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Post by 19delta on Oct 30, 2008 20:31:15 GMT -6
Guys -
I just finished up a season as a volunteer assistant coach for a high school program. Our head coach is a pretty good guy...he means well and wants the kids to be successful but I have some serious issues about the way this guy goes about the "business" of running a high school football team. I have come to the consensus that I will not be able to overlook the shortcomings next year and really can't be a part of a team that has some philosophies that I am completely opposed to.
Talking to this guy and getting him to change is not really an option...he has been a head coach for about 7-8 years (hasn't been really successful, though) and he is very stubborn and set in his ways. IMO, it is simply best for all involved that I move on.
What is a "good" way to tell him that I am not coming back? I believe that he is under the impression that I am coming back and he wants me to be involved in the offseason, but I am just not willing to do that. And, like I said, he is actually a pretty nice guy...hardworking, decent guy who means well.
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Post by ajreaper on Oct 30, 2008 21:49:33 GMT -6
Have you tried to talk with him about the issues you have? If not why not?
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Post by 19delta on Oct 30, 2008 22:12:34 GMT -6
Have you tried to talk with him about the issues you have? If not why not? It's just not going to be worthwhile...like I said, he is a very stubborn guy. He really is not receptive at all and doesn't like ideas that don't originate with him. And, like I said...I'm not out to change this guy...he has been a head coach for 7-8 years, he does things his way and that's the way it is...I'm OK with that, but I am 100% certain that I won't be coaching here next year. I guess what I am saying is how do I tell the guy I don't want to coach for him next year gently? Like I said...he's NOT a bad guy...he's actually a really nice guy and he truly believes in his methods. I just don't agree with the way he does things but I don't want to burn any bridges, either. |
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Post by jhanawa on Oct 30, 2008 22:51:23 GMT -6
How about. Thanks for the opportunity, I'm moving on, good luck.....
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Post by 19delta on Oct 31, 2008 4:44:13 GMT -6
How about. Thanks for the opportunity, I'm moving on, good luck..... That's what I am leaning towards. |
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Post by theprez98 on Oct 31, 2008 5:00:32 GMT -6
Thank him for the opportunity, be respectful, don't burn any bridges. Simple as that.
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Post by levydisciple on Oct 31, 2008 5:18:15 GMT -6
Be honest. I know I'd respect an honest man that tells me why he's going then someone who tries to sugarcoat it. That said, be honest, but be gentle. Tell him that you like him personally, but the problems professionally will keep you from doing your job. If possible, try to give him a compliment ("Coach, you're a great guy, I really respect you") then lay the reasons why you're leaving down ("...but professionally we can't work together"). Then finish with another compliment ("I still think you're a good guy and a good coach, even if we disagree on how to run a team"). Also, make sure you sit down with him and have his full attention. Don't spring it on him in a coaches meeting, for example. After the meeting, wish him luck on his next season and give him a firm handshake.
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Post by touchdownmaker on Oct 31, 2008 5:37:17 GMT -6
I would just say that you have other obligations and cant coach again and go from there. Say thanks and wish him well. You do not need to go into any detail whatsoever.
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Post by coachd5085 on Oct 31, 2008 5:45:54 GMT -6
19delta--how long have you been coaching? That might impact the decision somewhat...
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Post by coachwoodall on Oct 31, 2008 7:13:15 GMT -6
Now I have a problem with the approach, "Thanks, but no thanks'" approach.
#1: If you have philosophical differences with your head coach, you should address them. I am not saying that you should try to change him, what I am saying is that you need to open a dialog. Why? As a HC, he needs to be aware of your concern and WHY you have it. Also, by talking with the guy you might be able to understand better why he does things the way he does. I am not saying that anything will change, but at least both of you know where you stand.
#2: The HC deserves the right to know what is going on with his staff. Again, he might not change, but at least he would now be aware that there are some who feels differently than he does. This can do one of 2 things; reaffirm to what he committed or spark change.
