Why do quitters still wear the gear?

I had a kid quit this year. He wears the gear from the previous program and runs the halls telling everyone that hed be a starter if the old staff were still here - quitters are quitters for a reason. The biggest reason is a lack of will to pay the price for success. They arent willing to sacrifice anything and will "shirt tail" and wearing the gear is about the surest sign of shirt tailing I have ever seen.

I always try to "fix" a quitter and make him see the light, in most cases its a mistake. I talked one two kids out of quitting last year and both may find themselves as team captains this year because they have seen the error of their ways and have become leaders.

Because there are few social norms and kids no longer police each other on their loyalties.

Remember the days when a kid who quit and became a dirtbag was an outcast by the other kids because they felt dissed by the kid. Now it is the coaches fault.....and they are all still buddies with him. Heck, I still have quitters wearing their t-shirts, jerseys, etc. to the games on Friday nights.

Its a whole different era we are in and I don't see it changing. Its been this way for about ten years now. Times are very different and it shows huge.

What irks me more, is looking at the team photo and seeing a quitter in the middle of it. Thats why I pushed to have team photos done in week 7 or 8 instead of pre-season.

I've been doing this a LONG time and it still bugs me when I see that kid wearing the gear! Our kids don't buy it, we issue it so if the kid quits - and this is after meeting with the lad and encouraging him to "stick it out" (most do stay) he still quits but wants to wear the gear.... ARGHHHHHH! I guess it must be a by product of our gradual decent into a limp wristed skirt wearing touchy-feely I'm ok you're ok do what you like its allright with me no balls my name's sally and I play soccer country!

Exactly- telling kids who to hang out with will backfire extremely fast, believe me- and it's not the quitter or the admin that will give you your biggest problems with doing so. It's your own team that will resent you for butting in and honestly, I'd feel justified in siding with them on this one.

Those who wear the gear are only trying to look the part of a football player. They think being a football player is synonymous with being tough, being athletic, etc. They then look "cool" to non-players, because they're a part of an exclusive close-knit group that again, emphasizes attributes many admire. And after two-a-days when everyone hangs out in the summer, they have a chance to talk about how sore they are with teammates (whether they're actually sore or not cannot often be verified). This again emphasizes how much of a tight-knit group they're a part of. And have you ever noticed that the kids loudest in supporting the team on game-day in the halls (my school wears their jerseys) always seem to be the gear-wearers? They're eager to draw attention to the fact that they're a part of the team, especially with everyone in the cooridors as an audience.

Sorry, I'm just friends with a bunch of these types of kids and it makes me angry, even if I understand the psychology behind it. Just because your name is on the roster doesn't mean you're a part of the team. I remember one of my best friends used to be like this- he would buy the jersey, then get bumper sticker logos for his parents' car, then buy a jacket, etc. Whenever he registered for something online, he always chose a name that shouted he was part of the team. Luckily, I've heard he turned things around- he's now eager to better himself, and even got a letter from what I believe is a DIII college inviting him to play football (he's a junior, too, so that's even more impressive).

I'm not going to dictate to anyone who their friends should be, but I am going to tell them how I feel about it, and try to teach them about loyalty and the importance of finishing what you start.

I started playing football when I was 5 years old. Two weeks in I was getting my @ss kicked by the older boys and the coaches were mean. I went to my Mom, figuring she would be softer than my Dad, and told her I hated football and didn't want to play any more. She looked at me over the rim of her glasses and said, "You're not quitting. You are going to finish what you start. If you don't want to play next year, that's fine, but everyone is counting on you being there and you aren't going to let them down."

And that decision was final. I ended up playing football every year until I was 22 and I have coached every year since then - 37 straight years of football.

I sometimes wonder what kind of worthless piece of crap I would have become if my Mother had said, "It's ok dear. You don't have to do anything you don't want to." I thank God all the time for giving me great parents that made me grow in the right direction.

Quitting should never be an option, and any parent who allows it is being irresponsible, in my humble opinion.

airman - I know my last post on this topic was a bit of a rant (hopefully tongue in cheek) but Wow! Ringing the bell? Isn't that the way someone quits the Navy Seals? After reading your posts for the past couple of years, I'm kind of surprised. Public displays of humiliating kids doesn't sound like the same guy, Not saying you're "wrong" or anything - it just surprised me. I would have to respectfully disagree, but to each his own.

In my opinion, we as coaches have a lot of reasons to look badly on "quitters".

But, these are kids. Sometimes, a kid may act tough in the hallways. He may say he'd be a starter. But maybe he has a parent at home or sibling superstar who rips on him everyday because he wasn't good enough, or something of the like. Maybe he has to work a job to get by and can't swallow his pride. Maybe he got mixed up in things he shouldn't be mixed up in. Maybe they need to get out of football because they know they are not giving 110% to their teammates, and when we as coaches say "if you're not willing to make the sacrifice, then leave now", they really do want to leave.

In football, we often ask for adolescent or younger players to be 110% committed to the team. Some kids can't do that at this age for whatever reason, acceptable or not. Even if you don't ask these kids to leave if they can't commit, high expectations may give that feeling off. The kid may simply be leaving the team, like you asked, just doing it in their way. How can you be angry for him following orders?

