|
|
Post by 5straight on Mar 18, 2009 9:31:51 GMT -6
Just curious how HC deal with parents. I coach at a private school and the parents have a lot of say in the school. They pay the bills if you know what I mean... But many of them have misconceptions of how GOOD their child actually is. We have been very successful and I am sure that is a reason parents want their kid on the field. I had one father last year ask me "how do you know how he will perform in a game unless you actually put him in"... "can't you HIDE him somewhere?" This was for a Varsity Program that is like 119-10 over the last 9 years. I am almost ready to tell parents at our parent meeting that playing time will NOT be discussed during the Season.
|
|
ccox16
Junior Member
Posts: 343
|
Post by ccox16 on Mar 18, 2009 9:48:13 GMT -6
use the search feature, there have been numorous threads about this.
|
|
|
|
Post by shields on Mar 18, 2009 10:02:03 GMT -6
Parent Guidelines:
1. Developing constructive relationships will more than pay off the time it takes. This is a great place to use the home visit for building the program and discussing their son’s objectives and goals both short and long term. When dealing with parents and developing close relationships with them, don’t let friendship compromise fairness to your players or coaching objectivity. 2. The best approach to an irate parent is to talk to that person face to face. Do not make an “enemy.” Turn them into a friend of the program. 3. Never comment negatively about another squad member in front of a parent or visitor. 4. No one on the staff will address parental concerns following a contest. 5. Parents are allowed to watch practice as long as they do not interfere. If they do, they will no longer be welcome to watch practices. 6. Communication is the key: meetings, letters, newsletters, calendars, and accessibility.
|
|
|
|
Post by oline644 on Mar 18, 2009 11:17:09 GMT -6
A lot of threads about this but we need posts...
two rules: 1. I will not talk about playing time.
2. I will not talk about another kid other than their own.
Other than that anything goes.
|
|
|
|
Post by amikell on Mar 18, 2009 11:33:02 GMT -6
"A lot of threads about this but we need posts..." Must have playbooks, must have clinic notes. Playbook Monster hungry  feed me seymour!!!!  sorry it's just a funny quote. not trying to highjack the thread... I would suggest that the parents set up a meeting time during the week to discuss PT. |
|
|
|
Post by touchdownmaker on Mar 18, 2009 12:47:39 GMT -6
THIS IS BIG
Dealing with parents is something I learned to do as a MS and FRESHMAN head coach. Now that I am a varsity head coach I actually have FAR FEWER dealings with parents.
I do several things:
1) I mail stuff home and often. Lots of mailers, newsletters, dates, things to hang on the fridge. I always remind parents of my expecations "meet with me by appointment, dont interrupt practices" etc
2) more mailings, a newsletter that goes home two or three times in the off season
3) pre season meeting. this is the tough talk meeting where I dont sugar coat anything. I explain that my program is in place to help the athletes get an education and to make their football experience enjoyable to help them become a man. I make sure to discuss things like - how to get your kid into college, how to earn playing time, how to impress the staff, how to behave in school, how the parents should act on the sideline and all of those wonderful topics that coaches must discuss each year (only to have the few idiots that simply ignore all that you have said)
4) my newest idea is to VIDEO TAPE THE MEETING and send copies of it to all parents who missed the meeting as well as any parent who had sons that missed the meeting. Id suggest doing this.
5) player and parent and coaching contracts. this is really simple, just put expectations in writing and stick to it, have them sign it. this goes a very long way toward covering your butt when a parent complains to your ad or principal.
6) dont break your own rules - if you break them, they will break them. (I dont talk to parents during practice, broke that once, it hurt me) I dont talk to one parent about someone elses kid, thats a major no no. I dont discuss playing time with a parent until I have spoken with their son, thats a golden rule. son must be man enough to speak to me first. Im now leaning toward only parent AND SON meetings, not one or the other. no more "he said, she said" nonsense.