#3: You are not being a good staff member by coming up at the end of the season and saying, "I"m out of here". Yes, it is probably too late to go into the 'philosophical' differences conversation. It is like I just walked up to my wife and said, "I'm out of here". You should have walked into the HC's office and shut the door and said, "Can I have a minute?" when you first started feeling that way.
I just don't understand why we coaches sometimes just can't be adults.
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Post by touchdownmaker on Oct 31, 2008 9:19:40 GMT -6
Hey, you could just pull the vanishing coach act. Just dont return emails or phone calls, get your car painted and change jobs.
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Post by outlawjoseywales on Oct 31, 2008 9:44:52 GMT -6
I tend to be in the "thanks, but I want to do something else next year" crowd.
If he IS as you say he is, then nothing can be gained by being "honest" and I use this word loosely.
Here is where I disagree with the "be honest " posts.
I am a guy who lives by a code of "I'd rather be shot than drug to death", but I am unusual.
If someone has a problem, I usually know it before they talk to me.
I will listen to what they say, if it is true-I change. If it is not the truth I will disguard it and move on. But most people will get mad and become vindictive if you confront them. I don't like to run from confrontation personally.
However, since this guy is a such a hard head and it's his way or no way-you will not be listened to nor understood. He will probably just get mad, then try to get even with you if you contradict him in anyway. Remember he is the expert in his own world-probably a reason is not successful.
Here is what I think you should do: Be nice, be positive, thank him for everything he has done for you, thank him for the what you've learned from him, and opportunity and confidence he has had in you to allow you to coach with him on his staff-then say that you just don't want to coach anymore.
He will understand and move on and so will you.
You don't need to make an enemy out of a hard-head, they won't ever forget it or forgive you.
OJW
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Post by khalfie on Oct 31, 2008 10:00:36 GMT -6
I agree with OJW... again!
Honesty is for those you plan to have long term relationships with... "sugar-coating", is for the here and now! No need to ruffle feathers... in fact... tell the truth in regards to why you are leaving, but not his part in the proceedings.
What I mean is...
Because you can't see yourself coaching with dude, you now see yourself______?
Being the HC somewhere else?
Being an OC somewhere else?
Being the DC somewhere else?
Spending time with the family? Always a good one!
Taking a few years off to find yourself?
Looking for more responsibility, so you're going to broke program usa.
In short, as its already been said, your responsibility isn't to tell the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, but just enough information to make the current HC aware that your ambitions have changed.
On the other hand... I've seen you coach Delta... and believe me, your HC will miss you less than a toothache on Thanksgiving... I'm just playing... but really... he won't miss ya... but then again... you were working for free! ;D
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Post by 19delta on Oct 31, 2008 15:29:36 GMT -6
19delta--how long have you been coaching? That might impact the decision somewhat... About 10 years. |
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Post by buck42 on Nov 1, 2008 11:20:37 GMT -6
Wow...if you have been around for about ten years you should have some credibility...I would just say that you thank him for the opportunity however, I will not be returning...I feel that I need a change so that I can continue to learn new ideas and see how other programs are run.
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Post by coachd5085 on Nov 1, 2008 11:45:50 GMT -6
If you have 10 years..and some solid references, I wouldn't be afraid to tell him the "100%" truth...
I asked because if you were pretty new, such a statement might label you as a "know it all" or someone who is tough to work with...
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Post by bleefb on Nov 3, 2008 11:40:18 GMT -6
I would go with the "Don't Burn Bridges" approach. The sports world is a funny place, and you may cross paths with this gentleman down the road where he can have an impact on your career. (The Peter Principle). It's best to just move on with as few ripples as possible.
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Post by btincup on Nov 4, 2008 11:47:24 GMT -6
Write everything you want to say down on paper. Tell him why you are leaving and stick to the plan you have written down. If the conversation becomes heated you will have your plan to come back to and be able to express all of your concerns.
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Post by CVBears on Nov 4, 2008 12:10:59 GMT -6
"thank you for the opportunity to coach on your staff, but there are some constraints that I won't be able to work around next year. Due to that, unfortunately, I won't be able to return to your staff. Thanks again for the opportunity this year."
If it were me, I would also wait at least two weeks after the season had ended.
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