rooster
Sophomore Member
Posts: 246
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Post by rooster on Apr 22, 2009 9:38:52 GMT -6
Coaches,
Need Help! What would you do?
Even though it is considered the "off-season" I have an athlete who just can't seem to become completely committed to the team, or for that matter himself. He is a good kid, he's homeless, has made some bad choices in his life, and just wont allow anyone to reach out to him. This kid has the "potential" to be our best player (but that doesn't matter, nor does it factor into the equation).
After many attempts to reach the kid, I am beginning to lose patience with him. His attendance to weight training and football functions are minimal, at best - worst level of commitment on the team. I have gone round and round with myself on what to do with the kid..........Iv'e talked to him, encouraged him, tried everything...The easy thing to do is cut him loose from the team, but it's getting to the point where I believe the team is waiting to see what I do with him!
Looking for advice on what you would do if in this situation.
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Post by touchdownmaker on Apr 22, 2009 9:45:53 GMT -6
Put your arm around him and dont be just another adult who turns his back on the kid. Build a better relationship with him.
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Post by saintrad on Apr 22, 2009 9:54:29 GMT -6
Put your arm around him and dont be just another adult who turns his back on the kid. Build a better relationship with him. Agree wholeheartedly |
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Post by touchdownmaker on Apr 22, 2009 9:59:26 GMT -6
let me add that we all have a "Mr P" on our team, that just means that they havent done anything yet and building the relationship is going to be tough because as you said, the kid has barriers around him. We are dealing with a few kids like this as well and though I get so irked about them missing workouts I think its important to remember what home life (or lack of) is like for them. Its understandable that things are chaotic and unpredictable for them.
In the end, you cannot lower your standards but as someone else once put it "hes not a traffic ticket, you cant just crumple him up and throw him away". even if the kid never plays a down for you, you can still be someone of impact on his life.
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Post by silkyice on Apr 22, 2009 10:12:40 GMT -6
Consequences.
Let him know what you expect and have consequences. If he misses a workout, then he has to make it up plus run extra (or whatever). If he misses more than one, then he can't play the spring game. If he misses three then he can't play in the first game. (Come up with your own consequences, but make them mean something). More than that, he is done.
Doing this way, you put the ball in his court.
My guess is that no one has made him do anything or held him accountable. If you don't hold him accountable, then you are hurting him and the rest of the team.
If he buys in, then you have transformed a life. Whether or not he buys in, you gain respect from the rest of the team and you know you did your best.
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Post by atalbert on Apr 22, 2009 10:27:45 GMT -6
Always keep the attitude that this kid needs you more than you need him. I would venture to say that the rest of the kids know his situation and assume he won't be there most of the time and will understand if you treat him a little differently.
Give him kudos when he is there and make sure it is an environment that he enjoys being in. If being around you and the football team is the best thing he has going on in his life, he will gravitate towards it.
We had a kid like that who was living with family friends. Mom didn't want him, grandma just died and he was out of places to go. It took awhile to convince him that he could be whoever and whatever he wanted to be when he put that helmet on and stepped out on the field - practice or games.
Once he figured out that what he was OFF the field had nothing to do with what he could be ON the field, he shined.
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Post by phantom on Apr 22, 2009 10:42:01 GMT -6
Put your arm around him and dont be just another adult who turns his back on the kid. Build a better relationship with him. Agree wholeheartedly While you have an arm around his shoulder be prepared to put a foot up his a$$, too, when he needs it. Treating him differently is condescending and he and everybody else will see through it. |
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Post by fatkicker on Apr 22, 2009 11:09:39 GMT -6
try to build a relationship.....yes....
put an arm around him....yes.....
allow him to follow a different set of rules.......NO!!!
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Post by tiger46 on Apr 22, 2009 11:10:04 GMT -6
"...I have gone round and round with myself on what to do with the kid..........Iv'e talked to him, encouraged him, tried everything...The easy thing to do is cut him loose from the team,..."
I coach youth football for kids in a poor neighborhood, etc... Sometimes, cutting a player from the team is the hardest thing to do, imo- especially when you want so much for them to succeed. But, sometimes, it has to be done. I hope, for this kid's sake, that it doesn't end up coming to that in his case.
You can't save them all. You just can't.
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Post by dubber on Apr 22, 2009 11:16:53 GMT -6
Impress upon him the importance of him being there.
Next time he misses, take then entire team outside to the football field.
Have him stand on the Goalline, and watch as his teammates do some type of unholy hell conditioning. Trust me, he will want to join in (he will feel guilty), but do not let him. Make him watch as his teammates struggle.
