Dad Coach's should be outlawed

I am a HS coaches son, I watched my dad coach for over 35 years. He coached me and now I coach my kids in there sporting activities not just football. I know for a fact that in my case there isn't any favoritism going on. I am harder on my kid, almost to hard. Last year I should have played him more but because I didn't want it to look like I was favoring him. I didn't play him as much as I should have. We as a coaching staff have take each others kids when it comes to discipline and encouragement so they don't feel it is just a parent thing. They seem to listen to the other coach than there overbearing dad/coach. It has helped in our relationship as fathers and sons. Now I am not saying it doesn't happen. I have been a parent and an assistant on teams where it is prevalent. I don't know how you combat that. Some parents as well as coaches are star struck and cant take the blinders off. they think there kid is the next Brett Farve or Barry Sanders. there will always be those out there.

So if we eliminate the dad/coaches who will coach? I doubt that you will have enough volunteers out there at the youth level to coach with out a kid in the program.

You say that you know for a fact that there isn't any favoritism going on your team with you son, but then you also say that you're harder on him than the other kids. So, by your own admission you hold your own kid to a different (albeit higher) standard than the other players. You demand more from him and push him harder. That'll probably make him a better player, don't you think? Favoritism has many faces - it's not always just handing out undeserved playing time. If you treat any kid differently than the others just because of what family he is from, there is some type of favoritism going on. So, by your own admission, there is absolutely favoritism going on on your team, whether you choose to recognize it or not.

In any event, it's besides the point - the OP didn't say that a Dad coach cannot eliminate favoritism, it said that he cannot eliminate the PERCEPTION of favoritism. Again, your own statements seem to back this up. You said, "I should have played him more but because I didn't want it to look like I was favoring him." So, you treated a player differently than an unbiased third party would have specifically to deal with the PERCEPTION that you might be favoring him.

Don't get me wrong, I have no problem with Dad coaches. On our staff last year, I was the only non-Dad coach (well, there was one other non-Dad coach, but he only showed up about once every two weeks). Without Dad coaches, it would be next to impossible to fill all the coaching positions and many Dads are excellent coaches. If someone is a good coach, he's a good coach - having a kid doesn't suddenly turn a good coach into a moron. However, I have heard your argument before and felt that I should point the obvious flaws in the logic.

The only time I have a real problem with a Dad coach is when he cannot see the reality of his kid's ability (as you said, he thinks his kid is the next Barry Sanders or Brett Favre), and plays his kid in a position or to an extent that no one else would. Fortunately, though, in my experience, those types are fairly rare - or perhpas we just do a better job than most of keeping them out of our program.

As an example of what I think is best, on our team our Head Coach's kid is our QB. He never gets singled out for unfair criticism and his dad doesn't treat him any harder or softer than any other player, at least not that I can tell. IMHO he gets exactly as much playing time as he would if I or anyone else was the head coach instead of his dad. I haven't heard any complaints about favoritism. Of course, it helps that our QB is a rare talent - he's not a phenon, but he's probably in the top 5 or so that I've seen at his age in the 15 years I've been coaching. You would be hard pressed to find an objective observer who wouldn't agree that he should take pretty much all the snaps at QB (other than to keep a backup ready in case of an injury). I'm sure our head coach hasn't always handled it perfectly, but I think by basically treating his son exactly like he treats every other player, he is being a lot more fair to everyone than going overboard being tough on his son to combat the perception. Again, JMHO.

Life's not fair...

Dad's are supposed to love their babies more than the next kid...

If he can do it, without destroying the foundation of the team... what's the problem?

We're painting with a broad brush...

You don't treat all kids the same... you treat all kids equitably...

This entire theory of fairness... is incorrect. You treat kids in the manner they need to be treated. Son or not.

Khalfie,

I started a program that grew to 400 kids, I used to think to be fair I had to treat all the kids the same.

About 10 seasons ago I found out what you suggest, every kid is different and they are all reached in different ways. So yes we just treat kids the way they need to be treated.

Coach

It really is impossible to coach your son without a little bit of nepotism involved because you want him to succeed. That is just being a parent.

How many of us have coached up our sons going to and from practice, at the dinner table….whatever. That’s nepotism without an audience.

A good coach will treat his son as an equal and play him in the proper position for the team. Unfortunately that does not always happen and what prompts articles that you just read…albeit not realistic because without willing fathers there would be no youth sports .

Coach Mike

I think good people are above it and crappy people get into coaching their kid and favoring them and even worse people use that as a main complaint as to why their kid gets overlooked. I like the idea of "taking the high road" when we can be trusted to have reciprocity.