7) I walk away after a smile and nod when I have lost interest in a parent as an ally. For example, once I know psycho dad is out to ruin my program I am done with him. He gets none of my time or attention. The next time he hears from me will be in a meeting with the AD etc.
|
|
|
|
Post by coachorr on Mar 18, 2009 14:01:08 GMT -6
Thank you TD maker, this is good information.
|
|
|
|
Post by coachjoe3 on Mar 18, 2009 17:09:36 GMT -6
A lot of threads about this but we need posts... two rules: 1. I will not talk about playing time. 2. I will not talk about another kid other than their own. Other than that anything goes. Great guidelines. I would also add positions to this list. |
|
|
|
Post by touchdowng on Mar 18, 2009 19:13:48 GMT -6
The best way to deal with parents is to never break trust and never underestimate them - If you mess up the trust thing, even the most mild mannered parent will go to great lengths to make your life miserable.
We educate our parents and tell them that we don't talk positions or playing time. We preach that our players learn self-advocacy skills and for many this is the first step. I usually ask them to visualize Jimmy or Joe living at home at age 35. This usually grabs their attention and then we go from there. They MUST learn to stick up for themselves and HS FB is a safe place to learn this skill.
Part of our education of parents involve numerous ways to communicate to them. Website, Meetings, and Handouts. We also understand that no matter what you do there is always going to be some parents who are sorta "out there" and miss out on the regular ways of communication. For them, I will just let them know face to face;
#1. Our program encourages our players to self-advocate (and yes we teach them how to do this).
#2. We (coaches) do not talk about positions or playing time with parents.
#3. I am available 24/7 (when I'm off the field) to discuss any issues that involve the proper treatment of our players.
With some of our parents, they still "helicopter" around their kid for other school issues, but not football because we deliver a very consistent and reasonable expectation.
I will flat out tell an overbearing dad the most important FB relationship his son will have while in H.S. is with me, not him unless he's trying to live vicariously through his son and I doubt he'd ever do this. I believe this and I'm the same way as a parent because I never get in the way of my kids relationship with their coaches when it comes to the game that they play.
We work hard to treat all of our players well and this adds to our staff's credibility with our community and we go out of our way to help our non-starters with other aspects of their lives such as letters of recommendations, job connections, tutoring, etc. Gotta take care of the troops!
|
|
|
|
Post by cnunley on Mar 18, 2009 19:20:57 GMT -6
I typically say why are you yelling at me, I'm not the head coach...he's over there
haha...now thats sound advice
|
|
|
|
Post by 5straight on Mar 18, 2009 22:12:24 GMT -6
Thanks for the GREAT Advice. Sorry to those who stated this thread has been discussed "One Million" times.
|
|
|
|
Post by touchdownmaker on Mar 19, 2009 3:18:58 GMT -6
I dont know how any forum would survive if its members are not willing to revisit topics.
DCOhio, Your reply is classic and actually that is what I preech to my assistants "send them to me" and I really try to sheild my assistants from parents but the funny thing is that my assistants want to sheild me ha ha. Maybe next year Ill pull a funny and send the crazy dad over to one of my assistants who lacks all PC capability- Ill put it on youtube for the world to enjoy...now THAT would be funny.
The interaction might go something like this:
Psychodad " Coach my son cant throw a spiral but he should be your starting qb because hes THE BEST athlete in the school"
Me " Oh you will have to talk to our PARENT LIASON ,coach stones, hes over there having the kids do pushups with their face in the mud"
Psychodad mumbles something inaudible and storms to coach stones
Psychodad interrupting coach stones drill..... " coach stones my son should be the starting quarterback, he knows all of Tony Romos stats by heart"
Coach Stone , stopping his drill after the players have their face down in the mud " Your son is a fairy who cant find his helmet, shows up to practice with a kool aid stain on his lips and we dont allow nipple pierced players to play qb so go pound sand and take your cheerleader with you"
ah, wouldnt that feel good.
What all coaches really need to survive is what my wife calls "The Alley McBeal" where you fantasize what youd really like to say and do but then theres reality.