Judging the character or quality of a kid or expecting teammates not to hang out with them is unacceptable in my opinion. You can have your reservations about a kid, but just because he quit football, doesn't mean he's bad or not deserving of his friends or even of your acknowledgment in the hallway. He just made a choice. He's a kid. Maybe he was a complainer. Maybe he did expect to be number 1 when he didn't put any work in. Fine. But he's still a kid. I would wager everyone on this board did something like this at one point, where the kid excuse is acceptable for you. "Oh I was just young and stupid." Maybe it was a hairstyle. Maybe it was a tattoo. Maybe it was underage drinking. Maybe it was an incident with your parents, or the law. Some kids just make that problem in football. Its our duty as adults who have been through this to reach out to these kids, even if they leave our football team in a distraught manner. I feel there are very, very few truly bad eggs, and often time there is a reason the egg is so rotten.

I for one will still respect a kid if he leaves, as long as he walks into my office, shakes my hand, and lets me ask a few questions and talk to him a bit. If he gives me that, I will be satisfied. If I try to talk to him, and he is scared and bails, so be it. I hope one day he'll talk to me. If not, it is what it is. He's still a kid.

Not every kid is perfect. Some are very far from it. The secret is to embrace the kid, not shun them away. Don't ignore them in the hallway. Nod to them in the least. Make eye contact and give a small, non-condescending smile.

The kids that quit and then continue to wear the gear have always gotten to me. I'd be embarrassed to wear that stuff to school and then have someone ask me why they couldn't find me on the field friday night.... or the sidelines, or anywhere but the stands (maybe).

My personal favorite are the kids who wear their own jersey on Fridays when we wear our game jersey. It never fails when we're wearing white to see some kid in a white Jets jersey or something (colors are green & white). Again, I personally would feel ridiculous... but who am I to judge, they're free to wear what they want. Basketball wears ties on game days, and you always find a kid or two who just "decided" to wear a tie that day.

I guess I come from a different program. At the high school I went to you would never get away with wearing spirit gear if you were not on the team. you would be called out as a fake a quitter.

It seems as though society has progressed to where every child should be an A student and scholarship possible athlete. kids are fed this dogma by their parents and others.

you want to see how far the self esteem dogma has come all one has to do is go back to Bill Clinton. Bill thought is was unfair that certain army units like the Green Berets and Army Rangers wore berets which made them stand out from the regular army. never mind Rangers and Green Berets have extensive training which regular army persons do not have. I believe champions deserve to be recognized and be held higher then their peers.

ee, though, this is what I find to be "childish". I'm not trying to call someone out, but if a coach is bothered by a kid bad mouthing your program, then you are obviously bothered by the fact he quit and there may be relevance to his statements.

I'm very prideful. If an adult or someone in the press or a teacher attacks my program, I will fight back.

If a student says I'm a sucky coach, I laugh. What does he know? He's a KID. My integrity, character, and success will speak for itself, it if doesn't already.

If he's spreading lies about your program or the integrity of it, that's one thing. Or even if he says it about you. Stand up for yourself with the AD before it becomes a problem. But, if he says "I'd be a starter..." let him say it. He's just making himself look like an idiot.

IF he wants to wear the gear, let him. The team knows he's not part of the squad, and probably a great amount of the school does. Who cares? He's bringing the embarrassment on himself, not my program. If he wants to bad mouth the team or coaching staff, while wearing their gear, he is a walking, talking contradiction and everyone will know it.

That's why I'm not bothered.

As for the bell, I think that is the most horrendous thing I've ever heard. If I was a player, and I quit because of something I didn't want to tell the coach about, and you tried to make me ring that bell, I wouldn't. You could not make me. That's probably why he's quitting, because he feels you did something like this to him already. The kid will learn his lesson fast enough.



So... you want a kid on your team when they aren't 100% committed? That's what I get from the first part of your statement. You're going to have kids there who don't want to be. That hate it. They probably hate you for trying to make them ring a bell.

As a player, I wouldn't want my teammate next to me if he didn't want to be there. Let him leave. Don't force him to ring a bell. You're adding something to it then. In my opinion, that is complete public embarrassment. The team will know he's quit, so will the people interested in the program, just by student gossip. No need to ring the damn bell and have the locker room or whatever come over to watch. They'll know soon enough. Trust me.

An old South Ga. coach I used to work for used to write the names of the quitters in the urinals in the locker room! So every time one of the boys took a leak, they were peeing on some quitter's name.

The coach I had in high school would cuss quitters in the hallway at school if they got too near him. Once he threw one of them out of his way as he was walking down the hall. Nothing was ever said.

I find that the older a coach is, the less tolerant he is of a quitter.

That's the way people work- the older generation always talks about how bad kids are today- in this case, the old coach thinks that the younger generation is a bunch of quitters. But human nature doesn't change- if it did, there would be no pattern we would be able to broadly identify as "human nature." My generation will be saying the exact same things about our children and our childrens' children when we're older. "They're a bunch of whining, screaming quitters who want to held instead of doing their conditioning." : )

Just something I wanted to point out. Quitting when the going gets tough is not exclusive to this generation.

EDIT: I am SO remembering that urinal thing when and if I become a coach.

"A guy who quits after games have started, especially a veteran, is different."

This is the kind of quitter that I've been refering to - one who's made the committment and then left the team holding the bag. Or one who quits because they aren't starting or getting enough touches - selfish players. Or one who quits to avoid the hard stuff and then tries to come back.

I forget who said this: "Football doesn't build character; It reveals a lack of it."

I don't fully agree with this statement because I do believe that football builds character, but I think now that there has to be some there to start with.

And I guess I'm an older coach now too. Next year will be my 21st year of coaching.