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Post by nltdiego on Jun 8, 2015 20:59:02 GMT -6
Come to my attention that our guys aren't friends or boys off the field. Most guys dont like each other or not friends outside of practice.
3 of my guys in my wedding were high school teammates. Are time changing? Or should I be worried?
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1/11th
Sophomore Member
Posts: 138
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Post by 1/11th on Jun 8, 2015 21:16:28 GMT -6
Times are changing. We are having a similar issue. We are trying to fix the situation by having meetings with the seniors and identifying this. We've had them present to each other their triumphs and tribulations. It was a great meeting and hope to break down walls or create further understanding of each other. I can't force them to be friends though. I kind of feel that it is a result of this generation growing up having "play dates" and not just going outside playing with whoever is available. I would love to hear anyone's solution on this matter.
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Post by fantom on Jun 8, 2015 21:43:12 GMT -6
I don't know how important it is that they're friends. I played football for two high schools, a college, and a semi=pro team plus a rugby club and I wasn't friends with everybody. In fact on each team there were one or two guys who I didn't like and I'm sure that some didn't like me.
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Post by coachbdud on Jun 8, 2015 21:53:00 GMT -6
Every team has clicks
Clicks by position
By grade
Cool kids
Nerds
Weird kids
We had them when I played (about 10 years ago)
We have them on team
I observe it this way in the general student population
Are we one big happy family? No
But I'd say every kid on the team has at least 2 really good friends on the team
Even the socially awkward kids have gravitated towards one another
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Post by 44dlcoach on Jun 8, 2015 22:10:27 GMT -6
I'd agree with that observation, our kids aren't all best friends, but I don't see any kid that doesn't have at least 3-4 friends on the team.
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Jun 9, 2015 7:21:34 GMT -6
Kids are at all sort of different levels of maturity. When I was a kid, and even with my kids, They are not all friend, But their is a level of respect that is sort of shocking.
When I was in HS, I wasn't a stud, and not even close to good, and I was a nerd. Not academic nerd either. But you didn't mess with me. And you didn't because every member of the football program had my back. And that is true with my kids. You do not mess with the least of our team.
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Post by coachphillip on Jun 9, 2015 7:37:10 GMT -6
Times are not changing. You just had the fortune of being on a team where everyone hung out. I was on one of those teams and we were wildly successful. The years I was an underclassman and the years after my senior year, the varsity hated each other off the field and it showed during game time. Teams don't necessarily have to be best friends off the field to succeed so long as they respect each other on the field. I will say this though, every highly successful team I've been on or coached hung out before, during, and after practice.
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Post by bluboy on Jun 9, 2015 7:49:14 GMT -6
It doesn't matter if they are friends off the field, as long as they are a band of brothers on the field.
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Post by jgordon1 on Jun 9, 2015 7:56:51 GMT -6
This is why I don't like the term family when used in the context of creating a team. you guys are a family..really??
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Post by groundchuck on Jun 9, 2015 7:59:19 GMT -6
Some are, some aren't. Isn't that part of the beauty of the huddle? I went to a small high school. The guys I'm still tight with were teammates.
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Post by rudyrude9 on Jun 10, 2015 14:06:20 GMT -6
This is why I don't like the term family when used in the context of creating a team. you guys are a family..really?? But isn't that what family is. There may be times when you hate your brother but when sh!t hits the fan he is still your brother. In season our players see each other more than their families. Just sayin |
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Post by runitupthemiddle on Jun 10, 2015 15:23:38 GMT -6
I don't know if this helps or not
But we make sure each senior knows the names of every sophomore coming in. And we quiz then after or before summer weights. We also at the end or beginning make each kid tell their name, or hobby, favorite movie, who is their favorite athlete, or if there was 1 or 2 people they could have dinner with who would it be.
And we will do goofy games after workouts too.
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Post by runitupthemiddle on Jun 10, 2015 15:25:42 GMT -6
I agree with Rudy
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Post by coachwoodall on Jun 10, 2015 20:23:20 GMT -6
I think this might be Dear Abby, but you have
1 Friends for a reason
2 Friends for a season
3 Friends for life
1 are the people you associate because of work, church, live next door, you golf together, etc....
