OverBearing Dad...

Let other coaches, principal and/or AD, read the text messages. Save any emails. Document whatever you can.

I feel your pain, my friend. I could tell you some stories...

You know the conflict is coming so be prepared with documentation and film. Always have a witness to what is being said when you talk to him.

I have a rule that parents must bring their son with them when they come for a conference - it doesn't always work but it might help.

After the first blow up, have all meetings with this individual in front of an administrator.

Be ready for backstabbing and bad mouthing among the parents. He will try to raise support against you.

Do not let him bait you into a fight - always remain calm and under control. Let him be the one who loses control.

Good Luck!

One policy that is always helpful at the outset of the season, and I am adamant about it, is that I don't discuss playing time or depth chart with parents.

"Your boys need to be men, and if they feel something is unclear, or unfair, in their opportunity to play here, they need to come directly to me, my door is open. That is what men do, they discuss things face to face. I realize your son is a boy, but I am trying to help you build a man, and I know that is what you want, and I assure you that I will not play games with your son's heart.

I will tell him why he isn't playing, or why he isn't starting, and you can talk to him. If you feel at any time that my responses to him are harsh, inappropriate in terms of language, or untruthful during that meeting, then you may return with your son for a meeting, and we will sit down and discuss those concerns. Otherwise, this is your son's opportunity, and he must earn it from me, and my staff.

If you do get frustrated and want to complain, I understand, and to some degree that is unavoidable, because we are human, but if you draw others into that discussion in a manner harmful to the program, I will approach you as a man, and seek to understand why you haven't sent your son to me as I requested. I am merely asking that we avoid any confusion and frustration, and have your son come to me.

I have been asked to make the decisions for what is best for this team, and I will be the one deciding how your son can best serve this team as a player. Your son needs to schedule a meeting, and talk to me about that, and then you can talk to him."

Also a few other helpful steps:

When it comes to something as sensitive as the quarterback position and the potential backlash, make sure your staff is giving input together on the decision.

If it is really close, then I would have the captains involved as well. They are not making the decision, I would be clear about that, but I would want their sense about the situation. They may know something I don't about what is happening, etc.

Create clear milestones that you will be evaluating in each player for their opportunity. Scrimmages, preparation, consistency, team chemistry, etc. Just so they know how you will arrive at your decision. There is no need to hide the fact that this is a competition, to some degree, and that openness will keep things from seizing up.

Make sure #2 understands that just because he isn't starting game 1, if he is in fact good enough to play, he will play when #1 isn't producing. This isn't a permanent arrangement.

On that last point, players want to win. They don't play the we have to have so and so in the game to do it. If that is the case, then you already have your starter. If the #1 isn't producing, they aren't going to begrudge the presence of #2 in huddle. Now, if #2 does something better than #1, like run the ball, etc. They won't struggle at all, because they understand what you are doing.

The challenge begins when there is a set number of plays each will play, the QBs are still competing with each other, and it appears there is no decision. Players don't mind if the staff changes their mind once the season starts and they discover they were wrong about the starter, but they don't appreciate it when the staff appears indecisive. Just my experience.

BTW, Dad is never a factor, and make sure to have that at some point, you have that chat with him. Ask him if he is clear on the playing time policy? Is his son clear on the policy and the opportunity as best as he knows? Does your son understand that if he has any questions about his opportunity he can come to me directly? Good, I just don't want there to be any confusion as we go forward...

Hope that helps.

All good advice, but it will depend on the strength, or lack thereof, of your administration, and eventually, your Superintendent.

All good advice.

One other point I would like to add - Don't expect him to be reasonable or logical about it - You can have all the documentation and proof in the world to support your position, and he will probably still take it personally.

Also, If it looks like this kid isn't going to win the position, lay some ground work with your principal, superintendent, and AD to prepare them for the conflict in advance.

If this guy is a fine, upstanding man of character and integrity, you probably won't have too much trouble... But your gut is telling you different, or else you wouldn't have started this thread, and you think he might be the kind of man who will use his position to get what he wants. Trust your gut.

Forewarned is forearmed. And you aren't alone. I have two board members after my @ss, and one of them is the former HC who I replaced after he got fired, and he has a son moving into the eighth grade next year.

It's just part of being a HC, and I absolutely love it, because it's never dull and there's always a new challenge to overcome.

Good Luck, to us both!

Well, the thing about starting JD McCoy over Matt Saracen is the fact that you'll have to realize that Saracen is going to take it out by dating your teenage daughter, whilst making you feel like a tremendous jerk.

But Mr. McCoy and Buddy Garrity will be pleased.

One of the best ways to deal with this guy is to isolate him. When he approaches you, stare right past him, walk away and give the best friendly greetings you can to other parents.

Wagl,
Coach Slack gave one of the most professional management statements I've read. He was a high school coach too, and not just a QB guru that you know him as now. Good words.

You however, have to decide what fits within your personality.
Because in the end, you have to live with your decisions. How you deal with things will be, at the end of the day, what you have to take home with you.
You also know, as well all do, that football also has to be an enjoyable endeavor. The fastest way to quit coaching is to start hating it. For us in high school, the coaching supplements are NOT big enough for the time and trouble.
We coach because we love kids and football.

As I said, you have to decide what course of action fits your personality. And every personality deals with these type of issues in different ways.

Some guys confront and run-over people, some guys ignore and marginalize people, some guys just like to be nice and have ways of disarming folks. Some guys are combinations of all these and are very successful too. I mean, it takes all kinds.
But in the end, you have to be satisfied.

