the stands and said coach I'm ready to play now. He said where have you been. The kid said,# 5 hit me in the belly so I told my mom. He played a whole half with 10. He calls me over and said do I have to go back out their. He got a standing O by his parents to start the 2nd half.
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dustinwmills
Freshmen Member
"Make excellence a habit, not a hobby."
Posts: 33
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Post by dustinwmills on May 29, 2009 8:42:33 GMT -6
I've got two stories...neither of which really reflect the intelligence of my players, not all of them are this dumb.
Halftime of one game, my QB tells me he needs tape. I ask him why, he says, because my hand hurts and it is swelling. I tell him that tape isn't going to help that and that he needs ice. He waves it off.
I think nothing of it. Halfway through the 3rd quarter, I call a bootleg pass, and he throws an absolute duck...it was terrible. He comes running over to me and says "Coach, I couldn't throw a good pass because of my hand, it hurts..." I notice he is pointing to his hurt hand. I look him dead in the eye and tell him. "That's not the problem, because you're right handed and pointing to your left hand..."
In all innocence, he looks back at me and says: "Oh yeah..." and runs back on the field.
In the second story, we've got this kid who is SUPER athletic. Started as a Freshman on the varsity BBall team. Good kid, but not the sharpest crayon in the box. We have him playing as our punt returner. We are on offense, our drive stalls. We call out for our punt team. Our punt team runs out onto the field, and our punter lines up 15 yards deep. I look up, and this kid has lined up BEHIND THE PUNTER...he thought we were on punt return, and didn't even recognize the formation we were in. Another time, he was playing middle safety, we put him in and suddenly he is lining up NEXT to the DE...Head Coach was apoplectic. I just laughed and called him off the next play...only so much you can do.
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Post by atalbert on May 29, 2009 11:49:33 GMT -6
Had a kid come up before an offensive practice last year and hand the HC a note that read ...and I $hit you not... "Ben Cannot Participate In Any Offensive Work" signed by an actual doctor.
One at a time we read it and passed it to the next coach. We all looked at each other and were all so bewildered by it that we didn't even ask.
The kid is easily one of the Top5 Dumbest People I have ever met and none of the coaches wanted to try and get an explanation from him. It could have taken hours.
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hoosier
Sophomore Member
Posts: 176
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Post by hoosier on Jun 1, 2009 22:13:07 GMT -6
back when i was playing, Sophmore year, we never had "ice tubs" at our school. one day a couple of WRs (reggie and tony) and i decided it would be a great idea to make one ourselves. because, you know, the pros used them after games, so we should too, right? LOL, anyway, its after practice, almost evryone is gone and Tony goes out to his truck and brings back this huge blue plastic drum that is to be our "ice tub". he also had a whole cooler full of ice.
the three of us decide to fill the thing in the showers, then drag it back outside (just incase it tipped over) and dump the ice in and at this point it becomes an issue of whose going to get in this thing. the water is freezing. reggie volunteers to jump in, and jump in he did. just a tank top and shorts, and as soon as he was in he started making the most awful noises ive ever heard. he couldnt get out either! and said "turn it over!". so me and tony push the tub over, reg gets hit with every drop of water that was in it, and the way he got up and started running and screaming is something i will never forget. it was like he was jumping and running at the same time, and in complete shock from the cold water. tony and i hit our knees laughing and its the hardest ive ever laughed in my life. i thought i might really suffocate myself right there, LOL
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