Let him know he's important, and when he is not there, the rest of team suffers.
If that doesn't fix your problem, excuse the kid from the team, but please continue to put your arm around him. He needs help, but he also needs to make a decision.
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Post by fbdoc on Apr 22, 2009 11:26:13 GMT -6
I agree with Phantom. Don't know if I would go "old school" and punish the whole team. Playing time has always been the great motivator. Have him stand and watch while the rest of the team gets to scrimmage, play 7 on 7, or participats in some "Fun" activity. At some point, HE will decide that he wants to do what is expected or maybe he just doesn't want to. Another way to look at it - Everything you see in practice (or the weight room or on the field) is either COACHED or it is ALLOWED. Which one is it for you?
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Post by dubber on Apr 22, 2009 11:29:38 GMT -6
I agree with Phantom. Don't know if I would go "old school" and punish the whole team. Playing time has always been the great motivator. Have him stand and watch while the rest of the team gets to scrimmage, play 7 on 7, or participats in some "Fun" activity. At some point, HE will decide that he wants to do what is expected or maybe he just doesn't want to. Another way to look at it - Everything you see in practice (or the weight room or on the field) is either COACHED or it is ALLOWED. Which one is it for you? That's the thing, it really is the kid's punishment. Sure his buddies are running, but that's just running. He has to understand how much his actions impact the team, and dealing with the fact he is failing in that capacity is the true punishment. BTW, fbdoc, this is 2nd thread I have disagreed with you. I want you to know I think you are a much better football coach than I, and I appreciate all your comments in the past. But you and I may be on opposite ends for a little bit here. |
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Post by reignman03 on Apr 22, 2009 11:32:25 GMT -6
Talk to his guardians. Try to impress upon them that football and being part of a team can be a great outlet for him. Sell what you are trying to do with whomever he is living with. In that conversation maybe you will find out more about the kid, if he is working to help support the family, etc. Keep in communication and you will find more answers, and at the same time it will help getting the kid more actively involved.
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Post by bigm0073 on Apr 22, 2009 11:47:20 GMT -6
Great Point -
I have a talented 9th grade player who comes from a pretty bad home... He was sporadic with lifting and conditioning... Making excuses about his mom was sick, surgery...
Well I called his mom today... Yes she has had problems but nothing like her son made it out to be. She understood my point of view (this kid might play varsity next year and he has to hop to it). She mentioned about how after we workout she can not pick him up... I explained we have a 5:15 Late but he can catch.. I also explained how many of our players walk quite a ways and they still make it. I also explained to her if he can not come to lifting now what will change in August? He will not be able to miss practice... She understood and made it clear he will be there four days a week and he was "milking it" a well....
ONE THING TO REMEMBER:
If you have rules - follow. The kids and players could "resent you" if you change rules for this kid. I agree more with Phantom in this one.
I also have been around this enough to realize each case has to be judged individually. The kid has to eventually do what you request or he must be cut...
I am the head coach and what we do is play "good cop - bad cop"...
I am the BIG MEAN DICTATOR... I ride them about grades, behavior, weight room, attendance.... I am on them. I call them on the carpet (I am also their biggest cheerleader as well when needed..). I push them and I draw a line in the sand and I make it pretty black and white...
My assistants are the GOOD COPS... They pull the kids aside and play nice and try and convince them what I am doing is best for them as young men and players. They build them back up and try to reinforce my principals..
My prior school was really tough and we encountered IT ALL... This method worked well there.
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Post by fbdoc on Apr 23, 2009 9:35:32 GMT -6
I don't think most coaches would just yell at the kid and tell him "my way or the highway" - many posts have said to sit him down, have a talk, put your arm around him (and also give him a "fatherly" kick in the a$$)... but at some point he is either going to be ABLE to be a member of the team or he won't. Your responsibility is to the team - YES we care about the young man and his plight - but you're not going to be able to save every kid in every situation. Work with them, yes. Speak with parents, of course. But at some point - and YOU need to figure out where that point is for you - it might just be necessary to say "Thanks Billy, but I think you better wait till next year to try football." For the sake of the team, for you, and for the kid.
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Post by cnunley on Apr 23, 2009 11:21:07 GMT -6
try to build a relationship.....yes.... put an arm around him....yes..... allow him to follow a different set of rules.......NO!!! I agree with this completely. At some point he becomes a liability to the team. Give him his options along with consequences. Let him make the decision. He if chooses to not follow the rules let him go. The team will respect you for staying true to your word. With that said you can still impact his life in other ways. Grades/Mentoring/etc... |
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