You and I both know the QB is an important position though. It's usually the coach's and QB's team isn't it?

Speaking of the Dad here; I like to know exactly how politically powerful he is. Is he a guy that everybody hates and ignores, or is he powerful enough to destroy you, your team, and your reputation. Something to consider carefully.

What would I do?
-I believe in deciding what to do, then doing it.
(this is "knowing yourself," then formulating a plan you can live with, within your personality. The worst thing is NOT having a plan, and just simply hoping everything will work out because you're such a nice guy)
-I believe in keeping my friends close and my enemies closer.
(believe it or not, people change sometimes if you give them a chance. Then sometimes they are just as rotten as you thought)
-I believe in picking my fights carefully.
(You can't die on every hill, but the fights you pick-you have to go to the death)
-I believe in not allowing someone else to pick my battlefield.
(don't let someone else get you off message, or keep you off balance, chose YOUR course of action, or you will lose)
-I believe that no matter what, I cannot compromise my core-beliefs for anybody-but then everything else is negotiable.
(never ever let an anarchist be in charge of anything, they will destroy you and everything you stand for)

Coach, I could have added a lot to these statments.

Practically?
Just like these fine coaches here have said:
I would be careful to have everything written down.
I would keep my mouth shut and not give this guy any ammunition.
I would begin to find out as much about this guy as I could in an effort to get know him AND what is his real motivation.
I would do nothing that would make him react too soon, and throw me off balance. Only make your move, when you are ready. (that's part of picking your own battlefield)

Understand too coach that sometimes we misjudge people. Sometimes we are the ones with the problem and need to change. Sometimes the things we go through help us grow.

Adversity is the greatest teacher, but the tuition is very high

This guy may or may NOT be as dangerous as you think he is.

Good luck
OJW

I also film practice. I have a few clips of a kid who is "the best" according to his pop...but where is his helmet?? he doesnt know??? lol

1. Develop a parent/coach communication policy in which you will NEVER discuss playing time. Period. Playing time is a coaches decision, parents are the worst judges of PT (they have too much emotional interest in the matter).

2. Do as another very successful Arkansas coach did when approached by a parent:
Parent: "Coach, I have a problem with my sons playing time."
Coach: (to his assistant) "Coach___________, clean out ________'s locker."

Coach: (to parent) "Problem solved."

Does anyone have a problem with parents not going to you, but going to the AD, Principal, or Superintendent?

jml,
had that this past year. However the problem was more ignorance on the parents part instead of malace.
I got called in and explained that I have an open-door policy and that was that.

Sometimes parents just make mistakes, sometimes they are just afraid to talk to the HC because they perceive him as being too busy and they have a trivial matter.

Then there are people that are just plain jerks.
You never know, until you know.

OJW

We have the same issues with parents that everybody has, but we have moved off the "we will not discuss playing time" stance in recent years. I think that when you can't have that discussion with parents, you frustrate them and they take that frustration out on school officials that have the power to affect your career.

What we have done is set up a structured method to handle these types of situations.

Step 1. The player makes an appointment to meet with his position coach to discuss his situation. This meeting is formal.
Any informal discussions that are held prior to a practice or after practice do not count as a Step 1 meeting. Nor can the player drop in on a coach during the school day during a study hall or lunch period to discuss his playing time. We talk to our players all the time about numerous topics to help them improve and playing time is sometimes discussed, but those discussions do not qualify as a Step 1 meeting. These meetings are usually held prior to school if the coach is an in house employee. The coaches that are outside the building will work with the player to schedule the meeting in the evening or on a weekend, but usually not immediately after a practice and never after a game. The coach will have film, stats, off season attendance, testing results and any other appropriate information prepared to ensure the player has a clear understanding of his performance and what he needs to improve. The position coach will have a written summary form of his position prepared and add any appropriate information during the meeting. Both the coach and player will sign this summary and a copy is given to the player. There is a clause on the bottom of the form that states that the player's signature does not signify that he is in agreement with the coach, but that he has been presented with the information and has attained a copy.

Step 2. If the player is not satisfied with the results of the meeting with his position coach, he schedules a meeting with the Head Coach and appropriate Coordinator. This meeting is conducted the same as the Step 1 meeting along with the signing of a summary form.

Step 3. If the parent(s) of the player are not satisfied at this point, they must schedule a meeting with the Head Coach and appropriate Coordinator. The player must be present at this meeting. This is the final meeting that will be held on any issues dealing with the player. There are no other official meetings after this meeting, we do not have a meeting that includes the AD, principle or any other school official. The meeting is conducted in the same manner as Step 1 & 2 with a signed summary form. That is the end of the line for any parent/player issues with the coaching staff.

Rules of Meetings
We only discuss the player and his performance. We discuss what the player needs to improve on and inquire what the player is willing to do make the needed improvements. We will discuss a players inquiry about changing positions and how to improve his playing time or other actions he can take to help the team.

We will not discuss any other players. Period! These is no discussions about how much better this player is compared to any other player or position. We will not discuss play calling or schemes. We will not discuss practice/activity scheduling or methods. We will not discuss the quality/method of coaches or any other staff member.

I hope this helps in dealing with your parents. I know that it has given us a method to clearly address parents' concerns and constructs a level of expectations for our program. If the parent decides to go to the school administration with their issues, there is not much you can do about that, but this method of dealing with issues has drastically reduced these occurrences for our program.