Psychodad "coach my son should be the starting qb, hes THE BEST athlete in the school"
Head Coach " Your son is a great kid and we enjoy having him, please feel free to make an appointment to review practice tape and off season workout attendance and testing results- we finish our coaching meetings at 8pm so I am available then- or you can set up a meeting for 6 am before school starts"
|
|
|
|
Post by joe83843 on Mar 19, 2009 3:34:28 GMT -6
Just curious how HC deal with parents. I coach at a private school and the parents have a lot of say in the school. They pay the bills if you know what I mean... But many of them have misconceptions of how GOOD their child actually is. We have been very successful and I am sure that is a reason parents want their kid on the field. I had one father last year ask me "how do you know how he will perform in a game unless you actually put him in"... "can't you HIDE him somewhere?" This was for a Varsity Program that is like 119-10 over the last 9 years. I am almost ready to tell parents at our parent meeting that playing time will NOT be discussed during the Season. At the beginning of every season I call a meeting and tell the parents that playing time and starting positions are determined by a committee that is made up of the parents present in the room. After that I drop a box of authentic Japanese samurai swords on the floor, lock the door, and leave. Several hours later I return and finish off the one parent who found a way to survive. The obvious drawback to this is that I field a team of orphans the rest of the season, but it sure as heck beats dealing with their parents! Oh, I forgot to mention that for whatever reason fewer and fewer parents show up to the meeting every year. I think they're onto me...  |
|
|
|
Post by touchdownmaker on Mar 19, 2009 3:35:34 GMT -6
I am into this topic today so Ill add more.
I knew a guy whos doom was spelled out when he began a personal crusade against parents. he completely cut off all communication with parents and believed that his job was to only communicate with the kids. That was just stupid. He lumped them all (parents) into the category of the evil doers. All parents are not jerks, all are not unsupportive, in fact, the greater majority of them appreciate what you do, they just dont go out of their way to make noise. The loudest ones are the morons who just want your job.
My "advice" to all coaches (not that I am qualified to give anyone advice) is to INCLUDE parents in the program somehow. Can you get them to make the weekly team meal? can you get them doing stats? can you get them taking photos? can you get them decorating players lockers? can you get them to decorate players cars? Can you do a dads film night or a football 101 for moms? I think if you involve the parents and build a relationship with them, get to know them and let them see that you are a real person you will have more support win or lose. I think when you are simply objectified "da coach is a moron" is easier to mutter.
Find out who the good people are, those with strong character and good values and surround yourself with those parents as your support group. This further alienates the psychodad and soccer mom who just want their own son or sons to be superstars without doing any work. If you allow the good parents to become infected by the sick ones then you have failed in your public relations.
I think as coaches we really fall short when it comes to including parents in the program because most of us believe that its better to coach orphans.
last year I had one loud mouth dad who really wanted to coach with me and his ego was so big that I just couldnt allow it. This year I have a couple of dads who are the good guys. Getting them on board is a good thing for me and for their kids. they are good people who are good for the program and they now defend the program when the psychodad runs around trying to stir up trouble. Sometimes giving a dad a clip board and a stop watch can change his view of your program completely.
|
|
|
|
Post by phantom on Mar 19, 2009 8:58:34 GMT -6
I like DCOhio's policy of being brutally honest. In 20 years I've had a grand total of 2 kids parents talk to me about why his kid wasn't playing. In one case it was because he wasn't fast enough to play at this level. Military kid who'd played on base teams where 4.7 was fast. Not here.
The other kid was an OL who quit then lied about me to his dad. Fine.
You're getting paid to make decisions.
|
|
|
|
Post by touchdownmaker on Mar 19, 2009 9:06:48 GMT -6
I JUST COMPLETED A BUNCH OF PHYSICAL TESTS IN THE WT ROOM. I am going to publish this in our next newsletter and really, not only will a parent know why the kid doesnt play but so will everyone elses parent. Its got to be fun for one parent to say to another "shut up Lois, your son is horrible. Maybe if he spent as much time lifting as you do whining about the coaches hed be able to do more than 105 on the bench!"
|
|
coachriley
Junior Member
"Tough times don't last; Tough people do."