I agree totally coach Mike!
As a dad I try to coach him up going to and from practice and at home. The one thing that I try to get across to him is that at practice and games that I’m not dad I’m coach. I try my best to not show favoritism, other than the category of being harder on him than the other kids and really I do that more on the car ride to and from practice. The hard part is that I’m is position coach and there is no way around it. What we do has a coaching staff is let the other coaches when necessary or just because work with each others kids. I have been coaching my son now for 5years and its worked out for the most part. Early on it was my wife that wanted me to show the favoritism and my son too! I had to tell the both that he needs to earn the position that he wants that It’s not going to be given to him just because I’m coaching. I also have be fortunate to coach with other dads that have been great in regards to doing there best not showing favoritism towards there own kids, if anything it goes back to being hard on them than anything. I feel like I’m rambling…..hope all this makes sense.

Some guys can and some cant.
Ive seen both types in my org but usally try and assign coaches so they are coaching on their kids team, but not coaching him directly, IE their son isnt playing the position they coach.

Ive actually had dad coaches that were so concerned about not playing favorites they went overboard. Example, had a kid named Telly in 2003, his dad advanced to the older team to coach his older son in 2003. His younger son caught 2 TDs playing for dad in 2002, with the same QB I had in 2003. In 2003 he scored 11 TDs on passes alone for me, the kid never dropped a ball. Dad should have thrown to him more, but he didnt want to appear to be one of "those" dads.

You cant have youth football without dad coaches. I used to have 90+ coaches every year for 16 teams, it was a bear finding guys. If we went no-dads we would have been able to field maybe 3-4 teams.

Ive coached 17 seasons and coached my own kid 3 seasons now and he's only been a starter (center) one season. He gets zero preferential treatment and everyone knows it.

I always seem to be one of those fathers that get asked to help out in the local youth sports. It is not that I have a whole lot of knowledge to share about any sport (one of the reasons that I am on this site :-) ); it is more that I am willing to spend the time. It bothers me when people claim to have much more knowledge than the people grinding it out with the kids, but when asked to share some of it, they claim they don’t have the time. What is a better use of time than to invest it in a group of 25 kids? Not many things that I could think of that should be on the list of better things to do. I would love to be able to sit on the sidelines and know that my kid (and every other kid) is getting great instruction from great people. Most of the time for me to get that, I have to pay for a clinic for my kids. It has been my experience that those people are so rare that they can usually can and do charge. I am not saying that there is no one that has the expertise and willingness – just that they seem to be rare.

In the years that I have coached, I have found that a lot depends on the personality of the father and the kid. I coached my oldest son a number of years ago- he and I where oil and water. Quite often it left both of us frustrated so when I was asked to help out with any of his teams, I politely declined and watched from the sidelines. With my younger two, I seemed to be involved as a dad coach much more and it seemed to work out really well for everyone. It was not until years later that my oldest asked me to get involved with him again in sports and the second time around it is working out much better. Question is – Did he grow up or did I?

I agree that it take a very rare individual to coach his kid and not show some from of preference whether be internal or external. With that said, outlawing Dad coaches is about the dumbest thing you could ever do for youth sports.

All the headaches and distractions that a few cause, is minimal to all the positives that the majority of them bring to most youth programs. Plain and simple without a strong pool of dads that are willing to coach/volunteer their time you would not have enough teams out there.

Personally last year was the first time I coach any of my 3 boys. I am the DC at a local school which runs a feeder program that needed some help mid way through the season. My son was the QB from day one, but the offense wasn't geared to the talent level of the team. When I took over we went from a wishbone to a spread and yes I did receive initial criticism about running an offense that put the ball in the hands of my son 65% of the time.

Did I initially do it because I knew what he was capable of running? Yes absolutely. Was it the 14 plus years of coaching that help me make that call or was it the Dad that plays ball with his kids at the park.....Reality who knows and who cares.

We finished with 7 straight wins and the league championship and if you look at the picture taken after the game during the trophy presentation you will notice 18 young smiles.

I am a parent and not a coach who reads this forum and I agree there would not be youth sports without dad coaches. All I asked is be fair and consistent with all the kids, including your own. Remember, everyone pays the same amount for their child the opportunity to play if he/she follows all the team rules and gives 100%.

Last year my son never missed or was late to practice and the coach's NEVER had a discipline issue with him, but the HC's son who were occasionally late and still putting on their pads when practice started. They also got (NOT EARNED) more playing time and started every game than my son did.

Playing time should be earned and not because you are the coaches son or the best player. A dad coach does not have to be the best at the X's and O's to have an impact on these kids. Most of these kids will not even play HS ball.

We do have (3) assistant coaches returing coaches this year who also had son's on the team, but they were fair and very good coaches and dads. My son is playing again this year and excited these coaches are returning, and so am I.