2 are the people you associate for period of because of the circumstance you're in at the time
3 are the people you can call on no matter what
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Post by jgordon1 on Jun 11, 2015 8:47:25 GMT -6
This is why I don't like the term family when used in the context of creating a team. you guys are a family..really?? But isn't that what family is. There may be times when you hate your brother but when sh!t hits the fan he is still your brother. In season our players see each other more than their families. Just sayin I agree ..when I was a HC we were a "band of brothers" ... That was our deal....you can't divorce your brother and end a family..now don't get me wrong family is big for me...i am always talking about hugging your parents , telling them that yu love them, give them a break etc you also need to know I came from a broken family and all I had to really count on was my siblings..we weren't poor or living in the streets or anything like that but both parents had problems. My idea is that we create brotherhood which leads to better families. Break the cycle..Both my brother and I have been married over 20 years and I am sure part of that was because there is no way we are going to be our parents |
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Post by funkfriss on Jun 11, 2015 9:12:47 GMT -6
But isn't that what family is. There may be times when you hate your brother but when sh!t hits the fan he is still your brother. In season our players see each other more than their families. Just sayin I agree ..when I was a HC we were a "band of brothers" ... That was our deal....you can't divorce your brother and end a family..now don't get me wrong family is big for me...i am always talking about hugging your parents , telling them that yu love them, give them a break etc you also need to know I came from a broken family and all I had to really count on was my siblings..we weren't poor or living in the streets or anything like that but both parents had problems. My idea is that we create brotherhood which leads to better families. Break the cycle..Both my brother and I have been married over 20 years and I am sure part of that was because there is no way we are going to be our parents I can see where gordon is coming from. We are in a small district with extreme differences in family structure/stability/income. I get uncomfortable with the family analogy as well because some players see it as "I have a great family, these guys aren't my family" while others say "Dang, these are my boys and they care more about me than my real family." And there are a handful every year that literally don't know what the concept of a family is. Sounds cute, you see it on TV (not as much anymore I guess), but it isn't a real thing. Personally I look at it more like the military (and no I'm not comparing football to war for you sensitive types). We have a common goal. Everybody has a job for the common good. You don't do your job, you screw a teammate, which screws the team. If you don't prepare, failure is imminent. If your boy needs help, you forget about yourself and help him. If somebody goes down, somebody else jumps right in. |
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Post by windigo on Jun 12, 2015 11:19:23 GMT -6
When they graduate we can be friends. Until then they are family but not friends.
I have a facebook coaching account. I have a personal account. I have plenty of friended ex-players on my personal account no but active players. Works the same IRL.
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Post by 33coach on Jun 12, 2015 12:14:58 GMT -6
I wasn't friends with my teammates. They were the epitome of the sterotypical athlete. Couldn't point to Europe on a map but could memorize a playbook.
It wasn't till after HS that I connected with any of them,
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Post by mariner42 on Jun 12, 2015 13:12:25 GMT -6
My senior year I actively disliked probably 6 out of the other 10 dudes on defense. That said, when the lights came on, I'll be damned if we didn't have each other's backs. In some ways, I think having too many friends can limit you in that teenage boys can be afraid or hesitant to call out or hold their friends accountable. Our guys are friends in cliques, just like coachbdud said. For the most part the OL/nerds are one group, the skill players are another, the oddballs are a third, and then there's the handful of kids who fall outside of that but are still part of the squad and this is true for all grades/levels. But our guys also spend all year together in weight training classes, so they are close through shared experience and that counts for a lot. |
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Post by 3rdandlong on Jun 12, 2015 14:39:34 GMT -6
I actually have the opposite problem. I think our players are too good of buddies off the field and pal around too much. It's leading to a lack of leadership because no one wants to hold their buddy accountable. When a coach gets on a player, instead of a teammate wanting to kick him in the rear, he's there to complain with his buddy about how much of a jerk coach is.
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Post by olinedude on Jul 10, 2015 0:41:35 GMT -6
I think a lot of it depends on their position. Receivers tend to have cliques and other stuff, at least where I've been, but the o lineman tend to be friends. Do they have to be friends to be successful? I don't think so. It all depends on how they function on the field.
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Post by marinercoach1 on Jul 12, 2015 18:26:56 GMT -6
In my personal experience, the most successful teams Ive been on, were like family.
Now that im coaching (at a small school mind you) i get the vibe that some of my players dont know or dont like each other.
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Post by fantom on Jul 12, 2015 21:59:40 GMT -6
In my personal experience, the most successful teams Ive been on, were like family. Now that im coaching (at a small school mind you) i get the vibe that some of my players dont know or dont like each other. Family members aren't always friends. |
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Post by 3rdandlong on Jul 12, 2015 22:13:06 GMT -6
I think a lot of it depends on their position. Receivers tend to have cliques and other stuff, at least where I've been, but the o lineman tend to be friends. Do they have to be friends to be successful? I don't think so. It all depends on how they function on the field. I couldn't agree more. Its completely different when a group of skill guys hang out with one another than when the linemen do. Very different kind of things are said and the jokes aren't nearly the same! |
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Post by marinercoach1 on Jul 12, 2015 22:57:56 GMT -6
In my personal experience, the most successful teams Ive been on, were like family. Now that im coaching (at a small school mind you) i get the vibe that some of my players dont know or dont like each other. Family members aren't always friends. I get that. I guess thats why so many coaches preach that family atmosphere. Especially on the high school level. When I got to Junior college and the university levels, it was much less prevalent |
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