Posts: 406
|
Post by coachriley on Mar 19, 2009 16:38:46 GMT -6
Our "best" WR was pretty proud of his 40 time until our 1 tech ran the same time  Hahaha, that sounds like my team senior year. Our line was just as fast as the entire backfield, lol. |
|
|
|
Post by bigdog2003 on Mar 19, 2009 17:19:02 GMT -6
The season I spent as HC for a youth team I called the parents and let them know that there would be a mandatory parents meeting at the first practice. I put together a packet for each parent that included my offfensive and defensive philosophy, a sheet that listed every practice for the entire season, a form about myself so they would know me a little bit better (it included my phone and email so they could contact me), a sheet with my expectations for the players, and a sheet for them to sign stating that they had read the packet and their child and them understood it. The parents that were not there that night had to wait until after the second practice to listen to it, and their child wasn't allowed to practice until I talked to the parent and child just like the others. I also asked that the parents let me know in some way if their child had any condition that may cause any problems during practice and games. During the season, I told parents that I wouldn't talk to them during practice. They had to wait until after we finished our team time.
I am now a volunteer at the local middle school, and don't have to deal with parents all that much. Most of them go directly to the head coaches depending on the grade level, but sometimes I end up talking to them if the HC's are busy. Most of the time it is just questions about their childs attitude at practice or questions about how they are doing as far as learning the game or fitting in with the team. I did have one parent that I know pretty well ask me why his son had been moved up to the eight grade team. I told him that I didn't know all of the details as the eigth grade staff had made the decisions on who moved up with little input from the seventh grade coaches. I asked the eight grade HC to talk to him about it and he did. The dad didn't have a problem with it, he just wanted to know why his son wasn't on the team that he had spent 5 weeks of the season with.
|
|
|
|
Post by cnunley on Mar 20, 2009 11:27:47 GMT -6
I like the idea of posting Strength/Conditioning achievments for parents to see. Around here parents would still find something to b!tch about. "my boy would be stronger and faster if the strength coach new what he was doing" or "johnny does so much better than my son....that strength coach gives him special treatment"
There, unfortunately, will always be something for some parents to complain about
|
|
|
|
Post by barr602000 on Mar 20, 2009 13:10:23 GMT -6
Be open with parents and communicate with them early and often so they always know what is happening with the player's schedule. Also, make sure they understand they do not talk about someone's else child.
|
|
|
|
Post by airman on Mar 20, 2009 13:57:29 GMT -6
make up a football only website. put all the information on the page. put a email contact link on the website so parents can contact the football program year round if they have any questions.
publish in the weekly town paper(if you have one) the schedule for practice etc.
send home information as much as possible.
i have a no phone or email discussion contact. you must meet with me in person and I make it known the conversation will be recorded. just like I tape record all private meetings with players and administration.
if you allow parents to call you they will say things behind the phone which they will not say in person. whole passive aggressive thing.
|
|
|
|
Post by silkyice on Mar 20, 2009 14:26:07 GMT -6
I always hear coaches say that they will not talk to parents about playing time. I have no problem with that. In fact, it might be the best way.
But, I have always (for 12 seasons) told parents that I will talk with them about anything except another person's child. I tell them I will talk about playing time. But I warn them in the parent's meeting that they better be ready to hear something they might not like.
I have not had to many parents talk with me about playing time.
|
|
wccoach
Sophomore Member
Posts: 159
|
Post by wccoach on Mar 20, 2009 15:59:06 GMT -6
I have listed our policy for dealing with parents in a past thread, so I won't go into it now. We used to not discuss playing time with parents at all, but changed that stand a few years ago and have greatly reduced trouble caused by parents. When parents feel that they have no outlet to discuss a player's game time, they get very frustrated and start going over the coaches head to get some satisfaction for an answer. When the AD/Principal/School Board member get involved and hears that the coach will not even answer a question about a players game time, they usually don't understand why and want to pressure the coach to "communicate" with the parent. That situation is really when the trouble starts. If a parent goes over your head and tells the AD/Principal/School Board Member that he has an issue and that he has talked to you about it, then you have given them an easy way to stay out of the issue. The obvious issues of scheme and play calling are always off limits for parent involvement, but discussing their player with them is a reasonable request, in my opinion.
This only holds true for high school and below levels, if a parent were to go to a college coach and complain about their kids playing time, there is a good chance he will be leaving the university with his player in tow.
|
|
