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Post by touchdownmaker on Feb 12, 2009 8:46:51 GMT -6
In every community I have ever coached in there has been a situation where the biggest jerk daddy ball coach of them all has 2-3 of the "most talented "kids in the program.  How have you handled the psycho dad who goes after your job because you do not play his nfl superstars where he wants you to play them? |
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Post by brophy on Feb 12, 2009 8:58:15 GMT -6
Do not engage them with any confrontation - because it is an argument you cannot win.
If they want to continue, direct them to set up a meeting with the AD & principal and have him air his grievance, and that you'll be happy to attend.
Very few are able to articulate a competent argument.
Also, in the future, look into cultivating Spaghetti Dinners (pre game) and "Post-Game Film Dinners" to ward off these types of ignorant criticisms.
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Post by John Knight on Feb 12, 2009 9:11:11 GMT -6
Make him the equipment guy. Give him some role on the team. He will be less likely to cause problems. Like someone once said, keep you friends close but your enemies closer.
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Post by dubber on Feb 12, 2009 9:21:04 GMT -6
Do not engage them with any confrontation - because it is an argument you cannot win. If they want to continue, direct them to set up a meeting with the AD & principal and have him air his grievance, and that you'll be happy to attend. Very few are able to articulate a competent argument. Also, in the future, look into cultivating Spaghetti Dinners (pre game) and "Post-Game Film Dinners" to ward off these types of ignorant criticisms. great advice Make him the equipment guy. Give him some role on the team. He will be less likely to cause problems. Like someone once said, keep you friends close but your enemies closer. This I'm not so sure about. |
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Post by brophy on Feb 12, 2009 9:32:50 GMT -6
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Post by jpdaley25 on Feb 12, 2009 12:59:56 GMT -6
OJW will appreciate this one - "Endeavor to persevere."
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Post by outlawjoseywales on Feb 12, 2009 16:27:24 GMT -6
That's great quote jp,
We thought about it for a long time, "Endeavor to persevere." And when we had thought about it long enough, we declared war on the Union
I don't think any of us have escaped that "genius in waiting" on a number of fronts, in football or the office.
But I have to agree with Brophy, really good advise there. He sounds like he's been there.
As you know you can't die on every hill, pick your fights carefully, but the ones you pick-you must be prepare to go to the death.
You can always "act" like you consider the guy helpful. You can always "act" like you think he has something to say, but you certainly don't have to do any of it. Publicly, you can even use compliments and to disarm the guy, ask him what he thinks about certain things, or even how he would do something.
BUT DON'T DO IT. (keep your friends close and your enemies closer)
You must have an edge, you must maintain YOUR control over the situation, you must never engage the guy on his ground or you lose. This is what Brophy is saying.
If you publicly get into any kind of spat with this guy-he wins. He's the kind of guy that lives by the feud, you can't win that way.
Than when he self-distructs like blow-hards always do, people will think that you had nothing to do with it and you have seized the high ground as leader of your program.
While you can use strategy to disarm the guy, you cannot compromise what you truly believe with this kind of person or they win. But you can blunt this guy and absorb him. But I don't know about giving him a job, I wouldn't want him around everyday, but the thought was good.
The line about making an enemy a friend then he is no longer an enemy, isn't a bad strategy.
But you will not win butting heads with a big mouth blowhard.
