HEAD COACH HELP-PARENTS OF COURSE

I'm a big believer in getting things out in the open. In this situation I would have a parents meeting and get things straight from the horse's mouth. If there is whining why little Jimmy Joe isn't playing more, let them know exactly what he needs to do to improve his chances. As part of my Parents Handbook I have a page of codes of conduct that lays out expectations for coaches, parents and players. Here's the parent section:

Parents Code of Conduct

1. Do not force your children to participate in sports, but support their desires to play their chosen sport. Children are involved in organized sports for their enjoyment. Make it fun.
2. Encourage your child to play by the rules. Remember, children learn best by example, so applaud the good plays on both teams. Do not embarrass your child by yelling at players, coaches or officials. By showing a positive attitude towards the game and all of its participants, your child will benefit. Emphasize skill development and practices and how they are beneficial.
3. Know and study the rules of the game, and support the officials. This approach will help in the development and support of the game. Any criticism of the officials only hurts the game.
4. Applaud a good effort in victory and defeat and enforce the positive points of the game.
5. Recognize the importance of volunteer coaches. They are important to the development of your child and the sport. Communicate with them and support them.
6. If you enjoy the game, learn all you can about the game, and volunteer.
7. Practice good sportsmanship with the players and the coaches from opposing teams.

I also have a page in their detailing 16 tips for positive parenting in extracurricular activities:

1. Be positive with your athlete. Let them know you are proud they are part of the team.
*Focus on the benefits of teamwork and personal discipline.
2. Encourage your athlete to follow all training rules. Help the coaches build a commitment to the team.
*Set a good example in your personal lifestyle.
3. Allow your athlete to perform and progress at a level consistent with his ability.
*Athletes mature at different ages; some are more gifted than others.
4. Always support the coaching staff when controversial decisions are made.
*The coaches need your backing to keep good morale on the team.
5. Insist on positive behavior in school and a high level of performance in the classroom.
*Numerous studies indicate extracurricular involvement helps enhance academic performance.
6. Stay calm in injury situations.
*Parents can help minimize the trauma by being in control and offering comfort.
7. Cheer for our team and players. Opponents and referees deserve respect. *Realize that high school players will make mistakes. Your support is needed during tough times.
8. Promote having fun and being a team player. Very few high school athletes receive scholarships.
*Concentrate on what is best for the team. Preoccupation with statistics can be very distracting.
9. An athlete's self-confidence and self-image will be improved by support at home. Comparison to others is discouraged.
*Encourage the athlete to do their best regardless of brothers or sisters who may have been outstanding players.
10. Winning is fun, but building positive team values is most important.
*The concept of working together to perform a task will have lasting benefits. Winning takes place when all the little things are done correctly.
11. Find the time to be an avid booster of school activities.
*Help build a solid support system for coaches and athletes.
12. Help students keep jobs and cars in proper perspective.
*Materialistic values can detract from the commitment to the team. Teenagers should have the opportunity to take advantage of extracurricular activities.
13. Athletes must attend all practices and contests.
*Stress the necessity to make a commitment to the team. Practice is important.
14. Emphasize the importance of well-balanced meals and regular sleep patterns.
*An athlete functions best when care is taken to consume nutritious food and obtain sufficient rest.
15. Many athletes enjoy participating in several sports.
*Specialization in one sport may prevent an athlete from enjoying great team relationships in other activities.
16. Persistence and being able to accept a role is extremely important for the team to be successful.
*Not everyone will be a starter, but everyone is important to the team. Some players may not develop until their senior season. Encourage them to be persistent.

I've run into the same thing. I was bashed on the internet before I even started. They are very cordial and friendly to my face, then they get online and have a field day.

I just keep working hard and keep trying to improve this team and these kid's attitudes. As far as dealing with the parents who bash. I just don't let it bother me. I don't do those parents any favors either.

Funny part is this. Almost all of the coaches who have come through this program were successful before they got to this town. During their stint here, they were mediocre or below average. After leaving they are all back to successful. The coach's fault? I doubt it.

Thats wisdom.

DCOhio, if you ever want to become DCsomewhere else, maybe I can arrange something. I gain so much from your posts.

I am completely on board with letting it roll off your back. I guess some people always think the world is against them and their kids and you aren't going to change their minds unless you do exactly what they want. That ain't gonna happen!!!! Sometimes, if I can find humor in it, I try to kill them with kindness. Its funny if you can force them to wave, talk, etc. when you know they're pissed at you!! But if you really can't stand them, then ignoring them is the best policy.

You do have to guard against holding the kid responsible for the parents actions. If the kid is on board with the parents, well then their isn't much you can do. However, if the kid is holding firm with you and the program, but his parents are acting like idiots it's real easy to take it out on the kid. I really have to keep my vidicative side in check in that situation.

You will NEVER win them all over, just accept that fact. If you want 100% of parents to like you you need to come coach with me, my kids have parents, but they stay away from me (but again you have to see where it is I am employed....residential foster care for juvenile delinquent males and females). Funny how enjoyable a job can be when you take parents out of the equation. In my next position (should I ever decide to leave) I will remember exactly that thought (take the parents out of the equation) as you will never please them all anyway. Funny the group who HATED me in my former community is now BEGGING me to come back. Who is laughing now?