Just a few of my fun ideas,
OJW
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Post by coachinghopeful on Feb 12, 2009 16:28:33 GMT -6
Make him the equipment guy. Give him some role on the team. He will be less likely to cause problems. Like someone once said, keep you friends close but your enemies closer. When I was in HS, our HC tried that approach with our star QB's parents. Dad was an alderman, mom was a teacher at the school who basically ran the booster club and would go to every schoolboard meeting and complain about everything, while granddad basically bankrolled the booster club all by himself. The more our HC tried to appease and involve the parents, the more they demanded from him. His first mistake was making dad the official statistician. We made the playoffs for the first time in school history with the kid starting as a sophomore in the flexbone with 2 very good tailbacks--parents wanted a pro-style attack where we'd throw 25+ times a game. HC talked to them and was sympathetic, but refused to change since we were winning--next thing you know they're attending practices, yelling at receivers for dropping passes, and having lengthy discussions with the HC afterwards. The next year, we switched to a multiple spread to satisfy the QB and his parents, despite having only 1 decent WR (the QB's cousin) and the core of a good rushing attack. By this point, the kid had regressed mechanically and become so pumped full of BS from his parents that he was basically uncoachable. QB threw a tantrum in the locker room and blamed the OL for losing a game. His freelancing and forcing bad passes to the cousin cost us some games, but both made the All Conference team because their receptions and yardage numbers looked good. At halftime against a major rival, dad showed up in the locker room telling us that if we'd just rally around those two stars, they would carry us to victory. We finished 3-7. The parents conspired with the OC and DC to get the HC fired after his 4th year there. QB's mom was given a headset and had input into playcalling. Dad remained the statistician. QB now had input into who started on offense. We lost some close games because we kept throwing passes in the 4th quarter to pad QB's stats. To be fair, we also beat the #4 in the state on their homefield because he had 200+ yards rushing and ripped off 3 long TD runs on scrambles. With probably the most talented team in the conference, we limped to 5-5 and got blown out in the first round. QBs made All State as an athlete, then signed a 1aa scholarship. The moral of the story? You can't appease people like this, and the more you involve them the more control they'll demand. |
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Post by John Knight on Feb 12, 2009 16:42:30 GMT -6
Well, I have seen it work but the guy who did it was a genius. When the guy finally figured he couldn't take it anymore he took his kid elsewhere and we never had to listen to his crap again. The kid wasn't that good anyways.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 12, 2009 18:36:27 GMT -6
Coach be VERY wary of these types, we've had coaches assaulted, harrassed both personally and via communication. Draw as many eyes to the situation as possible.
Luckily I have a strong bond with the administrators of our organization. I have my reputation among the org as well as my players families. We outline these behaviors in a handbook, I give out, they now have to sign a parental contract. because of the following situation.
3 years ago, we had a fistfight, erupt between parents and coaches on one of our younger teams. Same deal his kid was WAY better thatn any kid in the league, the coach wasn't playing his kid for any number of reasons, "he's got something against my kid","he's playing favorites", "This mother F'er doesn't know what he's doing" "He's predjudiced against black kids" except the language was WAY more colorful. The funny part was it was all bull$hit . This kid got somethinglike 30 carries a game. But stunk on defense, the kid was actually a sweetheart of a kid.
After a whole qarter of this idiot screaming at the back of the coaches head, this SOB decides he hasn't been heard, and walks under the rope and starts getting in the coaches face on the sideline, he was asked 5-6 times to get off the field, where he refused, so the coach pulled his kid out of the game, and sent him under the rope, (he's now ineligible to play). So he shoves the coach in his chest then all hell erupted. Punches were flying
While "detaining" an individual who thought it would be funny to take a swing at one of the other officers who coach here, the instigator, get's into his car tears out of the parking lot, nearly hitting people and threatened , in the presence of myself and 2 other police officers to come back to practice and shoot all the coaches.
As police officers we don't take ANY threat as a joke. Practices were cancelled because of it, we had patrolls rolling by the coaches homes we were forced to move practices to another location where we could be observed by Police. I attended practice, armed.
We had a meeting, about the matter and the only conclusion we could come up with was to kick the family out of the organization.
Oddly years later the kid now has a gripe with us, I think because his father was killed in a car accident
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Post by coachinghopeful on Feb 12, 2009 21:44:05 GMT -6
Wow... I thought "psycho" was just being hyperbolic about egotistical jerks. I didn't know we were talking about real psycho dads... Hey dcohio, what ended the kid's athletic career?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2009 19:43:56 GMT -6
Wow... I thought "psycho" was just being hyperbolic about egotistical jerks. I didn't know we were talking about real psycho dads... Hey dcohio, what ended the kid's athletic career? That's how it started out though..he was just one of those dads who always knew better thatn the coaches. And his kid was a future Heisman trophy winner...guess he'll never see it though....I'm going to hell for that |
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Post by dubber on Feb 13, 2009 19:53:57 GMT -6
OJW's comments (sage as usual) made me think about a book my journalism teacher gave me as senior in high school:  |
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Post by 19delta on Feb 13, 2009 20:02:07 GMT -6
OJW's comments (sage as usual) made me think about a book my journalism teacher gave me as senior in high school: That looks like a porn video. |
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Post by dubber on Feb 13, 2009 20:03:04 GMT -6
OJW's comments (sage as usual) made me think about a book my journalism teacher gave me as senior in high school: That looks like a porn video. Less skin, more controversial |
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Post by outlawjoseywales on Feb 13, 2009 20:07:13 GMT -6
Dubber,
where did you find that.
I haven't seen that book since my Jr. year at Aubun back just a few years ago. (well a few years and some months...some as in many)
Man, that brings back memories.
OJW
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Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2009 23:56:38 GMT -6
Wow, you only have one psycho dad!!!!  |
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Post by CoachDaniel on Feb 14, 2009 8:29:40 GMT -6
That parent who came out of the stands screaming that his kid wasn't catching enough balls, after we ran for 300+ yards? Then got kicked out of one of his kid's basketball games? Our county put him on the committee to select the new head coach.
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Post by coachcb on Feb 14, 2009 8:45:53 GMT -6
In most cases, if you think he's acting like an idiot, everyone else does to. If that is the case, then don't even waste your time getting into a battle you can't win; ignorance can't be reasoned with. A lot of programs won't discuss playing time or positions with parents; I'd follow their example.
Worst case scenario; he pulls his kid out of the program and you never hear from them again. If this happens, then they player either wants to please his father more than he wants to play football, or he agrees with his father. It's tough to lose a player, but sometimes it's hard to avoid.
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Post by dubber on Feb 15, 2009 11:22:36 GMT -6
Dubber, where did you find that. I haven't seen that book since my Jr. year at Aubun back just a few years ago. (well a few years and some months...some as in many) Man, that brings back memories. OJW I stole mine from my HS journalism teacher (go figure). Great stuff. Amazon has em' for cheap btw....... |
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Post by craines10 on Feb 17, 2009 8:17:01 GMT -6
We have a parent, not necessarily a psycho dad but unappreciative family in the program today. Older brother was a virtual unknown tailback/athlete that couldnt remember plays. He was an above average DB that could cover the best of them man because of speed but lack of focus and discipline in zone always cost us on his side early. HC changes to the DW to try to keep games close and get the ball to our real stud, who by the way may be the most hated all time conference leading rusher ever, and to take advantage of his athletic ability makes him the complementary wing on the other side. This translates into a senior year that was great 1300 rush yards, 600 recieving, 10+ touchdowns, 33.7 yards per catch 1st team all state, and conference. Player goes on throughout the year and continues to not take SAT/ACT misses out on some 1A, 1AA, 2 scholorships. Has to settle for NAIA. Parents tell anyone who listens if we had have gotten him the ball more he would be at any D1 you could think of.
The next year his replacement, who is a close friend of his beats out a transfer for the honorary spot. With our stud still in tow he puts together in his first varsity start 13 carries 169 yards 2 TD's, 2 catches 88 yards and 1 TD. That next Friday he is asking before the game why he only got 13 carries and the other guy got 34. That night he falls down on a critical 2 point conversion in the third quarter that would tie the game. A freshman QB who is Last years wonder wing backs baby brother over hears our stud say give me the ball in those situations and runs and tells the other guy that. Well later in the game our backs are against the wall and we give our stud the rock. The other guy has a total meltdown and that basically ended his career even though he was a junior because he walked off the feild and threw a tantrum on the bus.
After his suspension it came to the light that psycho family had told him before game 1 that all we wanted to do was get our stud a schlorship when they didnt know that he already had people looking at him. Then after the game they kept pounding in his head that he got screwed.
Looking back at it psycho family screwed a very good tailback out of what could have been a good two year run as a wingback in a offense that is in the top 10 in the state rushing annually.
Psycho family is reaping what they sow, this past year their son started as a sophmore at QB and we were a horrible passing team because they were trying to outcoach me at home. Late in the season he started to come around and had a great performance but he is still a long way away. ex: they still play 8 in the box when we go 5 wide. Psycho parents are always lurking, making their little comments and whatnot
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Post by bigm0073 on Feb 17, 2009 8:47:44 GMT -6
My biggest psycho dad is gone.. His son got a scholarship (Thank god!!) and we are done. Son is great but dad is the most annoying blow hard you will ever meet.
Now I coach by Quantico (Marine base VA) and I would say 50% or more of my kids have a military background (Many of my parents are high ranking officers in the military). Well on Saturdays after a game the kids come in to watch film and I would notice some kids were really down. I would come up and talk to them and they would tell me how their fathers would rip into them after a game... What they did wrong, mistakes... I finally told the players do not listen to your parents they have no clue what they are talking about ( A few mothers told me the boys would snap back at their fathers they would tell them to leave them alone). These fathers are really psycho and very often hard to talk to. But I would rather have supportive parents that get TOO involved than parents who do not give a crap. Just part of the deal.
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